A Walk Through Fire

by Felice Stevens

  Neither did he, yet when Rachel called to tell him about Esther there wasn’t a moment’s hesitation as to where he had to be. And for whom. The time had come to put aside all the petty bullshit of the past few months. Life crises usually brought people together, and this time Ash might stay and fight for the man he couldn’t get out of his head and his heart.

  “Things have a way of coming into perspective when you’re faced with an emergency. Rachel called me, and here I am.” What he really wanted to do was tell Jordan to fuck off, but out of respect for Esther, he’d hold his temper.

  “Don’t mess with him, not when he’s so vulnerable.”

  Ash’s lip curled in a sneer; the thought of Jordan scaring him away from here was almost ludicrous.

  “Listen to me carefully, Jordan, since I’m only going to say this once to you. I am not your friend. I don’t give a shit what you think. I’m here for Drew. If you can’t deal with it, not my problem, buddy boy. Now go back to your boyfriend and leave me the hell alone.” Without waiting for an answer, he stormed off in the direction he’d seen Drew and his girlfriend walk. Angry voices slowed his footsteps and he stopped dead in his tracks, not wanting to intrude, but when he heard his name mentioned, Ash felt no shame in eavesdropping on their conversation.

  “What the hell was that about with Ash? You’ve barely spoken to that man in months, yet he shows up and you’re hugging him like a long-lost brother.”

  Ash crept up quietly and peeked around the wall. Shelly and Drew stood facing each other, but neither one could see him.

  “I don’t owe you any explanation. Plus, this isn’t the time or place to have this conversation.” Ash could tell by Drew’s body language that he was holding something back.

  “We’re a couple. We love each other. How can you say you don’t owe me any explanation?” Ash winced at Shelly’s strident, desperate tone.

  Drew took her hand, a pained expression on his face. “I didn’t want to talk here, but you’re forcing me to.”

  For the first time, Ash felt sorry for Shelly. He could tell by the dawning expression of shock on her face that she knew what was coming before Drew even spoke.

  “Oh my God, you’re breaking up with me, aren’t you?” She pulled her hand from Drew’s as if it were singed by fire. “But I love you.” Tears coursed down her cheeks.

  “This all happened too fast. You don’t really love me. We barely know each other.” He took her hands in his. “It has nothing to do with you, please believe me. You’re a great person.”

  She gave a shaky laugh. “The ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ speech, huh?” A shudder rolled through her slight frame. “I think it’s more than that.”

  “What do you mean? I’m not ready for a serious relationship right now.” Drew turned away from her to walk over to the window. Ash could see the tension in his back and, strangely enough, itched to hold him.

  “You’re fooling yourself, and I should’ve seen it. It’s Ash, isn’t it?” She joined him at the window, putting her hand on his arm. “I saw it for a moment the first time I met him at your apartment, but tonight it was blatantly obvious.”

  Drew stared at her, his face pale. “What are you saying?”

  “When you saw him tonight, you needed him. It showed on your face. You never looked at me the way you looked at him.” Her voice caught on the hiccup of a sob. She passed her hand over her eyes, then shook her head. “You’ve never needed me.”

  She picked up her purse from the chair and turned to leave. Ash stepped in front of her. “I owe you an apology. I was wrong about you.”

  For a moment she studied his face. “No, you weren’t. If I thought there was a chance, I would fight for him. But I’m not who he wants.” She walked away, back straight, head high.

  A classy woman.

  “Ash.” Drew’s voice drove all thoughts of Shelly from his mind.

  “I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but I wanted to make sure you were all right.” His gaze raked down Drew’s body with a hungry intensity. “Was she right? Do you need me?” He advanced on Drew until they stood so close their breaths mingled. The green of Drew’s eyes darkened until they turned almost black.

  “I think so.” Drew tipped his head back to stare at the ceiling, but all Ash could think of was licking his Adam’s apple and biting that beautifully pale skin down his neck.

  “That’s good, because I think I need you too.” The words slipped out before he could stop them. Need. He’d never needed anyone. Wanted, yes. Desired, certainly. But need? Staring into Drew’s eyes, the decades-old wall Ash had built around himself begin to crumble. Maybe he wasn’t such a bad person after all, if someone like Drew could care about him. Maybe Mr. Frank was right.

