First Up

by Ella Jackson

  "Ha, that's the thanks I get for doing a good deed." I looked at her and smiled. She looked marvelous and tired. I didn’t think she’d be falling asleep on my couch yet—it would probably be easier for me to convince her to step in front of a bus than to stay here. "These ones are delicious."

  She leaned forward. "You're pretty delicious, in your own way."

  I was amazed by her, by how hard I was falling for her after such a short period of time. She leaned further forward, and her face was only a foot from me. "But don't go getting any ideas, mister. That jail cell is still waiting."

  I fought the urge to catch her around her waist and pull her to me. Sure, I was pissed at Ricky for messing everything up in the first place, but now things seem to have worked out pretty well.

  I looked straight at her and she looked away quickly. "I-I should go."

  "Only when you want to."

  An alarm went off in my head. I needed my head in the game. I can’t afford to be distracted by a woman right now. Let her go, Will.

  She stood up, and I didn't try and stop her. I went to check the outside doors, and when I walked back into the living room, it was empty.

  I scanned the whole apartment, but she wasn’t there. Did she really just leave?

  Fine.

  I took a book to bed, letting myself think about her one last time. What in the heck was going on? I turned and looked out the other window. The snow had stopped, which was something. She made it very clear she wasn't interested in me. But it was working.

  So why did she bail? Well, I didn’t know what she was thinking, but now I was ready to take a chance.

  Six

  I was a coward. I knew that. I had been thinking about him kissing me, and I hadn’t once tried to stop him.

  Even though I had just walked out, I still half-expected him to show up downstairs to catch me before I left.

  He didn’t deserve that, even if he was an ass when we first met. Since then he’s been nothing but kind to me. I had to respect him, even if I was not interested in his stupid soccer game.

  Earlier I didn’t think of him as being anything other than a dumb athlete, but tonight I saw another side of him. Never once did he act entitled, or childish, like your average jock; he was always thoughtful and helpful.

  Me on the other hand, I’m a coward. I grit my teeth as I walked back to my car, remembering all of those boundaries I'd set up between myself and my feelings. When I came home from work the other evening and found Amy in tears, I'd sworn to myself I was done with men. For the moment. But now I found myself thinking very disturbing thoughts about Will.

  I pushed the thought away.

  It was as if the world had disappeared and it was just me on the street. When I checked my phone, the first thing I registered was Sam’s short message, telling me she was sick and couldn’t come to dinner tomorrow.

  I knew I was going to hit some bad weather before I reached home, but this was stress-driving for the last two hours.

  I was mortified at how easily I’d started talking and flirting with Will at his place, when I'd sworn before I wouldn't have anything to do with him. I grabbed my phone from the dashboard looked at it; I had three missed calls from Amy and a text from Will.

  Oh hell.

  >Will: are you okay? I didn't see you leave.

  He was looking for a reaction and he wasn’t going to get one from me. And while it was scary to be in a confined space with a guy who pushed my buttons like that, the fact that we could relate in an adult way was a relief.

  Maybe he was wondering the same thing. Not that I could blame him. Sam said he'd had a bad experience in his last relationship - according to the papers - so now he doesn’t date unless he’s guaranteed not to go through all that again, and I don’t blame him.

  Amy is going to kill me.

  I took a deep breath and forced myself to call her back. I could tell she was waiting for me to speak, but I didn't.

  “Tanya? Are you alright?” I could hear the anxiety in her voice.

  “I’m sorry Amy. My car had a flat battery, there was a lot of rain, and I...I had to shelter for a bit. That was all." I couldn’t let her see how upset I was. She would lose her mind if she knew I'd been with Will, and there wasn't anything going on anyway.

  Seeing a man I thought was good for nothing be so caring and thoughtful was a surprise that I, sadly, had never felt before. No fuckin’ way.

  "Where are you?"

