by Mona Love
“You get out and get checked in. I’ll go find parking,” Andrea said when they pulled up to the courthouse building. Secret grabbed her purse and went to get out of the car. Andrea stopped her for a minute. “Just remember—”Andrea started.
“I know, I know. I’ll have my day in court,” Secret interrupted, finishing her cousin’s sentence. They both forced a smile. Secret chanted the words in her head so that she could make herself believe it also. She knew David had a lot of powerful people in his corner. This would be a fight to the finish, one that Secret had never prepared for in her life. She just prayed she would make it through it with her mind intact.
When Secret finally walked into the small courtroom, she felt cold all over. Andrea had made it upstairs just as they were called into the courtroom. She grabbed Secret’s hand and whispered a few words of encouragement to Secret. Secret nodded and walked slowly toward the end of the table her attorney sat at. Andrea had been gracious enough to retain the top divorce attorney for Secret. It was a debt Secret swore over and over that she would pay back, although her cousin had told her to stop talking about the money each time Secret brought it up.
Of course, David sat smugly next to his attorney, and his girlfriend was next to him on his other side at the opposite end of the table from Secret’s attorney. Seeing the young woman made Secret stumble a bit as she walked. This bastard has the fucking nerve to have this bitch here? Secret bit into her lip in an effort to control her emotions. It was extremely hard to look at the man she still loved and comprehend that he had done this to her.
The family court judge said the perfunctory spiel about the parties being present in the matter of Johnson vs. Johnson, blah, blah, blah. Secret was only half listening to whatever the judge was talking about. Her focus was on David’s eye-candy bitch, who Secret felt was totally out of place being at the proceedings. She was beautiful though. She was model-like in all the ways that Secret used to be. So Secret had actually risked her life having plastic surgery to look like that, and now she was left in worse condition than before. All for David. Secret wondered how fast David would leave his new bitch when age and time started to take her beauty away too.
Secret couldn’t help but cut her eyes at David and his woman. Leaning in and whispering to her attorney, Secret expressed her displeasure at the woman’s presence at the divorce proceedings. Secret’s attorney totally agreed that the woman being there was completely inappropriate. Finally, Secret’s lawyer stood up and asked the judge to have David’s girlfriend removed from the courtroom, as she was party to adultery and direct party to the demise of the marriage. Secret felt deflated inside and kind of defeated when the judge disagreed and allowed David’s bitch to stay. Secret felt infuriated all over again when David kissed his girlfriend passionately on the lips as a great big “fuck you” toward Secret. Andrea grumbled all kinds of things under her breath. What a bitch this judge was.
The divorce proceedings seemed to go on for hours. Secret’s head pounded with all the back and forth. Secret’s lawyer would ask for something, and David’s lawyer would strike it down. David’s lawyer would ask to be absolved of giving Secret something, and Secret’s lawyer would argue its necessity. Secret and her attorney tried to argue to the judge that she had given up working and attending school for the sake of her marriage and now she was left with nothing. David’s attorney countered by arguing that after David was established at the firm, Secret had numerous opportunities to return to work prior to the birth of their children, but she had chosen to be a housewife. Secret’s lawyer argued that Secret had very little education after high school, aside from a few college credits, and no real skills, which made it nearly impossible for her to find gainful employment that would benefit them as a family. Basically, he was saying that Secret wouldn’t find a job paying enough to cover childcare expenses and that she would’ve been working just to go back to work with no financial or other benefits. The arguments flew back and forth between the lawyers at the behest of their clients, and so did the requests and denials for alimony, child support, and full custody of the children.
Secret was on her feet when she heard that David was asking for custody of her kids. “He doesn’t care about them! He hasn’t visited them since he left us! He left us with no money to eat! They barely know him aside from just seeing him and calling him Daddy! He doesn’t know what they eat, their favorites toys or shows, or even how to put them to sleep at night!” Secret yelled out. She had had enough of David’s bullshit. She had heard enough from her soon-to-be ex. There was no way she was going to sit and be quiet while David and his bitch tried to take her kids from her so they could go play house. No fucking way!
