Rosanna's Gift

by Susan Lantz Simpson

  “Who could that be?” Samuel laid his paper aside. “Do you have any women who might need you?” He looked over at Sarah.

  “None of my patients are due right now.”

  The knock sounded again. Samuel grunted as he rose from the couch. “I guess I’d better let our visitor inside.”

  Rosanna’s heart jumped when she heard the voice greeting her daed. She’d forgotten Paul had said he’d drop by. She had assumed he’d spoken out of politeness and wouldn’t actually miss the singing.

  “Look who I found out in the cold!” Samuel’s lips twitched above his full beard.

  “Hello, Paul. Kumm have a seat near the stove.”

  “Danki, Sarah. The temperature sure drops fast when the sun slides from the sky.” Paul rubbed his hands together as he crossed the room. “Hi, Rosanna.”

  “Hi, Paul. I thought you’d be at the singing by now.”

  “Not tonight.” He perched on the edge of the chair nearest Rosanna.

  She glanced up in time to catch Samuel nod at Sarah, who promptly scrambled off the couch with her knitting bag. The two of them stole from the room, leaving Rosanna alone with Paul.

  “I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

  “Not at all. I’m trying to work on this afghan without making a mess of it.”

  “It’s pretty.”

  “Danki. I don’t get a lot of time to work on it these days.” She quickly finished the row and plunged the needles back into the ball of yarn for safekeeping.

  “I don’t want to keep you from your knitting. You can go ahead.”

  “That’s okay. My eyes get bleary by evening anyway.”

  “I don’t want to keep you up. If you’re tired and want to get some sleep, I’ll understand.”

  Sarah poked her head into the room. “There is applesauce cake if you want a snack. Or lemon pie, if you prefer. Samuel and I are going upstairs.”

  “Okay, Mamm. Gut nacht.” Why did her parents believe they had to make themselves scarce? Surely they knew she and Paul weren’t courting. Now she fought nervousness again. “Would you like pie or cake?”

  “Maybe later.”

  Rosanna nodded. “Didn’t you want to attend the singing tonight?”

  “Not really.” Paul looked at the floor and mumbled, “You weren’t going to be there.”

  Rosanna gulped. What should she say to that? “I-I thought it would be better to stay home tonight.”

  “I understand. Have you heard anything?”

  “Kandi visited again. Her visits are awfully disturbing.”

  “How so?”

  “She says she plans to take Mollie, or to try to take her, in one breath but talks about her crazy work hours in the next one. She won’t change Mollie or feed her. She’ll barely even hold her. I don’t know if she’s afraid or if she thinks Mollie will get her dirty or what. When I put the boppli in her arms, you’d have thought I handed her a snake.” Rosanna shook her head and absently picked at her nails. “What kind of life would that be for Mollie? She’d feel so unloved.” Rosanna sniffed and picked harder at her nails.

  “Surely the authorities would investigate how Mollie would be cared for if Kandi filed for custody, wouldn’t they?”

  Rosanna shrugged and continued picking her nails. “Mollie doesn’t have a daed, but then Kandi is single, too. At least here Mollie has lots of other family members to care for her.”

  “Do you think it would make a difference?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “If Mollie had a daed.”

  “They’d probably see that as a stable family unit, but there are lots of single parents. At least that’s what Amy Rogers said.”

  Paul’s voice dropped to whisper level. “We can remedy that problem.”

  “What problem?” And “we” who?

  “The issue of Mollie not having a daed.”

  “How?”

  Paul reached to still Rosanna’s fidgeting fingers. He left his hand on hers. “We could get married. Then Mollie would have two parents.”

  Rosanna’s breath caught. Her heart skipped a beat. Surely she hadn’t heard Paul correctly. He was speaking too softly. That was it. “What did you say?” Rosanna sat forward, thinking that would help her hear better.

  “We could get married.” Paul repeated the words slightly louder. “You know how fond I am of Mollie.”

  “Marriage is forever, Paul, not something to be undertaken simply to solve a problem.”

