by B. B. Hamel
I came in a torrent of mangled groans, my hands grasping his arms hard, my head thrown back. I was blinded by his words, but the pressure on my clit, and I couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe, I was nothing but explosive pleasure as I came on his thick fingers. He kissed my neck, my ears, my throat, my lips, murmuring the whole time, my freak, my baby girl, over and over, until my orgasm died down, and I slowly sank to the ground.
It was cold without his hand between my legs.
He sat next to me and wrapped his arms around my body. I let him hold me, grateful for the warmth. My ears were ringing and my vision was somewhat fuzzy.
“You can’t take forever you know,” I whispered, my face pressed against his chest. His heart was racing.
“I won’t, but I don’t think you’re ready.”
I looked up at him. “When will I be?”
“You’ll know, and when you are, you’ll make sure I know it, too.”
I nodded and huddled close against him.
I wasn’t sure if I believed there’d ever be a good time. There’d always be some level of fear and uncertainty nagging at the back of my mind. If he was waiting for perfection, I didn’t think we’d ever get there.
Except if that orgasm was any indication—
I didn’t need perfection. I only needed him.
God, we were a messed-up pair of murderers.
16
Jarrod
After football practice the next day, I hit the weights hard.
“God damn, Jarrod, you are truly a monster.” Des gave me an approving look as I finished squatting my personal best. “Seriously, I’m pretty sure you could deadlift a freaking cow.”
“Cows aren’t the right shape for a deadlift,” Addler said. “Maybe something like a really big snake?”
“He could deadlift my cock then,” Des said.
“Fuck off,” I grumbled, smiling despite myself.
Des laughed and did bicep curls in the mirror.
Addler leaned up against the wall while I toweled some sweat off. Calvin finished up on the rowing machine, out of breath.
“You doing okay?” Addler asked quietly as Des started cracking jokes at Calvin, who smiled but mostly ignored him. “You’ve been on edge lately.”
“Have I?”
“I don’t think the other guys notice, but I definitely do. You’ve been a little more reckless on the field lately.”
I didn’t meet his gaze. Fucking Addler. Sometimes I thought my friends were a bunch of self-absorbed assholes, but they had the ability to surprise me still.
“I’m fine. Just dealing with stress.”
“Is it home stuff?” Addler was nearly whispering now.
I shook my head. “No, that’s been fine.”
“Good, because if you ever need something—”
“I said it’s fine.”
Addler grimaced like I’d hit him and I instantly felt bad about snapping. He knew about my stepfather—he saw bruises once when I got changed, asked a few pointed questions, and mostly figured it out on his own. The other guys didn’t know, and I appreciated him for keeping his mouth shut, but sometimes he got involved in things that weren’t his business.
“All right, brother. I hear you. Just saying, whatever you need.”
Calvin drifted over then, taking a long drink from his water. Des went back to doing curls, grunting along to a song blasting from his headphones.
“I’ve been meaning to ask you something,” Calvin said, sitting on the weight bench. Sweat dripped off his muscular arms and he looked at me with that dispassionate stare of his. It was almost disconcerting, if I wasn’t aware that he did that shit on purpose to knock people off balance.
“Yeah, what’s that?” I wanted to extract myself from this conversation but I didn’t know how to do it without making them more suspicious. Calvin looked at me like he wanted to crack my skull open and read my brain.
For all I knew, that was exactly what he wanted. Calvin played up the whole quiet and scary thing, but I knew him better than anyone else. He was a rich kid at heart, and he was into some sick and twisted shit, same at me. Fights got him off, violence made his pulse pound, and women were nothing but toys to be used and tossed aside. He pretended like he had a conscience, but when the time came to do the right thing, Calvin did the fun thing more often than not.
None of us were good people. Addler tried, but drinking and smoking weed took precedent over everything else. Des was the most honest about his debauchery, and I had to respect him for that—as much as he postured and preened, Des was brutally honest. Sometimes to a fault.
Calvin though, he had that same broken blackness in his heart. Kindred spirits recognized each other, and we both knew what the other one was.
Monster. Beast. Deranged, unhinged, insane.
And he was one of the few people in this world that had the power to knock me off balance.
“What are you doing with that Cora girl?”
Addler snickered and covered his mouth, trying not to grin at me. Calvin only watched impassively as I cracked my knuckles.
“She’s my tutor.”
“Bullshit. We don’t lie to each other.”
I snorted. “Now who’s lying?”
“All right, easy, boys,” Addler said. “No need to slap your dicks down and start measuring.”
“I’m being serious here,” Calvin said. “You ignored that girl for years, and now suddenly she’s around all the time. What’s going on? Are you fucking her?”
I clenched my jaw. I didn’t know why that pissed me off—it wasn’t an unreasonable thing to ask—and yet it drove me absolutely wild. I hated the thought of them talking to each other behind my back about my relationship with Cora, so much so that I was tempted to start a fight, right here and now, just to make them think twice about it.
But instead, I took a breath, and schooled my expression.
“If I was fucking her, she’d be around more often. The girl’s my tutor and my cousin’s best friend. There’s nothing more.”
