by Erin Trejo
“She killed herself. She left her child to fend for himself. That is a coward in my book.”
“Why did she do it?” His eyes darken, hatred rising in him. Why I want to push him is beyond me. Maybe I’m stupid to want to see him break, or maybe I’m the one that’s really messed up here. Maybe I want him to inflict that pain on me so that I know I’m still alive.
“I just told you why.”
“No, you didn’t.”
“She couldn’t stand seeing me sent away. She didn’t want this life for me, so she bowed out of it. She was nothing more than a body that birthed me. She was nothing!” he roars causing me to jolt.
“My mother left me too,” I say softly.
“She is no better than mine was then. You should be thankful that someone as weak as she was, is no longer in your life.” Alexei turns and walks to the bed sitting on the edge. He turns his head to look at me and motions for me to come to him. I walk toward him, a smirk playing at his lips. He likes when I obey, and I love the looks I get when I do. Does that make me as sick as he is?
“Get on your knees,” he says watching me for any sign that I will disobey him. I drop to my knees in between his legs and peer up at him. “Give me your hand.” Slowly, I raise my hand and he takes it in his. He runs my fingers over the stars on his shoulders.
“These mean I am a Vor. They are symbolic, as I said. No one dares touch me.” His eyes hold power. A power that I was either too naive to see, or he didn’t show it to me before, but I see it now. He moves over the other tattoos and tells me about each of them. The ones he gained in prison. The ones that mean he’s killed. There are many more and I try to comprehend the meaning of each. There is so much information running wild inside my head right now that I can’t keep them straight. When he shifts and raises the towel, he shows me the stars on his knees.
“They mean I will kneel to no one, and that is the truth. I would rather die with my head held high.” I study the detail of each tattoo, the colors intriguing me. I reach for his chest, and he lets me, running my fingers over each line. I’ve never paid much attention to the Irish mafia’s ways because frankly, I didn’t care. I never wanted to be a part of it, so it would be no use for me to learn things.
“What are you thinking?” He asks his voice gruff and steady. I love the rasp of his voice every time he speaks.
“They are all so perfect. Every line was created with a steady hand. Life isn’t steady. Your life is played out on your body. It’s intriguing to me,” I admit although I don’t know if I should have. His hand moves quickly capturing my wrist. He drags me off the floor and into his lap before nuzzling his face into my hair.
“You intrigue me, Clara. I know you are hiding something from me and I plan to find out exactly what it is,” he warns in a deep dark tone. My body shivers and he chuckles. He likes doing that to me. Making me fear him or what he might know.
“I am no one,” I say softly.
“Hmm. You say this, but I think differently. You are most definitely someone.”
“Can I ask you something?” He pulls back, and I turn to look at him.
“You can ask me anything.” I give him a soft smile and lick my lips.
“What do you see when you look at me?” His smile widens and I’m almost afraid to hear what he has to say. My stomach tumbles inside of me as that dark glint appears in his eyes again.
“I see a warrior that survived things not many could have. I see a girl that is naïve enough to believe that she holds any power in this strange relationship we have,” he admits, and I gasp. He thinks I’m weak? His eyes twinkle as though he’s reading my mind. “No, Clara. You are far from weak. Naïve? Yes, but not weak. If you were weak, I would have broken you the other night.”
“Why do you think I’m naïve?”
“I see the way you look at me. I know the things you want, but I can’t give them to you. You might think I can, but reality says it isn’t so. I’m damaged and I don’t apologize for it, but I am always straight with you. I will never love you, воробей. Fuck you, hurt you, repair you, yes, but never love.” My chest feels like it’s caving in. I can’t breathe and yet, I can’t pull away. What is wrong with me? The job I was sent to do should come first in my mind, but when I look into the dark eyes of the man that makes me feel, I can’t seem to stop myself from falling. I’m weightless when I’m with Alexei. He takes all the pain and burden and makes it his own. How can I pull away from that? Even knowing that he would never love me, I still don’t think I could walk away from him.
