A Grimm Warning

by Chris Colfer

  “What is it, Lieutenant?” the general asked as if it was impossible for anything to excite him.

  “We’ve discovered a magic mirror, sir,” the lieutenant said.

  This sparked the general’s interest. He knew magic mirrors held intuitive knowledge about the world. Perhaps the mirror could ease his doubts about the battle ahead. “Bring it in,” he ordered.

  The lieutenant left the tent and returned a moment later instructing two soldiers as they dragged something square and heavy inside. They propped it up in a corner of the tent and pulled off the protective sheet wrapped around it. The mirror had a thick golden frame with floral carvings and the purest glass any of them had seen.

  The general walked toward it like he was approaching a poisonous snake. The Masked Man knew very well what kind of mirror it was but he didn’t warn the general—he was much more interested to find out what the general would see.

  General Marquis stood in front of the mirror for a long moment and nothing happened. He waved his hand in front of it and nothing changed in the reflection.

  “Idiot, you’ve been tricked,” he shouted at Rembert. “There is nothing magical about this mirror at all.”

  Just as the general turned away, the other men in the tent gasped. The general’s reflection in the mirror had changed. Instead of a grown man wearing a uniform decorated with badges of honor, a weak little boy appeared. The boy was dreadfully skinny, filthy, and he trembled; he was a starving and scared peasant. His clothes were covered in holes and tears and he didn’t have any shoes. His left eye was swollen shut from a severe beating.

  The general had spent his entire life trying to forget this boy but he knew who he was the instant he saw him.

  “Lieutenant,” General Marquis said in a soft but threatening tone. “I want this mirror to be taken out of my tent at once and destroyed, and if you disturb me with garbage like this again, you’ll be next.”

  Rembert and the other soldiers quickly removed the mirror from the general’s sight. Although he hadn’t even raised his voice, none of the men had ever seen the general so affected by something before. The general continued staring into the corner even though the mirror had been taken away.

  “Colonel Baton,” the general said sharply. “I do not want to wait until dawn—send the armies out to the kingdoms as soon as they’re organized.”

  “Yes, General,” Colonel Baton said. He left the tent, and the Masked Man and the general were alone.

  “What kind of magic mirror was that?” General Marquis asked.

  “It was a Mirror of Truth,” the Masked Man said. “It reflects who someone truly is rather than how they appear.”

  The general became very quiet and very still.

  “I assume you must have grown up very poor,” the Masked Man said. “I guess that explains where your drive comes from—a lifetime of having to prove yourself—”

  The general jerked his head toward him. “Don’t you dare analyze me,” he barked. “You think you know me, but you don’t know the first thing about me. You have no idea where I came from, what I came from, or what I had to do to become who I am today. That boy in the mirror is a reflection from the past and nothing more. He will never have to prove anything to anyone again.”

  The Masked Man knew better than to play with fire. “You’re right, I don’t know you,” he said. “So please allow me to ask you this—a question I’ve had since we first met. Why conquer this world? Claiming a different dimension must seem a tad extreme even where you come from.”

  The general walked to his desk and pulled out a thick book he kept in the top drawer. He flipped through the book and the Masked Man could see the pages were filled with maps and portraits—it was a history book.

  “Where I come from, each era is defined by the greatness of one man,” he said. “Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar, William the Conqueror, Genghis Khan… they were the greatest conquerors of their times. Soon a man named Napoleon Bonaparte will join that list of men… unless another man conquers something beyond Napoleon’s wildest dreams.”

  “Ah, I see,” the Masked Man said. “You’re trying to outdo him. But surely you’ll both be remembered as great contributors to the French Empire?”

  General Marquis slammed the book shut and put it away in his desk. “Perhaps,” the general said. “But there is only room for one man in the history books.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  THE ELF EMPIRE

  Half of the Happily Ever After Assembly armies are in hiding while the other half stand guard over their kingdoms,” Alex explained to the Troblin Army. “Once we’ve recruited the Elf Army, all the armies in hiding, as well as the ones left guarding the kingdoms, will unite and charge the Grande Armée together. Wait for my signal, and then join us in the Fairy Kingdom. Any questions?”

