Burrows & Behemoths

by Lee Duckett

  Rurik waved them over and Aria rushed to his side, practically dragging Badger with her. “Isaac, Grace, are you still, you know, you?” the cleric asked, looking concerned.

  “Um, yeah?” Rurik responded. “Who else would ah be?”

  “And you, Grace, are you still you?” Aria demanded.

  “Yeah, but I thought we were going by our character names,” she pointed out. “Why are you- Hey! Stop that!” she protested as Aria gathered the two of them into a big hug.

  “When we woke up we checked that the other was still who we should be, instead of our characters,” Badger explained. “Aria demanded we check that you were the same, but you weren’t in your rooms, so she started to worry. You know her.”

  “Okay,” Fayne gasped as she wriggled out of Aria’s deceptively strong grasp. How did someone so skinny get so strong? “I get that, but what’s with the hugging?”

  “I don’t know” Badger shrugged as Aria smothered Rurik, who was struggling in vain to get free. “Maybe it’s because we’re teenagers again?”

  Fayne shot him an unamused look. “I’m a teenager and you don’t see me hugging everyone.” She sat back down at the table, motioning to the barkeep for two more meals. “Ugh, extroverts,” she muttered to herself.

  Aria had finally noticed Rurik’s struggling and let him go with a quick kiss on the forehead, the Dwarf swaying on his feet before falling over. “Oh Solus!” she cried, kneeling next to him. “Are you okay? Were you injured? What-” she stopped to lean closer in, sniffing. “Rurik Balderk! Are you drunk!” she shrieked.

  Rurik waved one hand in her direction, trying to cover both his ears with the other. “No lassie.” he groaned. “I be hungover. Means I was drunk, but aren’t anymore, though I wouldn’t be sayin’ no to a little ‘air of the dog.”

  “Oh no!” she rebuked, standing up to loom over him. “I am not having a drunkard for a son! I thought this might happen so I planned ahead!” she snapped as she began casting a spell.

  “What are you? Oooh, that’s nice,” wheezed Rurik as the golden light washed over him. “What did ya do lass? And can I have me some more of that tomorrow mornin’?”

  “It’s a Delay Poison spell!” she fumed. “Because I was sure you were going to do something like this. If you don’t drink anymore, you’ll be over your hangover by the time the spell ends, but if you keep drinking it’ll feel even worse than it does now!”

  “Does it really work like that?” Fayne quietly asked Badger as Aria helped Rurik to his feet, the thin seventeen-year-old girl easily picking up the fully armored dwarf.

  “Not in the slightest,” the gnome wizard whispered up to her. Though he was standing up he still was below her seated height. He nodded at the odd mother/son antics and chuckled, “But we don’t need to tell him that, do we?”

  “Ha ha, laugh it up!” the dwarf grunted, not really hearing Badger. “It be a small price to pay for avoiding a hangover. Will ye be available for tomorrow as well lass?”

  “What?!” exclaimed Aria. “The entire point was to get you to stop drinking, not drink more!”

  “Just askin’” grumbled Rurik, grinning behind his beard.

  “So!” Badger said, drawing the party’s attention as he climbed up a chair. “We’re all up, Rurik reeks of booze, and hey, our breakfast is here!”

  After the barmaid served them, she waved off Badger’s attempt to pay her. “You all saved this town!” she informed them as she motioned towards the innkeeper. “You eat for free!”

  “Oh, okay!” Aria chirped happily, waving at the innkeeper before tucking in.

  “Um, if you don’t mind me asking?” questioned the barmaid. “What happened to your friend? The big metal one?” She received a heavy silence in response. “Oh!” she said, smile slipping off her face. “I’m sorry for your loss.” She made her way back to the kitchens quickly as the party turned to their food without their previous high spirits.

  “So, we’re all still here,” Badger said after a few bites. At Fayne’s glare he continued, “Right, bad choice of words. I mean we’re all still, well, us. That means my hypothesis of us going home when we slept obviously didn’t happen. That leaves my last theory; that once we finish the next two adventures, the ones Max had planned, we’ll leave, hopefully with him.”

