Wolf

by D. M. Turner

  “Whether all of you come here to visit or not is up to Tanya.” Ian cocked a brow at her. “She hasn’t yet said she wishes to join my pack.”

  She glanced at Colin and Chris. All eyes were on her. “What would I need to do?”

  “All it takes is the verbally expressed desire to be part of this pack and to be willing to submit to my authority and that of any wolf of higher rank than you.”

  Her hackles bristled. “And if they want me to do something I find objectionable.”

  “Let me know.” No doubt, no hesitation. “Despite what we are, and the latitude required as far as lawful behavior is concerned, I expect pack members to maintain as much legal and moral integrity as possible.”

  “What will I do here, besides be a furniture ornament?” Didn’t that sound fun? Perfectly useless.

  “Anything you desire. Your brother mentioned that you’re partway through a degree program at NAU in Flagstaff.”

  “Yeah, but that’s pointless now.”

  “Why?”

  She scoffed and raised both brows at Ian. “What do you mean, why? I should think that’s obvious. How can I possibly finish my last year, being this… being what I am now?”

  “It’d take some adjustments and compromises, but you can do it.” Ian nodded without a hint of uncertainty. “Brett and Carlos are both pack. They’ve earned college degrees, including graduate level, since they were Turned. You could do the same.”

  “Besides,” Chris interjected. “You always said you wanted to write. Don’t you still want to do that?”

  “What kind of publisher will work with a woman who doesn’t age like everybody else?”

  Ian chuckled. “Like a publisher needs to know that. I’ve written and published books for years. Brett has, as well. Our last ones were indie published, so no publisher but us to deal with. I’d be happy to help you with that process, and I’m sure Brett would, too.”

  Big, scary Brett help her? She shuddered. Then the memory of him nuzzling her gently and helping to shelter her from thunderstorms popped to mind. He was still scary, but maybe he was trustworthy. Maybe. “You really think I could finish my degree?”

  “Of course.” Ian nodded emphatically. “If you’re careful, and come here during the full moon cycles, you could even live in the dorms if you wanted.”

  Doubt assailed her. “I don’t know about that. It’s kinda hard to hide things from roommates unless you never see each other.”

  “So, we’ll get you an apartment off-campus. You can live by yourself and not have the roommate worry.”

  “You’d do that?”

  “Of course. You’re one of us. We help pack members any way they need.” He raised a brow. “That is, if you choose to be a member of this pack.”

  No parents to go home to. Her brother’s home was out of the question. There was no way she could live in Phoenix as a wolf, particularly next door to her brother’s yappy neighbor. Her sisters’ homes in Phoenix and Tucson were no better. She had nowhere else to go. No income. No one to help her. Except Colin, Ian, and their pack. “What if I change my mind later? Decide I don’t want to be here after all?” What if she realized she couldn’t trust some or all of them?

  “Then you’ll go wherever you want, and we won’t stop you.”

  The dark cloak still hung over her, making it hard to breathe, much less think clearly. She buried her nose in the collar of Colin’s soft robe. Her heart wanted to grasp onto what Ian offered with both hands and beg them never to send her away. But what if they changed their mind? What if they realized she wasn’t a good fit for the pack? Where would she go?

  If she stayed, she’d have a place for a time. At least, until she figured things out, decided where she wanted to go. Give her time to examine her options, if any existed, and learn what she was up against with the new way of life that had been forced upon her. “Fine. Alright. I want to be part of your pack.”

  “Good.” Ian smiled, even as an odd tightness touched around his eyes. Had he hoped she’d say no?

  She glanced at Colin, whose half-smile paled in comparison to the happiness that danced in his blue eyes. If Ian had qualms about her, Colin obviously didn’t. That was reassuring.

  Because in much wisdom there is much grief, and increasing knowledge results in increasing pain. - Ecc. 1:18

  Campbell Wildlife Preserve

  Tuesday, June 23, 2015

  THE weight of being alpha hadn’t been so heavy in many years. Ian stared out one of the windows in his office at forest and mountains. A view that usually brought peace had none to offer. Too many concerns occupied his thoughts. Worries for his pack. Concerns for the lone wolf in their midst.

