Irrelevant Jack

by Prax Venter

  Lex -3 | HP 267/270,

  HP 264/270,

  HP 261/270…

  Jack was able to burn it down quickly with his Mining Laser, and the battle was over in a few seconds.

  The Floor 3 Boss exploded into motes of twinkling light within the confined space.

  “Hair people and teeth tornados,” Jack said, looting the Boss chest. “This Tower is so weird.”

  Lex nodded, sheathed her sword and then began to sing. Her deep voice echoed among the rocky confines of the caves, and Jack was mesmerized as her health gradually filled back to full.

  “Having a healer in here is going to be incredibly valuable,” Jack said, staring at her again.

  “Ready for uncharted territory?” Lex said, holding her hand out toward the door to Floor 4.

  Jack checked his display on instinct.

  JACK HP 35/35 MP 30/37

  LEX HP 270/270

  ALT HP 10/10

  Coins: 55

  Inventory Value: 129

  Alt Value: 54/350

  There hadn’t been any equipment upgrades for Jack, nor had Alt gained any more useful stats from the blades they found, but there was plenty more Tower ahead of them with plenty of higher-value loot to be found.

  Jack pointed at the door. “To Floor 4!”

  - 23 -

  After the blinding flash of light, Jack saw nothing but red. He turned to see Lex and Alt nearby, and his brain caught up to what he was seeing.

  “We’re in a giant ruby…” he said, spinning in place. They were standing in a carved-out tunnel of sharp angles, and all around him were translucent facets of pure gemstone.

  “More caves,” Lex said with minor disappointment.

  He turned to look at the blonde Hero and realized he was probably right about her preferring the sunny Floors. Too bad they couldn’t revisit the Divine crab beach. It was practically a paradise.

  When Jack turned to locate the Exit Orb, he saw that the sharply cut tunnel continued away from them in both directions instead of the usual dead end. The orb was there, but it was tucked away in a shallow alcove off the path, and he could see its white, throbbing glow through the translucent ruby that made up the entirety of this world.

  “Let’s clear the Floor,” Lex said and began moving forward along the hard gemstone surface. Falling onto their standard routine, Jack followed Lex a bit to her left, where she held her shield, and Alt hovered to her right.

  Before long, they came to a small hole in the wall. The tunnel they had been following was about twenty feet in diameter, but this side passage was only about three feet high, and they’d have to crawl to get through.

  Jack and Lex hunkered down and saw that there were two plump, orange larvae wriggling around in a larger chamber beyond. Their fat bodies scrunched up as the black row of claws on their bottom gripped the ruby surface, pulling them along. Neon-red zigzags colored their wrinkly flesh and the pattern sent off warning signals in the primitive, instinct-driven part of Jack’s brain.

  “Wandering monsters,” she whispered as she watched them move.

  “What’s our plan of attack?” Jack asked, although he really wanted to suggest using the small hole as a choke point. He had learned a good deal about group tactics from Lex already, but she sometimes missed some of the “cheaty” abuses of the game world. Maybe this is what Alt was trying to tell him about the NPCs.

  “I’ll go in and get their attention,” she said finally. “Then you…what? What would you do instead?” Lex saw his furrowed brow and knew Jack was barely holding his words back.

  “What if we let Alt shoot those creepy crawlers from out here, then you and I stab them when they squeeze through the hole, one by one?”

  The Bastion squatting next to him appeared to see the hole for the first time. She took in a deep breath, and a smile grew on her lips.

  “I’m impressed, Jack. I didn’t even consider this.”

  A small blush crept up his neck to his cheeks. “It’s nothing. Playing dice and paper games back where I came from has really helped prepare me for this world.” He saw her expression drop and quickly reached his hand out to her arm. Her golden eyes turned back to his.

  “Listen to me, Lex. I know this isn’t a game. It’s life and death. For me, for you, for the whole Town and the whole universe. My past is still my past, and I don’t want to have to worry about hiding who I am from you. I might mention random crap about this or that being similar to games I played in my world, and if that helps us push out every last bit of corruption, I’m going to use every trick I’ve learned. Understand?”