  He took Drew’s hand and pressed a quick kiss to his palm. “Let’s go back now and see how your grandmother is doing.”

  Drew held on to his hand for a moment, then squeezed it. “Yes. Then I think we should talk.” Their eyes locked, and Ash nodded.

  “Agreed.”

  They returned to the ICU waiting area. Mike had Rachel wrapped in his arms, while Jordan sat talking quietly with Keith. Rachel broke away from Mike’s embrace.

  “They told us to go home now and come back in the morning. If anything happens, they’ll call us immediately.” Her gaze returned to the windowed room where Ash saw Esther being attended to by several nurses. “I hate leaving her here all alone, though.” Her eyes welled with tears, and her lip quivered.

  Drew hugged her. “She’s getting the best care possible, and I’m only ten minutes away. We won’t be any good to her tomorrow if we can’t stay awake because we were up all night watching her sleep.”

  Rachel nodded. “You’re right. Then we should go.”

  They traipsed to the elevator, and it whisked them down to the main level. The hospital doors opened to the sultry night air, where surprisingly, the avenue still buzzed with activity. Strains of jazz music drifted out of the doorway of the bar across the street, its winking neon lights announcing that twenty different kinds of beer were to be found within. A crowd of rowdy teens spilled onto the sidewalk outside the diner on the corner.

  Rachel and Mike hurried away to their car. Jordan looked as though he had something to say, but Keith pulled him away, leaving him and Drew standing on the sidewalk.

  “Come on. My car is this way.” Drew started walking up the block.

  Ash hurried after him, thoughts bumping furiously around in his mind. What next? He’d never had this happen before; sex was always easy to find. This had nothing to do with sex and everything to do with his mind and his heart. Shit. He was in way over his head.

  They climbed into the car, and Drew began to drive. Ash studied Drew’s long-fingered hands on the steering wheel and thought how they would feel wrapped around his cock. He shifted in his seat. “Will you come home with me?” His voice croaked, rusty and dry.

  Drew didn’t answer. He continued to drive until they pulled up to a familiar street. He parked, then shut off the engine. Ash’s breath caught in his throat as they faced each other.

  “No, I won’t. You’re coming home with me.” Drew reached across the seat, his hand extended. Without any hesitation, Ash took it and gave a gentle squeeze, then opened his door and got out. Together they walked to Drew’s building, neither speaking.

  The leafy oak trees on both sides of the street created an arched canopy nearly blocking out the night sky, allowing only mere glimmers of luminous moonlight to filter in between their branches. Ash held back, looking upward toward the darkness.

  “It’s so peaceful here, so safe. One could almost believe nothing bad happens in the world when you stand here.”

  Drew touched his shoulder. “Come. Let’s go upstairs.”

  He followed Drew, desire building with every step. By the time they’d reached Drew’s door, Ash trembled with restraint. Damn, he couldn’t ever remember being this desperate to be with a man. The door opened, and he pushed Drew inside. With
a rough intensity that surprised him, he grasped Drew by the shoulders yanking him close, eager to feel his hardness against his own arousal.

  “I want you,” Ash gasped as he licked and nuzzled Drew’s throat. “But you need to tell me.”

  Drew bucked against Ash, his own hardness evident through his jeans. “Tell you what?”

  “That you want me. Tell me you want this, want me in your bed, in your body.” Ash bit down on Drew’s shoulder while rolling his hips into Drew’s groin, and was rewarded with a deep moan.

  “God, yes. Fuck it, Ash. I want you so badly it’s killing me. I was dying inside being without you.” Drew brushed his lips against Ash’s cheek, soft and warm, his breath gusting sweet. “I’m tired of worrying about what everyone thinks I should be. I only know even when I was with Shelly I was still lonely. And all I could think of was you.”

  Ash could barely recognize his own voice, hoarse from desire and need. “I haven’t been with anyone since I met you. No one. I want you so fucking bad, baby, my head is goin’ to explode.” He pulled Drew against him. “Let’s go to the bedroom.”

  Drew kissed his cheek. “I haven’t been with anyone either. I never had sex with Shelly; I couldn’t when all I wanted was you.”

