Wolf

by D. M. Turner

  “Your father said female wolves are rare.”

  “That’s right. My mother is the only one I’ve ever known, and I don’t remember her. She died when I was two.”

  “If women rarely survive the Turning, why are they important?”

  “Because any child born to them is a wolf without being Turned. Like me.” He smiled. “Male wolves can’t pass the condition on to their offspring, except by Turning. Females do it while their children are still in the womb. The wolf-born generally go through their first Shift at eleven or twelve years of age with fewer fatalities than those who are Turned.”

  “So the wolf who Turned me… planned to use me as a brood bitch? Like a breeder uses a domestic dog?”

  He winced. “I wouldn’t put it in quite those terms, but that would be my guess, yes. I don’t understand, though, why they didn’t feed you. That doesn’t make sense.”

  Tanya frowned in thought. “Maybe it does. Keep an animal hungry and totally dependent on you for all of its sustenance, and it learns to look at you as a god, of sorts. It’ll do whatever you want to get what it needs most—food.”

  “So, you think they starved you to control you.”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe. It’s just a thought. I overheard two of them talking. They debated about whether or not I was too weak-minded to be of value.”

  “Weak-minded?” Not a word he’d associate with her.

  “They said the wolf had taken me because I was too weak-minded. Letting me die in that cell would be best, one said.” Her gaze met his. “Do you know what they meant?”

  Colin smiled softly. “I think they believed you lost to the wolf when you didn’t return to human form. Did any of them command you to do so?”

  “Yes.” Her brow furrowed. “He tried. I growled at him and hid under the bench. When he tried to grab me, I bit him.”

  “Good girl.” He chuckled. “You’re not weak-minded. You didn’t Shift when he ordered you to because you’re more dominant than he was.”

  “Really?”

  He nodded. “You made the Shift when Dad commanded it. He’s more dominant than you.”

  “Shouldn’t they have known that?”

  “Yes, which I find very interesting.” Maybe they were untrained in the most basic rules the wolves had to live by. He’d have to mention it to his father.

  She suddenly paled and gasped, “Oh, God, no….”

  “What?”

  “He raped me,” she whispered.

  His stomach pitched, even as anger spiked through him, both at the words and the pain behind them. “I know. I wish I could’ve saved you from that.”

  “What if—” Blue eyes closed, and a sickly shade of green tinted her skin. “What if I’m— What if he got me pregnant?”

  “That’s not possible.”

  “Are you sure?” She opened eyes full of hope.

  He nodded. “Any pregnancy would’ve been lost with your first Shift, due to the trauma the body goes through during the first full moon’s call.”

  Relief drained tension from her, leaving only bone-deep weariness so strong he could feel it himself. Her sudden stillness, and the scent of fear, warned him she wasn’t as calm as she appeared.

  “Will your father lock me up and keep me here?”

  Suddenly, a few things made sense. “Is that why you wouldn’t come in the house the past couple of weeks? You were afraid he’d lock you in?”

  A slow nod.

  Colin put a hand on her shoulder. “You’re free to leave anytime you’d like. If you join our pack, you’ll be able to come and go as you please. We’ll even supply you with a vehicle and the gate codes, so you can return to whatever life you want to make for yourself outside the walls of the Preserve.”

  She frowned then lifted her head and met his gaze. “Do you want me to leave?”

  A lie would probably be well-placed about then. Maybe she’d even be too distracted by the emotional morass of the new moon to notice. But he couldn’t bring himself to do it. “No. I don’t.”

  “For how long?”

  He cocked his head. “What do you mean?”

  “How long will you want me here?”

  Finally understanding the fear of rejection behind the question, he cupped her cheek with one hand and turned her face fully toward him. “As long as you want to stay.” Maybe a little direct honesty would reassure her. He smiled. “If I have my way, you’ll never leave, but if you want to go, I won’t interfere.”

  She quietly absorbed that then nodded.

  “We better get back out there, before your brother thinks I’ve run off with you.” Colin grinned.

