A Wise Child

by A Wise Child (retail) (epub)

  Sam ruffled Tommy’s hair. ‘Well, seeing we’re all so posh, we’d better go out and let people see us, hadn’t we?’ he said.

  He said nothing about the coat when they were in the house but later as they took their seats on the train he said quietly, ‘The lad’s right, Ellie. You do look posh. Suits you, that blue colour.’

  Nellie smiled with delight. She had felt strange at first wearing the coat instead of wrapping her shawl around her, and self-conscious as she walked down the street with Sam, but she was surprised at how quickly she became used to it.

  They had corner seats on the train and Tommy sat on Sam’s knee, his arm around his father’s neck as Sam told him the details of the ships which filled the long line of docks and pointed out others which stood out in the river.

  Nellie sat opposite to them, glancing out of the window occasionally as the train passed the docks but most of the time watching her husband and son.

  If only they could always be as happy as they were now. That their lives were not overshadowed by Sam’s jealousy and suspicion. Was it something in Sam’s nature that caused the scenes or was it because he sensed in some way that she had deceived him?

  She had determined to bury the memory of Leadbetter for ever but now she thought – what if I had told Sam? Would it have made his jealousy worse or would it have meant that he trusted me completely so that there was no need for jealousy? If only I knew. Although it was too late to tell him now. Better to let sleeping dogs lie, as Janey says.

  They had a happy day and carried parcels of chips and fish home for their meal. Nellie kept Janey’s portion warm and carried it through as soon as she heard the old woman return.

  Janey eyed her malevolently. ‘I could’ve done with something more warming,’ she grumbled. ‘I’m feeling the cold these days.’

  ‘We went out for the day,’ Nellie said, too happy to be intimidated by the old woman. ‘Me and Sam and Tommy. On the Overhead then to the Cast Iron shore. I wore me new coat.’

  ‘And I suppose the quare feller walked behind you watching was you giving any fellers the eye?’ Janey said but Nellie faced her with confidence.

  ‘No, he never,’ she said quietly. ‘He said I looked posh and the colour suited me.’

  Janey cackled derisively but she said no more, intent on the food, and Nellie escaped into the kitchen.

  At least she didn’t mention Leadbetter, she thought. Maybe she’s given it up as a bad job now she knows she can’t make me cry about it. Bob’s right. It’s better to stand up to her.

  On Sunday Nellie wore the coat again when she and Sam took Tommy on the ferryboat to New Brighton. The pier head was crowded and Nellie clung to Sam’s arm as he carried Tommy on his shoulders down the steeply sloping floating roadway on to the landing stage.

  ‘The tide must be out,’ Sam said but when Tommy exclaimed he said quickly, ‘It’s all right, lad. It’ll soon be in again. I only meant that’s why the roadway’s sloping,’ and Tommy clasped his hands round his father’s forehead, reassured.

  There was already a crowd waiting to board the ferryboat which was just arriving. From his vantage point Tommy had a good view as the boat bumped against the landing stage and was tied up. The sun was shining and the crowd was in a happy mood.

  Tommy squealed with excitement as the gangway was released and fell with a clatter on to the landing stage and passengers began to pour off the ferry. Soon others began to embark and two burly ferrymen in navy jerseys and caps stood at either side of the gangway ready to draw it up again.

  Tommy’s joy was complete when one of the men waved to him. ‘Dad, dad, the man waved to me,’ he shouted and people turned to smile at the excited child.

  Sam’s face was red with pride and pleasure and Nellie whispered to him, ‘He’s a different lad when you’re home, Sam. He’s too quiet sometimes but just listen to him now.’

  Sam took care to walk up the gangway on the side nearest to the man who had waved to Tommy and the man solemnly shook the child’s hand.

  ‘Welcome aboard, mate,’ he said, then to Sam, ‘You’ve got a fine lad there, wack.’

  When the ferryboat cast off and made her way upriver they went on deck and Tommy asked so many questions about the shipping they passed that Nellie said laughingly, ‘Give your dad a bit of peace, Tom love.’

  ‘No, he’s all right. Them’s good questions,’ Sam said, still glowing with pride after the ferryman’s remark.

