by Lisa Hobman
She leaned across to me and kissed my cheek gently. When she pulled away, she smiled and said, ‘Until we meet again, Greg.’
‘Y-yes. See you soon, Kate. Have a great week, eh? Don’t study too hard.’
She huffed. ‘Sorry, I can’t promise that. I always have my head stuck in a book. Our lovely date will be a welcome distraction.’
We said goodnight and once I saw she was safely inside, I pulled away from her home. As I drove back to Clachan I analysed the kiss she had bestowed upon me. It wasn’t passionate. There were no fireworks. Maybe I just needed to get Mallory out my head? Maybe I needed to give myself time? I hoped that was all it was, seeing as Mallory and I clearly had no future and I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life alone. When subjected to my own company for too long I drove mysel’ mad, so there was no wonder people felt the same. Oh, God, listen to me on a bloody downer. Right… shut up, McBradden, and get on with the story…
*
Mallory disappeared down to Yorkshire again; a fact that I tried not to get too worked up about. She hadn’t agreed to sell the house as such. There had been more interest and I knew the inevitable was coming, but at least for now she was sticking around. Kate and I had our second date the last weekend in October whilst Mallory was away. We went to a Halloween fun fair for the evening which was great… well… fun!
I’d never been too keen on spinning things, and so when she suggested the Waltzer I gave a firm warning. ‘You do know that I may throw up if I go on there, Kate?’
She laughed and pulled me along behind her. ‘Oh, come on! Don’t be such a big girl. I’ll hold your hand if you like.’
We stopped in front of the huge, brightly painted contraption with its ornately decorated cars and I cringed. She was loving this. Loving teasing me.
‘Well, don’t say I didn’t warn you,’ I said as I wagged my finger in her face and flicked her nose. ‘On your head be it… and I mean that in the very literal sense of the phrase. Just remember that hot dogs don’t look the same on the way back up.’
She burst into fits of laughter. ‘Oh, that’s disgusting! Come on, I’m even more determined now.’
We took our place in the carriage and the security bar lowered. My heart pounded and I felt the colour drain from my face. Oooh, shit. The spotty teenage attendant took my money and went on his way and Kate gripped my left hand in her right one and squeezed.
‘Look at me,’ she instructed and so I turned to face her. We hadn’t really taken the next step towards any type of intimacy as yet; ending our first date with another chaste kiss on the cheek. But as she sat there beside me I could see the longing in her eyes. ‘Just focus on me and you’ll be fine.’ The smile slipped from her lips as she leaned in and took my mouth with hers and I reciprocated the kiss. Our first kiss. Her lips were soft and her free hand snaked up into the hair at the nape of my neck. But it wasn’t anything like my first kiss with Mallory.
She tried to deepen the kiss as the carriage began to move, but I pulled away, instead gazing into her caramel-brown eyes. I wanted to want her. I really did. But I didn’t return the passion she clearly had for me and that made guilt bubble to the surface.
As we spun and she kept her eyes fixed on mine, a wave of nausea came over me. I swallowed it down, closing my eyes briefly and trying to gain my equilibrium as the ride took us round and round, making my head spin.
I just needed time. Didn’t I?
I couldn’t jump in with both feet as I’d been prepared to do with Mallory. That was different. It was my heart that had been in complete control. This time I would use my head and think logically. My heart had steered me wrong too many times in the past.
‘Are you okay?’ Kate asked over the noise of the engine and loud eighties music. Duran Duran’s ‘Hungry Like the Wolf’ blaring out at far too many decibels didn’t help my unsettled feeling. Not that I hated the song. I quite liked it, for eighties music, but the volume was a little more brain-shattering than I could take – and I couldn’t help comparing Kate to the lyrics, which was maybe a little unnecessary.
‘Think so,’ I replied. She rested her forehead on mine and smiled. When the ride finished we climbed down, and as I stepped onto terra firma once again, I resembled something akin to Bambi trying to walk on ice. At least I didn’t do the splits, I suppose. Not a great way to impress a prospective girlfriend really, but in my opinion, she only had herself to blame. She couldn’t stop giggling at me and her laughter was contagious. I must’ve looked a complete tool.