  Arms entwined, they stumbled into the bedroom. Ash pushed Drew onto the bed and caging his legs, pulled off his shirt. Drew’s pale skin glowed in the moonlit room. Ash made short work of his own shirt, pants, and boxers, until he stood naked and fully aroused in front of Drew, who stopped undressing to stare.

  “I remember in your apartment how you took me in your mouth.” Drew’s fingers clasped his erection, his eyes bright with desire. “I want to do that for you. Let me feel you, taste you.”

  Sex had always calmed the empty space inside him, but never for long. Desperation lingered there, a hope and longing that maybe this time he’d be freed from the prison inside his mind. He’d been so alone for so long he’d forgotten what happiness felt like.

  Seeing Drew’s shining eyes, the longing etched in his face, and knowing he was the reason for it, broke down the final barrier isolating his heart. He joined Drew on the bed, stretching out next to him.

  “I don’t want to force you; it’s your first time.”

  Drew wrapped his fingers around Ash’s cock and rubbed his cheek along the rigid length. “That’s why I want to do it. I want it with you.” He kissed the tip and Ash bit back a groan. That simple soft touch rendered him weak.

  “It could only be you.”

  When the sweet, wet warmth of Drew’s mouth closed over the head of his cock, sliding down, grazing the sensitive underside with his teeth, Ash groaned.

  “Fuck, Drew. I’m gonna come in your mouth if you don’t stop.”

  Drew hummed and swirled his tongue all around his shaft, running the tip of his tongue hard along the sensitive underside. While one hand gently pumped him, the other tickled his balls, teasing the sensitive skin.

  “I hope you do. I want to taste you.”

  Mindful that it was Drew’s first time, Ash couldn’t help but get swept away by the overwhelming sucking sensation of Drew’s talented mouth. He tried to show restraint, but his hips began to thrust, forcing his cock farther into Drew’s mouth. Without stopping, Drew’s tongue traced a teasing, tickling path.

  “Baby, be careful; don’t wanna hurt you.” Ash gritted his teeth. “Fuck me, it feels too good.” Drew took him in all the way, and after a few more pumps, Ash’s body seized and shuddered as he came hard, crying out in the night.

  “Oh God.”

  Drew swallowed everything Ash gave him and sat back on his heels, lips glistening, eyes wide and dark.

  “Was it okay? I didn’t really know what to do. I listened to your body. Your skin is very responsive to touch.”

  Breathing heavily, Ash watched Drew’s fingers trail up his body and caught his hand, holding him tight.

  “Only your touch. But you didn’t need to do that. Tonight I was supposed to take care of you.” He kissed the top of Drew’s silky head.

  Drew burrowed in next to him, burying his face where Ash’s neck met his shoulder. The movement of Drew’s lips against his skin sent shivers of delight rippling through him. “Who takes care of you? It’s time you let someone know you and be there for you.”

  Emotion threatened to overcome common sense as Ash wanted to say words he’d never before imagined possible. Instead, he rolled on top of Drew, their bare chests rubbing together, creating a delicious friction. The walls came crashing down as he held Drew’s face in his hands. “I want to kiss you.”

  Drew’s eyes glimmered and Ash dipped his head. Warm lips met his, their touch soft and gentle, not rough and punishing and Ash’s breath caught. The taste of Drew intoxicated and Ash shifted, licking at Drew’s mouth, sucking at his lips, all the while holding Drew’s face in his hands as if to prove he wasn’t a figment of his imagination. He ached for more, not less of Drew and Ash slanted his mouth across Drew’s, hungry, needy desperate. Their tongues met in a slick, heated slide and Ash could have sobbed with the rush of pleasure that drenched him with its sweetness. Denied for so long, Ash’s lips throbbed as Drew nipped and nibbled at them.

  This exorcism of his sordid past could only be with Drew. He made everything possible. As they learned each other’s bodies, tasted one another’s lips and breaths, Ash knew no matter how much time would pass, he’d never be able to remove the mark that Drew left on his heart.

  Their deep kisses turned to sweet, light brushes of lips. Ash rested his forehead against Drew’s. “You’re still wearing your clothes. That’s not acceptable. Take them off.”

