Nurse to Forever Mom

by Susan Carlisle

  “We watched the fishing boats come in, hiked to a waterfall and went to the national park,” Jean said, so fast Stacey almost missed some of it.

  She smiled. “It sounds like you had a wonderful time.” Stacey glanced up to see Cody standing in the hall. Longing filled his eyes. Did he see it in hers as well?

  “Girls, let Stacey come in,” he said gruffly.

  They let go of her and scurried down the hall into the living room. Stacey closed the door behind her and followed them. As she passed him, Cody took her hand, raised it to his lips and placed a kiss in her palm. His gaze held hers. Stacey quaked. A hot response pooled at her center. Just as quickly he released her. They continued down the hall. His parents stood when she entered.

  Mrs. Brennan said, “Hello again.”

  “Hi. Did you have a good trip?”

  She nodded, giving Stacey a studying look. “We did. Maine is beautiful.”

  Did his mother see what was between her and Cody? “It is. I worked in a hospital there for a month. Hello, Mr. Brennan.”

  He smiled at her. “Nice to see you again, Stacey.”

  “We brought you something,” Jean announced, holding out a box.

  Lizzy snatched it from her hand. “I wanted to give it to her!”

  “Let’s be nice, Lizzy.” Stacey stopped herself and her eyes jerked to where Cody stood in the doorway. She’d just disciplined his child in front of him.

  “Stacey’s right, that wasn’t very nice, Lizzy,” Cody said in a calm tone.

  Jean said, “You can give it to her.”

  “That’s nice of you, Jean,” Stacey praised her. “May I see what’s in the box?”

  “It’s something so you will remember us,” Jean stated.

  That wouldn’t be a problem for Stacey. The reverse, in fact. She took the box, removed the top and inside found a multicolored stone bracelet. “It’s beautiful.”

  “Now wherever you go you’ll think of us.” Lizzy looked at her eagerly.

  “Thank you so much.” Stacey slipped it on her wrist and placed the box on the coffee table. She then went down on one knee and opened her arms wide. The girls stepped into her embrace for a hug. “I love it. Thank you for thinking of me. You have my promise I’ll always think of you both when I wear it.” She looked over their heads at Cody and blinked to keep the moisture in her eyes from spilling over. This was just the type of emotional upheaval she’d been guarding herself against.

  “Okay, girls, it’s time for you to get ready for bed. You have school tomorrow.” Cody placed a hand on each of the girls’ shoulders.

  Stacey let them go. “Better do what your daddy says.”

  The girls went first to one then the other of their grandparents and told them goodnight before they left the room.

  “I’ll be up in a few minutes to tuck you in,” Cody called from behind them.

  Stacey stood then shifted from one foot to the other, unsure what to do next. “Uh...it’s time for me to get going as well. I’ve had a long day. I understand you’re leaving tomorrow.” She spoke to Cody’s parents.

  “We are. We’re taking the earliest ferry off the island,” Cody’s mother said.

  “Then I’ll say goodbye now. It has been nice to meet you. I wish you a safe trip home.”

  Mrs. Brennan gave her a thoughtful look. She acted as if she wanted to say more but stopped herself. “It’s been nice to meet you too.”

  Mr. Brennan nodded and smiled.

  “I’m going to walk Stacey out,” Cody said to no one in particular.

  Stacey started toward the door with Cody close behind. She stepped outside and Cody came with her, flipping off the porch light and closing the door behind him. He pulled her into his arms. His lips joined hers in a sizzling kiss that slowed to a tender one. He continued to hold her close as he nuzzled her neck. “I’m going to miss you tonight.”

  This wasn’t making it any less stressful on either of them. She put her hands on his chest and stepped back. “I have to go. See you tomorrow.”

