The Heart of Oldra

by Georgina Makalani

  ‘Will the child die?’ she asked.

  Artell shook his head and then nodded.

  ‘I am sorry. There is always some pain.’

  ‘There is only pain,’ he snapped. ‘I cannot watch her die.’ He climbed to his feet, wiping at the tears. ‘I cannot watch them all die.’

  And then he was running out through the main cavern, the people around him a blur. Someone called to him, but he continued on, his legs pumping and his heart aching. He ran through the trees, ran and ran until there was nothing left and he dropped to the ground exhausted.

  You cannot run from who you are, an old voice hummed through him.

  ‘I can try,’ he murmured, climbing to his feet and continuing through the trees.

  Cora opened her eyes and looked at the man sitting in front of her. His warm hands were still in hers. ‘You aren’t scared of my future,’ she said.

  ‘I don’t know you,’ he murmured, pulling from her hold and standing. When Cora looked up, he was looking beyond her.

  She turned. At the sight of the red robes, she climbed quickly to her feet and bowed her head.

  ‘I thought you might need some supplies,’ Henda said, a knowing smile on her lips. ‘But I see you have all you need.’

  ‘You could take her with you,’ Artell said. Cora remained where she was. She wanted to see if he was serious, and his words hurt her more than she realised they could. He was right—he didn’t know her. And she certainly didn’t know him.

  ‘She is where she needs to be, as well you know.’

  ‘I’m not sure where I should be, but Teven and Merik will be waiting,’ Cora said, turning and bowing her head quickly to Artell and then moving past Henda. She stood beyond the waterfall looking up at the distant stars. Something rarely seen in her world. One of the moons inched into view, and she realised she had been standing too long looking up at the world. She sighed and made for the path out.

  As her foot found the incline, she turned and pressed her back to it. Then a hand took her arm in the dark, and she sucked in a breath.

  ‘Stay,’ he said.

  ‘They will come looking for me,’ she said.

  ‘They don’t even know I exist.’

  She took a step forward and closer to him. Looking up, she wondered why she had come to him in the first place. ‘I mentioned your name.’

  He continued his serious look. ‘Did they believe you?’

  ‘No,’ she murmured. ‘Why?’

  ‘That day I ran, I didn’t return.’

  ‘We aren’t far from the Nerrim clan,’ Cora said.

  ‘Henda worked out very quickly where I had gone. She sees more than she would let on. The old Ancient you saw, she would have known as well, but she wouldn’t admit that I could not be what she was so sure I would become.’

  ‘What was that?’ Cora asked.

  ‘The greatest of them all,’ he said as he turned slowly and walked back through to his little cavern. ‘I didn’t believe it either.’

  ‘In the same way I don’t believe it of myself?’

  ‘I guess so. I didn’t want the gifts I had been given. And I didn’t know how to live with them.’

  ‘But you have worked it out.’

  ‘I stay away from people,’ he said too loudly. ‘I make sure I’m not close enough to learn anything I don’t want to.’

  ‘Why do you want me to stay, then? What do you think I can do for you?’

  ‘Why do you think I am keeping you here for my own good? It might be for yours.’

  ‘You think Merik can take what I don’t have.’

  He sighed rather than asked another question, and Cora looked down at her hands. Then she looked around. Was this a good idea? To come here in the first place, let alone stay? The cavern itself was quite small; there was a fire, the mat, a work area off to the side and a single sleeping mat.

  She focused on it for a moment and then looked away. ‘I think I should go.’

  He shook his head again and then looked down. ‘I think you might be able to help me.’

  ‘Where is Henda?’

  ‘She returned to the cavern.’

  ‘How?’

  He indicated into the dark. ‘There is a path through the cliff.’

  ‘That might have been easier,’ Cora murmured.

  ‘But it would have been closer to the cavern, and you can’t be seen.’

  She nodded slowly. ‘So close, and yet you don’t visit the cavern?’

  ‘At times.’

  ‘They know you are still alive, then?’

