by Mona Love
“What? What does it say?” Leitha yelled, almost knocking me down to see.
“Oh, my God,” I said, my words coming out on shaky breath. I handed the test to Leitha.
“Aggh!” she screamed and started jumping up and down. “Oh, my God, Keisha! I’m so happy for you! Agh!”
I collapsed to the floor, sobbing.
“Oh, girl, why are you crying?” Leitha got on the floor and hugged me. “This is the best news ever!”
I held the test in my hand and cried some more. I was scared to death. What if Andre is not ready? Will he leave me? What will my mother say? Will I be a good mother? Can I do a better job than my mother did? What if I have a daughter and she’s big like me? How will I protect her from this cruel world? All sorts of things ran through my mind. I honestly didn’t know whether to be happy or sad.
That night, when Andre came in, I was in our bathroom with the door closed. I had taken a shower and sat on the floor, staring at the test. I had rehearsed what to say to him, but every time I went over it, I thought it sounded so stupid coming out of my mouth.
“Keisha? You in there?” Andre called out.
I jumped and quickly got myself together. My stomach immediately curled in on itself. I felt like vomiting. “Hey, love. Yes, I’m in here,” I answered in the best fake happy voice I could find. I hurriedly gathered the test and stuffed it in the pocket of my bathrobe.
“Well, you coming out of there so I can see your beautiful face for the day?”
“I’ll be out in a minute,” I answered. I went to the toilet and dry heaved. I seriously felt like vomiting. I stood up, looked in the mirror, and splashed water on my face. I took one last look at myself. I thought I looked terrible, but I knew Andre wouldn’t think so. If he ever did, he never said. He made me feel beautiful even when I knew I wasn’t.
I pulled back the door. I couldn’t even look him in the eye. I wasn’t a good liar and especially not to Andre.
“Hey. Is that how you greet your husband after a long day?” Andre grabbed me midmotion and pulled me to him.
I hiccupped a small sob. My emotions were all over the damn place. It was crazy.
“Keisha, why are you crying? Is there something wrong? Did something happen?” Andre asked, real concern lacing his words. He moved me from his chest until I was forced to look into his face.
“You can tell me anything. Is it one of your exes coming around again?” he asked. “You’re making me nervous.”
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I had already promised myself and Andre that there would be no secrets, no lies between us.
“I have to tell you something, Andre,” I said apprehensively.
“You’re not quitting me, are you?” he joked.
I didn’t laugh. “I’m afraid this is serious,” I said.
“Is it that bad?” Andre asked uneasily.
“I just don’t want to keep any secrets from you.”
“What is it? You’re killing me right now. Just say it,” Andre said, losing patience. I was sure he thought it was bad.
“This is what I have to tell you.” I shoved the test into his hand. “Andre, I’m pregnant,” I blurted.
“Huh? What did you just say?” Andre said, excitement building in his voice. I stared at him through wide eyes for a few long seconds.
“Did you just say I’m going to be a father?” Andre asked as he scooped all 340 pounds of me up off of my feet, spinning me around until I felt dizzy.
“Keisha! You have made my life! I love you so much!” Andre cheered. He crushed his mouth over mine and kissed me deeply.
All I could do was cry tears of joy. My life was complete. Money didn’t matter as long as I had a million dollars’ worth of love.
Complications
by
Katt
Prologue
It seemed like forever, but Secret finally heard the sirens in the distance. She was about to face the consequences of her decision. That meant someone had heard it all go down. Why else would the police be coming to the house? There were four gunshots in the end. Secret could still hear them. Two each. That’s the punishment she had meted out. It was what they deserved.
Secret shook her head. She never expected it to come to this. All kinds of complications were what she’d gotten in the end. All she wanted was to be loved for who she was, now. She hadn’t asked for much: loyalty, love, acceptance. It was too late. The sirens continued to close in on her.
Secret flinched thinking back on how the gun had exploded at the command of her fingertip. She’d dropped the gun at her feet and stood there shivering. No screaming, no hysterics, no immediate feeling of regret, nothing. Even when Secret saw all of the blood and watched the terror move across their faces, she didn’t cringe and barely moved, much less screamed. She was numb. Numb from all of the physical and mental anguish she’d endured trying to please him. Numb from the way he’d treated her, his lies and secrets.
Secret’s self-esteem and mental stability had taken several blows over the past year. Everything had gotten complicated. She wished she could turn back the hands of time. Do things differently. It was too late. Now here she stood, blood speckled on the front of her clothes, a burner lying at her feet, and two dead bodies in front of her.
“Police! Let me see your hands! Let me see your fucking hands!” the first arriving police officers screamed.
Secret lifted her hands slowly, but it was as if someone else had control over her body. She couldn’t move her feet. Something had her rooted to the floor. Her mind was fuzzy, but she smiled at the sound of the police officer’s voice. It was definitely not a smile of happiness. Instead, it was like she had begun to lose her mind. That’s what he had wanted all along anyway. All of the cruelty and harsh treatment over her weight gain. Secret closed her eyes, and her nostrils flared again. Every time she thought about it all over again, that happened.
