Baby I’m Yours

by Elks, Carrie

  Damn, she was beautiful. Her face glowed as she talked about their child, her skin blooming, her eyes lighting up. The urge to lean forward and kiss her was overwhelming.

  Yeah, and also dangerous. They had enough to deal with. His libido could go take a hike.

  “You can’t always protect them,” he said, his voice thick. “Maybe that’s the hardest part about being a parent.”

  She turned to him, her eyes glistening as they caught his gaze. “I heard about your wife and child. I’m so sorry.”

  His gut clenched. In a way, he was glad he didn’t have to tell her. As the mother of his child, she had every right to know about his loss. And yet it felt like his skin was being flayed open, revealing tender flesh beneath.

  “What was your baby’s name?” she asked softly, as though she could sense his turmoil.

  “Jacob.”

  “That’s a beautiful name.”

  “He was a beautiful kid.” His voice was thick.

  She lifted her hand to wipe away a tear. “Ignore me,” she told him. “I’m constantly emotional. Yesterday I cried because I ran out of pink thread. I’m driving myself crazy.”

  “It’s okay,” he told her. She nodded at him, her eyes still watery.

  “I can’t imagine what it must have been like,” she continued. “You must have been through hell.”

  “It was nearly three years ago. It’s been a while.”

  “Three years isn’t that long ago.” The ocean breeze lifted the pink tips of her hair, fanning it over her shoulders. “I still hold grudges from twenty years ago.”

  He laughed. She was giving him an out from this difficult conversation. And he welcomed it. “Let’s hope the baby takes after me then,” he said lightly.

  But deep inside, where the hold on his stomach was loosened a little, and he could feel something else, too. A wonder that he’d spent the last hour talking honestly to this woman – and that was longer than he’d been able to hold a conversation with anybody else in three years.

  She said she was changing, thanks to this baby. For the first time he wondered if he could change, too.

  * * *

  “So it went better than you’d hoped?” Brooke asked as the five women sat on a large woolen blanket on the sand. It was Sunday morning – girl time, according to Ember and Ally – and they’d invited Caitie and Harper to join them. It was a tradition that Caitie’s sister-in-law and her friends had followed for years. No matter how involved they got with life, work, or men, Sunday mornings were sacred.

  Ally had brought them all coffees and pastries from Déjà Brew, a decaf latte and two blueberry muffins for Harper.

  “You remembered,” she said, her stomach gurgling at the sight of the cakes. “Thank you.”

  “How could I forget? It looked like some kind of smut film when you ate that muffin the other day.” Ally’s brows rose up and Ember and Brooke turned to grin at them. “Oooh, yes,” she sighed loudly, doing a great impression of Harper. “That’s so good.”

  “Stop it,” Harper said, biting down a laugh. “I did not sound like that.”

  “You do it all the time.” Caitie joined in. “Remember last night and that tub of Ben and Jerry’s?” Caitie let out a low moan that sounded way too sexual. “That was you all evening. Even Breck started to get hot.”

  “What is this? Let’s all pick on the pregnant woman day?”

  “They’re not picking on me,” Ember pointed out. She rubbed her swollen stomach – already looking ready to pop in spite of her having two more months to go.

  “Where’s the sisterly support?” Harper asked her, grinning. “And back to your question, Brooke,” she said, turning to the one person who hadn’t teased her. “James seemed okay about it all. He wants to pay for the medical bills and seemed interested in how I was doing. That was more than I’d hoped for.”

  “That’s positive,” Brooke said, smiling. “I know how hard it is going through a pregnancy alone. I did it myself with Nick, though it seems like a long time ago now.”

  “It was a long time ago,” Ally teased. “Nick’s practically a teenager.”

  “Don’t say that.” Brooke gave a mock-shudder. “He’s not even eleven yet. And he’ll always be my baby.”

  Harper smiled at their gentle teasing. It was so lovely to be surrounded by friends, especially here on the beach. She couldn’t imagine a better way of spending a Sunday morning. Lifting the first muffin, she took a deep inhale. The combination of fruit and sugar sent a shiver down her spine.