We laughed all the way to the darts stand, where I attempted, in my dizzy state, to win her a cuddly Disney character. After my failed attempts to impress her with my darts throwing – I reckon they were rigged… well, that’s my excuse anyway – we went to buy candy floss.
As we sat munching on the melt-in-the-mouth pink fluff, I fessed up about being married. Subtlety was never my strong suit and she seemed a little shocked at my bluntness at first, but I told her I would always be honest with her and she seemed to appreciate that. She said that as long as things were really over with me and Alice, then she didn’t see any reason why it would be an obstacle.
‘People make mistakes,’ was her answer to the whole thing. How right she was. Maybe she and I had a chance at a future after all? Maybe.
This time when we arrived at her home she invited me in for coffee, but, seeing the glint in her eye, I declined. I explained my refusal in terms of Angus needing a pee, which she couldn’t really argue about. What she didn’t know was that he was staying at the pub with Stella that night. Guilt reared its head again, but I managed to batter it down by convincing myself I was doing the right thing for both of us. I actually believed I was.
*
Halloween was going to be a fun event at the pub and I was as giddy as a kid off trick-or-treating. Stella had asked me to play and I’d come up with some monster-related songs to get the party going. The poster on the door said Fancy Dress Required for Entry. And I’d gone all out on my – rather hairy – Dracula costume. I could’ve shaved but there was no way I was giving up my fuzz! I was going to look the business if you asked me.
Kate came by to help put up the decorations and we started pinning up pumpkin streamers and bats everywhere. I did the usual teenager stunt of chasing her around with a plastic spider, which resulted in us kissing in the back corridor. I waited for the tingling in my gut, but, alas, it didn’t materialise and that saddened me.
Mallory’s arrival was a shock. Apparently, Stella had texted her and asked her to come in and help decorate the place. I didn’t see her come in at first, but when I spotted her I couldn’t read the expression she wore. She was an enigma, that woman.
Later on, when Mallory came back through to the bar, I called to her. She glanced between me and Kate, and I wondered for a moment if she was going to avoid coming over. After fiddling about with some streamers, she walked over to where we were.
‘Hey, Mally, remember me telling you about Kate? Well, this is she.’ I gestured towards the woman beside me with a stupid flourish.
Mallory held out her hand and her cheeks turned pale. ‘Erm… h-hi, Kate. It’s lovely to meet you.’
Kate eyed me suspiciously before turning back to Mallory and hesitantly holding out her hand. ‘Hi, Mallory. Nice to meet you too.’ Silence descended. Shit.
I watched the exchange with a hammering heart. What would they think of each other? They stared at one another without words for a few more moments until Mallory cleared her throat. ‘Um… I… I should go. Stuff to do, you know.’ The colour had returned to her cheeks with a vengeance, and I could swear her eyes had welled with tears, but she turned and dashed off before I could see if my eyes were deceiving me. My gaze followed her retreating form as she disappeared through to the back.
Kate’s voice broke me from my reverie. ‘She seems… um… nice.’
I nodded. ‘Yeah… yeah, she is.’ Fuck, that had been awkward. But, as I kept reminding myself, I was moving on – jus
t as Mallory wanted.
By the time we had all finished, the place looked amazing. Cobwebs hung from the beams. A skeleton stood in one corner, and the pub was glowing orange in the light of the carved pumpkins Stella had brought in – her nieces and nephews had been hard at work, by the look of their spooky creations.
When night fell, Kate and I arrived back at the pub. She was dressed as Morticia with a white streak in her long, dark hair and heavy, black make-up around her eyes. My hair was slicked back and made to a point on my forehead with gel. The fangs were a little uncomfortable and I knew they’d have to come out when I sang.
My head was filled with thoughts of Mallory and I hated myself for it, but her surprise arrival earlier had thrown me for a loop. She looked stunning. Her curves were returning to the way they were when she first arrived in the village and every part of my anatomy appreciated that.