  ‘Yes, they do. My father accepts my ways only because I am Ancient, but then I don’t always dress as one. And although he would not tell me what I should do, he would rather I helped Henda.’

  ‘Is she Oldra?’

  He nodded.

  ‘So many,’ she said. ‘Should you connect with her? Our Ancients were mated...’

  ‘She is as old as my mother,’ he muttered. ‘Why must an Oldra be with an Oldra?’

  ‘It is just the way,’ Cora said with a shrug.

  ‘Do you have a sense of how they came to know that?’

  She nodded, feeling her whole body burn at the thought of her parents together. Her mother had told her that she had known the moment they had kissed. But Cora also knew that she had been conceived in that fiery coming together, and she didn’t want to relive that. Not that she had yet, but thinking of them, the little cavern came to mind.

  She squeezed her eyes closed against the memory trying to share itself with her, and then Artell’s soft, warm hand was in hers. The icy water chilled her as she stood in the lake, the water lapping around her and Pira muttering about how he didn’t understand her as he pulled her from the water and into his arms.

  The blanket was soft and warm, and he was too close. She could feel the electricity, and then they were kissing. The fire shot through her body, and she knew just what he was to her in that moment.

  Cora pushed away from the memory and out of Artell’s grasp.

  He was flushed, and he blew out a long breath.

  ‘I don’t want that,’ she said.

  ‘That connection?’

  ‘That memory.’

  He nodded slowly, his brow knitted. ‘I see why your father thinks there is something you will find with another Oldra.’

  ‘Maybe I’ve had it, and I couldn’t see it because I was looking for what he said I needed.’

  ‘Then return to Teven and kiss him and find what you need,’ Artell snapped, his harsh voice slicing through her.

  She stood slowly, unsure at the strange cold feeling that covered her skin. She bowed her head and headed into the darkness. She could only hope she was headed in the right direction to find her way out and into the valley. She didn’t want to return to Teven—she didn’t want to risk whatever it was that Merik thought he might be able to take from her.

  She needed someone who knew what she was, and Henda was her only hope. The pathway was dark and twisted. Cora was reminded of the hallway that led to the Ancient cavern, but there was no light, and then the cold air wrapped around her. She breathed a sigh of relief and then paused. She had no idea where she was, how close or far she was to the cavern, or who might be waiting for her in the darkness.

  She took a deep breath, stepped away from the base of the cliff face and tripped. Just catching herself before she fell, she doubted it was a good idea to continue. When she looked back, the world around her was just as dark. She knew she wouldn’t be able to find her way back unless Artell wanted her to, and he wasn’t very welcoming right now.

  No one wanted her there, and yet no one would allow her to leave. She moved into the darker shapes of the trees, determined to find her own way. Maybe she would find herself on the way. Everyone seemed so sure that there was something else about her that she didn’t know herself.

  Then strong arms closed around her, a hand covered her mouth and an unfamiliar voice whispered in her ear, ‘Shh.’

  Chapter 21<
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  Cora was dropped in the middle of the cavern of the Nerrim. The lighting was dimmer, but it was late at night. She sat on the floor and waited. There was a general murmur around her, but she didn’t look up at the people.

  ‘You were told to stay away,’ the chief said, standing before her. She looked up slowly. His face was creased into an angry scowl. Cora was disappointed that no matter where she went, no one seemed to need or want her, other than Merik. She felt lonelier than she thought possible.

  ‘Whose blood is that?’ someone asked, and she looked down at the splattered mess she still was. If she transitioned, would she be able to hide in some way from these people? Instead she remained silent. She had to be strong. She could be strong. She was Draga, after all, and as future Chief she was representing her people.

  ‘Cora,’ Henda’s soft voice asked. ‘Did something happen with Artell?’

  She nodded once, and a gasp rippled through the crowd.

  Anger rolled off the chief. ‘When?’ he asked, motioning to two men behind him who were quick to disappear. The group around her crowded closer.

  ‘This afternoon,’ she said. ‘He wanted to see what healing I could do, but he cut deeper than he expected.’

