Juniper

by Eva Delaney

  “I reject you!” I paused, waiting for the soul-rendering pain that came with breaking a mate spell. Nothing happened.

  Huh.

  “You are rejected!” I called.

  “Why?” Oscar said softly through the door.

  “Pfft, ain’t no wench can resist me,” Sammy said.

  “Allow me to woo thee some more,” Shakes said.

  Fuck, why wasn’t this working? Maybe because I didn’t mean it, and I knew I didn’t mean it. I liked them, the crazy bastards.

  Hmmm…I needed to say something true then.

  “We are breaking up. We will never be together!”

  A pain seared through my soul like a flaming poker. I gasped and doubled over.

  “Owwww,” Oscar moaned. Shakes gasped, and Sammy cursed.

  “The fuck is wrong with you naked assholes?” Calluna said.

  I gripped my chest and felt like vomiting up my heart—then, just like that, it was over. Leaving not a trace of the pain, only a sad emptiness. I hadn’t realized that my heart brimmed with affection until it was gone. The lack was more obvious than its existence.

  I turned to go and froze as though my feet were self thrusting dildos that had broken.

  I had hurt the men. I wanted the empty feeling inside me filled—in more ways than one.

  They’re better off here with Calluna, I reminded myself. Ram, Alyssa, or their people might search my apartment, but they wouldn’t bother with Calluna.

  They’re safer here, I repeated as I forced my feet down the stairs. Each step felt like a tit-punch right on the left side of my chest.

  “Juniper!” Shakespeare shouted after me. One of them pounded on the door. “Juniper!” His voice followed me down the stairs and out of the building, leaving my home, my life, and my men behind for good.

  Chapter 13

  My car was definitely being tracked.

  Hell, I wanted it to be. Bright red with spoilers and a license plate that said “D1LD0”, I wanted it to be obvious.

  Popping the trunk in the apartment’s underground parking, I pulled out a dummy. Like some of my sex toys, I had crafted it to be perfectly realistic.

  “Hi, April,” I muttered to it.

  “Hi, June,” I muttered back out of the corner of my mouth. “Running away?”

  “You know me, I can run marathons in my sleep.”

  “You know me, I’m more of a homebody.”

  I paused. Why was I talking to a doll of myself?

  This probably required a therapist. Oh well. I shrugged and jammed the doll into the driver’s seat. With a word and a gesture, the car vroomed to life and took off for the garage ramp. It would zigzag across the town on a pre-programmed route.

  I took the stairs to the building’s back door, cut across the yard, and hopped a fence. I stuck to the backyards and alleys before hitting the road again by Lady Blue Tattoo and the Irish pub. The streets were busy here at night, so I could go unnoticed in the crowds.

  “Hey, dildo lady!” Dahlia called from out front of her tattoo parlor. She was one of my regular customers.

  So much for going unnoticed. “Heeyyyy.” I flashed her a forced smile. “See you around.” I gave her the finger guns and hurried down the road.

  I had a backup car for skipping town, of course. But without my phone, I couldn’t call Sapphire to give me the keys. Fucking pirate bastard. His craziness would be hot if he wore a pirate hat and stood at the helm of a ship, shouting ‘curse ye, devil!’ at a storm. While smashing expensive shit in my apartment, he was the worst.

  Silver Springs sported a few payphones, but who the fuck memorized phone numbers these days? I had no clue what Sapphire’s cell number was. Probably it spelled dick if you turned your phone upside down. I couldn’t figure out what numbers would spell any variation of a dude’s junk, so I hopped a bus across town to Yes Now Bob.

  The Ferris wheel behind the diner glowed red, blue, and purple, casting a garish light over the diner. Bob should have put in a roller coaster instead, one that traversed the entire town. If I was staying, I could build a coaster and annoy the fuck out of everyone while bringing in tourists. It would be amazing. But alas.

  As I reached the diner’s door, Sage strolled out with a pig on her heels. She—the woman, not the pig—had designed the logo for The Magical Rooster.

  The pig grunted and huffed. Sage shot her an annoyed look. “Wilma, stop talking about Bob like that. He’s taken.”