  A faint smile curved her mouth, but it faded quickly. She got to her feet. “By the way, do you know who put my things away?”

  “Isaac’s wife, Imelda, I believe. Why?”

  “She did that for someone she’s never met?”

  He nodded. “You’ll like her. She’s a quiet, gentle-hearted woman, and she loves wolves.”

  “I need to remember to thank her for the kindness.” Her smile gained strength, and she pointed to the dresser. “Thank you for bringing the photo. I didn’t think to grab it when we were at the house.”

  “You’re welcome.” He opened the bedroom door. They walked down the hall side-by-side. He could almost feel the dark shroud that settled back over Tanya by the time she passed the staircase before the kitchen. Nothing to be done for it though.

  Colin had expected to find Chris in the living room. Instead, he had taken up station at the dining room table. He and Dad talked as the pack alpha cooked breakfast.

  Tanya dropped into the chair catty-corner to Chris, at one end of the table. Colin sat on her opposite side.

  Chris smiled and reached for his sister’s hand. “I’ve been chatting with Ian, getting to know him. I’m glad you were found by such good people.”

  She raised an eyebrow as though surprised by his words. “You do know what they are, right?”

  He chuckled and nodded. “Of course. Ian said I should know who’s sheltering you, since I came to check on you.”

  “It doesn’t bother you?”

  He shook his head. “No. Should it?”

  Tanya’s gaze dropped to the table. “It certainly bothered Mom and Daddy. They didn’t even ask any questions. Daddy just threw us out.”

  “I know. I’m sorry.” Chris frowned, his brow furrowing. “Mom called that day to tell me the detective was bringing you home. I called Pam, told her I was coming up, and left work to come straight here. The kids had gotten sick, so I knew she couldn’t come. By the time I got here, you were gone. Mom and Dad wouldn’t tell me where you were. They were very close-mouthed about why you’d left. I didn’t get that information until yesterday. Then I found that business card and had to see you. I didn’t want you to think all of us had abandoned you.”

  She nodded without looking up. “Have you talked to Marcy and Alexis?”

  “Briefly, last night.”

  “Did you tell them about… the wolf?”

  “I told them what our parents said. They didn’t believe it, any more than I did at first.” He shook his head. “It’s difficult to fathom.”

  “Yeah, well, at least you’re not the one having to live with it.” The growl in her voice went straight to Colin’s heart.

  She still hadn’t learned to accept it as the gift it was. How could she not see the blessing in it? The wolf gave them health, strength, and longevity humans didn’t have.

  “I can’t even imagine how you must feel,” Chris said.

  Stillness fell over her. Her shoulders slumped, and she slouched in the chair, eyes downcast. “Lost. Alone. Confused. Scared. Angry. Grieved.” Her gaze rose to her brother’s. “Yeah, I think that pretty much covers it.”

  “I wish I could help, but I feel… kinda out of my depth.”

  “You being here is something.” Tears filled blue eyes. “Knowing you haven’t abandoned me, too, helps.”

  He l
eaned against his elbows on the table, putting him closer to Tanya. “I could never do that. Surely you know that. You’re my sister, and I love you unconditionally.”

  The first tear fell. Her gaze dropped to the tabletop again, and she whispered, “Yeah, well, I thought Mom and Daddy did, too. I was obviously wrong about that, so why not the rest of the family.”

  Colin’s heart ached for the pain she harbored, but nothing he might say would alleviate it. Only time could. If her parents eventually came around. Some of the others in the pack were still bitter years later toward families that had rejected them when they were first Turned. Their families had never accepted them.

  Chris’ gaze turned intense and earnest, but Tanya didn’t see it. “They do love you, as difficult as it is to believe right now. I know they do. This has just… thrown them in a big way.”

  “Maybe they should try looking at it from my side then.” Tanya pulled her hand away, lowering both hands to her lap. She lifted her head and glared at him with more ferocity than her posture had prepared them for. “They act like I chose to be kidnapped, raped, and nearly killed. Like I chose this. Well, I didn’t. It was forced upon me. I wasn’t given any choices or options. My life was ripped away, and they’re blaming me for it!”

