by Morgan James
“We made you breakfast,” I corrected, holding up the piece of mangled toast Alexia had tried to grab on the way upstairs.
Lydia let out a laugh, the soft, sweet sound burrowing deep into my heart. Unable to stop myself, I dropped my head and kissed her hard. Off guard, she hesitated for a fraction of a second before responding, her lips moving against mine. Threading my fingers through her long locks, I angled her head up to mine. “You’re so lucky our daughter is in here with us right now.”
“I’ll make it up to you later.”
I tightened my hold on her hair and took her mouth in a brutal kiss. “Bet your ass you will.”
I nipped her bottom lip before letting her go and wrangling a wiggling Alexia with one arm. “Come here, princess. The sooner Mama goes to work, the sooner she can come home. And the sooner I can get her back under me.”
I shot Lydia a wicked smile, allowing my gaze to peruse the parts of her exposed by the sheet that had fallen down. Memories of running my tongue over her collarbone and throat rushed back to me, and my cock twitched. “I want to take you on a date.”
She blinked up at me. “Um. Okay.”
Fuck. “I know it sounds dumb...” I started, then trailed off. What the hell could I say? This was probably the stupidest idea I’d ever had. We were doing everything backwards. I should have done this two years ago; I should have done a lot of things differently.
“No.” Lydia pushed to a sitting position and brushed the hair from her eyes. “I mean yes. To the date. I... I’d like that.”
Hope zinged through my chest like a pinball machine. I’d skipped this part last time—the part where I got to know every little thing about her, fall in love with her one detail at a time. I admired her intelligence and drive, and I knew she was a shrewd businesswoman. But I loved this side of her—the soft, sweet woman, the mother of my child. I wanted more of this. I didn’t care what it took to win her over—I was going to do it. “What about tonight? Think Darlene will watch Alexia?”
“I’m not sure.”
“I’ll take care of it. You eat and get ready.”
Lydia’s smile turned wicked. “I’m ready now.”
I pointed at her as I shifted Alexia to my hip. “Don’t start something you can’t finish.”
Her lips turned down in a pout and she slipped from the bed, pulling the sheet with her. “But it’s so much fun.”
With two strides, I closed the distance between us and fisted my hand in the fabric of the sheet, then yanked her to me. “You better get out of here while you still can. I’m sure Darlene would be more than happy to take Alexia for a bit so I can fuck my wife before work.”
Lydia inhaled sharply, but I couldn’t tell if she was turned on or appalled at the fact that I’d called her my wife. That single word stood out in my mind. Despite everything good that had unfolded between us over the past week and a half, I still felt a black cloud hovering over us. Technically we were still married. But was that what Lydia wanted? Or was I just some fling until she found someone better? We hadn’t talked about it at all, like the situation would just disappear if we ignored it.
I could leave well enough alone. I could pretend that we were both content to stay this way. But I needed to know. I needed to hear it from her lips that she wanted me in her life—as both her husband and father to our daughter. I didn’t know what I’d say if she still wanted the divorce. Could I convince her otherwise?
I knew that whatever connection had been between us two years ago was still there. I’d felt something that first night. No, it hadn’t been love, but it had definitely been lust. And appreciation. And chemistry. Fuck, we had that in spades. Every time we touched it was like lighting a torch drenched in kerosene. She made me feel things I’d only ever heard about. I wasn’t into all the gushy, romancey shit that the movies talked about, but I did know one thing—whatever Lydia and I had was different. I didn’t know if it would carry us the distance, but I knew for sure it was worth exploring.
Lydia didn’t respond, and I spoke quickly to cover my faux pas. “Dinner and a movie. Then we’ll see where the night leads.”
She gave a little nod, and I slipped my hand up to cup the back of her head. I stared into her eyes for a long moment before dropping one last kiss on her full lips. Without another word, I left the room, praying I hadn’t fucked everything up.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Lydia
I studied Xander from across the table. Somehow he’d managed to sweet-talk Darlene into watching Alexia and putting her to bed tonight so we could have some time to ourselves. I both anticipated it and dreaded it—because I knew exactly what this would be about.