  The light returned to her large eyes, and she moved her hand to cover his.

  “Yes. I understand. I’m sorry I’ve been so… quick to anger. It’s been…”

  “I know,” Jack saved her from trying to continue. “You were alone for a long time- the whole Town resting on your shoulders. I’m here now, so let’s squish some bugs together.”

  Lex squeezed his hand and nodded.

  The Heroes split apart and got into position on either side of the small opening in the ruby passage. Then Jack waved Alt in and said, “Fire at the closest one.”

  “Pulling now,” the miniature spaceship said, and his electron cannons fired out their pulses.

  Gemstone Larvae -5 | HP 17/22

  Alt automatically used his thrusters to shift sideways after his attack, and it was a good thing he did. Almost immediately after the two glowing orbs shot into the chamber, a red ray of light punched through the hole and right through the space Jack’s minion had been a second earlier.

  “Ranged attacks!” Lex said, getting her stance set for stabbing.

  As Jack predicted, the black, round head of the first larvae poked out, and Lex thrust her sharp sword into its face, destroying it.

  Gemstone Larvae -45 | Defeated

  The next one quickly followed the other, and Jack held his attack again, letting Lex get the hit. He didn’t want to mess things up by shoving his 11-damage sword in the way of hers when she was geared to end them in one hit.

  Gemstone Larvae -45 | Defeated

  “Nice work!” Jack cheered for Lex as she sheathed her blade. A pair of leather pants dropped on the ruby floor from the second monster.

  A big smile broke out on her face as Jack bent down to check for an upgrade.

  Heavy Leather Pants - [Legs | Value: 18]

  | Def: 8 |

  | Max HP +12 |

  | Dodge -1 |

  “Hmm. I’d lose 1 dodge and but gain 6 Defense and 12 HPs,” he mumbled, considering the new pants.

  “Right now,” Lex began, “anything that gives you more max Hit Points should be your priority.”

  Jack nodded and moved his new leather pants over to his Character panel. He felt the weight first and looked down to see thick brown leather wrapped tight around his legs. He was only a little bit slower, but when he looked at his Hit Points and saw 47/47, he realized the advantage. The higher they climbed in the Tower, the more likely they’d run into enemies that could one-shot him.

  Lex was right, Hit Points were going to be his priority for now.

  “I love upgrades,” he said, then realized that they were a long way from getting any for Lex. Just another reason to push them… Jack blinked and let this train of thought drift to a stop. No more pushing forward. Steady survival wins this race.

  “It’s going to be exciting,” Lex agreed, her eyes lingering on his new, tight-fitting gear. “Let’s see what else this Floor has for us.”

  They continued to employ the same tactic and easily slaughtered the bugs grouped up inside the hollowed-out chambers in the infinite gemstone. Alt got a nice longsword that upped his value by 18, and Jack’s Main Hand damage up to 12.

  Lex’s beautiful eyes lost focus as she Inspected his weapon.

  “It’s growing so fast.”

  “This upgrade has pushed my electron pulse damage to 6,” Alt added.

  Jack smiled at his spaceship. “Nice. Pretty soon
we’ll be able to waltz through the first 5 Floors while Alt here wipes everything out for us.”

  Lex took in a deep breath. “You both are truly-”

  She never finished as the multifaceted ruby ground started to shake under their feet.

  “What’s going on?” Jack said, looking to the experienced Hero by his side for an answer.

  “Get in the hole, now!” Lex screamed as she shoved Jack’s shoulder. He didn’t hesitate and crawled into the three-foot hole to where the last group of Gemstone Larvae had been slain.

  Lex crawled in quickly after him, and the rumbling grew more intense right before a black and orange blur raged past the opening out in the tunnel like a subway train.

  Alt -20 | Defeated

  “No!” Jack called as his miniature spaceship friend was crushed by whatever had blitzed past.

  “It’s the Floor Boss!” Lex yelled, getting onto her feet. “Sometimes they attack after destroying all the wandering monsters on a Floor.”

  “What was that?” Jack asked. “I mean, I know it was the Boss but-”

  “A giant worm, burrowing through the tunnel,” she said, looking around the chamber for threats.