  I stopped a few feet away, crossing my arms and watching this woman argue with a pig.

  Sage chuckled quietly. “Yes, he has a nice ass—”

  Wilma cut her off with more grunts.

  “No, we can’t ride a man who’s taken, not even in his diner, and definitely not in front of the other customers.”

  I snorted. I liked this pig.

  Wilma the pig huffed, and her bright eyes landed on me. She grunted and Sage looked my way, her eyes wide and startled.

  “The pig’s got good taste in ass,” I said.

  Sage laughed awkwardly. “Yeah, I guess she does. Come on, Wilma, let’s go home.”

  Chuckling, I pushed open the diner’s door. Locals crowded the booths, so I dropped my head and hunched my shoulders to appear boring, invisible. Not the local dildo witch and definitely not the local butt plug conjurer. For the townsfolk’s sakes, they were better off not noticing me.

  I leaned on the counter, and a young man strolled over. “Is Bob here?” I asked.

  He turned toward the door to the kitchen. “Bob! Visitor!”

  “Ooh! Yay!” Bob said and bounced from the kitchen. His apron said, “Kiss the cook,” which was probably a gift from Sapphire. “Hi, April!” he said happily, though we barely knew each other.

  “Hey, Bob, I need Sapphire’s cell number…and to borrow a phone.”

  “Of course!” He disappeared back into the kitchen and trotted out a moment later with a phone. “Is your battery dead? You can plug in under the counter. There’s a plug by every stool!”

  “Well done, Bob. But my phone ran away.”

  He frowned. “It runs faster than you do?”

  “It’s the roadrunner of phones. Very fast processor.”

  Bob nodded as though that made perfect sense. “Phone shifters are trouble.”

  Well, I had created dildo shifters, so I shouldn’t shit on him for thinking phone shifters were a thing.

  “You can use my phone.” He tapped it and handed it over.

  I smiled. “Thanks, Bob.”

  The phone was already dialing Sapphire, so I pressed it to my ear. As Bob returned to the kitchen, I stepped outside for privacy—and to eye the parking lot and road for oncoming trouble.

  “I like Bob butts and I cannot lie,” Sapphire sang on the phone. “All you other ladies can’t deny. When a Bob walks in with a nice thick cock and a round taut butt, I get splooshed!” She stopped singing. I stayed silent.

  “Bob?” she said.

  “I was waiting to see if there was anything else to that song,” I said.

  “Did you get splooshed when you saw Bob’s ass?” Sapphire said.

  I hadn’t looked. “Absolutely.”

  “Is he okay? Why are you calling on Bob’s phone?”

  “Mine’s busted and he was kind.”

  “He always is.”

  “Hey, remember when you asked me to sponsor the opening of Bob’s Ferris wheel?”

  “Isn’t it big…and round…and hard?”

  “It’s very dickish and buttish at the same time. Remember when you said you’d give me your car if I raised hype for the wheel and the diner by hiding chocolate eggs full of vibrators around town?”

  “Vaguely.”

  She was lying, of course. “And remember when I didn’t charge you or Bob for any of that?”

  “Shit.”

  “Yep. I’ll be at the diner, bring the car around.”

  “Now? But I’m wearing only ice cream.”

  “Just put a towel on the car seat
.”

  “What’s the rush, April? Is something wrong?”

  “I need to do an emergency lube run.”

  “Bullshit. You would never be so irresponsible about lube.”

  I snorted. She was right. “Look, Saph, I show up on short notice for your shit: the snow cocks, the battle dildos, and the Ferris wheel. I never asked why.”

  “Point taken.”

  She didn’t like it, but she would be here. “Oh, and Saph? Bob’s cooking in a thong.” That would get her here faster.

  “I’m on the way!”

  I tapped to end the call. Tucking the phone into my pocket, I eyed the road, watching cars roll by.

  As a black car pulled into the parking lot, I tensed. Was it one of Ram’s people? Ram himself? The car ignored the parking spots and drove straight toward me instead.

  This was it.

  Rage and fear whirled in my blood. They mixed with my magic like a terrible potion ready to poison someone—or many someones if I wasn’t careful. I had hurt bystanders before.