  “See. Porn sigh,” Ally said.

  Harper opened her mouth to deny it, but her phone began to ring, James’s name flashing across the screen. She rolled her eyes at Caitie as she accepted the call and lifted her phone to her ear.

  “Hi.” Her voice was soft.

  “Hey. You okay?”

  They’d spoken a couple of times since their meeting, but she knew James was back on shift. “I’m good. I’m at the beach, stuffing one of those amazing muffins down my throat.”

  “And making porn worthy noises,” Ally shouted out.

  “What was that?”

  “Nothing. There are some strange people on the beach. Just ignore them.” Harper shook her head, biting down a grin.

  “Oh. Okay. Anyway, I was wondering if you’re free next Friday. I spoke to a friend here at the hospital – an obstetrician – and she has a slot free if you’d like it. No pressure. If you don’t like her then we can find somebody else. I know a few good ones.”

  “What’s her name?”

  “Eleanor O’Brien. Ellie. She’s a very popular OB. But as I said, it’s a personal choice.” He paused for a second. “Should I not have picked a doctor for you?” he asked. “Would you rather find somebody yourself? We don’t even need to go to a provider at my hospital if you’d prefer somewhere else.”

  “No,” Harper said quickly. “You’ve done nothing wrong at all. I’m just surprised. I wasn’t sure if you meant what you said about paying the medical bills.”

  “Of course I did. I don’t say things unless I mean them.”

  She believed him. There was something authentic about the man.

  “I’d like to take the appointment,” she told him. “Thank you for setting it up. Will you be coming, too?”

  “It’s up to you. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

  Harper rolled her bottom lip between her teeth. She knew these first appointments involved the kinds of questions and examinations that might embarrass her in front of him. But he was the baby’s father, and he wanted to be involved. She wouldn’t take that from him. She remembered Ember saying how important her OB appointments and ultrasounds were for Lucas to bond with the baby. Maybe James felt the same way.

  “I’d like you to be there if you can make it,” Harper said. Caitie caught her eye. She was smiling at her.

  “Okay then. I don’t have a shift that day, so can I pick you up? About eleven forty?”

  “Works for me.”

  “See you then. Take it easy, Harper.”

  She smiled, liking the way he said her name. Maybe too much. “Thanks. You do the same.”

  He ended the call and she slid her phone back into her purse. It was only when she reached for her uneaten muffin that she realized they were all looking at her.

  “What?” she asked them, tearing off a chunk.

  “Nothing.” Caitie winked. “Apart from you and James Tanner being pretty damn friendly.”

  “Is that bad?”

  “No. I’d say it’s very good,” Ally teased. “What was that, him asking you out on a date?”

  “Nope. He’s arranged for me to meet an OB friend of his. Just doing his fatherly duty. That’s all.”

  “Who’s the OB?” Ember asked. “I might know them.”

  “Ellie O’Brien.”

  “That’s my obstetrician,” Ember said, grinning. “You’ll love her. She’s amazing. The best thing about her? She always warms her hands up before she puts her
gloves on and touches you. There’s nothing worse than freezing hands.”

  “That’s sweet of him to organize that,” Caitie said, smiling at Harper. “Do you think there’s a possibility you and James might have something more going on?”

  “Like what?”

  “Like the kind of thing that led to this baby being made,” Ally suggested, pointing at Harper’s stomach.

  “I don’t think so.” Harper gave a grim smile. “I don’t think he sees it that way. Like you all told me, he’s a good guy and he won’t walk away from his responsibilities, but that’s all this is.”

  “Is it all you want it to be?” Caitie asked, her voice gentle.

  “Honestly? I don’t know.” Harper let out a sigh. “I mean, he’s a handsome guy, and yeah, I’m attracted to him, but maybe that’s just biology. My body probably wants me to be attracted to the baby’s father, the same way it would have in caveman days.”

  Ally grinned. “So he’s a caveman?”

