Someday in Paris

by Olivia Lara

  When one day, at the end of a physical therapy session, the doctor who managed his rehabilitation program said, ‘It’s just a matter of time now. If all goes well, I believe you could take him home as soon as this Friday,’ JJ couldn’t have been happier. But Alexander knew what that meant. JJ and he had already spoken at length about their plans after his discharge from the hospital. It was time for Alexander to gather the courage and have the difficult conversation with Nicole.

  She came to see him that afternoon, but that time she didn’t bring any newspapers or candy or anything.

  ‘I just heard,’ she said the moment she entered. ‘JJ told me. I am shocked he knows how to deliver good news too.’

  Alexander smiled thinly.

  ‘You know the first thing that came to mind when he told me?’

  Alexander shook his head.

  ‘I was thinking… I know JJ wants to keep an eye on you – because his controlling nature won’t let him rest otherwise – but how about you and I talk to him and convince him to let you stay with me? I think I’ve found just the right place for us and it’s got an elevator, so it won’t be hard for you to move around. I could take care of you,’ she said sounding excited.

  ‘I don’t understand. What about Vincent? Isn’t he staying with you?’

  ‘He will understand,’ she said coldly.

  ‘No man would understand,’ Alexander pushed back.

  ‘Ugh, Alexander. Are all men like you?’

  He raised an eyebrow in confusion.

  ‘Clueless?’

  ‘I don’t follow.’

  ‘You never do and that’s always been our problem. I don’t want to live with Vincent. I want to live with you,’ she said, punctuating each and every word.

  Alexander held his breath.

  Nicole came back to his bed, took his hands in his and looked into his eyes.

  ‘What I mean, and I think you’ve known this for a long time—’

  He couldn’t let her continue, knowing he was about to do something that would break her heart. He put a finger to her lips and hushed her.

  ‘Before you say anything else, I—’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘I have something to tell you. And I don’t know if prolonging this will make it easier. I am going back to Paris.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘I am leaving New York. For good.’

  Her hands went limp in his. She was obviously in shock.

  ‘Why? I don’t understand. We made plans.’

  ‘I know. I know we made plans before all this and I know we said we’d both stay in New York, and I thought that’s what I wanted to but a lot has happened and… it’s hard to explain but I need to go back.’

  She pulled her hands from his.

  ‘Back? Stop saying back. You were never in Paris except for…’

  Her nostrils flared. She looked away from him for a few moments and when she did finally look back at him, her eyes seemed watery. ‘Does this have anything to do with— No. Right? It can’t be. Not after this long.’

  He closed his eyes. ‘Zara.’

  ‘You’re kidding me, right? After everything, after what happened at the graduation, I thought… I mean…’ Nicole, who was never without something to say, now seemed speechless. ‘Are you sure about this, Alexander? Have you given it enough thought? I think you’re making a mistake. There’s nothing for you in Paris.’

  ‘I’m sorry. This has nothing to do with us, with our friendship.’

  ‘Our friendship,’ she echoed. ‘Hah.’

  ‘I mean, we don’t have to be in the same place to be friends. Besides, I will visit, and I am sure you will come to visit your father too. And me.’

  ‘Does JJ know?’

  Alexander nodded. ‘I will stay with him for a while until I figure things out.’

  ‘Of course,’ she scoffed. ‘He’s finally getting the son he always wanted.’

  She was hurt. He knew she was hurt and he hated being the cause of it.

  ‘It’s the best thing, for everyone. You and Vincent will finally have time for yourselves, and you won’t need to take care of a cripple. You’re starting school and New York is your happy place – I know it. Your home. It’s never been mine. Think about it. This is a good thing.’

  ‘I came back to New York because of you,’ she bellowed. ‘Not because it’s my “happy place”. I could’ve gone anywhere else in the world. I did it for you.’ She took a deep breath and seemed to try and calm down. ‘It doesn’t matter now. You made your choice and there’s nothing I can do. So, what’s left to say? Have a good flight and a happy life,’ she said and, taking her bag, walked to the door.