  ‘He was well enough when I saw him,’ Henda said.

  ‘He will be bruised and sore, that is all,’ Cora added quietly. She still wanted him to feel his stupidity. And she didn’t particularly want to see him again.

  ‘You didn’t harm him?’ the chief asked, his concern evident.

  ‘I saved the idiot,’ Cora muttered, voicing exactly what she did not want.

  The crowd murmured louder.

  ‘That idiot is our Ancient,’ the chief growled.

  Cora sighed. ‘Then he should behave as such.’

  She wasn’t sure what they wanted or what they would do, but she was tired and wrung out, and she honestly didn’t care what they thought of her or where they would send her.

  ‘Cora of the Penna,’ a deep voice rumbled, but she didn’t look up. Artell had either followed her or been sent for, but either way this man didn’t live as separately from his people as he had claimed.

  Cora was nudged from behind. She climbed slowly to her feet and then bowed her head towards him without making eye contact.

  ‘My apologies, Chief. She has gifts I wanted to explore. She is far from home and although she stays with the others, it is not her choice.’

  Cora remained waiting with her head bowed and hoped her legs would continue to hold her up.

  ‘Did something happen to Teven?’ Henda asked.

  Cora shook her head, but the crowd continued to murmur. It was not a name they were happy to hear. She glanced up as several men moved closer through the crowd. Large broad men, and she missed her bow. These were the warriors of this clan. These were the men she should be comfortable with.

  She almost asked if they could show her where to hunt. The people of the other cavern were hungry, and she would like to help them. But Teven knew where to hunt; he just wasn’t prepared to take her. And Merik would not appreciate the help.

  ‘What does he think you have?’ Henda asked.

  ‘I don’t know,’ she said.

  ‘I may be able to find out,’ Artell said.

  ‘Will you stay?’ the chief asked him, and Cora looked up at the wanting in his voice as Artell shook his head. ‘Go about your business,’ the chief snapped at the people. Cora was reminded of her father. ‘Come,’ he said, motioning her forward. Without a look at Artell, she followed him across the cavern to his hearth as the people dispersed.

  There were some young people there, but he waved his hands and they too moved away. It was set up similarly to Artell’s hearth. A large woven mat, and a low table with no seats in the middle of it. He indicated the mat and she sat slowly. He sat near her, and a young woman appeared with two cups, which she sat on the table beside them.

  He held out his hand to the cup, and Cora picked it up. She put it to her lips and then waited. He drank from the other cup as she tipped hers up to taste the ale inside. She sat it down with a smile.

  ‘I am Edgris of the Nerrim,’ he said, patting his chest. ‘You are welcome, Cora of the Penna.’

  He waved, and the young woman appeared again. ‘Find some clothes for our guest,’ he said.

  ‘You don’t need to do that.’

  ‘I do. Was it so bad?’

  ‘With Merik?’

  ‘Artell. How was he an idiot?’

  Cora sighed and looked back to the cup. ‘He cut far deeper than he intended. He wanted to test my healing skills and very nearly killed himself in the process.’

  The chief gave a gruff kind of laugh. ‘I am sure he knew just what he did.’

  Cora looked down at her hands and rubbed her fingers over her palms. ‘I felt his life slipping away,’ she whispered. The panic she had felt returned and it burned at her chest, just as her father’s injury had her mother’s. Although she had lived that moment as her mother had, so many times before, she had a better understanding of it now. The hot tear falling on the back of her hand surprised her. She wiped quickly at her face and then gulped down the ale.

  The woman reappeared with a bundle of clothes and looked at the chief, unsure what to do with them. ‘They are not as you would wear,’ she said apologetically.

  ‘Nothing here is as I would wear,’ Cora said, climbing to her feet to take the clothing. The tunic was much longer than she expected, and she held it out. It was a soft yellow, similar in colour to the tunics worn by the Penna women. She was reminded again of how she didn’t quite fit. But she nodded her thanks.