  “I’m well aware of that.”

  “That means once the issue of Mollie’s custody is settled, we’d still be . . .”

  “I’m okay with that.”

  Just okay? Shouldn’t there be some sort of declaration of caring, if not love? Did Paul only care about Mollie or did he care about her as well? His proposition sounded like a business deal or a bargain at the market, not like any marriage proposal she had ever heard of or hoped for. She opened her mouth, but not even a squeak came out.

  “I know I took you by surprise, Rosanna.”

  “That’s for sure and for certain.”

  “And I probably said everything all wrong.”

  “I guess I don’t understand. Why would you offer to make such a serious, permanent commitment? Why would you sacrifice your own happiness?”

  “Who says I wouldn’t be happy? We get along well. We both love Mollie.”

  “Shouldn’t there be more than ‘getting along well’?” Rosanna thought of her parents. They obviously loved each other very much. She’d seen glances of love pass between her bruders and their fraas, too. Was love too much to hope for?

  “I think there would be.” Paul took one of her hands between his much larger ones. “You know I care about you, don’t you, Rosanna?”

  People cared about their horses and dogs, too. “I know you have been a wunderbaar freind.”

  “Lots of couples start out as freinden first.”

  His words might be true, but those couples usually fell in love before they considered getting married. She didn’t want to enter marriage hoping her husband would love her one day. “You’d do this for Mollie?”

  “For all of us. You are the best mamm for Mollie. I want to do everything possible to make sure she stays with you.”

  Rosanna didn’t know what to think, much less what to say.

  “I know this came as a surprise.”

  “Shock” might be a better word. Rosanna merely nodded.

  “Will you at least think about it? I really believe we could provide a gut home for Mollie and be happy together. Please say you’ll consider my offer.”

  Rosanna nodded again.

  “I’ll let you get some sleep. I’ll talk to you soon.” With that, Paul slipped from the room and from the house.

  Rosanna rocked. Her knitting slipped from her lap and landed in a heap at her feet. I didn’t offer him any cake or pie. For goodness’ sake, after everything that had transpired, she was fretting over not offering a snack? Her sigh sounded like a gale force wind whistling through the silent room. A loud pop from the stove startled her.

  Of all the things she and Paul could have discussed, a marriage of convenience would never have cropped up in her wildest imaginings. And that’s what it would be. If there wasn’t any love, the marriage would be only a handy solution to a problem. Could she live with that—even if it might help her keep her boppli?

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Could he have possibly done a worse job than that? Paul didn’t even notice the cold or the frost that had already formed to make the winter-weary grass crunch under his feet. Nor did he see the vast array of stars twinkling overhead in the ebony sky. He’d sounded like he was trying to make a deal at a horse auction, not like he was asking the girl of his dreams to marry him. Had he once mentioned he cared about Rosanna, or had he merely offered a proposition for helping her keep Mollie? He couldn’t remember exactly what he had said. He had barely been able to hear his own words with his heart thumping like a hundred hamme
rs pounding in his ears. Arggh! How could he have made such a mess of things? It was a wonder Rosanna didn’t toss him out the front door and stomp upstairs in a huff.

  She wouldn’t do that, though. Rosanna was the kindest, sweetest, most considerate person he knew. And her dark hair and chocolate drop eyes made many an appearance in his dreams. Had he told her any of that? Nee! What was wrong with him? He climbed into his buggy and clucked to the horse. Thankfully the horse knew his way home, because Paul wasn’t paying a bit of attention to where he was or where he was going.

  He tried to calm himself and to justify his behavior. Even though he was twenty-four, he hadn’t had a whole lot of experience with girls. He’d certainly never asked one to marry him. He’d thought about asking to take Rosanna home after a singing, but he’d thought too long and ended up watching her talk to Henry Zook instead. At least that relationship had gone nowhere fast, especially after Mollie arrived.