Chapter 19
Alexei
Blood coats my skin as I drive the knife further into the man’s stomach. His eyes are wide as I slice him.
“You are really not yourself, Alexei,” Dmitry says from his spot across the room. One of Jimmy’s men hangs from the rope in the basement as I unleash some pent-up frustration on him. What a way to celebrate the New Year.
“Am I not?” I ask pulling the blade free as the man screams louder. Blood slowly seeps from his body as I wipe the blade on his shirt and toss it back on the table. I reach for the pliers next.
“No, you’re not. You aren’t usually part of this job and with good reason. You don’t have to be.” I know what he means, but I ignore him anyway. Dmitry is the killer. He was groomed right along with me, but his skills went beyond mine. Once we were older, he took killing to another level. If people think my emotions are cut off, they haven’t met Dmitry and should hope they never have to.
“I can be whatever I’d like in this life,” I remind him. He chuckles as I pry the now passed out man’s mouth open. The first tooth comes free easily, waking him from his minimal sleep.
“I do know that as well. What has you bothered?” He asks. Dmitry knows me better than my own family. In fact, he is more like my family than they are.
“Many things,” I say with a grunt as I pull another tooth. The man screams louder and it’s music to my ears. Growing tired of hearing him, I toss the pliers on the table and grab the knife, slicing it over his throat. He gargles for a few minutes before the screaming stops forever. Dmitry shoves off the wall and walks over, appraising the job I’ve just done with his arms still crossed over his chest.
“A little overkill don’t you think?” he asks looking over at me. I just shrug.
“I’d like to call it free therapy if you will.” Dmitry chuckles and lowers his arms, slapping a hand on my shoulder.
“You know how much I care about you, Alexei. You are family to me. If I can help with something, tell me.” I wish I could tell him. The fact of the matter is I can’t. I can’t tell him that Clara has sunk her claws into me. I can’t tell him that I want to keep her by any means necessary, because I am becoming too obsessed with her to let her go. All my thoughts revolve around her lately and I fear that is going to cause me to make mistakes.
“There is nothing. I’m unnerved by this wedding we are to attend. I don’t like so many of the bosses in one place at the same time. There are bound to be repercussions. I’m also on edge about Stepan[cs1]. He needs to be handled in a timely manner but what of Lev?”
“What of me?” I turn to see my cousin walking toward us.
“двоюродная сестра,” I say as I watch him move toward me.
“What are you worried about me for?” He asks looking around me at the dead body.
“We were discussing your father.”
“Ah, yes that. I have been thinking that over. I am ready to step up, Alexei. I want to be a part of this family in all aspects. I have watched my father do despicable things and hold no authority. I don’t want that for my future,” he informs me. I raise an eyebrow wondering where he’s going with this. Lev has always been a part of this family, but my uncle was never a man of authority. He holds no power which means neither does Lev.
“What do you want, двоюродная сестра?”
“I want in. I want more responsibility. I no longer wish to live under my father, Ale
xei. I will take any position you can give me.” I nod my head hearing his words.
Lev is not a weak man. In fact, he trains a lot with my men. I could easily find a place for him.
“What about Alina? Have you spoken to her about how she would feel if your father was no longer in the picture?” I can see his face fall and that tells me all I need to know.
“I haven’t, but after what she has been through, I don’t see that as an issue,” he assures me. I nod my head and look to Dmitry. He gives me his nod of approval since he will be the one most likely dealing with Lev.
“You will start at the bottom just like any other man.” He nods his head, a smile curling his lips.
“I never expected special treatment, Alexei.”
“And you shall receive none. You can live here if you’d like or take over your father’s residence when the time comes. For now, you will start training with Dmitry.” He looks to him and gives a curt nod.
“Thank you. When do you think my father will be handled?” he asks. I like the initiative in him already. Straight to business.