  “Oh, the mother.”

  Lex turned to look at him. “Probably.”

  “How do we fight something like that? Can it get in here?”

  As if in answer to his question, the rumbling grew louder again, and a bright red glow began to fill the ruby wall on their right. They both backed away. This monstrous creature was eating the ruby like a worm through an apple, and it was definitely coming into the chamber to get them. Jack looked around the room and tried to think of a strategy.

  “We stand and fight it,” Lex said, determination on her face and her curved metal shield held ready.

  The glowing gemstone grew brighter, and it was a good six feet above the slightly curved floor. He cast his eyes over to the shorter Bastion, and an idea took hold.

  “Lex!” he shouted. “Get over by the wall. We only have seconds before it’s through. I’ll act as bait to draw it out, you stab upward. Surprise attack. Got it?”

  Lex bit her lip and then nodded, running to press against the multifaceted ruby wall under where the Floor 4 Boss was about to drill through. Jack ran over to the tiny hole into the chamber and prepared to dive into it if the massive worm came close to smashing him.

  An instant later, a high-pitched whine reverberated around the angled surfaces of the chamber as the giant worm melted its way through solid ruby to get at them.

  The tip of the beast consisted of three toothy flaps that opened to trumpet out a deafening, high-pitched roar into the chamber. Black spikes covered its body, and Jack assumed that they were used to push the creature along as it tunneled into the gemstone.

  “Oh no!” Jack called, waving his sword as he backed closer to the hole. “The big bad monster is going to eat me!”

  The creature reared up and pushed itself further into the chamber above where Lex was hiding against the wall. When she had a big enough target, the Bastion thrust her weapon upward and into the giant worm.

  Floor 4 Boss -45 | 35/80

  The massive creature stopped and reared upward and out of reach as pain echoed through its long body. Jack held up his blade and blasted it with Mining Laser.

  Floor 4 Boss -12 | HP 23/80

  Floor 4 Boss -12 | HP 11/80

  The creature angled its face toward this new searing pain and darted forward in an attempt to pulverize Jack with its spiked body, but its lunging attack brought the worm’s body back into Lex’s sword range. The elongated monster was inches away from Jack’s face when it burst into harmlessly colorful fireworks.

  Floor 4 Boss -45 | Defeated

  “Whoo! We did it!” Jack cheered, but his mouth snapped shut as a pleasurable blast of energy cycled through his veins. He was now Hero Level 5.

  Lex sheathed her blade as she walked up to him. “Congratulations on the level up, Jack! We lost Alt though…”

  Alt spoke in his mind. “Aw, she’s a keeper.”

  “Uh,” Jack began, “he’s still around and talking in my head. He’s glad you’re thinking of him.”

  Lex considered him for a moment, then said, “I still find it hard to not think you are insane, even after seeing… everything.”

  Jack flashed her a quick smile. “Oh, you aren’t wrong. I’m still insane.”

  She stepped up to him and tilted her head toward the golden Boss Chest that appeared in the hollow ruby chamber.

  “Get to looting.”

  “What am I, your beast of burden?” Jack said with a smirk as he walked over to the chest. “Wait,” he said, turning back around. “Where’s the Boss’s Exit Orb?”

  Lex shrugged. “I believe the tunnel curved into a circle. I bet there is only one on this Floor and it’s probably directly in front of us.”

  “I’m really glad you’re here with me, Lex. There is so much I need to learn and, the more I do find out, the more terrifying this place gets.”

  She nodded. “Actually, your skill for strategy has taught me a few things, Jack. It’s like you… see more- you see the Floors in ways I’ve been blind to.”

  “Together, we’ll be unstoppable,” he said as he reached down to loot the chest.

  Floor 4 Rewards - Boss Chest

  Sharp Edge - [Dagger | Value: 18]

  | Dmg: 7 |

  | Crit Chance + 0.10 |

  Blue Thread Shorts – [Legs | Value: 19]

  | Def: 1 |

  | Max Mana + 15 |

  | Magic Power +7 |

  Coins: 40

  “Ooh another blade for Alt,” Jack said, then looked up to Lex. “And a pair of shorts? There are shorts?”