  “Is there anyway to tell for sure if that’s gonna happen?” Fayne asked, hoping that it wasn’t just wishful thinking.

  “. . . No,” Badger admitted after a moment. “It’s complete guesswork. Badger’s Arcane Knowledge has nothing on what happened to us. It’s either we go home, or we’re trapped here, so I’m going with my theory.”

  Aria paused in her eating, “I vote for your theory!”

  Badger sighed, “I don’t think it works that way, honey.”

  “Well, it might!” she replied optimistically.

  “If it does, I vote with the lassie, I’d like to go home!” added Rurik. “Mind ya’, I’d like ta come back, but I was supposed ta hang out with Kyle tomorrow, and he’s probably pissed that I’m not answering me phone!” The other patrons, who had been eavesdropping fairly blatantly, shook their heads and turned back to their meals, one muttering about it not being fair if they spoke in code.

  Fayne wanted to argue that wanting something to happen didn’t make it true, but let it go. “Either way, even if that doesn’t bring us home, Shino still planned it out, which means we should be able to defeat whatever lives there,” she encouraged, everyone else nodding in agreement.

  “But before we do that, we need to check in with that paladin, Ironstead,” Badger reminded the group. “He’s the one who sent us here, so we should least go tell him that we’re done. Shino said that being part of a guild would help us, and we’ve already done the hard part when we killed Carnab, so we might as well go talk to him.”

  “What about Fayne?” Aria asked.

  “What about me?”

  “Well,” Aria said, “You weren’t with us when we talked to Mr. Ironstead, so he might not let you into the guild.”

  “Even if I’m not, the rest of you will be,” the elf contended. “I can manage.”

  “But you shouldn’t have to!” the cleric protested.

  Badger laid a comforting hand on his wife’s arm, “We’ll convince him, dear. You have the highest Diplomacy skill out of all of us, you can probably talk him into it, and if you can’t she can always join the guild later.”

  “It’s really not that big a deal,” Fayne reassured her. “So, we go back to. . . what was the name of the town? I wasn’t with you guys then.”

  “Oh that’s easy!” Aria remarked. “It was the town of. . .” she turned to Badger. “What was the name of the town?”

  Badger sighed, “It was Ballaeter. You were there.”

  “I know that, but you’re better with names!” She turned back to Fayne. “It was Ballaeter!”

  “Thanks Aria,” she commented dryly. “Thanks. So, we go back to Ballaeter, meet with Ironstead, sell off our loot-”

  “Not the magical items!” Aria interjected. “Shino said not to sell those before level five!”

  “Not those, obviously!” Fayne replied, a little annoyed. “But we have weapons and armor we can sell off, and we need to get some rations and maybe a cart or something, unless you want to walk everywhere?”

  “No, no, a cart’s fine!” Aria agreed quickly.

  “So we get the supplies and leave for our next adventure, does that work?”

  “Yes”, “Aye”, “That works” came the responses before everyone tucked back into their food.

  ◆◆◆

  After breakfast the team returned to their rooms and retrieved their gear, meeting up outside of the inn. Everything their characters owned was on their backs, though most of the valuables they’d acquired were hidden in Shino’s Bag of Holding, a metallic bag that was bigger on the inside and which weighed the same no matter what was in it. As they started to leave, a man dressed in a chain shirt bearing the symbol of the
town around his neck came up to them, a wrapped parcel in hand. “Hail!” he greeted. “This is the payment to your guild for your help in saving our town. We would send it to them guild directly, but we did not have a contract with them, and as such we were not sure of the proper payment. We hope this will be enough to cover it.”

  “Oh, thank you!” Aria replied graciously, taking the package. “We’ll make sure they get this. I hope the town’s recovery goes well!”

  “It would have been far worse without your help milady,” the guard informed her, bowing his head to her in thanks. “I thank you once again for your help, both on behalf of the town and personally. I wish I could stay longer, but I need to return to my duties. We celebrated last night, but the next several weeks will be full of hard work returning this town to what it once was. Good travels milady,” He finished, bowing deeply.