  Drew’s fingers trembled against his stomach as he popped the tab on his pants, pulled down his zipper and kicked them off so he lay only in his boxers. Still straddling him, Ash flexed his hips so their cocks brushed each other. And though he’d enjoyed an eye-popping orgasm only minutes before, his cock twitched at the contact. He braced his arms on either side of Drew’s head and bent down to once again kiss his lips. Hearing Drew sigh his pleasure, Ash’s lips curved in a smile.

  “Happy, baby?” He couldn’t help but nibble on Drew’s neck. The man tasted so damn sweet. Like a cat, Ash rubbed his cheek against Drew’s neck, nuzzling into his warmth as he reached down to pull Drew’s boxers down then grip Drew’s hard cock. He caressed Drew’s length and rubbed the thick head to pick up wetness.

  “Oh yeah, I’m so happy I could die right now.” Drew sighed as he thrust his cock into Ash’s hand, pushing hard.

  “We have all night. Don’t die on me now.” Ash chuckled, the laughter catching in his throat as Drew continued to drive hard, his cock sliding and rubbing against his palm. Within minutes Drew’s body arched off the bed, and with a grunt, he came all over Ash’s stomach and hand.

  Drew sank back on the bed, and Ash collapsed on top of him. They lay belly to belly, chest to chest, their cocks spent for now. After a few minutes, Ash got up to go to the bathroom to clean himself. He brought back a warm, damp washcloth and rubbed down Drew’s stomach, kissing it after wiping him dry. Tossing the cloth off the side of the bed, Ash put his arm around Drew and pulled him close, smiling as the sleepy man curled around him. As he drifted off to sleep, it occurred to Ash that this was the first time he’d ever slept next to another person or shared a lover’s bed.

  Chapter Twenty

  “No, please. It wasn’t my fault; it wasn’t my fault.” Drew bolted upright in bed, sweat pouring off his face. Strong arms came around to hold him, and he stared into the steady, compassionate eyes of Ash.

  “What’s the matter, baby? You had a bad dream?” Ash kissed the top of Drew’s head and hugged him close. The beat of Ash’s heart thumping, so real and strong, calmed Drew, but the violent images of his nightmare remained branded in his mind. He nodded, then rolled away from Ash.

  “I’m sorry I woke you. I’ve had them since my parents’ accident.” He stiffened, shocked at how easily that confession, never before revealed,
slipped out.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” Ash lay on his side, his face all but hidden in the shadows of the night, aside from the glint of his eyes and the gleam of his white teeth. “You’ve never really told me about your parents. Unless of course it would bother you too much.”

  Drew flopped onto his back, the black emptiness of the bedroom perfectly matching his dark mood. “I had the best of childhoods, yet for some reason, I lived in a constant panic it would all be taken away from me. I never liked being alone, thinking that if people left, they wouldn’t come back.”

  From the living room he heard his cat’s plaintive meow. Domino, now used to sleeping in his bed, didn’t appreciate being evicted. Perhaps he didn’t like being alone either. They were alike, he and his cat. Two strays, lonely for companionship. He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, determined not to let loose the tears threatening to spill over.

  “It was my fault they died.” He gulped air down his swollen throat and curled himself in a ball, facing away from Ash.

  “I thought they died in a car accident?” Ash sounded confused.

  “They did.” Oh God, why did he have to have that nightmare? Perhaps he could distract Ash, and he’d stop asking questions. He sat up and grasped Ash around his neck.

  “Kiss me?” He tried to press his lips to Ash’s, but to his surprise, Ash drew back and sat up in bed.

  “You’re deflecting, Drew. If you don’t want to talk about it, fine. All you have to do is say so. But I think you need to get this off your chest.” Ash took his hand and laced their fingers together. “Talk to me, baby. Let me help you through your pain. Share with me; tell me your secrets like I told you mine.”

  Drew rubbed their entwined fingers across his lips. Compared to what Ash had been through, he had no right to complain. “It’s stupid, but when I started college, I lived away from home for the first time, and I missed my parents and my friends. I was so lonely and spent most of my time in the library. I guess I was the nerdy little premed everyone thought.”