  This was painful on a level she’d not experienced before. Grateful that the darkness hid her tears, she made her way to the car. Half an hour later she pulled a pillow to her and curled around it, hoping she could get at least a few hours’ sleep.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  LEAVING CODY’S HOUSE had to have been the most difficult thing she’d ever done. Every fiber in her being had wanted to stay. Had wanted him, wanted them, but more than that wanted to have a place where she belonged.

  Family had been something she had grown up wishing for. Being a member of a loving group that cared about each other, no matter what. At one time she’d thought that would be a reality of hers but not now. She’d lost that dream. Still, it pulled at her at times, like the scene she had just been a part of at Cody’s.

  She had it bad. Had jumped over the line. This was just what she had fought against. Since her fiasco with her ex-fiancé she’d managed to remain unattached to anybody. Not this time. But she understood the score. Cody wanted someone who would stay on Maple Island, be there for him and his girls. Or did he really? Anyway, that wasn’t something she was capable of doing. What if she screwed it all up and he left her?

  All she knew was to keep moving. It was safe. Her visit on Maple Island had proved what staying in one place too long did to a person. She’d become attached to him and the girls, and would carry the pain of leaving them with her forever. It was a hurt she’d said she would never let herself bear again. And yet...

  Even if Cody asked her to stay, she couldn’t. But he wouldn’t ask. He wouldn’t let go of his fear that the marriage he wanted wasn’t possible. He’d been hurt too deeply before. She wouldn’t take the chance she might fail him. Cody had already suffered through one demoralizing marriage. She couldn’t do it to him again. He deserved better.

  Determined they would remain friends and on good terms, she would square her shoulders and find the fortitude to focus on work until it was time for her to leave. After all, nothing had really changed except they had stopped sharing a bed. But that was the change she hated most.

  Despite two sleepless nights from being without Cody, she decided when Saturday morning arrived sunny and warm she would go to Boston and do some sightseeing. She took the midmorning ferry. She’d not seen any of the city except for the inside of a hospital. Today she would play tourist, for tomorrow she would be gone.

  Refusing to dwell on the turn her life had taken, she put all her efforts into walking the Freedom Trail. She followed the painted directions on the street leading to all the important historical buildings that had been built before America had gained its independence. She saw the site of the Boston Tea Party, went inside Faneuil Hall to explore it, listening to the ghosts of the American Forefathers debating declaring independence from Great Britain. She stopped in the bustling market for lunch before returning to her walk that ended at the North Church that had been an integral part of Paul Revere’s night ride. She even took time to climb through the tall ship the USS Constitution, which she’d seen from the air when she and Cody had flown to the hospital. She made it a full day.

  The only thing that marred her visit was the occasional thought slipping into her head that Cody would like this or she wished the girls could share that. The one concession she made to missing Cody’s family was buying Jean and Lizzy a copy of Make Way for Ducklings at the Old Corner Bookstore. She couldn’t help herself. The classic tale of the mallard ducks taking a stroll in the park was one she was confident the girls would enjoy.

  With time on her hands and the next ferry still a few hours off, she decided to go to an afternoon movie. It would be months before she would have a chance to see a new release again. Ethiopia was a long way from home. From Maple Island. From the clinic. The girls. Cody.

  * * *

  She’d been back at the cottage long enough to show
er and pull on one of Cody’s T-shirts that she’d brought home with her when there was a pounding on her door. She pushed the curtain to one side. Cody stood on her porch. Concern filled his face. His hand rose as if he was going to knock again.

  When she opened the door he stepped in and grabbed her, lifting her off her feet. It was heavenly being held by him again. His words rushed out, his worry surrounding each of them. “I’ve been trying to get in touch with you all day.”

  “Is something wrong?” She searched his face. Her heart raced from just being so close to him. She would miss him every day for the rest of her life.

  “No. I just couldn’t find you. I’ve been calling you for hours. I thought you might have left without telling me goodbye. Why haven’t you answered your phone?”

  “I turned the volume down when I went into the movie and I forgot to turn it back up. I would never leave without saying something to you.” She knew too well how it felt when someone you cared about just disappeared without warning.