Calvin nodded slowly. “All right then. Why don’t you prove it?”
“How the fuck am I supposed to prove that?”
“He doesn’t need to prove anything, man,” Addler said, shooting a look over at Des, who joined the party.
“What’s going on?”
“Calvin’s on Jarrod’s ass about Cora.”
“What do you even care, dude?” Des frowned at Calvin and ran a hand through his sweaty hair. “She’s hot and fit and single. Who gives a shit if Jarrod’s getting some?”
Calvin never looked away from me. Not for a single second. I hated when he did that, the unnerving little shit.
“Have either of you ever seen Jarrod spare a second look for a single one of his fuck-buddies? In all the time we’ve known him, has he ever given a single shit about his conquests?”
That made both Addler and Des pause.
I wanted to slam my fist into Calvin’s face, over and over again, until blood pooled on the gym floor.
“It doesn’t matter,” Addler said. “If he wants to get involved, that’s his right.”
“He can put his dick wherever he wants,” Des said.
“Well? Are you fucking her?” Calvin wouldn’t let it go.
“No, I’m not fucking her.”
Which was true. I hadn’t taken her virginity yet—though I would eventually.
They didn’t need to know that distinction.
“Then invite her to Addler’s this weekend for the party.”
Addler shifted uncomfortably. “It’s not really her scene. I mean, she came last time for a little while, but—”
I shot him a look. I hadn’t realized they knew about Cora’s last visit. Apparently, word spread.
I wondered how many people saw us together that night, or if anyone overheard our conversation. But no, we were far enough away that nobody could’ve been listening.
“I’ll bring her.”
Des laughed and slapp
ed my back. “There you go. Bring her, have some fun with her, whatever. We don’t judge. Except for Calvin, apparently, which is no bueno, my dude.”
“Good. Make sure she shows up. If you’re lying, I’ll know.”
“And so what if I am? What’s it matter to you?”
“I don’t know yet,” he said, shaking his head, “but there’s something between you two. I want to make sure she’s not fucking you over.”
Des laughed loudly and Addler smiled like he wanted to drown himself in the bath.
“Bro, no girl’s going to fuck over Jarrod, especially not that little puppy dog chick. Now shut up about this stupid shit and let’s get working, man. I’m almost done and I want to get home.” Des wandered back to the mirror and started doing more lifts and Addler joined him.
But Calvin remained.
“I don’t care about her,” he said softly, quiet enough that the two idiots couldn’t hear. “I only care about you. If she’s getting you in trouble—”
“Nobody gets me in trouble.” I leaned closer to him. “I do that just fine on my own.”
He pressed his lips into a tight line but didn’t answer.
I left him sitting there, glaring at me. I didn’t know what the hell was going on with him, but it left a bad feeling in my stomach.
There was no reason to suspect that something bad was happening between me and Cora. At most, he should’ve guessed we were dating in secret—and that wouldn’t be a big deal. I was a human, after all.
Except he seemed to know something. It was like he knew what Cora wanted me to do, only he didn’t realize we’d gone through with it already. I was tempted to throw it in his face, just to see the look in his eyes, but I knew it’d only break my fucking heart.
Calvin was strange, but he still cared, and he was still my friend.
I’d have to be careful from now on. If anyone else started looking too closely at my relationship with Cora, then I’d have to pull back.
As much as I didn’t want that to happen.
If anything, I craved her more and more every day. After watching her come, then licking her juice off my fingers, I couldn’t stop imagining how she’d taste with my mouth between her legs, her moans rolling from her tongue like fresh dew. I wanted her plump mouth, her gorgeous tits, her tight ass, and those long, lean legs. The more time I spent with her, the more I needed her around.
I’d never felt like this before, and I was worried killing that pedophile bastard had fucked me up more than I realized.
17
Cora
Sam smiled out at the sunset as we walked down our street. He wore a pair of jogger sweats and a matching sweatshirt, and I had on my usual jeans and sweater with a dark jacket and a scarf. The cold never seemed to bother him the way it bothered me, which was a shame, considering it was freezing for a good chunk of the year.
“How have you been holding up lately?” I asked as we strolled along.
Sam shrugged. We didn’t come on walks often, but every once in a while, we both had to get out of that house. We usually went down our street, turned left, went around the cul-de-sac, hit the path through the woods, then looped back and headed home. It was a good twenty-minute walk, and we usually talked about Mom and Dad, how we were feeling, that sort of stuff.
“Better, strangely enough. After seeing that Dr. Silver got killed, I’ve been in a weirdly good mood.”
“Funny how divine justice can do that.”
I grinned at him, but he gave me a funny look. “Is that what you think happened?”
I shrugged, trying to be as chill as I could. “I mean, someone killed him obviously, but I don’t know. I like to think a higher power guided the hand that did the deed.”
“Could be, but I like to imagine it was one of his victims. That gives me the warm and fuzzies. Like in his last moments, he knew why he was dying.”
I laughed awkwardly and was tempted to tell him—I did it! I helped murder the sick bastard! I did it for you!—but I didn’t think he’d like that, and besides, I couldn’t make him carry that burden if he didn’t have to.