His words from this morning had weighed on me all day. He’d called me his wife... and I had no idea how I felt about that. I’d tried to push it from my mind, but now it flared up full force. I hadn’t let myself dwell on it over the past couple weeks.
A tiny tremor of fear ran through me, but it was shadowed by a sense of contentment and excitement. Part of me was flattered; the other was scared to death. Dinner had been mostly silent, interspersed with small talk revolving primarily around Alexia. He kept most of his experiences from the Army under wraps, and I wondered if it bothered him more than he let on. I didn’t know exactly what he did or where he’d been, and it felt like one more secret between us.
He cleared his throat, and my stomach hit the floor as I dropped my gaze to my plate. My hand clenched around the fork I held suspended over my plate as I waited for the shoe to drop.
“Have you given any more thought to what you want to do?”
And there it was. I feigned ignorance. “What do you mean?” His expression told me I was doing a piss-poor job, and I let out a sigh. “I don’t know.”
He leaned back in his chair and set his hands on his thighs as he studied me. His voice was soft. “That doesn’t sound promising.”
I placed my napkin on the table. “It’s just... It’s a lot to think about.”
“It sounds like you’ve made up your mind.”
“It’s not that,” I hedged.
His shoulders dropped a fraction and a muscle in his jaw ticked. “Right.”
I bit my lip, my skin flushing cold as his expressionless gaze landed on mine. He had every right to be angry with me. I wrung my hands together and prepared to bare my soul. “I... I’m scared.”
His brows drew together, twin lines forming in the space above his nose. “Why? What scares you?”
I took a moment to gather the words that needed to be said. “You. You scare me.”
His head jerked back and his eyes flared wide at my admission. “I scare you?”
“Not that way. I’m not afraid you’ll hurt me—not physically.” I swallowed over the sudden dryness in my throat. “You’re... different. You’re not like anyone I’ve ever met. You make me...” The words eluded me. I couldn’t begin to describe the way he made me feel. Thankfully he seemed to understand, because he nodded solemnly.
“Trust me when I say this, Lydia.” He leaned forward and braced his elbows on the table. “I feel a connection to you that I’ve never experienced with another person. I felt it when we first met, and it’s still there now. All I’m asking for is a chance.”
He reached out and laid his hand on the table, palm up. I eyed it for a long moment before placing my own hand in his. “Can I tell you what I’d like?”
Blue eyes implored me to listen, and I nodded, unable to speak. “I want us to do this.” He gestured between us with his free hand. “I want to date you, learn everything about you, everything I missed.”
He held up a hand when I opened my mouth to speak. “No more living in the past. Neither of us can change what happened. But we can change the future.”
I swallowed hard, tears burning the backs of my eyes at his words. “Is that what you want?”
“I just want you, sweetheart. I want to come home to you and Alexia every night.”
“But what if we don’t mak
e it?”
“What if we do?”
I bit my lip, my gaze fixed on our hands still joined on the table. Wasn’t that exactly what I wanted? So why was I so afraid to take that last step?
“Lydia.” He squeezed my fingers where they rested in his, and I lifted my eyes to his. “We’re no different than anyone else. The journey was a little unconventional, but there’s nothing that says we can’t make this work. I like you. I care about you. And I think you care about me, too. Right?” I nodded solemnly, and he continued. “If we both work at this, I think we can be happy.”
“I don’t exactly have a great track record,” I admitted. “I mean, look how my last relationship ended.”
“Through no fault of your own,” Xander cut in. “That had absolutely nothing to do with you.”
“I should have seen the signs. I should have known.”
Xander shook his head. “Why would you? You thought he loved you. And maybe he did—in his own way. But he couldn’t love you the way you deserved. What happened to you sucks, and I wish I could take it back. You understand it had nothing to do with you, right?”