  “At our house. With Ricky.” With a sigh I looked at the phone and slumped back in my seat with my hand in my hair. It wouldn’t have been the first time Amy had broken up with a guy and then gotten back together. When I saw his car pull up the drive, I slapped the steering wheel and cursed.

  “I’m really sorry, Tanya. He said he wanted to come over, and..”

  “It’s okay.”

  "I’m just so glad you’re coming back soon. You said you’re on your way back. Will you stay up with me?"

  I sighed. I still couldn’t believe it. They just broke up earlier this week, and I was going to be there for her while she got over him.

  ”No problem.“

  ”Where did you go?"

  I was grateful for her not being able to see my face at that the moment.

  "I, uh, I went to the library." I chuckled to myself. I wasn’t really likely to go to the library. Or at least I wasn't until I met Will. “I missed getting some more books out, and uh...” I tailed off. This wasn't very convincing.

  “Tanya, that's really not like you. What have you been up to all this time?”

  I coughed. ”Look, my shift is going to start in a few hours, and I don't really have time to talk about it now. I'll be home soon, and we can just sit and talk about Ricky. You don’t even have to do that much.“ I figured with all the traveling she was going be doing, she might need some time just to relax.

  Amy was quiet for a moment, undoubtedly thinking about Ricky, She was tough on the outside, but that was all it took for her to fall apart.

  I wasn’t sure how much I would be there to give, but I promised her I would try, and I owed it to her that I would. Somehow. She just so happened to have a taste for professional athletes, and Ricky was lucky enough - or unlucky enough - to be the next target. There was no reason for me to be up in arms about it, but somehow I couldn't let go.

  Fine. Maybe her, but not me. In my career, in this town, getting involved with an athlete was a very bad idea.

  “How are things at the station?” Amy asked.

  “Really busy, but good.”

  "Ricky told me all about you."

  I cringed. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, there was just no way Ricky turning up at our place was a fluke. Will must have told him what was going on.

  I knew he wasn’t the worst guy in the world, but I didn’t give a shit. He wanted to be with Amy, but only when it suited him. Sure, he had his good points, but for most of the time, he just made her miserable.

  “I’m sure he's happy to have your attention, but I think you can do better than him."

  “Tanya, that's not fair. He’s a good guy.” I started to disagree, but then I realized it was useless right now.

  “He’s not in love with you, Amy, even if he says he is.”

  “Pretty sure he’s figuring that out now." I rolled my eyes. Even though he, like the other guys, had been supportive and sympathetic to her when it suited him, he still lit out when it didn't.

  “Me, too,” I say, trying to focus on something that would make her feel better, instead of her heart being broken by Mr. Douchebag. "Look, sit up and watch a movie. Bridget Jones' Diary or something stupid. To hell with men."

  She giggled “I’ll try that. Come home after your shift, okay?"

  “Yeah.” A pause. “I wish you had someone like...like this.”

  So my heart started beating a little faster. I just wanted to support her, but telling her about Will, wasn't going to help. I just wanted to say something nice.

  “
It’s just that when you work day in and day out with these guys, you hear a lot of stuff about falling in love, and you get to thinking you're an old maid.”

  I laughed. “You’re not that old, Amy.”

  “I’m getting there.”

  I waved a hand as I stretched out on the couch. “You’re twenty-eight.”

  "That's old. Ricky's last girlfriend was a twenty-one-year-old bikini model.”

  “Oh please.” I’m going to go kill that guy, I swear. “Have you even met her, or did you just stalk her Instagram?”

  “I, uh, maybe the latter."

  “Sounds fantastic. Let me know how that goes.”

  “I will.”

  “Look, Ames, I’ve got to go, but I'll be on my phone, and I’ll be back as soon as I can,” I say, wishing I could give her a hug before I pull out from the carpark.

  I needed to give her enough space to make her own mistakes, but I had yet to work up the courage to do it. She was going to need a lot of care, but I felt bad automatically assuming she couldn't deal with things herself, like she was almost helpless.