The judge ordered Secret to sit down and refrain from those types of outbursts. If Secret didn’t know any better, she would’ve sworn that the judge had a thing for David. She looked at him with googly eyes a few times, and Secret caught her.
With six hours of back and forth and still no fully agreeable terms, the judge finally granted a temporary order of alimony and child support to Secret. At first, Secret felt a sense of relief when she heard she would be getting some financial help from David, but her relief was short-lived. When Secret heard the judge enter the amount of $1,200 a month, she started screaming again. What could she possibly do with that little bit of money when the house mortgage was over $2,000? How could she feed herself and the kids?
“He makes well over two hundred thousand dollars a year! I can’t even pay the mortgage on the house with that! I can’t feed my kids! He fucking emptied the bank account and took everything! That’s how much of a man he is,” Secret screeched, shooting daggers at David with her eyes.
The judge gave Secret one last warning about her lack of control and her loud screaming outbursts. Before she knew it the proceedings were put on hold. The hearing was adjourned for eight weeks. That meant two months of mortgage that Secret had no clue how she’d pay with the bullshit amount of money the judge had ordered David give her. David was smiling and shaking his attorney’s hand like he’d just won a big lawsuit settlement. His girlfriend was smiling and holding on to him like she’d just won a grand prize.
Secret literally felt nauseous. David made Secret sick to her stomach now. Even if he ever wanted her again after this, Secret didn’t think she could ever accept him back.
Before Andrea could hold her back, Secret stormed over to where David stood milling about and laughing with his attorney and his woman.
“David! You piece of shit. I can’t fucking believe you! I knew you could be a low, selfish, self-serving bastard, but I never thought you’d do this to me and the kids!” Secret screamed. With that, she charged into him like a bulldozer.
David turned toward her, wearing a look of shock that quickly dissipated and turned into disgust. Before he could react, Secret was up on him, and she slapped his face so hard his head snapped left to right. She didn’t waste any time grabbing David’s little eye candy. Secret wound her hand in the girl’s hair so fast no one could do anything about it.
“Mrs. Johnson, I will have you arrested if you come near my client again!” David’s lawyer growled, grabbing Secret by the arm to restrain her. Andrea wedged between David’s attorney and Secret and tried in vain to get Secret to loosen her grasp on the screaming girlfriend. Secret wasn’t deterred in the least. Secret’s attorney got into the mix. He rushed over to the scene to break it up too.
“Mrs. Johnson, you can’t afford this type of display. They will surely remove your children for this,” her attorney warned. Those were the words that made Secret let go of her new nemesis.
“You are such a fucking man, David Johnson, a real man. You would take food out of the mouths of your children all for some high-class ho bitch! You will rot in hell for this shit, David. I will see to it. You will never live a good life doing this to us! Your life was committed to hell the day you betrayed me!” Secret screamed as her lawyer and Andrea dragged her out of the courtroom.
Chapter 8
Secret held the first alimony/child support check in her hand as she sat in front of the bank. She felt like a total idiot. What a fool she’d been. She had not opened an account for herself in years. In fact, it had been since she was dating David, to be exact. How could she be so stupid? She didn’t even know exactly what she needed to open the account. She had literally let her husband run every aspect of her life like she was a child. He had convinced her early on to let him open a joint account, which he told her would be the easiest way for the both of them to “share” their money, although at the time all of the money going into the account came from her.
Secret and David had combined their separate accounts, his $20 with her $5,000 at the time. Secret had always been good at saving her own money since she was a child. She had worked at several different fast food restaurants throughout high school, and when the modeling started, money was rolling in faster than she could save it at the time. Instead of buying a bunch of bullshit with her money like her model friends did, Secret saved half of everything back then. That was how she was able to get an apartment and move out on her own. When she met David, she had money in the bank, and he barely had any.