Deep down, I think I’d known it all along, but for some reason, hearing Xander say it aloud solidified it for me. I was still furious with Shawn—but I understood.
I nodded slowly, trying to absorb everything. I couldn’t help but compare Xander to my ex-fiancé. Shawn had put on a façade, trying to be something he wasn’t. While I think he was fond of me, his attraction to me was forced. He’d never been overly affectionate—not like Xander, who touched me and kissed me every chance he got. He made me feel... wanted. Desired. Loved.
“So... where do we go from here?” I asked.
Xander lifted a brow. “Bed?”
I let out a little laugh as I shook my head. I wasn’t sure how he read me so well and knew how to lighten my mood. “Movie first. Then bed.” I grinned, watching his eyes darken with lust.
“Deal.” He pulled his wallet from his back pocket and tossed several bills on the table. Pushing his chair back, he held out his hand for mine. Looping my purse over my shoulder, I slipped my palm into his, leaning into the solid weight and comforting warmth of his big body.
The restaurant we’d selected was in a large plaza, and there was a cinema located across the street on the opposite corner. Stepping into the warm night air, we strolled down the sidewalk, dodging other pedestrians and couples outside enjoying the evening. We crossed over to the movie theater where Xander paid for our tickets—against my protests—and led me into the dark theater. Once settled in our seats, he wrapped an arm around my shoulders and dropped a kiss on my temple.
I tipped my chin up, studying his profile in the soft light. Things with Xander felt... different. Was I falling for him? My pulse kicked up, my blood thrumming through my body at the possibility. Maybe he was right. We could take this one day at a time. What was the worst that would happen? People divorced every day, even after years of marriage with someone they’d once loved.
My heart felt a little lighter as I settled in and rested my head on Xander’s shoulder. I felt his head turn, and I smiled as I imagined the surprised look on his face. It was the first time I’d initiated anything—and it felt good. Warm lips brushed the crown of my head, and I tipped my face up to him. One hand cupped my jaw, and intense blue eyes studied me for a long moment. As if sensing the change between us, he lowered his forehead to mine and closed his eyes.
The moment was broken as the theater went dark and the previews started rolling. A silly smile on my face, I focused on the screen. I was so wrapped up in the movie—and the man next to me—that the buzzing of my phone half an hour later barely registered.
Xander tipped his head. “Do you want to check that?”
The vibrations stopped then immediately started again. Opening my bag, I peeked at my phone, then returned my gaze to Xander. “It’s just Jolene. I’ll call her back later.”
Setting my bag to the side, I focused once more on the movie, only to be interrupted by buzzing once more. A text popped up on my screen.
Jolene: Why aren’t you answering your phone?
I held the phone down to control the bright glare of light from the screen as I typed out my response.
Me: I’m in the middle of a movie
Before I could ask what she needed, three little dots popped up and another message came through.
Jolene: Need you to come over
Xander watched over my shoulder as I typed. “Do you want to go?”
“I’m not sure.” Anxiety raced through me, and my fingers flew over the screen.
Me: Is everything ok?
Her next message came only seconds later, brief and chilling.
Jolene: Hurry
My hand fluttered to my throat, the pressure on my chest suddenly making it hard to breathe. Shit. I imagined the worst, that she was hurt or something bad had happened.
“I—I need to go check on her,” I whispered.
Without a word, Xander grabbed my hand, and we crept out of the theater. Once in the car, I pressed one hand to my stomach as the lights of the freeway flew by and bled into the distance. I wasn’t sure why, but I had a bad feeling. Sure, my mother had a tendency to be overly dramatic, but her messages tonight were abrupt, holding a sense of urgency I didn’t know how to interpret.
Xander reached over and placed a hand on my thigh. “It’s okay, babe. I’m sure everything is just fine.”