  “And a good day to you sir!” she responded earnestly. “If there’s anything I personally can do to help, please don’t hesitate to ask.” The guard nodded to her, smiling, and left. Aria placed the parcel in her backpack as she turned to Badger who was staring at her, eyebrow raised. “What?”

  “Bit friendly with the guard, weren’t you?” he asked with more than a note of jealousy in his voice.

  “I was just offering to help!” she defended.

  Badger folded his arms, “Personally?”

  “Well, I didn’t want to volunteer everyone else.”

  He let that statement sit for a second, replying, “That’s never stopped you from volunteering me for things before.”

  Rurik interjected, “Have your little lover’s spat while we’re walkin’. The sooner we get to Ballaeter the sooner I can drink!” With that he turned and started heading out of town. Fayne giving the couple a disappointed look before following.

  The couple blinked, taken aback at this declaration, before Aria yelled “Oh no you won’t!” at the same time Badger protested “We weren’t having a spat!” The two stopped and looked at each other.

  “That’s what you’re worried about?” asked Badger incredulously.

  Aria retorted with, “Well, we weren’t having a ‘spat’!”.

  “We were, a little,” Badger corrected.

  “What? Why?” she questioned. “You’re still my husband!”

  He waved a hand in a ‘sorta’ gesture, “Well, technically Badger and Aria aren’t married.”

  “Well Jack and Maggie still are!” she asserted. “You aren’t getting out of this that easily. It was till death do us part, not, not body switching! I better not see you chatting up some cute gnome girl when we get into town!”

  “I was, that’s not what I, you were the one that was, ugh,” he groaned, wondering how this had become his fault. “I won’t flirt with other gnomes.”

  “Or halflings!”

  Badger, with the oddest sense that they were losing track of the original topic, brought it back, challenging, “I won’t flirt with anyone else if you won’t anymore!”

  “I wasn’t!” she denied.

  He didn’t miss a beat, “Yes, you very much were!”

  Aria scoffed, “With him? I was just being nice. Besides, even if I wanted to, which I don’t, he’s so young! He looked to be Max’s age!”

  “You’re seventeen! He’s older than you!” the wizard pointed out

  “No I’m not! I’m fif-. . . Oh. I guess I am. Well I don’t feel seventeen.” At Badger’s stare she fidgeted for a moment before admitting, “Okay, I do. But that’s not the point! I’m married to you and perfectly happy about it!”

  “Really?” Badger asked.

  “Really! I don’t even think he was . . . Oh my goodness he was! I’m so sorry! I didn’t even realize!” she apologized

  He looked at her searchingly, righteous anger diffused, “You really didn’t? It was a bit obvious.”

  “I really didn’t!” she said, picking up the gnome into a hug, head pressed against her bosom. “Forgive me? I’m used to thinking of men that age like they could be my son!”

  “Of course honey!” he said, somewhat muffled, glad to have settled that point. “Put me down so we can catch up with Rurik and Fayne, okay?”

  “Do I have to?” she asked, smirking.

  Badger shifted slightly so he could breathe and considered his position. He answered her with a grin, “Only if you want to.”

  Chapter Two

  Guild Business

  Badger and Aria caught up with Rurik and Fayne on the outskirts of town. The elf, hearing them, turned to see the pair as they rounded a bend in the road. Rurik continued on, oblivious.

  “Rurik,” she called, bringing the dwarf to a stop. “Aria and Badger are coming.”

  “What is it?” he asked as he turned around. “Ah, you two lovebirds be done wi-” stopping as he saw Badger’s position, held to Aria’s chest as she hurried up the adventuring pair. He shrugged, muttering to himself, “I guess ya are.”

  Aria reached her dwarven son and looked down, realizing the position her grinning husband was currently in and blushed, dropping him. Badger landed, stumbling, and explained, “It was just a misunderstanding. We talked and came to an understanding. So, let’s continue!”

  The group moved on for a bit in silence before Rurik spoke up, “So, that package ya got lass. What be in it?”

  Aria looked at Fayne, who looked back at her, eyebrow raised. “The one the guard at the gate gave to you?” the archer prompted.