  I glanced back at the diner and stepped off the curb, marching across the lot to meet the car. If it was trouble, best to move away from innocents. The car rolled to a stop, a foot from my knees. I glared through the blinding headlights, but I couldn’t see the driver through the lights.

  The passenger and back doors swung open.

  I clenched my fist, feeling the rage-fueled magic swirling from my hand. The curse was on my lips, ready to fly.

  The doors slammed shut and feet scuffed on the pavement as three forms marched toward me.

  “Spulbeste si moare—” the curse exploded from my mouth.

  The people walked through the headlights, and I saw who was after me: Sammy, Shakes, and Oscar—and I was about to kill them.

  Chapter 14

  I wrenched my magic back with all my strength. It floundered. The tendrils of black and purple energy waved in the air like tentacles, mere inches from the three men.

  “Stop,” I ordered in ancient Babylonian, one of the most powerful languages for magic. If I was lucky, if, it would cancel out my first spell.

  The cursed energy froze in the air, blocking my view of the men. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Had I hurt them? Had I killed them?

  “Drop,” I yelled in Babylonian, and yanked on the magic.

  The tendrils of dark energy fell to the pavement and shattered it like glass. Those small pieces splintered again and again. The cars rocked as the ground underneath them broke. When the spell wore out, there was nothing left of the asphalt but dust.

  The same would have happened to my men if the curse had hit them.

  My heart froze in the silence that followed. The brief, familiar silence between my unleashing magic and people fearing me.

  People gaped from the windows of Yes Now Bob. Some rushed for the diner’s back door to flee. The black car zoomed backward to escape the witch.

  That left me facing the three men who I had dumped and almost killed. Surprisingly, they wore clothing.

  My eyes felt damp as though they were horny. But I didn’t feel horny. Well, I did, but less than normal. “Holy flaming dick turds! I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to cast that curse. Well, I did, but only because I thought you were someone else. I’m sorry.”

  I wanted to rush to them and hug them, but they might not want me to after I dumped them and nearly cursed them.

  Sammy smirked. “That be some amazing deviltry, wench.” He was using that word to piss me off. I could see it in the glint in his dark eyes.

  He wore knee-high leather boots over tight black pants as though he were a musketeer. A navy waistcoat hugged his arms and chest before flaring out over his hips. He’d left it open, so his bare chest was on full display. A hat with a grinning jolly roger sat crooked on his head.

  The fuck did he get those clothes? More importantly, why did he look so hot in them? Nobody so annoying should be so attractive. And nobody should be making me think of sexy times when I had nearly killed them.

  Maybe my eyes were horny. That had to be why they were wet.

  “You’re not angry with me?”

  Sammy shrugged. “I like a woman who’s dangerous like the sea herself. Ye ain’t know when she’ll embrace ye on her slow heaving bosom, or when the curves of her waves will tease ye to sail fast and rough, or when she’ll try to throw ye against a bulkhead and fuck ye.”

  I smiled despite myself. His sexy talk in the face of my dark magic and his near-death made my stomach flutter where it had been filled with ice-cold fear. “Thank you.”

  “Yarrr!”

  “Also, your ocean analogy got away from you.”

  “What did? Where?” he looked around.

  Oscar avoided my gaze as his hands trembled. It was time for ‘oh no, she’s a witch, she’s dangerous, get her.’ Even witches and people who had a soft spot for spellcasters feared people like me.

  Too bad I’d lose him. In his new sweater and slacks, he looked like a librarian. A sexy, shy librarian who blushed at the romance books. “What was that?” he mumbled.

  “Dark magic,” I said. They might as well know the truth, since it had nearly murdered them. “It was meant for someone else—”

  “The woman who visited the apartment?” Oscar asked.

  Yes, but I didn’t want it to be. Alyssa was like a sister, and the thought of blasting her to dust made my heart feel like it was pressed against an ice cube. “For her, or the man she works for, or someone who works for them. Many people, really…” Damn, I had a lot of enemies for someone known as the dildo witch.

  Oscar stared into the distance as though thinking.