‘Are you okay, Greg? You’ve been a little distant since we left here earlier.’
I took a deep breath, knowing I had promised to be honest with her. Puffing the air out of my mouth, I looked her right in the eyes. ‘I’m not sure, to be honest. I – I have something to tell you.’
Her smile disappeared and she looked at her hands. ‘That sounds ominous.’
‘Come and sit down, eh?’
We walked over to the seats near the fireplace and I took her hand. ‘Kate, I really do like you but—’
She cringed. ‘Oh, heck. I knew this was coming.’
‘No, no, you misunderstand. I’m not breaking up with you. Well… maybe I am. I just… Look, I promised to be honest with you and I want to keep that promise.’
She inhaled deeply and sat up, straightening her spine as if bracing herself for a physical blow. ‘Okay. What is it?’
‘Mallory and I. We had this… connection. I thought we had a future but I ruined things.’
‘I see. I thought there was something unspoken between you earlier. How long ago was this?’
‘Not long at all. But she made it quite clear when she found out I was married that we’re not going anywhere. I’d lied by omission, and she’s in a fragile place so she took it badly. I hurt her deeply and I know I have no life with her now so I decided I needed to try and move on.’
Her brow furrowed and she chewed on her lip for a moment. ‘Okay… so I’m a rebound?’
Yep. I’m a bastard. ‘Not intentionally, Kate. I don’t mean you to feel that way. I really like you. But…’
‘Your feelings for her are still strong?’
I nodded slowly, daring to meet her sad eyes.
‘I see… I see. So where do we go from here?’
‘Honestly? I really don’t know. I want to move on so much. Believe me. I don’t want to feel this way but… I love her. And I’ll take a while to get over it. I should never have strung you along and I feel like shit. I just… I think maybe it’s not the right time for you and me to be together. But I do like you. Like I said, I think I just need time.’ I’m pretty sure I was trying to convince myself as well as Kate.
She nodded and her eyes were pained. ‘Okay… I need to think. This is a lot to process. But… I like you too, Greg. I hoped we had the beginnings of something special. And this… this is quite hurtful. Can you understand that?’
‘Of course I can. Absolutely. Maybe I could call you? Maybe we could stay friends and see what happens?’ Friends. Yeah, ’cause I was such an expert at that concept. Look what I’d done to my other friend. I remembered how shitty it had felt when Mallory had said she’d wanted us to be just friends, and yet here I was doing the same thing to Kate. My bastardly ways clearly knew no bounds.
I expected a, ‘Hell, no, pal,’ but instead Kate said, ‘I’d like to say yes, but I can’t make that promise. I appreciate you being honest though. I understand about unrequited love and I know how painful it is. But… I don’t want to be in that position myself. Not again.’
I smiled and stroked her cheek. ‘Okay, I totally understand. And I’m sorry for dragging you into this.’
Her eyes were glassy and I wondered how slim the chances of her being able to stay friends with me were. My guess was very, very slim to the point of being intangible. I expected her to leave immediately, but she stuck around, to my surprise. I wasn’t really sure why. I know I would’ve got the hell out of Dodge if things had been the other way around.
*
Mallory walked in shortly after and removed her coat, revealing her cat outfit. My jaw almost hit the floor. The phrase hamana-hamana-hamana sprang to mind. Rein yourself in, you tit. Kate’s here, remember. Luckily Kate was in the back collecting the food for the buffet, and so she missed my reaction. When she came through, the women greeted each other civilly. But I couldn’t help noticing the icy chill that seemed to fall between them. Talk about confused.
Eventually it was time for me to take my familiar spot behind the mic. I started playing and included suitably spooky tracks like ‘The Monster Mash’ and ‘Thriller’, which got people dancing. The night was going well, and every so often, in my peripheral vision, I caught sight of Kate and Mallory watching me simultaneously or watching each other when the other wasn’t looking. I made eye contact with Mallory for the first time all night, and the look in her eyes was giving very mixed messages, considering it didn’t correlate with the words she had uttered to me about being just friends.