  She dropped everything to be with me when she thought I needed her, no questions asked.

  I stared at the lights for a few seconds, trying to figure out whether or not I should just leave this up to chance, but I knew that if Amy found out from someone else that I'd put her new boyfriend and his teammate in jail, she'd feel betrayed, and that wasn't right.

  I honestly felt a little sick as I climbed the stairs at the precinct to my desk. I walked right into the academy out of high school and I worked my way up, and I was proud of what I'd achieved. But I'd done it all by being completely honest, so this didn't sit right with me. I shook my head and tried to bury myself in paperwork to forget it.

  Amy had supported me on my off days, put up with my bullshit, and made me dig deeper when I thought I couldn’t go on. But I couldn’t live her life for her. She thought I detested guys like Will and Ricky, and until a couple of days ago, I would have believed her. I should tell her.

  I’d warned myself not to get my hopes up when it came to guys, told myself not to trust them, yet I couldn’t help it.

  It didn’t take long to get into a comfortable place with Will. Maybe I should just let the past go to enjoy the moment.

  It could take years, but I might just make it to the altar one day after all. I just needed to get it over with, and tell Amy.

  Later.

  My feet tapped the edge of my desk as I worked. Frankly, I never wanted to be in this situation, and I didn't ask for it.

  I hadn't meant to. I certainly didn’t plan this. Not yet, at least.

  My breathing came quicker. I shouldn’t even be considering going out with this guy.

  It wasn't my way.

  Right.

  I was fine.

  I tried to look up when a commotion at the front desk caught my attention. Was it really that bad tonight? Or had something happened to set people off? I stood up when Matt got in my way.

  He shot me a hurt look, and I just shook my head. “Watch it, mister.”

  “Sorry, Tanya, it's just that...”

  I cut him off. "What can I do for you?"

  I glanced up to see him backing away, my expression evidently having put him off.

  "There's a guy at the front desk asking for you. I said you were busy, but he wouldn't leave."

  "Who? What?" I shook my head and took a step back. “Sorry.”

  "Says his name is William Dempsey. You know him?"

  "Yeah. Yeah, I do. Give me a minute."

  I was glad I hadn’t listened to Amy and waited for the right person to come along. Poor guy. If I gave into him a second time, if I let him any closer and he let me go again, I wouldn’t recover.

  I nodded toward Matt and went to place my cup down before going to the front of the station. I half-expected him to block my entry into the room and give me some dad-like lecture on why this was a bad idea, but he didn’t. Either way, this wasn’t something I wanted people to witness.

  Seven

  The practice had been a rough one, and we'd looked pretty disorganised. I'd been training like this for years, and I figured some difficulties were normal, but this was another level.

  Not much time for vacations or normal tourist experiences. I could tell the club owners were expecting it, but soon I was going to need to front up, and justify my salary. If I didn't, they could bring someone in to replace me after the first season if they wanted to, and there’s nothing I could do about it.

  A guy opened the door into the lobby, and stood looking at me, then closed it again. I looked over at the door every once in a while, surprised Tanya wasn’t here to mock me right at this moment. Good.

  I shook my head. If only the boys could see you now. They would never believe I was chasing after a girl like this...

  Will Dempsey, team captain. Chasing after a girl who doesn't want anything to do with him.

  It was ridiculous. I knew it, but I couldn't do anything to stop.

  The duty sergeant waved to me. “You want a cup of coffee?”

  I put out my hand and smiled. "Sure."

  He gestured to the corner. “Help yourself.” Was she actually in there? Or was she just jerking me around? This city was too big for running into her to be a coincidence, but she hadn’t mentioned sport at all when she'd been to my place.

  “Excuse me?” I looked up to see her smiling down at me with a look I hadn’t seen before.

  “Hi Tanya.”

  “Hi. Will.”

  I don't believe this.

  Finally, she said something. “I’m so sorry I left. I just...it seemed like a good time to go.”