  ‘Nicole, please, I didn’t know. I didn’t mean to—’

  ‘You never do,’ she said and left.

  PART III

  ‘Two hearts in love need no words.’ — Marceline Desbordes-Valmore

  ALEXANDER

  1 SEPTEMBER 1960

  NEW YORK CITY

  His mother had been right about JJ. He stopped at nothing to help his godson. When he was released from the hospital, JJ put Alexander on a plane to Paris and moved him into his house where he continued to take care of him. Relentlessly, until Alexander was strong enough to start school and follow his path. And his path always seemed to involve looking for Zara. In every woman he saw, in every museum he walked into. Every voice. Every laugh.

  His mother also seemed to be right about one more thing. Her move to London was the best decision for her; at least judging by the letters she sent Alexander. First, his mother’s letters came in weekly. In time, they became monthly. And after the phone call letting Alexander know she was getting married again, ‘to a wonderful man, so different than your father’, the letters were short and far between. They soon got replaced by the occasional postcard, reminding Alexander of his years at La Rolande. His mother seemed to have everything she wanted. Again. And again, Alexander had no place in her life. But it was easier to accept this time. Perhaps because he wasn’t a child anymore. Or because he had been so preoccupied with his own problems since the accident, he didn’t have enough time left to think about it. Either way, he wasn’t alone. He had JJ and he was all the family Alexander needed.

  Three years after the accident and Alexander was finally fully recovered, except for a small twinge in his left leg. Especially when it rained. It slowed him down. He still used the walking stick, just because JJ made him. He was lucky though and he knew it; it could’ve been much worse. And he still came back to New York for check-ups, with the ‘best doctor in the world’ as JJ insisted, although that meant he had to fly thousands of miles for it. But if it gave JJ peace of mind, he was willing to do it.

  *

  At the corner of East 38 and Third, Alexander and JJ were stuck in traffic, on their way back to JJ’s apartment after seeing the doctor. They had just about enough time to pack, have a light dinner, and then drive to the airport. It was time to go back to Paris, to school. The summer was over.

  The wind was blowing, and it had started raining. A dense, soaking rain. Alexander raised his eyes from the book he was trying to read and looked out the car’s window. It was foggy. He stared at his reflection. The young man looking back had little remaining from the eighteen-year-old self he remembered. Long gone were his James Dean black jeans and long hair, his dark sunglasses and leather bracelets. Everything was different now. His name was different; his life was different. The next day he was going to be back in Paris; a week later classes would start. His third year at the Sorbonne. He wasn’t sure what he would do with his French Literature diploma once he graduated. As long as he stayed as far as possible from business and anything that had to do with his father, he was okay with it.

  Alexander wiped the window in a perfect circle, just enough to see the street. On his left, JJ was busy writing down notes for the auction coming up in Paris the next day.

  A car honked. A bus stopped and let out people who scurried out of the rain. An
older couple on the sidewalk desperately tried to get a taxi. New York, even for five minutes, was dizzying. Paris wasn’t quiet either, but it was slower. More relaxed.

  Another bus stopped, and more people got off. And for a fraction of a second, just a fraction, he saw someone. A girl in red. Red rubber boots, red trench coat, red umbrella.

  ‘Stop!’ Alexander said to the driver.

  ‘What’s wrong?’ asked JJ. ‘You forgot something?’

  ‘I don’t know. I—’

  The driver pulled over and Alexander got out of the car without a word, leaving his walking stick behind.

  ‘Alexander, your—’ started JJ, rolling down the window.

  There was no time for all that. ‘Stay in the car, please. I’ll be right back,’ he said and walked away.

  He looked left, right. People rushed out of the rain. No girl in red. Only gray everywhere. Had he imagined her? In a way, she reminded him of the girl in Newport. Could they be one and the same? He had to see. He had to know.

  And then across the street, he saw a silhouette in red. If only his leg didn’t hold him back. He pushed through, despite the pain, but in a matter of seconds, she disappeared again into the crowd. Alexander continued walking, searching for her. He crossed the street again.