  Cody set her on her feet but didn’t let her go, his gaze meeting hers penetratingly. “Movie? Where have you been?”

  She wasn’t used to someone keeping tabs on her. “I went to Boston for the day.”

  Disbelief covered his face. “Alone?”

  “Yes.” Before coming to Maple Island she’d done everything by herself. She’d not checked in with anyone in years. No one had cared enough about her to ask her to do so.

  “I wanted to invite you to lunch. But I couldn’t find you and kept calling. I got worried. I even lied for the first time in my professional life and said I had an emergency so that someone from the day-care center could come stay at the house with the girls. Then I came hunting you.”

  It gave her a warm fuzzy feeling deep down to know that Cody had been that anxious about her. Stacey couldn’t remember the last time a person had shown any concern about her whereabouts or worried if anything had happened to her. No man since her first stepfather had shown that much emotion for her and in the end he hadn’t either. “I’m sorry I scared you. I hadn’t seen Boston and so I thought today was a good day to do so.”

  “Why didn’t you say anything to me about going?”

  * * *

  She hesitated a moment. “I didn’t want you to feel pressured to go with me. The girls have just gotten home. I knew you would want to spend time with them. And I know you don’t want them to know about us.”

  “I don’t think they need to know we’re sleeping together. And about that...” He kicked the door closed and walked her backward as he looked around. “By the way, where’s your bedroom? I’ve missed having you beneath me.”

  “Do you think that’s a good idea?”

  “Probably not.” He gave her a hot, wet kiss that made his intentions clear.

  She gripped his shoulders and returned his kiss. Her center throbbed with need for him. No, it was probably not a good idea but she couldn’t help herself. She would worry about how to recover from leaving Cody later. Right now she was going to enjoy every sweet moment she would have with him.

  He pulled her hard against him, his desire long and ridged between them. “See how I’ve missed you.”

  She pulled back and said as seriously as she could, “You have? You only saw me yesterday.”

  Cody continued walking her backward as he nuzzled her neck. “Shut up. You know what I mean,” he growled. “Now, where is your bed? I need you.”

  “I like the way you’re showing me how much.” She wiggled against him, making him moan as she gave him better access to her neck. Her hand slid between them to run along his hot, hard length.

  “Stacey, as much as I enjoy trading quips with you, I’d much rather be doing something more meaningful.”

  She leaned back, giving him an innocent smile and batting her eyelashes. “And you have what in mind?”

  He groaned. “You’re doing it again.” He backed her against the wall. Leaning in, he kissed her passionately before his hand skimmed up over her thigh and slipped beneath the hem of the T-shirt. “I’d hoped for something softer for you but I’m good here.”

  She giggled. “I like it when it’s hard.”

  Cody groaned as he pressed her more securely to the wall and his lips found hers. He dipped a finger under her panties, making her jerk as he entered her. “There’s that sassy mouth again.”

  She closed her eyes to savor the moment. This was the Cody she would miss the most.

  * * *

  Cody finished the last of his cheese omelet then put his plate down on the planks of Stacey’s small porch. They were sitting in her swing with the only light coming from a lamp inside. He raised both hands above his head and took a large, very satisfying stretch. Done, he gave a little nudge with his toe and started the swing. He had no idea that he could be so...happy.

  When had he last thought of happiness? Years? Obligations, his job, his girls, those, yes. The shoulds, musts and need-tos of his life—yes. But happiness? That hadn’t entered his mind in so long he wasn’t sure he could have put a name to it until this moment. Yet wasn’t he fooling himself here? As good as he felt now, he knew he’d feel equally bad when Stacey left. She shifted where she sat crossed-legged beside him, finishing her meal.

  “Thanks for the omelet.”

  “No problem. You got the extent of my culinary skills. And my refrigerator. You were lucky I had eggs and cheese.”