  The Troblin Army consisted of a little more than eight hundred out-of-shape trolls and goblins, many of whom had recently joined, just out of boredom. They were seated in front of Alex in a wooden amphitheater that looked like a doughnut floating in the Great Troblin Lake.

  Only one troll raised his hand with a question regarding Alex’s explanation.

  “Yes, you with the bone through your nose,” Conner called on him. “What’s your question?”

  “If we join the armies of the Happily Ever After Assembly, what’s in it for us?” the troll asked.

  The troblin soldiers started exchanging whispers with one another. Alex hadn’t mentioned anything they would get in return for helping them.

  “What do you want?” Conner asked. “We could hook you up with some sheep or maybe some solid ground?”

  “We want our freedom back!” a goblin in the back row yelled.

  “Yeah! We want the right to leave our kingdom!” a troll in the front growled.

  The entire Troblin Army agreed. “Freedom! Freedom! Freedom!” they chanted.

  “Silence, troblins!” Queen Trollbella demanded. The amphitheater went quiet. “I am insulted you want to leave the water world I have built for you! Especially since we just recently gained our sea legs!”

  A goblin in the center of the amphitheater leaned forward and vomited all over the troll sitting in front of him.

  “Well, most of us have gained our sea legs,” Trollbella corrected herself.

  Conner rolled his eyes at their request for freedom. “You were put here because you wouldn’t stop enslaving people! My sister and I were enslaved not once but twice by you! Do you really expect us to grant you your freedom?”

  Trollbella crossed her arms. “I’ll never understand why humans take being enslaved so personally,” she said. “What if my troblins promise to never enslave anyone again? Will you reconsider, Butterboy?”

  Conner looked over at Alex. They didn’t really have a choice—they needed the troblins.

  “I guess,” Conner said.

  Queen Trollbella happily clapped her hands. “We’ll give you a sacred troblin pinkie swear,” she said. “Everyone raise your right hand, if you have one, and point your pinkie to the sky. Repeat after me: I, Queen Trollbella—”

  “I, Queen Trollbella,” the Troblin Army repeated.

  “No, troblins, you’re supposed to say your own name,” she said, and they quickly made the correction. “I promise to never kidnap, imprison, enslave, or forcefully borrow any human without their permission for as long as I live.”

  The troblins reluctantly repeated after her, word for word.

  “Wonderful,” Trollbella said. “Good job, troblins, you may rest your pinkies. Is that good enough for you, Butterboy and fairy girl?”

  The twins sighed. “It’ll have to do,” Alex said.

  A goblin in the front raised his hand.

  “Yes, you with the missing ear,” Conner called on him.

  “What will the signal be?” the goblin asked.

  Everyone turned to Alex and waited for the answer, including Conner.

  “Um… um… I’m not sure yet,” Alex said. “But d
on’t worry; you’ll know it when you see it.”

  Trollbella raised an eyebrow at her. “Has anyone ever told you you’re a little too confident?” she said.

  By the time the Troblin Army was up to date on Alex’s strategy the sun had set. Trollbella insisted they stay the night, and Alex and Conner were given a private area on the troll queen’s floating fort to sleep on—which consisted of the wooden floor and a blanket. Alex was worried if she made beds appear with her wand it would tip the whole fort over.

  Besides the water rocking them and Trollbella spying on them every ten minutes, the twins had a difficult time sleeping because of all their worries.

  “Conner, are you awake?” Alex whispered to her brother.

  “Do you really have to ask?” he said. “What’s on your mind?”

  “I was just thinking about the Elf Empire,” she said. “If the trolls wanted something in return for their help, I’m afraid the elves may ask for something in exchange, too.”

  “They’ll probably just want a bunch of shoes,” Conner said. “Aren’t elves obsessed with shoes?”