  When they arrived at New Brighton Sam bought ice creams, which they ate walking along the promenade, and a bucket and spade for Tommy. Later, when the tide was right, Sam paid for a deckchair on the sands for Nellie, where she sat with the shoes and socks while Sam and Tommy paddled and then they came back to her and built an enormous sandcastle, complete with turrets and moat.

  Nellie watched them happily, aware that Sam was enjoying himself as much as the child. He never had nothing like this when he was a kid, she thought, and neither did I, but Tommy’s having a better childhood than what we did. And he’ll have a better life too, she thought fiercely. I’ll see that he does.

  Later they walked along to Perch Rock. The wind had become more chill and Nellie turned up the collar of her coat but Sam and Tommy seemed oblivious to it as they crouched over the pools left by the receding tide.

  ‘Look at the little fishes and crabs,’ Tommy exclaimed. ‘Can I take some home in my bucket, Dad?’ but Sam told him it would be cruel.

  ‘They’d only die in the backyard, lad,’ he said. ‘They belong here,’ and the child nodded trustingly.

  He fell asleep on the homeward-bound ferryboat and Sam carried him off the boat and on to the tramcar which took them near home, where he woke up.

  It was a happy day and Nellie was surprised at the details of it which Tommy could remember when he spoke wistfully about it in later years.

  Chapter Ten

  Sam’s time ashore was the happiest since their marriage yet before he left they had the most serious quarrel they had ever had.

  Although Sam went to the Volunteer every night and sometimes returned slightly drunk he was never aggressive until this night. He was late and as he stood supporting himself on the doorjamb Nellie could see blood on his cheek from a cut lip and blood on his knuckles.

  ‘Have you been fighting, Sam?’ she asked nervously.

  ‘Aye, battered him. Shoulda killed him,’ he said thickly.

  He swayed and Nellie said, ‘Sit down, Sam,’ but he went on.

  ‘Bert – Bert bloody Hagan.’

  Nellie felt a stab of fear. Bert Hagan was one of those who had taunted Sam on the night of Tommy’s birth.

  ‘Called me, me – called me Soft Sam the Mira – Miracle Man,’ Sam muttered. ‘And him – the bloody little runt.’

  Charlie West, Nellie thought, aghast. Sam closed his eyes and swayed and Nellie went towards him.

  ‘Sam,’ she began but before she could say any more he swung his arm out wildly. It caught her and sent her staggering back off balance to fall and strike her head on the corner of the dresser. Blood poured from a deep cut on the side of her head.

  Janey darted in from the parlour and her screams brought Tommy running downstairs, white faced with terror. He flung himself down beside Nellie. ‘Mam, Mam,’ he cried as she lay unconscious. ‘Oh, is she dead, Janey?’

  ‘Very near,’ she said, looking malevolently at Sam who stood saying, ‘Ellie, oh God, Ellie,’ over and over again.

  Sam approached to bend over Nellie but Janey pushed him away.

  ‘Give her some air,’ she commanded.

  Shock had sobered Sam and he said humbly, ‘Oh God, is she all right? Jeez, I never meant it. What can I do?’

  ‘You and your bloody temper. You’ll swing for it one of these days,’ the old woman said. ‘Get her some brandy and I’ll try to bring her round.’

  He hurried out and Tommy said in a trembling voice, ‘Is Mam going to die, Janey?’

  ‘No, lad. She’ll be all right in a minute,
’ she said. She tittered, plainly enjoying her moment of power over Sam. ‘Won’t do him no harm to get a fright. Knocked the stuffing outa him, hasn’t it? Fetch me a wet cloth, lad.’

  Nellie’s eyes were opening when Sam returned and he lifted her gently on to the sofa. Janey removed the cloth from the cut and the blood flowed afresh.

  ‘That needs stitches, girl,’ Janey said but Nellie said weakly, ‘Oh no. I don’t want to go to the hospital.’

  ‘Try a drop of the brandy,’ Sam urged, alarmed by her white face, but she said that she would prefer a cup of tea.

  She closed her eyes, holding the cloth over the wound, but blood still trickled from beneath it and Sam said anxiously, ‘I think you’d better go to the hospital, Ellie.’

  He was sitting in the corner to keep out of Janey’s way as she bustled about making tea, with his arm round Tommy who was leaning against his knee. When Nellie opened her eyes they were both gazing at her fearfully and she tried to smile.