“Soon, very soon. There are some other pressing matters that I must attend to first.” He nods his head.
“Help Dmitry dispose of this waste of life, would you?” He nods his head and I start to leave the room when I spot her peeking through the door.
“Come here!” I roar when I catch her gaze. The guys move to stand next to me sensing something is off. They follow my gaze and see her standing there, her arms wrapped around herself.
“What the hell is she doing?” Lev asks softly.
“I don’t know,” I respond. She watches the three of us, her eyes jumping from one to the other. My anger rises since I do not want her looking at anyone but me. She’s mine and I’ve already laid claim to her. When her eyes finally land back on mine, her lips part slightly. She can see what she’s done. She knows she made a mistake.
“Come here, воробей,” I tell her once more. She moves slowly, taking small steps toward me. When she’s standing in front of me, I reach out and grab her around the throat. Lev gasps but Dmitry chuckles.
“What are you are doing sneaking around down here?” I ask her keeping my eyes fixed on hers. I want to see if there’s any fear. I want to see if there’s any fear at all, but what I find shocks the hell out of me. I see intrigue and wonder glittering in those blue eyes. Not what I expected to find and that alone makes me curious.
“Leave us,” I tell the other two. They quickly walk around us and leave the room. I keep my bloodstained hand around her neck as I lean in and run my tongue over her lips.
“I didn’t mean to sneak,” she says softly. I bite her lip roughly between my teeth until I taste the coppery liquid on my tongue. Clara winces but moans. Such a sweet contradiction this girl is to me.
“You didn’t mean to sneak? Yet you were peering through that door. How much did you see?” I ask licking the blood that trails from her lip down her chin. Each drop is like an aphrodisiac to me. It heightens all my other senses. It pleases me in ways that it probably shouldn’t. Clara takes a deep breath and blows it out slowly.
“All of it.” I grin and pull back keeping my grip on her loosely.
“And what did you think?”
“What do you feel when you do it?” Her question surprises me, and I lower my hand from her throat. There are many questions in her eyes.
“I feel calm. It takes away everything else that is on my mind. It’s a strange sensation to have but one that I crave. It makes me feel powerful, holding life and death in your hands.” I watch her eyes as they take me in. She hangs on every word that I say and the intrigue in her gaze only grows.
“I want to feel that,” she whispers softly. “Show me.” I raise my eyebrows, my cock twitches in my slacks. I don’t want to ruin her with blood on her hands. I don’t want to see that fire in her eyes, but I do. I nod my head and take her hand in mine leading her to the table where the tools are still laid out. She looks down and runs her free hand over them as I watch, my pulse racing in anticipation of what she may do. I never thought that I’d see this in her, and yet here she is surprising me.
“What is your pleasure?” I ask seductively. Something about seeing her here, in my domain of death is pushing every limit inside of me. She’s already destroyed so many walls I’ve built and now she’s after something I’m not willing to give.
My heart.
Chapter 20
Clara
Excitement and fear are battling inside of me. My chest is tight, but the anticipation is blocking that out. Holding the blade in my hand, I study it. Such a mundane instrument that can be used to kill a human being is interesting to me. I’ve never been one for death and blood but then again, I’ve never really seen it up as close as I am now. I look up at Alexei and his eyes are sparkling. He likes this. He likes me intrigued by all that he does. And I am intrigued.
“Is it a matter of where you stab?” I ask clearly wanting to know. I don’t have a purpose other than pleasing Alexei. There’s something so deep inside of me that dances with delight when he looks at me the way he does when I please him.
“Why would you simply stab?” I don’t understand his question. My head tilts as I wait for more. Just the sound of his voice sends me spiraling out of control. I don’t know how one man I crave yet also fear can make my knees weak with just his words.
“Isn’t that the point?” He shakes his head and grabs my wrist pulling me in front of the dead man that hangs from the rafters. I should be disgusted and a part of me is, but the other part wants to know more.