With about ten police weapons trained on her, Secret stood stock-still. One officer rushed over and kicked the weapon away from her. It skittered across the marble floors with a screechy noise that made Secret’s ears move. Finally, she could feel something. The numbness had worn off. It was her blood rushing as her heart thumped wildly. Secret quickly realized life as she knew it was over.
She wanted to speak, but no words came out. She wanted the opportunity to explain herself. She wanted to tell the officers what had driven her to this. But she couldn’t speak. It was only a matter of seconds before she was being manhandled and thrown roughly to the floor. Secret landed on her stomach with a thud, and the wind was knocked out of her. Several officers laid hands on her, and not with soft touches either. They were treating her like she’d just assassinated the president.
“Search her good for weapons!” one of the officers barked.
Secret struggled to breathe. She hoped they didn’t beat her to death right there in her own home. She had thought about her kids, but those thoughts were too painful. She couldn’t do that to herself now. She’d done enough damage.
“She’s clean,” a female officer called out.
Secret didn’t have anything else. She had only purchased one gun: a .40-caliber Glock. It was in her despair that she’d made the purchase. She hadn’t been in her right mind. Maybe she could blame it on the painkillers she’d gotten addicted to after the surgery. Just thinking about the surgery now infuriated Secret. All of that pain! All of those complications! All for nothing!
As she was being lifted up off the ground to be placed into the squad car, Secret looked over and stared into his eyes, the familiar eyes that she had fallen in love with years ago. His seemed to glare back at her, cold, glassy, and dead.
“You did this to us. You made me turn into a monster,” Secret mumbled, staring into the dead, dilated pupils of the man who was once the love of her life, the father of her children, and most of all, her husband.
“This shit is like an episode of Snapped,” one officer spoke loudly, forcefully pulling Secret awa
y.
“Looks like she really fucking snapped. This is one of the worst crimes of passion I’ve seen in a while,” another officer commented.
They had no idea just how bad it was. Secret had been through the wringer.
“I wonder what led to all of this. What would drive someone to just murder in cold blood like this, with no remorse?” the other officer commented.
Secret was forced into the back seat of a squad car. She closed her eyes and let the tears drain from the sides as she thought about the officer’s questions. What would drive someone to just murder in cold blood? What led to all of this? The words played over and over in Secret’s mind, and just like that, she started replaying the events that had driven her to the edge . . . to murder.
Chapter 1
One Year Earlier
“Secret, are you sure you want to do this? I don’t see anything wrong with you, girl,” Andrea said as she pulled her car into the airport’s long-term parking lot. “This shit can be so risky. Have you done your research? How does it work? Is it that much cheaper?”
“Shh, you’re rambling right now. Please,” Secret put up her hand and admonished. “I’m already scared as it is. I don’t want anyone talking me out of this. I told you, I have to do this for him and me. Just make sure you don’t post anything on Instagram or Facebook for David to see. Remember, he thinks we are going on a girls’ trip. I mean, technically we are. Right?” Secret forced out a phony laugh to break up the raw nerves coursing through her body. She could only hope this would save everything.
“Umm, going to the Dominican Republic for plastic surgery and going for a girls’ trip are two different things,” Andrea retorted, rolling her eyes.
“Either way, I love you for going with me. You’ll see, the old Secret Johnson will be back like I never left. I will get rid of this fucking FUPA and this flab, and all will be right with the world.”
“Secret, there is nothing wrong with your body. You’ve had two children. No one expects you to be perfect after that. Shit, Beyoncé said she has a FUPA, and even she ain’t cut that shit off,” Andrea said. “You’re so beautiful, girl. Besides, what happened to ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder’?”
Secret pulled her oversized sun hat over her eyes to hide the tears rimming her eyes. She let out a long sigh. She loved her cousin Andrea for always being her cheerleader since they were kids. If only Secret’s husband, David, felt the same way.
Secret saw things changing between them after the birth of their son. Secret had gained seventy pounds carrying the baby, and only twenty of those pounds had disappeared after the birth. Secret wasn’t accustomed to having a fat belly and flabby thighs. She certainly wasn’t used to the back rolls and muffin top that had become a part of her now. Secret was used to being slim, trim, and beautiful. David was used to her being that way too.
The day she met David, Secret had been rushing through a party, trying to get to her friends who were waiting for her in VIP. She was over an hour late for the runway show after-party. Secret had just walked in the runway show, which had been a great success. It had been her first haute couture show, and it turned out to be a rousing success. Secret had been the star of the show and was still riding high.
David was walking through the party. He was a guest of the DJ and looking for a good time. David and Secret had run smack dead into each other.
“Excuse me,” David said as he grabbed Secret’s shoulders to keep her from falling over on her high-heel stilettos.
“Damn, watch where you’re going,” Secret huffed.
David flashed a beautiful, straight-toothed smile and in a smooth, deep, sexy baritone told Secret he was very sorry. She had sucked her teeth indignantly. She was already late for her own celebration.
“Move. I have to go,” she grumbled.
“Calm down, pretty girl,” David said, holding on to her with just enough force to keep her from running off. “Let me make it up to you. C’mon, let me buy you a drink or two,” David said.