I nodded and forced a smile, though doubt reigned. Following my directions, Xander pulled up in front of my mother’s house seventeen minutes later. I was out of the truck before the engine cut off, halfway up the stone walkway to the large brick home. Without bothering to knock, I turned the handle, thankful it was unlocked, and shoved the front door open.
“Jolene?” I paused. “Mother!”
“No need to yell, I’m coming.”
The tap of heels across the parquet floor reached my ears and I breathed out a sigh of relief. As my racing heart began to calm, I became aware of several things at once. The first was Xander’s heat at my back. Placing one hand on my shoulder, he shifted me slightly to the side and closed the front door. The second thing I noticed was the luggage.
Two suitcases and an oversized tote bag stood just inside the entryway, and my brows drew together. My mother rounded the corner, her handbag draped over her forearm, looking like she was ready to stride into a party.
It was ten o’clock at night. What the hell was going on? Before I could speak, Jolene waved to the suitcases by her feet. “All right, I’m ready.”
Shock rooted me to the floor. “For what?”
“I need to catch the red-eye to Miami.”
“Did something happen?” Did we even know anyone in Miami?
She lifted an eyebrow and looked down her nose at me as if I was an idiot. “I’m going on a trip, and I need you to take me to the airport.”
Disbelief temporarily rendered me speechless. For several seconds, I floundered before finally managing to choke out words. “A trip?” My mother stared at me but didn’t speak. A low boil began in my stomach and curled upward. “You called me out of a movie because you decided to take a last-minute trip to the beach?”
She lifted a shoulder. “I didn’t want to leave the Mercedes at the airport. Besides, the suitcases won’t fit in—”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” The words ripped from my throat as I threw my arms wide.
“Language!” my mother admonished. “It isn’t ladylike.”
“Neither is treating your only child like shit,” I shot back. “For years I’ve been nothing but a pawn for you to use. I’m your daughter, not your damn assistant.”
“Really,” Jolene huffed, propping one hand on her hip. “It’s the least you can do.”
“Really? Because you loaned me money that I should have gotten from the bank in the first place?” I seethed. “I’m done playing your games. And after Monday, I won’t owe you shit.”
; “What does that mean?” A faint trace of alarm entered her eyes.
“It means I’m paying off every red cent that I borrowed so I don’t have to deal with your ridiculous, selfish antics ever again.” I pointed a finger at her. “And you can forget seeing Alexia again until you get your shit together. We don’t need your toxic attitude in our life.”
“But...” She looked lost, and for a moment, I almost felt bad. Then she ruined it. “How am I going to get to the airport?”
“Like everyone else,” I snapped. “Call a fucking Uber.”
Turning on my heel, I threw open the door and stomped down the sidewalk. I refused to look at Xander, but I felt him just a step behind the whole way. Before I could reach for the handle, Xander held the door, and I hopped up inside the cab.
My body shook with anger from the top of my head all the way down to my toes, and I crossed my arms over my chest. I was afraid if I let go, I would lose my shit. How the hell could one person be so damn selfish?
Wordlessly, Xander climbed into the driver seat and started the truck. I stared out the windshield until we turned onto the main road. Then I burst into tears.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Xander
Fuck.
I checked the review mirror for headlights then pulled the truck to the side of the road. Hopping out, I circled the truck and opened Lydia’s door. Unclicking her seat belt, I turned her toward me and gathered her in my arms. Sobs wracked her body, and I held her tight, unsure of what to say. I could feel the heat from her tears seeping into my shirt, and I cupped the back of her head, stroking one hand over her hair.
I was pissed she was hurting—but I was proud as fuck that she’d finally stood up to Jolene. Lydia shocked the hell out of me this evening. I don’t know what I’d expected, but it wasn’t my sweet-tempered girl dropping the f-bomb twice in the space of five minutes. Not gonna lie. It kind of turned me on. I knew she was smart and independent, but to see that spine of steel come out was sexy as fuck.