  I have to find her, he thought… I know what I felt. What if it is her? What if it’s Zara?

  Seconds turned into minutes. People rushed all around Alexander, out of the rain, to the subway, into buses, coffee shops, office buildings. He saw JJ’s car parked on the side of the street, the back window open and JJ staring at him with a confused look on his face.

  He dropped his head, feeling defeated and ridiculous.

  ‘Alexander!’ he heard behind him, and he couldn’t believe it.

  Although it had been three years since he had seen her and just as many since he had spoken to her, there was no doubt. It was Nicole. After leaving the hospital that day, she’d simply refused to take his calls and stopped all contact with him. He’d missed her.

  He took a deep breath and turned around, not knowing what to expect.

  Black suede shoes, a flowy white dress and a white umbrella. So… Nicole. She looked even more beautiful than the last time he’d seen her, like she’d stepped down from a magazine cover.

  He smiled. Restrained. Cautious.

  Nicole jumped in his arms and pulled him under her gigantic umbrella.

  ‘Millions of people in the city, and I run into you,’ she said, all smiles. ‘Is this fate or what? What are you doing here? Why didn’t you tell me you were in New York?’

  If she was just pretending to be happy to see him, she was doing an excellent job.

  ‘I tried. Both JJ and I called you several times in the last month.’

  ‘True, I was a bit busy.’

  ‘In the Hamptons, I heard.’

  ‘Don’t – you sound just like JJ,’ she said, not trying to mask her disappointment.

  He hadn’t meant to sound so judgmental. It was her life and she had the right to do whatever she wanted with it. But spending the last three years hearing all about her ‘mistakes and bad decisions’ from JJ had inevitably influenced his opinion of her.

  Alexander laughed, a bit embarrassed. ‘I do, don’t I?’

  She touched his arm. ‘It’s okay. I forgive you. Anyway, the Hamptons were a bore. I have a feeling JJ’s stories are far more exciting and exotic than what truly happens there. He has a flair for the dramatic.’

  ‘He’s worried about you,’ said Alexander. ‘That’s all.’

  ‘Ha! He’s worried about my name showing up in the press and ruining his reputation – that’s what he’s worried about,’ she said sarcastically. ‘It amuses me to see him squirm.’

  Alexander was tempted to contradict her, but he didn’t. Ever since they were kids, they’d been having this conversation where she accused JJ of not caring and Alexander defended him.

  Now, after so many years of watching Nicole and JJ interact – or better said not interact – Alexander had come to the understanding that the truth was somewhere in the middle. JJ did care about his daughter but didn’t know how to show it. Didn’t know to get close to her, how to build a relationship and gain her affection… except for buying it. After her mother had died, instead of spending time with his daughter, JJ bought Nicole tens of toys and expensive clothes. When she came home for the summer from La Rolande, he paid for extravagant trips that would keep her busy until it was time to go back. Whatever she asked for, he would give her. But the only things he didn’t give her were the only two things she truly needed: his affection and time.

  And JJ was right too, on the other hand. Nicole did things sometimes just to spite him because she resented him. She did use him and spent his money frivolously, because how else would she make him pay for her suffering? But she also cared about him, although just like her father she had no idea how to show it.

  Nicole smiled innocently. ‘Anyway, now I’m back, you’re here, and the world makes sense again.’

  She put her hand on his arm and gazed into his eyes. ‘It’s wonderful to see you. You look good.’

  ‘You look better,’ he said and stopped, afraid it might give Nicole the wrong idea. What was he doing? Was he flirting with her?

  ‘You know what? I had dinner plans, but nothing is more important than catching up with my favorite guy. I’ll just cancel them for you. I know a great place where we could go. Just you and me.’

  ‘We actually have to leave tonight.’

  ‘We? As in you and your… girlfriend?’

  ‘Me and JJ,’ he said awkwardly.

  ‘Ah, good. You got me worried there for a second. Let me guess, you’re going back to Paris.’

  Alexander nodded.