  Sobs erupted then, and the heat of anger died as quickly as it had flared.

  Colin scooted his chair around the end of the table and put an arm around her shoulders.

  She leaned into him and wept for all the pain and grief she’d tried to stuff since they’d walked out of her parents’ home.

  Chris met Colin’s gaze. The agony in the man’s eyes was nearly as profound as that which tore Tanya apart.

  As tears eased, Tanya began to tremble.

  Colin frowned. “Are you cold?”

  She nodded. “Freezing.”

  “I’ll get you something warm to wear.” He scuffed his chair away from her and the table and ran upstairs to his room to grab the heavy terry cloth bathrobe hanging in his closet. It would be too big, but that would help her warm up. He trotted back down the stairs and into the dining room. “Here. Put this on.” He held the robe out in both hands.

  Her chair slid back on the tile floor, and she stood up to slip her arms into the garment. It swallowed her from neck to ankles.

  Colin turned her around to face him, closed the robe, and tied the belt loosely around her waist. “That should help.” He smiled and nudged her back into her chair. “If you get too warm, open it up or take it off.”

  She leaned her face into the collar and closed her eyes. A faint smile crossed her face, and those lovely blue eyes opened to look at him. “It smells like you.”

  “It’s mine.” He shrugged. “I knew where it was, so I grabbed it rather than hunt for another one. I hope you don’t mind.”

  Tanya shook her head.

  He liked the fact she wore something of his. Too much. The fact she seemed pleased with it—

  “Breakfast’s ready.” Dad set a pair of platters on the table with bacon and eggs.

  Chris’ eyes widened. “Are we expecting an army to join us?”

  Colin chuckled and shared an amused look with his father.

  “No,” Dad assured him. “Brett left to take care of something before he goes to work, so unless someone wanders in without warning, it’s just the four of us.” He returned to the table with another platter, this one loaded with white toast slathered in real butter.

  Colin waited until his father was seated, had loaded a plate for himself, and began to eat to fill his own plate and pass platters to Tanya and Chris.

  * * *

  Colin’s familiar scent wrapped around her and infiltrated her senses, pushing back the darkness enough that she could almost breathe normally. She wasn’t hungry, but she ate anyway, knowing Colin and Ian expected it. Conversation over breakfast was light. Thankfully. She wasn’t sure she could take any more talk of her parents or the fact her life had essentially ended without her actually being dead.

  “Tanya?”

  She glanced up, meeting Colin’s concerned gaze. “Yeah?”

  “Is that all you’re going to eat?” He nodded to the food remaining on her plate. She’d only eaten about half of what had been served.

  “I’m not hungry. I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay.” His hand gently touched her arm, and he smiled. “You ate a bit. That’s enough for now. I’m sure you’ll feel more like eating once the dark moon passes.”

  She cocked her head and frowned. “Dark moon?”

  “That’s what we sometimes call the new moon,” Ian provided. “We’re not particularly fond of it.”

  The full moon affected wolves, was reputed to have sometimes dramatic effects even on some humans. That much, she knew. She’d never noticed anything odd about a new moon, though, even in stories and such.

  “Why?” Chris asked before she could make the question form on her lips. His puzzled gaze remained on the man at the other end of the table.

  “The full moon calls to anger, jealousy, and fear, aggravating them where they already exist in each of us. The new moon feeds grief, depression, and sorrow. Wolves who are grieving or suffering from depression have been known to commit suicide during the new moon. It brings… darkness that lays over us like a wet blanket. That’s why we call it the dark moon.” Ian nodded toward Tanya. “She’s grieving for all she’s lost, and all she believes is lost. That makes the dark moon more dangerous for her than the rest of us. None of us are dealing with fresh grief or sorrow right now. She is.”

  “So, that’s why I feel so… hopeless.”

  He nodded, as did Colin. “The dark moon will reach its peak in about thirty minutes, then its strength will wane. It’ll take a couple of days, but it will pass, and you won’t feel so bad.”