  Brooke laughed and Caitie let out a whistle. Ember shook her head.

  “It wouldn’t be a good idea even if I did want things to happen,” Harper pointed out. “First of all, I’m a mess. I have no home, no job, and I’m three months pregnant. I’m not exactly a catch right now. And then there’s his history. He was married to his soul mate. They had a baby together. He had everything he ever wanted. How could I ever compete with that?”

  They were all silent for a moment, sympathy softening their gazes. Harper picked up her cup and took a sip of her decaf latte.

  Yes, she liked him. More than she’d realized until this moment, but she was also certain nothing could come of it. And she wasn’t planning on risking her relationship with her baby’s father for the sake of caveman biology and her raging second trimester hormones.

  Even if they were getting more difficult to ignore.

  11

  “Hi, I’m Doctor Ellie O’Brien. Please come on in.” The obstetrician had one of the biggest smiles Harper had ever seen. With her blonde hair, athletic frame, and Australian accent she could have been Chris Hemsworth’s younger sister.

  “Take a seat,” she said, pointing to the three chairs gathered around a low coffee table. “You, too, James.” Ellie took the chair across from them, resting a cardboard file on her lap.

  She looked at Harper. “Thanks for giving me the details of your doctor in L.A. He’s sent your records through. Am I right in thinking you last saw him a little over four weeks ago?”

  “Yes, I met with him prior to moving here to confirm pregnancy”

  “Well, I’ve reviewed all your records and everything’s looking great. Did the nurse take your vitals along with urine and blood samples before you came in?”

  “Yep.” Harper nodded.

  Ellie picked up her electronic notebook from the coffee table and swiped it open. “Yeah, there it is. And your blood pressure is fine, slightly high, but nothing to be concerned about. Just make sure you limit any caffeine intake and rest more as you continue in your pregnancy. The baby needs a lot of energy to grow.”

  “Sure.” Harper nodded.

  “Have you booked a tour of the facilities here?” Ellie asked. “There’s the prenatal suite where you’ll give birth, and of course the postnatal ward and nursery. You’ll want to take a look at them all. I know how important these things are when you’re making a decision about where you want to have your baby.”

  “I’ll take her around after this,” James suggested. “Save somebody the job.”

  “No problem.” Ellie grinned at him. “Okay then, let’s take a look at your baby. How about you hop up on the exam table?” she asked Harper.

  “I can now. I’m not sure I’ll be hopping anywhere in a few weeks.”

  Ellie laughed. “Touché. But hop while you can.” She pulled the exam paper down onto the table and Harper climbed up. “Do you want to come and look, James?” Ellie asked, turning to him.

  James looked at Harper. She nodded, and he stood to join them.

  “I’m just going to examine your stomach first,” Ellie told her, lifting Harper’s top up to expose the bottom of her abdomen. She pressed firmly, moving her fingers around. “And now let’s give you a measure,” she said, taking her tape measure out and laying it on Harper’s stomach. “Yep, fourteen weeks exactly,” she said. “Perfect.”

  Harper looked up at James. He was watching Ellie’s movement’s carefully, his expression unreadable. Ellie touched Harper’s hands, “Any swelling on your hands or feet?” she asked her.

  “No, nothing.”

  “Great. Well you’re looking really good. Would you like to see your baby?”

  “You’re doing an ultrasound?” James asked her.

  “I typically do the nuchal translucency test at this stage of pregnancy to check for any defects,” Ellie said to him. “And then at twenty weeks we’ll do the detailed scan. That’s if it’s okay with you guys? Even if you decide to go with another obstetrician, it’ll be one thing less to worry about. And the test is best performed now, so I’d recommend it.”

  James looked at Harper and she nodded. “Sure, let’s do it.” She was almost certain she wanted to have Ellie as her OB. She liked her friendly, no-nonsense style. Ellie was the kind of person Harper could see herself being friends with in another life.