  Shakespeare strolled toward me with a look of awe and wonder. His leather biker pants hugged the outline of his cock and balls—clearly he went commando. He adjusted a black blazer over a slinky t-shirt. A strange mix of clothes, but it worked. His collarbones and the top of his chest were bare, and his bulge was on display for me to ogle. He was being a tease with this entire get-up.

  Shakes stopped, a mere inch from me. I could feel his body heat. I sucked in my breath, my lips itching for the taste of his mouth.

  “Dark magic would make a fantastic plot twist for my sitcom!” he said. “Curse my lack of quill and parchment.”

  I was caught between kissing him and asking questions. I went with the latter because Oscar was already upset with me, and he hated it when I kissed someone else. But he might not care about me now that he’d seen my dangerous power. I’d rather not know.

  “I didn’t think you’d be one to write sitcoms.” Okay, that wasn’t technically a question, but it invited an answer, and that was good enough.

  “Sitcoms are where it’s at, cool cat!” Shakes said, grinning and walking in a tight circle with excitement. “That’s how you entertain the masses. In my day, it was the stage. Today, it’s clever comedies with quirky characters and overarching arcs. And you,” he pointed at me, “are an amazing muse!”

  “Me? Really? A muse for Shakespeare,” I said with a giggle and a wiggle. I stilled before I looked even more like a squishy squish-squish who squished when a man looked at her. “You’re not scared of me.”

  “Why would I be? You controlled the spell so it didn’t hurt anyone.”

  I sniffed. Apparently my nose was splooshing and horny now too. “Why are you three here? How did you find me? Where did you get those clothes?”

  Oscar met my gaze, and I startled. I didn’t think he’d want to look at me again after that blast of dark magic. But his green eyes were soft, a little sad. “I don’t have time to do much before the spell wears off, but I want to do you.” He cringed. “But not in that way, unless you want me to, then I will. I mean, I like you, but not in a penis way. Unless that’s okay with you.” His face turned bright red. I had never seen a vampire blush before.

  I chuckled and stepped forward to cup his cheeks. He didn’t flinch away from me. “You can like me in a penis way.”

  He cringed so hard that his face jerked out of
my hands.

  “Yarrr, I second what he rambled,” Sammy said. “But imagine me saying it with more charm.”

  I gazed at each of them. “I broke the spell. I said I didn’t want you.”

  “Every fine wench wants me.” Sammy winked.

  “Lucky for me, I’m not a wench,” I said.

  “I know you left us,” Oscar said, “but William—”

  “Please, call me Shakespeare.”

  Oscar rolled his eyes, a movement so quick and small that I wouldn’t have noticed if I wasn’t watching him. “William said that any man who thought you were awesome—”

  “A hotsy-totsy dame.”

  Oscar stared down at his feet and the dusty parking lot. “He said that you were in trouble and gentlemen help ladies, and maybe we just had to do more wooing. We had a strange start to a relationship or a friendship or an acquaintanceship or anything, really… Not a relationship if you don’t want, but you know…it was a bad way to meet. So I figured he was right, and we should try again…if you want. Not to presume that you want—”

  “We’re here to romance thee,” Shakespeare said and bowed.

  I swallowed a giggle. “You’re not angry about the mate spell?”

  “Aye, I was,” Sammy said. “But ye broke it. If ye were trying to trick us or control us, ye wouldn’t have.”

  “So causing you soul-stabbing pain was the right move.”

  Sammy pulled his shoulders back. “Yarrr!”

  “He means yes,” Oscar muttered.

  My heart warmed like sunlight on a bare ass, and I grinned at them. “I’m glad you’re here, but you shouldn’t be.” I kept smiling as I said that. I couldn’t stop. Damn, affection made you dumb. “It’s not safe. How’d you get past my ward? How did you find me?”

  “Well,” Shakespeare said, pulling his shoulders back. “Oscar cleverly shifted into a dildo—”

  “Cause he be scared of the thick and saucy lass,” Sammy said.

  “Calluna threw him off her balcony,” Shakes said. “Turns out, silicone wrapped in a spell can’t be harmed by landing on grass. And it turns out your ward didn’t cover the windows.”