  “Gosh, I hope it’s that easy,” Alex said. “I’ll have to think of something the empress wants so desperately she would be willing to give up her army for it.”

  “Good thing you’re the next Fairy Godmother,” Conner said. “It gives you a lot to work with.”

  The next morning the twins woke up with very sore backs from sleeping on the wooden floor. They said good-bye to Trollbella and climbed aboard Lester. He spread his wings and took off from the water and soared into the sky.

  They flew northwest through the clouds toward the Elf Empire. The twins were reminded of their voyage on the Granny from up here. The world looked so peaceful and safe from above the clouds. They hoped that after meeting with the elves they would be one step closer to making the world below the clouds just as peaceful. After a few hours of flying, they arrived in the northwestern-most kingdom.

  “Look, Conner!” Alex exclaimed. “There it is! That’s the Elf Empire!”

  “Whoa,” Conner said. “Elves really do live in trees.”

  The entire empire was inside an enormous tree the size of a mountain. As the twins flew closer, they saw hundreds of homes built throughout the branches. Some were built on the tree like tree houses, some homes swung from the branches like birdhouses, and some were even built into the tree like squirrel nests.

  The leaves were the size of the twins’ bodies. It was as if they had shrunk and entered a miniature world. Lester carefully landed on a strong branch and the twins climbed off him. They walked along the branch, which was like a street, to all the different homes and toward the center of the tree where they figured the empress must live.

  “I really hope this giant tree doesn’t come with any giant bugs or birds,” Conner said, and quivered at the idea.

  “Squaaa!” Lester squawked, offended by the remark.

  “Not you, Lester, I’m talking about giant crows or spiders,” Conner said. “I don’t want to become something’s lunch.”

  Lester suddenly looked terrified of the tree. He waddled much closer to the twins for protection.

  “I don’t think we need to worry about that,” Alex said. “Look around, there’s nothing here.”

  The twins searched the branches below, above, and ahead, but didn’t find anyone or anything. Every tree-home was vacant.

  “They must have heard about the Grande Armée and left,” Conner said.

  Defeated, Alex took a seat on one of the smaller branches. “But where did they go?” she asked. “How are we supposed to find them?”

  Conner looked around the tree while he thought on it. “Well, a whole empire couldn’t have just uprooted and gone too far without someone noticing—” He froze. Before he could finish his thought, another one had interrupted.

  “What is it?” Alex asked.

  “Do you remember that time last year when you found me in the school library reading fairy tales?” Conner asked her.

  “Maybe, why?”

  “You said reading fairy tales was returning to our roots,” Conner said. “Then you went on to tell me that certain species of birds and insects hide in their tree’s roots when their home is being threatened. What if elves are one of those species?”

  Alex got to her feet and started jumping up and down. “Conner, you’re a genius!” Alex said. “I bet the elves never left! I bet if we fly to the bottom of the tree, we’ll find the elves hiding!”

  Conner started jumping up and down with his sister—he never missed an opportunity to celebrate his own cleverness. “I’m so glad I remembered that,” he said happily. “Because I gotta tell you, most of the stuff you say to me goes in one ear and out the—AAAAH!”

  CRACK! The twins had been jumping on a weak part of the branch and fell straight through it. To their surprise, the tree branch was hollow and they landed on a long wooden slide. The slide traveled through the branch and coiled down the giant tree trunk. The twins screamed and tried to grab ahold of anything they could but the slide was too slick, so they slid deeper and deeper into the bottom of the tree.

  The slide finally ended and Alex and Conner piled on top of each other on the ground. The giant tree trunk was hollow and they found themselves in a secret chamber at the tree’s base. Alex and Conner looked up and could see the slide was one of many that spiraled upward into the different branches of the tree. They had fallen into an escape route.

  The twins were also startled to see that they were no longer alone. Thousands and thousands of elves were hiding at the bottom of the tree just like they had predicted and they were just as surprised to see them.