  “I noticed things were kind of sparse in there.” He took her plate and set it on top of his.

  She laid her head against his upper arm. “I’ve never kept much because I don’t cook for myself often and since I’m leaving tomorrow I was trying to use up what I do have.”

  A lump formed in his chest. There went his happiness at the reminder she was leaving. Cody watched her. Could he let her go? Did he have a choice? What if he asked her to stay? Would she? He studied Stacey a moment. She looked so amazing with her disordered hair, her make-up-free face and dressed in what he’d learned was one of his T-shirts. He was such a lovesick calf. “Have you ever thought about staying in one place?” He held his breath, waiting for her answer. Maybe, just maybe she would answer as he hoped.

  “I did one time but it didn’t work out.” She stated it as a fact, lacking emotion.

  His heart fell. “What happened?”

  “My fiancé left me for his old girlfriend a month before the wedding.” Her voice sounded hollow, devoid of all emotion. Would she speak of him that way one day? That idea cut like a knife.

  Now he had a better idea of why she moved around so much. She’d been hurt. Badly. They were more alike than he’d given her credit for when they’d first met. He’d run from his troubles in California and she was running around the world to hide from hers. “It was his loss.”

  Stacey stood and looked down at him in the dim light. “Thanks for saying that. A girl likes to hear things like that. Okay, no more talk about the past or the future. Right now is all I’m interested in.”

  He sighed. He could refuse her so little. He’d been kidding himself for days. This had to come to an end. It might kill him when Stacey got on the ferry but he wouldn’t give up what time they could still share.

  She clasped his hand, tugged him up and led him into the house. This time her eyes shone bright with seduction and desire. She led him to the bedroom he couldn’t find earlier. They removed the few clothes they wore, saying nothing, just looking into each other’s eyes. Their lovemaking was deliberate, delicious and passionately deep. Everything about it said they were aware this would be their last time together.

  Sometime later Stacey asked while Cody was dressing, “May I come over and say bye to Jean and Lizzy tomorrow? I’m planning to take the midafternoon ferry off the island. I don’t want to just disappear on them. I had that happen to me more than once and I won’t do it to them.”

  He looked at her, indecisi
on obvious in his eyes. “Why don’t you come for a late breakfast?” Cody asked as he buckled his belt.

  “I don’t think that would be a good idea.” It would surely make it more difficult for her.

  “At this point nothing about this is going to be easy.”

  She couldn’t disagree with that statement.

  “The girls would really like to be with you for a while one last time.” What he left off was how he would feel about it.

  He put his hands on each side of her where she lay on the bed and gave her a long tender kiss. “I’ll say my goodbye now. It has been nice knowing you, Stacey. Good luck.”

  Stacey didn’t like the sound of finality in his voice. Cody was already distancing himself. She didn’t want that. Not yet. She reached around his neck and tried to pull him down to her but he stayed propped on his palms above her. He gave her one more searching look. As if he were memorizing her. He straightened. She groaned her complaint.

  “I’ve got to go. I still feel guilty about lying to the sitter.”

  She stretched like a cat in the sun, arching her back so that her breasts were thrust high into his chest.

  Cody muttered a word under his breath that wasn’t repeatable in polite company. “You aren’t playing fair.”

  Stacey pretended to giggle, trying to lighten the mood. “Is there a problem, Doc?”

  “Yeah, there is.” With that he turned on his heel and left.

  Her smile dropped and she looked at the empty doorway. She had a problem too. Oh, yes, she would leave part of herself on Maple Island. A part she was sure she would never recover.

  * * *

  When she arrived at Cody’s the next morning she was confident the idea of her having a meal with his family was a wrong step but she’d agreed to do it and wouldn’t turn away. For once in her life she was willing to chuck out her major rule in life and not make sure she had said her goodbyes. It would have been so much easier to just get on the ferry and not look back. But she couldn’t bring herself to do that.