  Mollie. What a sweet boppli. Was he ready to take on the challenge of parenthood? He thought so. Nee, he knew so. For some reason, he’d been captivated by Mollie ever since her birth. If that wasn’t the Lord Gott’s will, he didn’t know what was. Would he ever be able to convince Rosanna of that? He’d better figure out a way to gain her trust and maybe, just maybe, her love. That is, if he could make up for tonight’s blunder.

  * * *

  Rosanna listened to the fire crackling in the stove beside her. She hadn’t moved from the rocking chair or even reached down to retrieve her knitting. Maybe she had dozed off and simply dreamed Paul Hertzler visited this evening. She had certainly been tired when she first sat down with her parents, so that was a possibility, albeit a slim one. She was definitely wide awake now. The faint scent of spicy aftershave assured her that Paul had really been here.

  The marriage proposal, if it could even be called that, was nothing like what she’d dreamed of. In her perfect dream world, her handsome suitor would declare his undying love for her and beg her to spend her life with him. She’d be totally swept off her feet and eager to accept the proposal. Paul’s words had sounded like a business transaction.

  Yet, he did gaze at her tenderly with those chameleon eyes, which had looked green tonight, matching his green shirt. His voice held a sincerity that couldn’t be denied. Rosanna didn’t have any doubt Paul would live up to his word. He would be the best husband and daed he could be. His fondness for Mollie was obvious. He did say he cared about both of them. But people generally cared about their freinden. That didn’t mean they loved them the way marriage partners should love each other.

  Rosanna smiled, remembering Paul’s nervousness but determination to speak his mind. His desire to go to such an extreme measure as forming a permanent, irrevocable bond astounded her. What other young man would willingly abandon his own dreams to help a freind? Unless Paul really loved her. Could love have been the emotion that had flashed across his face and blazed in his eyes? Love for her? Love for Mollie, for sure. But for her?

  She sighed and continued rocking. She closed her eyes to think. Paul was a nice fellow. Extremely nice. He was polite, helpful, and considerate. Those were all great qualities, for sure. And he was definitely pleasing to look at. Would marrying Paul be the best thing for Mollie? Would it help ensure Mollie’s permanent placement with her?

  Ach, Rosanna! You can’t marry someone for the wrong reason. Marrying to solve a problem would be the wrong reason. Even if her heart did a funny little blip when Paul gazed into her eyes or smiled at her from across the room at church services, that did not mean marriage would be right for them. Even if marrying Paul absolutely, positively guaranteed that Mollie would remain with her, Rosanna couldn’t do it. She wanted a marriage based on love, trust, and common beliefs.

  She was pretty sure she and Paul held similar, if not identical, beliefs. She knew she could trust him with her life and with Mollie’s. But did he love her? Did she love him? Life was too confusing for her poor, tired brain.

  * * *

  “Rosanna!”

  Rosanna jerked awake. If Sarah’s hand on her arm hadn’t held her steady, she would have slid right out of the chair. She gasped. “Mamm! What time is it?” She reached up with her free hand to rub her eyes.

  “A little after two in the morning. Are you all right?”

  “Mollie!” Rosanna attempted to leap from the chair, but Sarah pressed her down.

  “Mollie is sleeping peacefully. I checked before I came downstairs. What happened to you? Did Paul just leave?”

  “Nee. He’s been gone a long time. I sat here thinking and fell asleep.” She moved her hand from her eyes to massage her aching neck. “I think my neck is broken.”

  “A wooden rocking chair, even one with a cushion, does not make the most comfortable bed.”

  “What are you doing up, Mamm?”

  “I got up to use the bathroom, and I saw a flickering light downstairs. I feared the house was on fire.”

  “I’m sorry I worried you.”

  “That’s okay. If I hadn’t investigated, your poor neck would be broken for sure. Did Paul say or do something to upset you?”

  “Of course not.” Rosanna couldn’t say she was upset. Perplexed or confused, but not upset. “I guess I should get to bed.” She leaned over to pick up her knitting and almost toppled out of the chair. Again Sarah steadied her. “I guess I’m more tired than I thought.” She attempted a smile.