  ‘All right, I’ll go in a minute, Sam,’ she said. ‘Come here, Tom.’ She hugged him and told him she was all right. ‘Go back to bed, son,’ she said gently, ‘you’re freezing. I won’t be long at the hospital. Stitches only take a minute.’

  He went obediently and when the tea was finished Sam took her shawl from behind the door. ‘We’d better go now, girl,’ he said.

  Nellie held the shawl closely over her head to keep the cloth in place and clung to Sam’s arm as they walked to the hospital.

  They waited for a long time in the hospital’s casualty department, sitting on hard benches, and Nellie leaned against Sam, thankful for the support of his arm.

  ‘I’m sorry, Ellie,’ he whispered and she squeezed his arm without replying.

  She felt no bitterness towards him, only sorrow that the secret lay, like a maggot in an apple, eating away at their happiness. If only she dared to tell Sam, but the longer time went on the harder it became to explain to him and the stronger the arguments against telling him.

  Would Sam believe her if she told him now after all this time? Would he think he had been tricked into marriage and that she was a willing party to it? How can I expect him to understand when I don’t understand myself how I could let Janey arrange all that and even keep quiet when she told me to. I must have been drugged or out of my mind, Nellie thought.

  She leaned her head on Sam’s shoulder and tears of misery and despair trickled down her face.

  Poor Sam. He was a good man. Whatever his doubts he never left her short of money or turned against Tommy in any way and she respected him for that.

  When she was finally called to a cubicle the doctor only glanced at the cut. ‘Clean it up, Nurse,’ he said brusquely. ‘Needs a stitch.’

  Nellie felt sick and frightened and humiliated by the contemptuous attitude of the nurse and doctor, neither of whom had spoken to her.

  The nurse cut away some of Nellie’s hair and swabbed the cut. ‘Ready now, Doctor,’ she said.

  The doctor spoke to Nellie for the first time as he picked up the needle, ‘Fell against a door, I suppose,’ he sneered, ‘that’s the usual story.’

  The nurse laughed and he turned to her. ‘God, these people. Animals behave better.’ Nellie felt too ill and humiliated to protest and he inserted two stitches with little concern for the pain he was causing.

  She clenched her teeth and managed to refrain from crying out and something about her passivity seemed to strike the doctor. He produced a small torch and shone it into each of her eyes in turn then said brusquely, ‘Admit her, Nurse. Some concussion.’

  Nellie was struggling to her feet, drawing her shawl around her, and the sense of his words failed to penetrate her mind until the nurse hustled her into another room.

  ‘Is it finished? Can I go home?’ Nellie asked timidly. The nurse said impatiently, ‘Didn’t you hear Doctor? You’re to be admitted.’

  ‘But – but me husband’s waiting for me,’ Nellie faltered.

  ‘He’ll be told. Sit there and wait for the porter,’ the nurse said, bustling away.

  Nellie sat on a hard chair waiting for what seemed hours before the porter appeared with a wheelchair.

  ‘Sit in here, love,’ he said and Nellie’s eyes filled with tears at the first kindness she had been shown.

  ‘Now now, missus, no waterworks,’ the man said cheerfully. ‘You’ll be all right, love.’ He wheeled her rapidly to a large ward with rows of beds close together down each side and a small table in the centre of the ward where a nurse sat.

  Nellie was taken to a bed halfway down the ward and given a calico nightdress to wear, then the nurse came to her and whispered, ‘Let’s see your feet.’ She glanced at them and said, satisfied, ‘You’re clean enough. If Sister asks say you’ve had a bath. Get into bed.’

  She went away and Nellie crept between the icy sheets, trembling with cold and fear. Moans and cries came from the closely packed beds and an occasional scream of pain from a bed near the door.

  Nellie was unable to sleep and her mind was full of a confused jumble of thoughts. Fear of what was to happen to her, worry about the row with Sam and what had been said to him at the Volunteer, familiar feelings of guilt because she had deceived him.

  She thought of Tommy’s frightened face and grieved that he had been so worried. Poor little lad. He was so sensitive and he loved both her and Sam. Suddenly she was shaken with anger and her mind cleared.