  “Oh right! That! I forgot all about that!” She unslung her backpack and flipped open the flap, grabbing the wrapped package. “It’s a little heavy, but I’m not sure what’s inside.”

  “Can I see?” asked Badger. He hefted the package, smelled it, shook it, and finally stared at it while his eyes turned prismatic, checking the parcel for magic. “It’s heavy, sounds like metal, and isn’t magical.”

  “He said it was payment for our guild, so it most likely be trade bars,” Rurik told him. “When dealing with governments an’ guilds, solid bars o’ metal are sometimes used instead of loose coins. Much easier to transport”

  “Oh. That makes sense.” Badger replied, passing the package back to Aria, who put it away. Most of the party’s funds had been stashed in Shino’s Bag of Holding, a small pouch which could hold many times what it should and never weighed more than it did empty, that currently sat in Fayne’s backpack.

  After a few more minutes of walking, the elf spoke up, “So, no one’s going to suggest that we take a bar or two for ourselves. Maybe have Badger use a Mending spell to close the package like we never opened it?” At this there was a stunned silence.

  “What?” sputtered Aria. “Why would we even do that? It’s not ours, it’s for our guild!”

  “Aye!” Rurik affirmed. “Besides, it wouldn’t be that hard for the guild to be checkin’ and see ‘ow much money the town sent.”

  “And stealing is wrong.” Aria insisted, turning on Rurik.

  “. . .Right, that too,” the dwarf agreed unconvincingly.

  “Do you want to suggest that we do that?” asked Badger.

  “No!” exclaimed Fayne. “I was just waiting for Rurik to suggest it so I could tell him why we shouldn’t.”

  “Oi!”

  “It is the kind of thing you might suggest,” Badger told him.

  “But I wasn’t gonna do that!”

  “So, no one’s going to do that?” asked Fayne.

  “NO!” yelled Rurik.

  “Well, okay then,” the elf replied, sounding harassed. “Sorry!”

  ◆◆◆

  The group walked until sunset, much to Aria’s displeasure, coming across nothing more threatening than a fox crossing the road in front of them. They moved off the beaten path to a nearby clearing and set up camp. After Fayne got a fire going, lit with a Flame Bolt spell by Badger, the group relaxed and busted out their rations from their bags. The rations themselves were individually wrapped bundles of crackers, cheese, jerky, nuts, and dried fruit. They were passable, as far as
food went, and filling, but kind of meh.

  “All right,” Badger laid out after finishing off his dinner. “We don’t have a safe place to hole up in, so we need to set up watches.”

  “And divide up the treasure!” Fayne added, taking out the sacks full of loot from Shinobot’s satchel sized Bag of Holding, having to reach in up to her shoulder to get them out of the 8-inch-deep bag of metal fabric. “I didn’t want to do it in town, because counting out gold in front of everyone in town is just inviting thieves.”

  “Good idea lassie!” Rurik crowed, taking out the bags of valuables from his own backpack that he’d grabbed from their last adventure. “But won’t it take a while to count up all that filthy lucre?”

  “Actually.” Badger interjected, “I have an idea that might make it easier.” He pulled all of the bags of loot the party had acquired into a pile in front of himself. “Trust me,” he told the party as he moved the loot sacks in front of himself before announcing. “I’m taking all of this. It is mine.”

  “Oi!” protested Rurik. “Wha-”

  “Wait,” Fayne interrupted, holding up a hand. “I think I know where he’s going with this.”

  “Character sheet open!” Badger intoned as Shino had shown them, the white rectangle spreading out in front of him, hanging unnaturally in the air. He clicked the inventory tab and looked it over, a smile spreading across his face. “That’s what I thought. It lists all of the bags and what’s inside them on my character sheet!”

  “That’s brilliant!” exclaimed Aria, hugging the gnome.

  “Wait,” Rurik said. “If it tells you what’s inside, Aria should be givin’ you the package we got to see what’s in it!”

  Aria looked at him suspiciously for a moment before stating, “Okay, but only because I’m curious. We’re not taking anything from it!” handing the package to Badger.