I decided to throw caution to the wind and send Mallory yet another message through music. It was a last-ditch attempt to make her rethink her decision and it was admittedly a crappy thing to do when Kate was still there, but I was past the point of caring. Announcing the next song as a smoochy number, I encouraged the crowd to pair off in their ghoulish couples.
I have to say that the romance of the moment was somewhat killed by the amount of fake blood in the room and I had to fight to keep a straight face as I sang ‘Wherever You Will Go’ by The Calling. I closed my eyes and imagined the look I wanted to see on Mallory’s face. In my dream world she would be standing there with tears in her eyes, her hands over her mouth as she realised she was in love with me after all. It was easier with my eyes closed and I knew that when I opened them she would simply be serving yet another Frankenstein or werewolf with a pint of beer.
At the end of the night I couldn’t see Kate. I guessed she had left after all and I resolved to send her a text to check she got home okay. I doubted she would answer a call from me, so there was no point trying that.
I was about to go speak to Mallory when I was surrounded by a group of young women. There was a combination of slutty witches, pumpkins, and axe-wielding, blood-spattered ghouls in skimpy costumes. There was a whole lot of cleavage on show and they were brandishing camera phones and asking for selfies with me. It was hilarious really, but I seemed to have acquired groupies.
I packed away my gear and waved to Mallory as she left. I would have to catch up with her at work on Tuesday, maybe. Monday was going to be a busy one. I had some work to do on Little Blue before the really bad weather hit.
After I arrived home I went to bed, wishing Mallory were there with me. Sometime later I remembered I should text Kate. I received a brief and to-the-point reply letting me know she was fine, and so I went back to bed, still alone and feeling like a complete shit. But where was the change in that?
Chapter Forty-seven
A couple of days later the weather began to turn nasty. It was the beginning of November; torrential rain and storms were a regular occurrence, making any outside work unpleasant and cold. Tuesday afternoon wasn’t bad to start with, and I set out to see Tom Carrick Snr in the village about fixing his kitchen sink. When I arrived, their two sons were out somewhere and so Annie was making the most of the fact and cleaning their typical teenage boys’ bedrooms.
Every so often she brought down another pile of dirty dishes, mumbling under her breath that she was raising animals. It made me chuckle; I remembered my mum saying the same about me and my brothers. Eventually, when I switched the water back o
n briefly, Annie made me a cup of coffee – the proper stuff – and I turned the water off again so that I could continue work, changing the seized nuts and making the thing fully functional again.
It was a longer job than anticipated and at around half four I heard Tom on the phone sounding panicked. I placed my empty cup in the newly fixed sink and walked to the door to find him pacing round the lounge and speaking loudly into the phone.
‘I can’t believe you went out there when I said the weather was going to turn, Tom. I’m going to ring the coastguard. Hang on, son. We’ll get to you somehow. Just… hang on.’
Once he’d ended his call his face was white as alabaster and he was shaking violently. Annie was standing beside him, gripping his arm and waiting for his explanation. The sky suddenly lit up outside and the subsequent clap of thunder shook the foundations of the house, making us all jump.
‘What on earth has happened, Tom?’ Annie asked with a wavering voice.
‘Tom Junior and James are out on their dinghy, Annie. They’re in trouble and they’ve lost their paddles. Thank the Lord they got a mobile signal. I need to ring the coastguard.’
A look of confusion washed over Annie’s pale features and she gripped the wall for support. ‘But… they can’t be. You told them not to go.’
‘I know darling, I know. But they’re teenage boys who think they’re invincible. We just need to get them home safe.’
Shit, no! I had to act fast. I was well aware that my boat still needed essential repairs, but time was of the essence so I decided it would have to do. Kids’ lives were at risk. ‘Right, I’m off to take Little Blue out. Did they leave from the marina, Tom?’
He nodded. ‘Aye, Greg. Oh, God, if anything happens to them—’ He gripped his greying hair.
‘No, don’t think that way. I’ll get out there. You call the coastguard and wait here for news.’
‘Please be careful, Greg, and thank you,’ Annie called after me as I bolted out to the Landy.