Secret’s hand shook fiercely, and she gnawed the skin off of her bottom lip as she sat with a measly $1,200 check in her hand when she had over $4,000 in bills associated with the house alone. Secret didn’t know how the judge, a female, could’ve ever allowed something like that when clearly David was bringing home nearly $15,000 a month with his salary. The system was set up for women to fail and for men to get ahead.
* * *
After she opened a new checking account with the money David had sent, Secret drove out of the bank parking lot, but instead of heading to Andrea’s to pick up the kids, she headed in the opposite direction. As she drove, Secret didn’t know what it was that was urging her forward, but she drove until she was finally in front of David’s new building. She had a need right then to see him. To see his bitch. Secret didn’t know if it was a need to see him with the woman again or a need to confront him. She really didn’t understand this overwhelming urge to be at the building when she knew damn well they had an order of protection against her. Secret couldn’t help herself, and although her mind told her to go straight home, her heart told her no.
Secret attempted to get into the parking lot but realized she needed a swipe passkey. “That’s all right. I’ll wait right here,” Secret whispered to herself. She had taken Andrea’s Porsche truck and left her car with Andrea because it had the kids’ car seats already in it. Secret tapped on the steering wheel as she waited. Not really sure what she was waiting for, Secret still refused to move. She waited and waited some more. Secret had to keep talking herself into being there.
Finally, Secret looked down at her watch and realized she had been waiting for over an hour. All she wanted was a glimpse of him, or maybe it was the woman whom Secret wanted to see again. Secret still couldn’t be sure why she was there, yet she continued to wait. It was obsessive, she had to admit that to herself, but still, she waited and waited.
After another hour Secret sat up in her seat when she noticed the S550 swing out of the building’s parking garage. Secret’s heart jerked in her chest as she read the plate. “Lady Luck.” Secret recognized the car and plates that had been parked at David’s job.
That’s the bitch right there! Secret screamed inside of her head. Secret put Andrea’s truck in drive and slowly pulled out behind the high-end Benz. With her mouth as dry as the desert and her heart hammering against her sternum, Secret followed David’s girlfriend.
“Fuck you, Lady Luck. Your ass ain’t lucky, bitch,” Secret said through gritted teeth as she followed the woman.
With every turn, every stop, and every block, Secret didn’t lose sight of her. Secret didn’t even notice that she had been biting her lip until the metallic taste of blood filled her mouth. The hurt she felt was palpable. Secret felt like David had taken her heart out and run over it with a tractor trailer. She was completely devastated, and no matter what she did, she couldn’t pull out of it. Secret felt like she had nothing to live for anymore.
Finally, the woman who Secret blamed for her failed marriage pulled up to a storefront. LUCKY CAKES, the sign above the store read. From the looks of it, it was an upscale cake and cupcake bakery. Secret had even passed there once or twice before while driving to Andrea’s house.
Secret stopped her car far enough away not to be noticed, but where she could still see Lady Luck get out of her car. David’s girlfriend sauntered up to the store’s gates and fished around in her bag. After a few moments, she pulled out a set of keys. Secret watched carefully as the woman unlocked the big silver padlocks and pulled the front gate up to reveal a huge tinted and etched glass window. That was when Secret noticed the etching on the glass. It read, “Lucky and David’s Love Cake.” Secret squinted to see inside of the store. It was beautifully decorated with pastel and silver walls, and from what Secret could see there were rows of sample cakes and cupcakes all beautifully handmade and what looked to be expensive artwork hanging on the walls.