  He’d managed to keep most of the pack away from the Preserve since Colin, Brett, and Graham had rescued Tanya from a pack of rogue werewolves. The emotional damage left by the violence of her Turning, compounded by her parents’ rejection, was enough for her to deal with without a bunch of strange males, werewolves all, converging on her. Particularly since their interest was beyond simple curiosity.

  Her brother’s visit the week before, during the dark moon, had been a turning point. She’d stopped avoiding the house and no longer stayed in wolf form day and night. Improvement. It eased some concerns but left others. She still wasn’t eating regularly. She’d been nearly emaciated when she’d been brought to the Preserve, and her weight hadn’t improved as much as he’d have liked.

  Hope for her long-term survival remained out of reach.

  The cause of his concerns imposed herself into his view, her white wolf-form trotting across the clearing behind the house to disappear into the forest. He watched, but no one followed. She’d gone alone.

  The faintest scuff of bare feet on tile behind him warned that he was no longer alone.

  “What’s on the lesson plan for today?” he asked then glanced over his shoulder at his son, who stood in the doorway wearing only a pair of blue jeans, zipped but the button undone. To Ian’s amusement, Colin had taken to wearing jeans before and after his Shifts instead of remaining nude until he fully dressed. He’d never done such a thing in the past, even in the presence of the human mates of three of the pack members. Nudity still made Tanya uncomfortable though.

  Colin leaned a shoulder against the doorframe and half-grinned, baring the double canine in the right side of his mouth. “She thinks she can hide from me. I’m letting her try.” Wavy, dark brown hair he’d let grow too long swept forward and sideways from the widow’s peak he’d inherited from Ian, brushing into blue eyes. Those eyes narrowed and perused Ian’s face. “You still don’t have much hope she’ll thrive as a wolf.”

  “No.” Ian took a deep breath and slowly released it. “I’ve seen too many men far stronger than her die from grief.”

  “Is that why you’ve kept your distance? Are you afraid to get attached, only to have her die?” Colin’s soft questions bore accusation and challenge, but he avoided direct eye contact.

  “She doesn’t need my interference. You’re doing everything that can be done to help her. I’d only complicate matters.”

  “Why? You know more than I do about what she’s going through.” His son straightened away from the door. “You were Turned, like her. I wasn’t. I’m at a loss to understand all she’s feeling. I don’t see the wolf as a curse or illness or affliction. I certainly don’t see us as monsters like she does.” His voice softened. “As you do.”

  “You’re right. I do. I know what we’re capable of.” He pointed to the window. “She knows firsthand what we’re capable of. She wouldn’t be here if we weren’t monsters.”

  “Rogues did that, not us. We’re not like them.” Despite the soft tone, the words had a definite bite. “We would never hurt people as they have. Never!”

  Ian sighed. His son wouldn’t see the truth. He knew that. Colin had never wanted to face reality, to recognize how evil and destructive the wolf could be if it wasn’t controlled. “They’re only doing what comes naturally.”
/>   “For psychopaths, maybe. The wolf isn’t evil.”

  “It’s as evil as any human, Colin. Every one of us is born capable of murder, given the right circumstances. The wolf only exacerbates that.”

  “The wolf nurtures and protects.”

  “It can.” He pinned his son with a hard look. “But it kills just as readily. You said yourself that the wolf’s instincts wanted you to kill that police detective a few weeks ago to protect Tanya, and he wasn’t hurting her physically.”

  Colin’s gaze fell to the floor. “I controlled it.”

  “That’s my point. It has to be controlled.” He allowed his gaze to return to the place in the tree-line where Tanya had disappeared minutes before. “Tanya knows that, and she fears she won’t have the control necessary to keep others safe. She’s right to be concerned.”

  No argument. Only silence.