  These rows had to stop for Tommy’s sake. There was no need for them. She gave Sam no cause for his unreasonable jealousy. Just the opposite. How many times had Charlie West tried to make up to her and been refused?

  I’m always blaming myself because of the way we got married and because I didn’t tell him what Leadbetter done to me but none of that was my fault. It was Janey what tricked me into getting married just as much as she tricked Sam but in the end she done us both a good turn. I’ve got a good husband and a home and Sam’s got a good home to come back to and we’ve both got our Tommy, best of all.

  Engrossed in her thoughts she had not realised that the night sister was in the ward until she arrived beside the bed with the nurse.

  ‘Admitted overnight for observation, Sister,’ the nurse said. ‘Suspected concussion.’ The sister shone her torch on Nellie and moved on without speaking.

  The word ‘overnight’ had cheered Nellie although she was uncertain what was meant by concussion.

  I’m going to stop blaming myself for these rows, she thought. It didn’t make no difference to Sam what Leadbetter done to me and Janey only made out the baby might be his to have a hold over me. I know now she’ll never tell Sam, because she fixed up the wedding to have Sam’s money coming in so she could stay dug in in her parlour so she’s not going to risk that.

  I knew from when Tommy was born he was Sam’s and Sam must know it too or he wouldn’t dote on him the way he does, so why does he listen to them fellers in the Volley who are only looking for a fight?

  I’m going to have it out with Sam, for Tommy’s sake, she thought. Her mind dwelt fondly on her little son. He was all that mattered now. At last she fell asleep.

  The doctor who came the following morning was an older man with a less brusque manner than the casualty doctor but like him he spoke only to the nurse.

  ‘Discharge her,’ he said briefly and after he left the ward the nurse pulled a screen across and dumped Nellie’s clothes on her bed.

  ‘Get dressed,’ she said. ‘Leave the nightdress on the bed and wait by Sister’s office.’

  The screen only covered the side of the bed nearest the door and Nellie dressed, fumbling with buttons and laces and conscious of many eyes watching her.

  She waited nervously outside the office until a nurse went in leaving the door open and spoke to the sister. They both looked at Nellie then the sister handed a slip of paper to the nurse.

  ‘Nonsense,’ Nellie heard her say in a loud hectoring voice. ‘It’s a way of life for these women, getting knocked about by thei
r men.’

  Nellie’s face burned and she longed for the courage to confront the woman but the next moment the nurse came out and thrust the paper into Nellie’s hand.

  ‘Give that to the porter on your way out,’ she said and swept away.

  Nellie walked out as quickly as she could, her eyes stinging with tears of humiliation, so agitated that she was halfway down the street before she remembered the paper she should have given to the porter. I’m not going back, she thought, even if they send a policeman after me.

  She was shaking when she reached home and Sam took her shawl and helped her to a chair.

  ‘You shouldn’t have come home on your own, girl,’ he said. ‘You shoulda sent a lad for me.’

  ‘I didn’t think,’ she said. ‘I was that glad to get away. Where’s Tommy?’

  ‘That Katy one come for him,’ Janey said. ‘Wanted to know what was going on, I suppose. It’ll be a nice bit of jangle for the lot of them.’

  Nellie bent her head and Sam said quickly, ‘I’ll make that tea if you want to get off with your fish, Janey.’

  ‘No, I’ll have to lose the day,’ she said in a whining voice. ‘I’ll have to lay down. I never closed me eyes last night and when I seen you walking down the street at five o’clock I thought she’d snuffed it.’

  ‘Five o’clock!’ Nellie exclaimed. ‘Where was you till then?’

  ‘At the hospital,’ Sam said. ‘I think they forgot about me, like, then some fellers was brought in; a sling broke on the docks. I was there ages after that. I couldn’t find no one then a porter told me you was kept in.’

  Nellie said nothing until Janey had gone into the parlour then she turned to Sam and burst into tears.

  He put his arms round her and said anxiously, ‘Does it feel bad, girl?’

  ‘No, it’s not that,’ Nellie said. Suddenly all her anguish and humiliation at the contempt shown her boiled up. ‘It’s the way they treat us. Like we had no feelings. As if we wasn’t human beings like them. And to leave you there worrying all that time. They treat us like dirt.’