Secret felt sick again. She wanted to throw up. She was immediately jealous of the woman and angrier at David than before. David had made her give up her dreams of doing anything, but he was obviously supporting the business of another woman. Secret was struggling to make ends meet, and David had an executive’s salary, and his girlfriend was a business owner who drove an S550 Benz and carried a different high-end designer purse every time Secret had seen her. Secret felt stupid and less than. She felt like the scum of the earth in comparison to David’s new woman now. Secret reasoned that that was just what David must’ve thought of her in comparison to his new beautiful, successful woman. Secret didn’t know what had come over her, but she had a need to see this woman again, to speak to her face-to-face, woman to woman. Their last meeting didn’t count. Secret had been too violent to get her point across. She had made a fool of herself for sure. David’s new girlfriend probably looked and thought of Secret as a dirty bum bitch at this point.
Suddenly, Secret was like a woman possessed again. This time, however, she willed herself to keep her hands to herself. Secret put the car in park and removed the key from the ignition. Some unknown force was moving her, and she was following its lead. Secret grabbed her purse and rushed up the block to the bakery. She tugged on the grand brass door handles and stepped inside. The door chimes made a tingling sound that reminded Secret of a fairy waving a magic wand.
“I’ll be right there!” David’s girlfriend sang out from somewhere in the back of the store. Secret wasn’t able to see her, and she knew for sure the woman hadn’t seen who it was yet. Secret’s chest heaved, and she felt lightheaded as she waited. Her nerves were standing on end, and her toes were balled into knots inside her shoes. She wanted to rehearse what to say to the woman, but nothing came to her blank, racing mind. Although Secret wanted to turn and run back out of the store, she was seemingly rooted to the floor. She needed to be there. She had to do this right now. Secret didn’t realize how dazed she looked standing in the middle of the floor, her mouth partially open like someone who wasn’t all there mentally.
“Can I help . . .” David’s girlfriend started, but her words went tumbling back down her throat like oversized marbles when she saw Secret standing there.
The woman’s face paled, and she began backing up with her hands out in front of her in surrender, quickly remembering the ass whooping Secret put on her the last two times they met. She went to scramble for her cell phone to call the police.
“I’m not going to do anything to you,” Secret managed to say, and she meant it. She wasn’t there for that today. The words and questions suddenly came rushing to her tongue. “What’s your name?”
“I’m Lucky,” the woman answered tentatively.
“I guess you know my name,” Secret said.
Lucky shook her head in the affirmative.
“I guess you know a lot a
bout me. That’s what men do, right? They tell their mistress all sorts of things about their wives to paint their wives as the problem? Is that what David did?”
Lucky stood in silence like she didn’t know how to answer the question. Secret didn’t really need her to answer though. She already knew the answer.
“Lucky, no matter what David tried to tell you, this was a total slap in my face,” Secret said. She could feel a ball of grief forming in her throat. “I . . . I just want to know, how can you sleep at night with a clear conscience? David is my husband. He is a father. He was our everything. We are married, and we’ve been together for years, not months or weeks, years. As a woman, how would you feel if you were in my place? If I just came out of nowhere and snatched your entire life away like a thief in the night? Knowing your marriage was ending because of another woman, knowing your kids would be left without their father because of another woman?” Secret said pointedly.
Lucky was struck silent.
“I just want to know, how and why?” Secret’s voice rose and fell like waves crashing against rocks. Lucky’s eyes were as big as saucers, and she didn’t say anything, but somewhere inside Secret could see sympathy, or maybe it was pity. She couldn’t be sure.
“Don’t you know breaking up something that God put together is a sin? Haven’t you ever heard that what goes around comes around? Do you have any morals or scruples? I mean you’ve been to church, our church to be exact. Haven’t you learned anything? Why couldn’t you find a man of your own?” Secret said, her voice cracking in places as she fought mightily not to break down and cry. Her body shook all over.
Lucky shifted her weight from one foot to the other and sighed loudly. “Look, Secret. I’m sorry about everything that has happened to you, but I’m just as much a victim as you are. I didn’t know Davie was married until the day you showed up at the office,” the woman said almost apologetically. “So I was in the dark just like you were. But now I can’t help who I love and who loves me. People do fall out of love. Maybe that’s what happened. Maybe he just fell out of love with you.”