Secret could tell he was smitten with her. She had to admit, she was a bit taken aback by how handsome David was too. “Just one drink. I have people waiting for me,” she grumbled.
“Bet. Just one.”
David and Secret walked to the bar together. At first, Secret was skeptical, as she was of all men in clubs and at bars. She had heard about more than one of her model friends who had gotten something slipped into their drinks in the club. But still, she had to admit it seemed like David was a gentleman. Something about him had already made Secret mushy inside. She never really trusted men too much. Secret didn’t trust anyone really, except her cousin, Andrea, who was also her best friend.
“You didn’t really have to buy me a drink,” Secret told David.
“What? It’s no problem at all. It’s not every day an old, ugly, average dude like me literally runs into an extremely beautiful woman like you,” David replied.
Secret blushed so hard she couldn’t even look at him in the eye. She was used to people telling her she was beautiful, but something about David made her pulse quicken. Secret looked around the club, but she didn’t see any of her friends. She checked her watch and shifted her weight from one foot to the other. She hated being late, but she figured her girls would understand.
“I can’t keep calling you the beautiful woman who ran into me, so what’s your name?” David asked her.
“Secret,” she replied, lowering her eyes as if she ever had a problem looking a man in the eyes.
David smiled. Secret sighed at that lady-killer smile.
“I’m David,” he said. He stuck his hand out for a shake. Secret lightened up a little bit and shook his hand. He pulled hers up to his lips and kissed the top. The kiss sent a hot feeling down Secret’s spine. She couldn’t wait to take a sip of her drink to take the edge off. What the hell was it about this guy?
Secret felt an instant connection with David that night. Secret never believed in that “love at first sight” bullshit, but that day she thought she could understand when people said they had fallen in love at first sight. David was tall and handsome, without the dark. He was more Shemar Moore handsome. David stood six feet four inches tall, and his skin was the color of freshly poured caramel. He had an athletic build, and he wore a low haircut that was perfectly shaped up at his forehead and sideburns. His waves were perfect too. Secret felt kind of awkward because he was so gorgeous and wasn’t even a model like she was. She was used to being the head turner in her relationships. But she couldn’t help but think David should’ve been doing some modeling of his own.
“Can I get a number to call you?” David asked as Secret’s friends came rushing toward her. Secret didn’t hesitate. She gave him her cell phone number. She also took his. Secret hadn’t planned on calling him.
David watched as her friends surrounded her and whisked her away. She looked back at him, smiling. She hadn’t realized how much she wanted to keep talking to David and how much of a distraction her friends were in that moment.
That entire evening of partying, Secret couldn’t concentrate. She kept replaying the episode with the hunky stranger over and over in her head. To her great surprise, David called her the next morning. He’d obviously been thinking about her nonstop too.
“I could not stop thinking about you,” he said, his voice a deep baritone that made her pulse quicken. That was the first of many conversations to follow.
For their first official date, David took Secret to a quaint, little trendy eatery in Manhattan. Being a fashion model, Secret had been to quite a few places, but it seemed like David had created this place just for them. Romantic was an understatement.
Secret and David spoke about everything from fashion, police brutality, and politics to rap music. It was more than Secret could’ve asked for. David was not just a handsome face. Finally, here was a man who seemed more interested in her mind than he was in her body and beauty.
That night, David rode with Secret back to Brooklyn, althou
gh he was from the Bronx. He had done and said everything right.
Two months later, Secret finally agreed to a romantic night at his place. David awakened every nerve ending in Secret’s body when he touched her for the first time. He explored her body like a meticulous surgeon. Secret was rigid at first, scared to let her guard down. She had never really had what she’d considered a good sexual experience. She had been molested by an uncle as a child. She had never had healthy intimate relationships after that. Her mother had berated Secret when it came out that Secret had given up her virginity in the tenth grade to a boy who spread it all over the school and neighborhood. Sex wasn’t high on Secret’s to-do or to-like lists.
But when David touched her, kissed her, and whispered sweet things in her ears, it put her at ease. When he entered her for the first time, it sent her reeling into a place she never wanted to come back from. It was more than infatuation that Secret felt. She felt like she was falling in love with David.
He seemed to feel the same way about her. They started spending all of their free time together. Secret started slacking on her modeling gigs and her part-time college classes. Before meeting David, Secret had balanced modeling gigs and classes like a pro. She had never been late to a class, much less missed one, before she met David. After they started dating regularly, David would beg her to stay with him and miss classes. He would start lovemaking foreplay whenever he knew she had a gig. Secret was too in love to protest.
They were together for eleven months when David told Secret, “I want you to be in my life forever. I’m not ready to get married, but when I am, I know you will be my wife.” A few tears had dropped from Secret’s eyes. She was so happy that day. No other man had made that promise to her. Secret finally felt worthy of being loved.
“Oh, David, I love you so much!” Secret responded, throwing her arms around his neck and hugging him tightly. It was at that moment, although she didn’t say it, Secret surrendered everything, her entire self—body, mind, and soul—to David.