  Ian sighed. “I’ve lived a very long time, Colin. I’ve seen too much to disregard her worry, and her pain. Grief can destroy us faster than anything, including rage. Rage makes us kill. Grief bends us toward our own death. We crave death more than the next kill when grief takes control. Tanya continues to grieve. Unless and until she finds peace with all that’s happened, she’s in danger. She is a danger.”

  “That’s what you’re most afraid of, isn’t it? That you’ll have to kill her?”

  The pain behind the soft question made Ian close his eyes. His son had already gotten so attached to the troubled young woman. If she died or had to be put down…. “As long as she’s not staying day and night in wolf form, I don’t believe that’s a worry.”

  Her brother’s unexpected call might have saved them all from that. Ian had been displeased, at first, that the man had a phone number meant only for pack and mates of pack. Then he’d realized Chris might be able to reach her, so he’d had Isaac go get him. That hunch had proven correct. She’d returned to human form when Chris arrived and hadn’t reverted to the wolf except for short periods since then. That bought them time. Maybe.

  He frowned. “There’s another, more immediate, concern.”

  “What?”

  “The pack. I’ve had a difficult time keeping them away. They’re restless and irritable.”

  “You’ve mentioned before that they’ve been acting odd. Do you know why?”

  “Her.” He turned to face his son, who wore a puzzled frown.

  “Tanya? Why?”

  “Most of the pack is unmated males. Word has spread quickly that an unmated female is living within the pack’s territory.” Ian pinned his son with a stern look. “I have to talk to her. She must choose a mate, or violence could erupt.”

  Colin stiffened, tension radiating from him. “She’s not ready!”

  “I realize that, but I have to put the pack’s needs first.”

  “So, what? We sacrifice her emotional and mental well-being to keep peace?”

  “If need be, yes.”

  Teeth clenched, jaw muscles working furiously, Colin breathed in and out through his nose.

  “I don’t like it either, but as alpha, I have few choices. I can’t endanger the pack for her.”

  “Why do the two have to be mutually exclusive? Why can’t we protect her and the pack? Why must one be sacrificed to save the other?”

  Oh, to be young and idealistic again. To have not seen and know so much about life’s harsh realities. “I’m not saying any of this lightly, Colin. All I’ve done since you brought her here is think about this and try to find another way. There’s not one, as far as I can tell.”

  “How much time do we have?”

  “Ideally, she needs to make a choice before the next full moon.”

  His eyes widened. “But that’s only eight days from now!”

  “I’m well aware.”

  Colin swiped a hand through his hair, sending disorderly locks into even more chaos. “Can I be the one to talk to her?” His gaze dropped to the floor.

  Ian raised a brow. “Will you actually do it?”

  “I will.” He raised a questioning gaze. “Can it wait until after this coming full moon? Can we give her at least another month?”

  The pack had always been solid and stable, ever since he’d taken over. Everyone had decent self-control. They knew there was an unmated female in the territory, but they also knew the circumstances of her arrival. The pack grapevine would’ve shared those details. He’d never been quite sure who to blame, or thank, for the effective way information swept through the pack.

  “Alright, but no more than this full moon. By the next, she needs to make a decision. Period.”

  Colin nodded. “I’ll take care of it.” His tone suggested he’d rather be hog-tied and dragged naked through cactus by a spooked horse.

  Ian half-smiled. “Now, go show her how useless it is to hide in our territory.” He turned back to the window.

  Minutes later, the gray and brown mottled wolf that was his son trotted across the clearing behind the house into the forest.

  A loafer scuffed softly on the tile.

  He inhaled then smiled. “Here for your daily update, Brett?” he asked without turning around.

  A soft chuckle reached his ears. “Am I that predictable?”

  “Only to someone who’s known you so long, old friend.” He smiled and turned to face his best friend and second in the pack.

  Brett grimaced. “Don’t use the word ‘old’. Please. I get enough of that from students.”

  “Still treating you like an old man, are they?”

  “Some, but mostly I feel old listening to them. They haven’t got the first foggiest clue about real life, most of them. I’m so old I barely remember what it was like to be so young and dumb and still think I knew it all.”