  ‘What is it?’ the chief asked, his voice kind, and she turned to him.

  ‘I am not a woman,’ she said.

  He laughed, and the young woman before her flushed.

  ‘Then what are you?’ he asked.

  Cora wasn’t quite sure. ‘I am Draga, Oldra, daughter of chiefs, but I’m not a woman.’

  ‘You can be a woman and all of those things too,’ Henda said, appearing at the hearth. As the chief bowed his head in acknowledgement, she stepped forward. ‘Your mother is a woman. She is mother, healer, seer, Ancient, Oldra, chief and friend. You do not have to be only one.’

  Cora nodded, and Henda took the clothes from her arms. ‘Come and dress. Then you can rest.’

  Cora turned back to the chief, who nodded. ‘We will talk more tomorrow.’

  She bowed her head and followed Henda towards the cavern of the Ancients. She noticed Artell walking towards the chief’s hearth on the way, but she looked away before he could make eye contact. Why had his words about Teven hurt her?

  They entered the cavern, and Henda motioned to a space by the back wall. There was a basket of water and a soft cloth.

  ‘Wash and change. Then we can talk.’

  Cora did just that, keen to get the clothing off. She had never been so covered in blood, and the bitter scent of it was starting to seep into her pores. She didn’t think she wanted to be around it ever again. For the first time, she wondered at the emotional weight such an ability might have on others.

  When she was dressed, Henda called her back to the mat and motioned for her to sit down. Then she sat behind Cora and untied her hair. With her time in the water and everything else she had been up to, she was sure her hair was a mess. Henda ran her fingers through it, snagging occasionally as she pulled it free.

  As she ran a brush through it, she asked, ‘Why do you think Artell lied to you?’

  Cora tried not to sigh. She hadn’t voiced the concern, and yet she felt it. He had given her the idea he had lived alone all those years, away from people so as not to sense their future. ‘He may not have lied. He may have only told me part of his truth.’

  Henda laughed and pulled at a snag in her hair. ‘That is very generous of you. He visits with us; he will even stay here.’ She pointed past Cora at one of the sleeping mats. ‘But he feels more than he likes, and he spends much of his time alone.�
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  ‘What if he is needed here? What if they need a healer?’

  ‘I am the healer. He has different gifts.’

  Cora pulled away and turned to look at Henda. ‘What am I?’ she asked.

  ‘Only you can find it. You can heal. You are a strong healer.’

  ‘It took me a long time to find that ability.’

  ‘You can see the past of others.’

  ‘Not everyone,’ Cora said.

  ‘Have you really looked?’

  ‘I’m not sure I want to. Most of it is painful, or...’ She flushed at the thought of her parents.

  Henda laughed again. ‘We rarely get what we want as gifts, but what we need.’

  ‘Essara is wise,’ Cora said, but she wasn’t sure she believed it in that moment. Did the snow really understand what she had given her, and would it matter now that she was so far away?

  ‘Sleep now,’ Henda said.

  ‘I’m not sure I want to. I don’t know what dreams I might have.’

  ‘Let Essara guide you,’ Henda whispered, putting her arms around Cora and pulling her close. ‘Now go,’ she said, pointing to one of the sleeping mats.

  Cora slipped in between the furs and curled up. She was far more exhausted than she had admitted, and for the first time she felt as though she was in a safe place. She drifted to sleep quickly.

  She woke to a dark room, realising that she had not dreamt at all. What had woken her? There was a whispered conversation by the fire. She tried to move to hear better, but without making a sound so as not to alert them she was awake.

  ‘What were you trying to prove?’ Henda asked sternly.

  ‘It was an accident. I thought if I could get her distracted with using her healing, I might be able to get a better look at what she is.’

  ‘And how did that work?’

  ‘It didn’t,’ he murmured. ‘That blade you gave me was sharper than I realised.’

  ‘What did you see of her?’

  ‘Not her future. Her mother called to her. There is a strong connection between them. She wanted to know that Cora was safe, and I think she knows what is to come.’