  They were all short but very thin. Everything about them was pointed: They had pointed ears, pointed jaws, pointed shoes, and some even wore pointed cone hats. Their clothing was black and white and asymmetrical. They wore vests that buttoned sideways; their pant legs and sleeves were different lengths.

  “What’s up with their clothes?” Conner whispered to his sister.

  “Don’t you remember the story ‘The Shoemaker and the Elves’?” Alex whispered back. “Elves are horrible at making their own clothes.”

  Upon their arrival the twins were instantly circled by a dozen elf soldiers. They pointed their wooden crossbows at them and Alex and Conner threw their hands up.

  “What are you doing in our empire?” one of the elf soldiers asked.

  “We don’t mean any trouble!” Conner said.

  “We’ve come to speak with your empress,” Alex said.

  The elves shoved their crossbows closer to them. “Who are you?” the soldier demanded.

  “I’m Conner Bailey and this is my sister, Alex,” Conner whimpered. He panicked. “My sister’s a big deal—she’s sort of the Fairy Godmother at the moment.”

  “Conner!”

  “What else am I supposed to say? They’re about to shoot us!”

  “Liars!” the elf shouted.

  Alex reached for her wand and with one swoosh magically turned all their crossbows into bouquets of flowers. All the elves in the tree gasped and stepped back from her.

  “She’s a witch! She’s come to grind our bones for her potions! Seize her!” the elf ordered. The soldiers lunged toward them and the twins braced themselves.

  “STOP!” said a stern voice from the other side of the tree. All the elves quickly turned toward the direction it had come from. Across the secret chamber a female elf sat on a throne made of leaves.

  “I’m guessing that’s the empress,” Conner said under his breath.

  Empress Elvina was the largest elf in the room and when she stood from her throne she towered over everyone, including the twins—she was like a queen bee in a hive. She had a pointed jaw, pointed ears, large brown eyes, and very long earlobes. Her dark hair was wrapped in two buns on each side of her head and she wore a large headdress made of branches that stretched high and wide above her. The empress’s gown was very tight and made entirely of sticks an
d twigs as if they had been individually glued to her lean body. She looked like a walking tree.

  A fluffy but massive red squirrel was perched at the side of her throne like an overgrown dog. The empress slowly sauntered toward the twins and the elves parted as she moved through them.

  “If she says she’s the Fairy Godmother, then let her prove it,” the empress challenged. She was exactly like Mother Goose had described, very beautiful on the outside but the twins could tell there was much more behind her intimidating eyes.

  Alex didn’t know what to do. She may have been a girl with a wand, but how was she going to convince the elves that she was legitimately acting as the Fairy Godmother?

  A loud squawking echoed from above them. The entire empire looked up and saw Lester sliding down into the base of the tree. He was flapping his wings madly but was sliding too fast to stop. He plopped on the ground beside Alex and Conner, beak first. He greatly regretted his decision to follow the twins into the tree.

  “We have a giant goose; does that help our case?” Conner asked with a nervous laugh. He meant it as a joke but the empress was taken by the large gander.

  “I recognize this bird,” she said. “He belongs to Mother Goose.”

  “Mother Goose is a friend of ours,” Alex said. “She loaned us her goose so we could travel here safely to speak with you. I’m the Fairy Godmother’s granddaughter, and since she’s ill at the moment, I’m filling in for her.”

  Empress Elvina’s eyes darted back and forth between the twins. Perhaps they were telling the truth after all.

  “I hope you realize being the Fairy Godmother means nothing here. The Happily Ever After Assembly has no power or authority in my empire,” she said.

  “Yes, we understand,” Alex said. “We’ve come here to warn you about an army that has invaded our world and plans to start a war—”

  “We’ve heard about this Armée,” the empress said. “That is why we have taken refuge inside our tree and we will stay here until the Armée is gone.”

  Conner took a step toward her. “But they won’t go away unless we fight them together,” he said. “The Happily Ever After Assembly needs the help of your army to defeat them. The fairies and humans can’t do it alone.”