“You see this wound?” He asks pointing at the man’s stomach. I nod.
“This wound is only a stab wound. Not in an area that would kill him but enough for him to lose a lot of blood. He would survive this wound. This one,” he says pointing the man’s neck, “Obviously he wouldn’t survive.”
“There are certain parts that will kill, yes?” I ask watching the way his eyes light up.
“Yes, that is correct. Here,” he says pointing to the man’s neck, “He would bleed out instantly. Whereas here, it would take longer. In torture, you want to prolong the death as long as possible.”
“So, you choose the points that wouldn’t instantly kill,” I say connecting the dots. His smile widens as he nods his head. He almost looks proud of me at this moment and that’s something that sets me on fire. Alexei may be different and darker, but I find that I crave that side of him. At first, he was almost the perfect lover. He would give me just what I needed but that changed and now he takes what he needs as well, and I find myself liking every bit of it.
“If you’re being attacked, you want the kill. You don’t want to give them the opportunity to come back after you. If you don’t kill and you turn your back, they could kill you,” he tells me as I watch him. I look from him to the bloody body and wonder what it would feel like to cut someone. Alexei must see the look in my eyes because he moves in, taking the knife from me and tossing it to the floor. His lips crush mine in a frenzied kiss that leaves me breathless and panting for more. I don’t know what he’s doing to me, and I’m almost afraid to find out. But the more I get a taste of him, the more I want, and I’m greedy. When he pulls away, his heated breath dances across my skin.
“What are you thinking?”
“I want to know what it feels like to cut someone. To hurt them the way they hurt me,” I say as a tear slides down my cheek. Alexei leans down and licks the tear from my face before pulling back to look at me.
“You want to learn to fight? Defend yourself?” He asks. I nod my head and he laughs. His smile is gorgeous, and I find myself drawn to it.
“Will you teach me?”
“You have no worries of ever being attacked again now that you’re mine. I won’t let anyone get that close to you, Clara.”
“I’d still like to learn. Maybe Dmitry could show me.” As soon as the words leave my mouth, I regret them. His eyes flash to the darkest of bla
cks that I’ve ever seen. His movements are quick, grabbing my shoulders and moving me across the room until my back collides roughly with the wall. A whimper escapes my lips and Alexei grins that dark sexy grin.
“You want another man’s hands on you? Is that what this is?” The anger practically vibrates off him and slams into me. It nearly knocks the air from my lungs.
“No.”
“No? You say no yet you want Dmitry to teach you to defend yourself? Do you want him sliding into that sweet pussy of yours too? Do you want his come dripping down your thighs?” My insides burn from his words. This man, this beautiful man that bought me, saved me from the grasp of Timur, is slowly ripping me apart inside only to rebuild me. He’s hurting me more than Timur and any of his men did, but this time I love it.
“I want your come dripping out of me. I want your hands on me, Alexei.” His eyes move quickly between mine, a hunger so deep it’s nearly terrifying flickers over his features. His mouth slams against mine roughly, his teeth drawing blood from my lip. His hands move down my body searing me with fire as they go. His touch is rough and heated, hard and unforgiving as I arch into him. What is he doing to my head? How is he making every single wrong feel so right inside of me?
He pulls back, and I cry out from the loss of him.
“Turn around and put your hands on the wall,” he says, his voice pained and heavy. I turn and do as I’m told waiting for whatever he’s going to give me. His fingers slide into the top of my jeans. Not bothering to unbutton them, he forces them down my hips and legs along with my panties. He moves back, his hands rubbing over my ass causing chill bumps to form on my heated skin. And then he does something unexpected. His large hand comes down with a crack across my ass that both burns and tingles. I cry out from the contact, my knees quivering.
“You challenge me like no one else ever has воробей. It both excites me and maddens me at the same time,” he says with another crack against my ass. My body is on fire, sparks racing through my veins. I’m already wet for him and that alone should be concerning but it isn’t.