“Weird way to come out of your depression though.”
“I guess so. I mean, it’s not gone, it’s just sort of…” He trailed off, waving a hand in the air.
“Dormant. I think I know what you mean.”
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” He stared straight ahead and it broke my heart to see him like this. “I have it good, you know? People like me. I get decent grades. We’re not starving or whatever. Life’s comfortable. So why the hell do I still feel like this?”
“There’s nothing logical about it. You’re depressed, and there’s not a lot you can do except get help.”
“Talk to a psych, you mean?”
“That’s a good option.”
“Mom and Dad would never let me.”
“I think you’d be surprised. They took us to a chiropractor when we were little kids, after all.”
He laughed but it was hollow and pained. “I’m okay right now, but I’m not against the idea.”
“I’m here for you no matter what. You know that, right?”
“I know you are. I appreciate that.”
“And hey, if there’s anyone else that wronged you in the past, now’s the time to pray for revenge.”
He grinned and his eyes gleamed. “I can think of a few very rude teachers.”
“Easy now. Big wrongs only.”
“Ah, all right, that’s fair. I guess Mr. Clear doesn’t need to die for giving me a C on my history final, even though I totally studied, that asshole.”
I laughed and hugged myself, trying to imagine a life where grades and teachers and all of that mundane stuff mattered anymore. Ever since killing Dr. Silver, I couldn’t bring myself to worry so much about the small things that used to occupy my time. I did something terrible—witnessed something life-changing—and knew that I was capable of a lot more than anyone gave me credit for.
“I have sort of an odd question.”
“Go ahead,” he said, stooping to pick up a stick. He cracked it in half and tossed a piece onto the grass absently.
“Did any detectives get in touch with you?”
He hesitated, tossed the other piece. “No, they didn’t, but Mom told me about the one that stopped over at our place.”
I nodded slowly and let out a breath. “They found a list of names on Dr. Silver’s computer. Apparently, both our names were on it.”
Sam’s face contorted and went through several emotions too fast to follow before he finally settled on bitter amusement. He laughed, shaking his head. “What a sick piece of trash. He kept a freaking list?”
“I think so, yeah. I don’t know what motivates a person like that, and honestly, I really don’t want to find out.”
“Me neither. God, what a nightmare. At least now maybe some of these people will come to light and everyone can find out what a monster that man really was.”
“That’s what I said.” The roar of an engine nearby grabbed my attention. I looked toward the street as an old, beat-up truck drove toward us. I slowed and stopped as Sam continued on for a few paces before looking back.
Jarrod pulled over at the curb. He rolled down the window and nodded at my brother then looked at me.
“Came looking for you,” he said.
“You could’ve called.”
“Didn’t feel like it.” He nodded at the passenger side. “Get in. Let’s talk.”
I looked at Sam. “Do you mind?”
“Nah, it’s fine. What’s up, Jarrod?”
“Hey, Sam.” Jarrod squinted at my brother. “You play football?”
“Nah, man. I’m more of a soccer guy.”
“You should.” Jarrod looked back at me. “Come on. Get in.”
“Tell Mom and Dad I’ll be back in a bit.” I walked around the truck and climbed inside.
Sam stared at me with something like confused awe. He looked up to Jarrod in a way I’d never
understand. Young guys all saw Jarrod as something to strive for—popular, good at sports, handsome, able to get any girl he wanted—but they had no clue what lurked beneath that facade.
Jarrod pulled away. I glanced in the mirror at my brother, then looked at Jarrod’s finely sculpted nose and lips and chin, and wondered how a man like that could be so sick.
Or how I could like it so much.
“So you’re just showing up at my house unannounced now? Are you turning into a stalker?”
“Don’t need to stalk you,” he said, staring straight ahead as he drove. “I can have you whenever I want.”
I let out a breath. It was true, but he didn’t need to shove it in my face like that. “What do you want?”
He was quiet for a second. I didn’t know where we were driving until I noticed him make several lefts, and realized he was drifting around town without much of a destination at all.
“Calvin wants me to bring you to Addler’s party this weekend.”
I tugged at my hair then leaned toward him, batting my eyes. “And is that a big problem or something?”
“Calvin’s suspicious. He thinks we’re sleeping together.”
“He’s not totally wrong.”
“Doesn’t matter.” He grunted and slowed as he drifted along a quiet neighborhood street not far from my house. “The detective and now this shit. I was hoping we’d be able to skate by under the radar, but apparently not.”
“He’s your friend. Can’t you just tell him to back off?”
“Doesn’t work that way with him.”
“Then I’ll come to the party.”
“You don’t have to. I know that isn’t your scene.”
I shifted in my seat to glare at him. “And what do you think is my scene?”
“I don’t know. The movies. Art galleries. Shit like that.”
“You think I’m boring.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Oh my god, you really think I’m boring.” I stared at him in mock horror.
He sighed and shook his head. “Don’t make this hard. I’m only saying, come to the party if you want.”
“I’ll come, but you have to tell everyone that I’m there as your date.”