  She sighed. “I hope so.” Then she frowned. “Is all of this stuff written down somewhere, or do I have to find out the hard way?”

  Ian’s half-smile was soft and kind. “It’s too dangerous to have written records. If they fell into the wrong hands….” He shrugged.

  “Right.” Figures. Why did her life always seem to involve “the hard way”?

  “Since we’re done eating, let’s move to the living room. It’ll be more comfortable.” Ian pushed back his chair, followed closely by Colin and Chris.

  Talk. Great. More ugliness she’d rather not discuss. She reluctantly slid her chair away from the table and got to her feet.

  In the living room, Colin sat in one of the leather-covered chairs bracketing the matching brown leather couch.

  She tucked herself into a corner of the couch with her knees drawn up to her chest, the robe tucked around her socked feet.

  Chris sat in the middle of the couch.

  Ian took the other chair.

  “I’ll talk to Pam when I get home,” Chris said when they were settled.

  Had she missed part of a conversation? What was he talking about? “About what?”

  “You coming to stay with us.”

  Tanya snorted a humorless laugh. “Yeah, right. I can see the headline now. Werewolf Eats Yappy Neighbor Dog. The story would go on to explain that the monster had turned on police who tried to intervene to save the poor little dog and was shot to death.”

  Chris chuckled. “The neighbor’s dog isn’t that bad.”

  “Please. Your wife threatened to poison it last time I talked to her.”

  “She was joking.” He snorted. “Mostly.”

  “Yeah, well, that racket irritated the heck out of me last time I was there, so I think it’d be best if I give your place, and that annoying little yapper, a wide berth. Colin says I have to control anger and fear, or I could snap.”

  Colin half-choked, half-laughed. “That’s not exactly what I said. I said you need to control those emotions or risk an unintentional Shift into the wolf.”

  “And if I did? Would the wolf ignore whatever ticked me off enough to cause it?”

  He opened his mouth, closed it,
then shook his head and said, “Probably not. No.”

  “I rest my case.” She wrapped her arms around her knees, making sure her hands were buried in the sleeves of the robe. Why couldn’t she warm up?

  “I saw her earlier.” Chris frowned. “In wolf form, I mean. She didn’t strike me as dangerous. In fact, she seemed to be the exact opposite of dangerous.”

  “Despite the human intelligence inside the fur coat, wolves are predators. Hunters.” Ian’s tone and expression were intensely serious. “Make no mistake. We can be just as deadly, if not more so, than true wolves. If we are angered or threatened sufficiently, the wolf’s instinctive need to defend and protect takes over, and anyone it assumes to be the source of the problem can end up dead.”

  Chris’ eyes widened. “Are you saying Tanya would kill one of us?”

  “I’m saying you can’t underestimate a predator. No matter how tame it may seem at times. Tanya is a new wolf. She hasn’t yet learned to control her emotions, to keep the wolf’s instincts from taking over. She’s only faced her first full moon, and that was in a very different setting than normal.” Ian nodded toward Colin. “My son has been teaching her what she needs to know to survive in a pack. Communication skills are vital. If she inadvertently picks a fight with the wrong wolf, she’ll be dead. They won’t necessarily show mercy simply because she’s a new Turn or female.”

  Lovely. Just what she needed to know to make her feel more secure with the pack around. Not!

  “The full moon, and the days surrounding it, is the most volatile time. If there are fights, that’s when they generally occur.”

  “So, I’m guessing that’s the worst time to visit.” Chris’ face tightened into an even more intense frown than before.

  “Yes. In fact, I don’t allow visitors at all during that time.”

  “What about after that? Pam and the kids will want to see Tanya. We won’t tell the kids what she is or why she’s here instead of at Grandma and Grandpa’s, so they can’t carry tales to their friends, but that shouldn’t preclude them from seeing her, right?”

  Tanya focused on Ian. Would he allow family to visit, or would she need to go somewhere else to see them?