  “Yes,” she said. “I had a pair of leather shorts from Level 16 to 19. Some armor can be more revealing than others, especially higher-value Cloth. The equipment’s stats are more important.”

  “You wore leather shorts, you say?” he said, his mind wandering.

  “It’s true,” she said, a blush creeping into her tan cheeks.

  Jack shook off visions of Lex wearing some of the female fantasy armor he had seen in video games and moved the dagger into his Main Hand slot.

  Alt spoke up right away. “Your damage value is now at 13, Jack.”

  Jack just nodded. It was going to get weird if he talked to himself.

  “Well, should we go for Floor 5?” Jack asked, raising an eyebrow.

  “Yes. We should be able to handle it.” Lex walked over to the wooden door standing freely in the middle of the ruby chamber. “Ready?”

  “Ready.”

  She grabbed the handle, and they were awash in white nothingness.

  The savory smell hit Jack’s nose before his eyes had a chance to adjust to the new dimly lit surroundings. They were standing among shelves holding sacks spilling over with various foodstuffs: peas, potatoes, carrots… They were inside a pantry. The design was very medieval with stone floors and iron sconces- but it was huge, and Jack figured they were probably in the kitchen of a castle. Ahead was an iron-bound, wooden door with the muffled sound of someone chopping vegetables reaching them from the other side. Whatever they were cooking smelled heavenly.

  Behind them and against a cobblestone brick wall sat the Exit Orb. His eyes turned to meet the shorter Hero. Lex nodded toward the door and started to creep toward it. Carefully, she pushed it open, and they both tried to peek into the next room.

  Heat from the blazing hearth near the back of the kitchen buffeted Jack’s face, but the disturbing chef in the white, grease-stained apron captured his full attention. He looked normal enough, except for his face. The chef’s eyes were a dripping white mess, as if the sockets were filled with runny eggs. The monster’s bulbous red nose hung over a ripped, bloody mouth that was sewn shut with thick black twine.

  The unsettling creature held an oversized chef’s knife in his huge fist as he worked on chopping up a pile of celery.

  Lex touched his arm to get
his attention. He looked down and she began a count on her fingers. One, two, and on the third finger, she kicked open the door to the pantry as she drew her blade.

  The disgusting chef looked in their direction with his runny egg sockets and let out a muffled snarl through his sewn-up mouth.

  Jack and Lex rushed out into the sweltering kitchen, and the chef-like creature came around the kitchen table to meet them, brandishing his knife. The Bastion held her shield ready and waited for the creature to attack first, while Jack circled around the other side of the table.

  The chef monster was larger up close and especially imposing compared to Lex. She had to be all of five feet, and her head barely reached his chest. The thing hacked downward and Jack, standing across the room, felt the impact in his chest from the force of the attack. Sparks flew as metal met metal.

  After she deflected the strike with her shield, she came in with her own stab, but the nimble monster parried with its knife. They exchanged a few attacks, neither landing a hit before Jack made it behind the disgusting chef. The monster was solely focused on hammering away on Lex’s shield at the moment, so Jack took the opportunity to stab him in the back.

  Critical! Gluttonous Chef -20 | HP 5/25

  The creature whirled on Jack, using the motion to hack at Jack with his chef’s blade and he brought up his shield to absorb the hit.

  Jack -8 | HP 39/47

  Lex took the opportunity and finished the monster off with a quick stab from her sword.

  Gluttonous Chef -45 | Defeated

  A pile of coins dropped, and they split the amount evenly, as was the plan. They took a moment to catch their breaths and look around the room. Jack rolled out his shoulder from the blocked hit and realized that Lex had taken many heavy strikes on her shield yet took no damage.

  He was about to ask her about it when she walked up to him and put her hand on his arm. She turned her beautiful golden eyes up into his before closing them and singing a quiet yet mesmerizing tune.

  Jack +2 | HP 41/47, HP 43/47, HP 45/47…

  When she finished her wordless song, she opened her eyes again.