  After smearing her stomach with cool gel, Ellie pulled the ultrasound equipment over and sat in a tall stool next to the table. She pressed the wand on Harper’s stomach, and Harper swallowed hard, suddenly nervous about what she was going to see.

  “You feeling okay?” Ellie asked, as though she could sense her unease. “There’s no need to be worried, this is all normal.” She moved the wand around again. “And your baby is growing beautifully. You want to see?”

  Harper nodded. “Yeah.” She felt a little breathless. Ellie moved the screen around so Harper could see it. It was mostly black, with a white grid around it and white shadows in the center.

  “This is the head,” Ellie murmured, pointing at the round shape, and suddenly the outline of the baby became clear. Harper could see her nose, lips, and rounded belly that dwarfed her stick-like legs. Her little arm moved, and Harper held her breath, emotion building up inside her like a tidal wave.

  “Is she really okay?” Harper asked. Her chest felt so full it might burst.

  “Everything’s great. Can you see the heartbeat here?” Ellie asked, pointing at a tiny dark circle in the baby’s chest.

  Sure enough, the circle was rhythmically moving. A little tiny heart inside a little tiny baby. Harper’s throat tightened.

  When she turned her head, she saw James staring at the screen, his lips open, his eyes wide. He swallowed hard, making his Adam’s apple bob.

  “I’m going to take a few measurements,” Ellie told them, pulling the screen back around so it was facing her. “And then I’ll print you out a photo to keep. You want one or two?”

  “Two,” James said quickly. He looked at Harper with a strained smile. “If that’s okay with you.”

  “It’s fine,” she said, nodding at him. Their eyes connected and it felt like a jolt of electricity shooting through her. He was staring at her the way he’d stared at the screen, and the intensity in his gaze took her breath away. Slowly, he smiled at her, and she felt herself smiling back.

  She wondered if the baby could feel her racing heart.

  “There you go,” Ellie said, sliding the prints inside two cardboard envelopes. “Your baby’s first portraits. One for mom and one for dad.” She passed them over. “Have you thought about finding out the sex?”

  Harper nodded. “I’d like to know.” She caught James’s eye. He shrugged. It’s your choice.

  “Well there’s no rush. It’s hospital policy not to look until the next ultrasound. It stops too many false gender reveals and you suing us.” She grinned again, and wiped Harper’s stomach with a paper towel, then pulled her top back down. “Let’s go have a seat again, and you can shoot as many questions as
you’d like at me.”

  James reached for Harper’s hands and helped her down from the table, and her heart skipped a beat when she saw the big smile on his face.

  Maybe this was going to work out after all. He hadn’t said as much, but James seemed as excited about this baby as she was.

  In six months’ time they were going to be parents. For the first time, the thought didn’t scare the hell out of her.

  * * *

  “Would you like to come inside?” Harper asked James as he walked her to the front door. “Caitie has a kick-ass coffee machine. And maybe we can fill in the medical history form Ellie gave us.”

  “Sure.” James nodded. He was standing right behind her and she had this weird feeling of not wanting him to leave yet.

  She slid her key in the lock and pushed the door open. As they walked in, James put his hand on the curve of her spine, the same way he had in the examination room.

  “So this is my room,” she said, as they passed the first door on the left of the hallway. “I’d show you but it’s a mess.”

  “And there was me thinking you’d be a KonMari freak.”

  Harper laughed. “I don’t have time. Anyway, it’s not that bad, just stuffed with clothes.” She pushed the handle down, opening it. “See?” she said. “You don’t have to worry, I’m not a candidate for a hoarder show.”

  Her clothes rack was bursting with dresses. Every time she wanted to go to bed she had to brush past them; it was like walking through the wardrobe into Narnia.

  “Wow.” James raised an eyebrow. “You’re not wrong. That’s a lot of clothes.”

  “These are all samples. I’m planning on taking them to a few boutiques, and see if they’ll stock my designs.” Harper shrugged.

  “So you work in here, too?” James asked, his gaze landing on her sewing desk. It was clearer than the rest of the room – just her trusty machine and all her thread.