  “Rosanna, do you . . .”

  “I’ll put another piece of wood in the stove and be right upstairs.”

  “In other words, I should mind my own business and leave you alone.”

  Rosanna squeezed her mamm’s hand. “Of course not. I just don’t have anything to say.” Not now, anyway.

  “Okay.” Sarah’s deep sigh sounded like pure exasperation. “We can talk tomorrow—well, make that later today.”

  Rosanna nodded. She doubted she’d reveal the details of Paul’s visit later, either. She stuffed her knitting into its bag and stood on stiff legs. She raised one knee and then the other in an effort to work out the kinks. She laid her bag on the chair to use both hands to add a big chunk of wood to the stove. That should keep the fire going until she got up for the day in only a couple of hours.

  * * *

  What seemed only moments later, the fat, loud rooster announced the approach of dawn. Rosanna groaned as she flung off the covers. There wasn’t any use lying there wishing she could stay in bed. She needed to help with breakfast and get ready to tend to Mollie. She had hoped the Lord Gott would have sent an angel to whisper in her ear as she catnapped. To her dismay, she awoke without an answer and without a single idea of what she should say to Paul the next time she saw him. Would he return for an answer today? Ach! There was one more worry to add to her growing list. She hurried to dress and stumbled down the stairs.

  “You did get up. I thought you might sleep a bit later since you had such a rough night.” Sarah glanced over her shoulder in the middle of flipping pancakes.

  “I wouldn’t do that. Do you want me to pack lunches or help with breakfast?”

  “Lunches are ready. You can stir the oatmeal and make some orange juice.”

  “You must have gotten up extra early. You did go back to bed, didn’t you, Mamm?” Rosanna knew her mudder was used to catching snatches of sleep here and there ever since she started tending to laboring women years ago. She seemed to have boundless energy, but then could drop off to sleep in an instant.

  “I did, but I was restless, so I figured I’d get the day underway.”

  “Not at two in the morning.”

  Sarah chuckled. “Not quite that early, but I did manage to get out of bed before that old rooster woke up this morning. Did you hear any sound from your schweschders?”

  “Not a peep.”

  “Would you holler for them, please? Daed and the buwe will be in by the time those two finish dawdling.”

  * * *

  “Do you want to tell me what’s troubling you?” Sarah
dropped three plastic juice cups into the dishwater.

  With silence reigning in the kitchen at last, this would be the perfect time to confide in her mamm. Everyone else had been sent off to school or work. Mollie had been fed and now happily kicked and cooed in the playpen. Yet Rosanna couldn’t bring herself to divulge her quandary. She watched the cups bob among the bubbles in the sink. “Nothing is troubling me.”

  “And I just dropped to the planet from outer space.”

  Rosanna smiled. “Nothing really different is bothering me. How’s that?” She didn’t dare look in Sarah’s direction. Her mudder had the uncanny ability to read her like a book. She picked up a cup and swirled the dishrag in and over it. “Do you think we’ll hear something from Kandi?”

  “Only the Lord Gott knows that. We haven’t heard anything yet, so maybe that’s a gut sign.”

  “Do you think there is anything I can do to make sure Mollie stays with me other than hope and pray?”

  “I think those are the best things to do.”

  Rosanna nodded. She rinsed the cup and set it in the drainer. She snagged the next floating cup and repeated the process. Her thoughts swam like the little cups. “You and Daed loved each other before you got married, ain’t so? I mean, you didn’t learn to love each other afterward.”

  “Our love has grown deeper and stronger over the years, but we did love each other before we took our vows.”

  “I know I’ve asked you before, but how did you know he was the one for you? Was it love at first sight?”

  Sarah laughed. “We were freinden first, so we cared about each other in that way. Gradually we found ourselves pairing off more and more at the young folks’ gatherings and realized our feelings had changed. Your daed was always considerate and kind. And he always made me laugh.”