  "Well, I assumed you were trying to steal my cup along with the hot chocolate, then when I remembered you were a cop, it seemed unlikely."

  She laughed a little. “Yeah. I, uh, left it in my car. I'll get it back to you somehow."

  “A date it is then.” Before she could reply, I went on. “How is Amy doing? What happened with her boyfriend?”

  Tanya pulled out a bar napkin from the pocket of her jacket, then slid it across the table slowly, and I looked at it. “They're back together. Also, it turns out her boyfriend is...Ricky. She says she's in love with him.”

  “No way.”

  "Yeah. It's not a good idea, but...she's an adult."

  I turned back to the desk, where the duty sergeant was having an argument with a young woman. "Ma'am, you can't..."

  “Let’s go outside. I can break for a couple of minutes.” We wound our way through the station and stepped out into the night, listening to the crickets.”

  "How are things going?" Tanya pursed her lips. “Amy has never been a good judge of men in her entire life, and I can say this with a good deal of confidence, as we’ve been best friends since the second grade.”

  I nodded and looked at her. “So, how many times has she fallen for guys at the drop of a hat?”

  “Seventy-six.”

  “Whoa. That’s a very difficult assignment.”

  She nodded. “It’s not easy watching her do it again and again. She always gave guys money when we were in high school, even though she was struggling to make ends meet for her own family because the majority of the money went to either rent or her Dad's drinking. I knew what it was like to be picked on when I was young, and we both needed help."

  “How much does it cost you to live where you are?” Her eyes narrowed.

  “The owner only wants sixteen hundred a month. Why?”

  I shrugged. "Just curious." Holding out the bag of hot chocolate powder I'd brought, I offered it to her. "You forgot this when you left."

  “Uh, thanks. This is actually a lifesaver."

  I held out my other hand. “Tanya, we can’t do this.”

  She shook her head and smiled. “I promise I'm not going to arrest you, Will.”

  “Sam at the cafe has been talking about it every time I see her.”

  “It? What's 'it'?"


  “About you and me.”

  “Look, Mr. Dempsey, I’m not sure what you’re referring to.”

  He nodded. “I figured you were going to say that. That's why I brought the chocolate."

  I took out my own phone and sent him the picture I had taken of him giving Sam a high five.

  ”You really are a good guy, Will." She smiled again. "I had a bad attitude about pro athletes, but you showed me that you could be gentle, and that you can be a good friend."

  The door behind us opened, and the girl I'd heard arguing with the sergeant stepped out. She had been crying, and was wiping her eyes.

  I shook my head. “Really? In every way? You don’t have someone else you’re interested in?"

  She ignored me and looked out at the evening sky. “Why did you do that?”

  “Do what?”

  "Help me out when my car broke down."

  Her question caught me off guard. I didn’t expect her to fall into my arms, but I'd at least expected more gratitude and less suspicion. “It was the right thing to do. Besides, I wanted to try and make amends. You’re not an easy person to get to know.”

  She looked at me with something like suspicion in her eyes. It could have also been doubt, but it was hard to read her.

  So, what can I do? She stared at me.

  I didn’t know what else to say. She could say what she wanted about me, but I couldn’t bring myself to believe any of it. I told myself that I would be the best and have a life here in the USA, and I wasn't going to let a woman change my mind.

  She shook her head. “I guess I don’t really think about someone wanting to help me like that.”

  “What’s to think? I saw someone in need and I helped them out. I'm good like that.” I mean, I’m twenty-six, but maybe it’s time to stop with the bad-boy image, and try and behave like a grown-up sometimes.

  She folded her arms over her chest. “I guess I didn’t imagine you trying that hard for someone who wasn't one of your groupies.”

  I didn’t like the direction this conversation was taking. “I don’t get out much. Don't really have any groupies.” I wasn’t about to be someone I wasn’t just to conform to her idea of what pro athletes were.