  Ian chuckled. “Do you suppose we ever were like that?”

  He groaned. “Good Lord, I hope not, but probably. You probably only develop wisdom by being stupid to start with.”

  He laughed outright. Leave it to Brett to come up with something like that.

  “Correction, stupid and willing to learn. There’s no hope for stupid-and-sure-you-know-it-all.” He snorted. “I’ve got a few of those in my classes. It’s a wonder they can tie their own shoes or find their way from the dorm to class, they’re such mindless idiots.”

  “Don’t hide your true feelings, now. It’s me, your best friend. You can be perfectly honest.” Ian grinned.

  Brett met his gaze and chuckled. “Sorry. It was a rough day.”

  “Dealing with stupid-and-sure-they-know-it-all, I assume.”

  “Yeah.” He rolled his eyes. “Can you believe a whole segment of my US history class thought the Civil War was fought between us and Mexico or us and England?”

  “Seriously?” Ian frowned. “Please tell me you’re joking.” A major event in the country’s history, and those kids didn’t even know the most basic information about it? How was that possible?

  “I wish to heavens I was. The ones who knew it was Americans versus Americans? About half of them thought the Confederates won.”

  “Oh, good grief.”

  He shook his head. “Some days I’m ready to call it quits on this whole teaching thing. Go back to writing books for those who actually want to learn and leave college to those who don’t care these kids are unmotivated morons.” He smirked. “I gave them a massive research assignment that brought groans across the board. They’ve got one week to research and write papers on the American Civil War. The causes, the important events and people, and the impacts it had on the country.”

  “One week? That’s just mean.” Ian chuckled.

  “Yeah, mean to me. I’m the idiot who has to read the drivel they’ll come up with.” He rubbed a hand over his chin. “What was I thinking? Saying yes to teaching accelerated summer classes?”

  “Maybe that you’d get to teach these kids something.”

  “Or push myself that much closer to retirement.” He dropped into the chair beside Ian’s desk and leaned back, kicking one an
kle up to rest on the opposite knee. “I think this may be my last year. I don’t think I want to return to teaching next year. I’d bail after summer session, but I already signed a contract for the fall and spring.”

  “As long as you don’t eat any of these annoyances, you’ll do fine.” Ian half-grinned.

  Brett chuckled. “They’d probably give me indigestion worse than that skunk roadkill we dared each other to eat that time.”

  Ian winced. “I still can’t believe we did that. Talk about stupid. I didn’t think I’d ever get the smell out of my nose.”

  “See? Wisdom from stupid that’s willing to learn.”

  They shared a grin, and Ian plopped into his chair. “So, I assume you’re really here to check on Tanya rather than gripe about school.”

  “How is she? Any better?”

  “Not really. Grief still hangs over her like a wool cloak in summer.”

  Brett snarled in disgust. “She hasn’t returned to wolf form and stayed there, though, right?”

  “No. She goes back and forth. She’s out with Colin right now.” He snorted a soft chuckle. “Well, more accurately, she’s out trying to hide from Colin.”

  “Good luck with that. That pup knows this property better than all of us, I think. Even if she somehow managed to mask her scent, he knows every nook, cranny, and hiding place anything bigger than a mouse could use.”

  Ian smiled. Colin had no idea how highly Brett regarded his tracking ability in the forest and knowledge of the terrain. Brett certainly would never tell him. It wasn’t his way. He growled far more than complimented. That outward grumpiness probably had something to do with the fact the man had never had a mate in all his long life.

  He eyed his friend. “Do you realize we’ve known each other almost a hundred years?”

  Brett’s brows rose. “Really? Hm… I think you’re right. We met in… what? 1917?”

  “When we both decided to join the war effort. Imagine my surprise to find another werewolf in the barracks at boot camp. I was bored, and you were hoping to die, as I recall.”

  “Then that sergeant got hold of us, remember?” Brett shook his head. “Man, that guy was ruthless.”