  ‘Some things never change. I’ll just go ahead and ask then. Did you find her?’

  ‘No,’ he said shortly.

  ‘This is a day of great news. I love it,’ she said. ‘If you can’t do dinner, how about we at least grab a drink somewhere? Can you do that much for me?’ She stepped in closer. ‘I missed you, you know.’

  ‘I missed you too,’ he said.

  ‘You did?’

  She had a funny little smile in the corner of her mouth. ‘How much?’

  He leaned down and kissed her on the cheek.

  ‘That little? That’s all I get? After three years?’ she teased him.

  He felt Nicole’s warm breath on his face, her sweet perfume in the air.

  She looked into his eyes for a moment, then just like it had happened at the high school graduation party, she took his face in her hands. Only that this time, he didn’t step back. And she kissed him.

  Alexander didn’t know how to react. He was surprised but not really shocked. After all, there had been inklings for a long time. She had feelings for him.

  ‘Well, that was worth the wait,’ she said and giggled.

  Alexander took her in his arms and hugged her tight, trying to buy himself some time. His mind was trying to process everything. And fast. Whatever he did or said, he didn’t want to risk hurting her again. How did he truly feel? There was no doubt, the kiss felt good. And Nicole was not only a beautiful woman, but also his oldest friend and one of the most important people in his life, despite their three-year separation. Was it a good idea though?

  ‘What about Vincent?’ he asked.

  Nicole dismissed it like an afterthought. ‘Vincent and I, it was never meant to be. We’re not right for each other. Anyway, it’s a long story and I don’t want to talk about him. I want to talk about us.’

  Alexander was quiet again.

  Why was he thinking about it so much? What was there to think about? She liked him. There was no doubt about that. It was just that until now he’d refused to admit it to himself because it was too complicated. His heart had always been filled with someone else, and that wouldn’t have been fair to any woman he dated.

  ‘Am I making a complete fool out of myself again?’ Nicole
said, sounding embarrassed.

  ‘No,’ he said, not wanting to hurt her again. ‘I am probably the fool, not you.’

  From the corner of his eye, Alexander saw JJ approaching.

  ‘Father,’ she said coldly, before kissing him frugally on the cheek.

  ‘Nicole, what a surprise. Thought you were still in the—’

  Alexander interrupted. ‘She just got back.’

  ‘I see,’ said JJ.

  ‘I’ve been meaning to call you—’ she started but JJ stopped her with a casual gesture.

  ‘It’s fine. You’re busy,’ he said, then turned to Alexander. ‘It looks like you two have a lot of catching up to do. I’ll just go ahead and pack and I’ll see you later. Say, seven o’clock?’

  Alexander was tired of thinking. Of waiting. Just tired.

  ‘Yes, I’ll see you later, JJ.’

  As soon as her father left, Nicole turned to Alexander, ‘Where shall we go?’

  She was there. She wasn’t a dream, a fantasy. Alexander felt ridiculous. A twenty-two-year-old loner, who had never had a proper girlfriend and who, for the last six years, had been waiting. Searching. He was being ridiculous. Maybe Zara had been just a dream. Nicole wrapped her fingers around his. Alexander thought fleetingly about pulling away… but why would he? It was time he moved on.

  DOMINIQUE

  1 SEPTEMBER 1960

  NEW YORK CITY

  Dominique stowed away her small red umbrella and hung the red raincoat Lisa had given her the Christmas before. Dripping water everywhere, she propped her legs on a chair and rested her head on the foggy window.

  ‘This place will not open by itself, you know,’ said a deep voice so close to her, she startled and jumped to her feet automatically. The owner. Not the friendliest of people, but not a bad soul either. Just didn’t know how to show he was human.

  ‘And clean those windows while you’re at it. We don’t want people to think this place is abandoned,’ he bellowed from behind the counter.

  Dominique took a stack of towels and started wiping the glass. Across the street, on the sidewalk, stood a man with a walking stick and his back to her. Dominique felt her knees weaken. Still holding on the towels, she went to the door. Hypnotized.