The Diary of a Nobody
Page 16
CHAPTER XVI
We lose money over Lupin’s advice as to investment, so does Cummings.Murray Posh engaged to Daisy Mutlar.
FEBRUARY 18.—Carrie has several times recently called attention to thethinness of my hair at the top of my head, and recommended me to get itseen to. I was this morning trying to look at it by the aid of a smallhand-glass, when somehow my elbow caught against the edge of the chest ofdrawers and knocked the glass out of my hand and smashed it. Carrie wasin an awful way about it, as she is rather absurdly superstitious. Tomake matters worse, my large photograph in the drawing-room fell duringthe night, and the glass cracked.
Carrie said: “Mark my words, Charles, some misfortune is about tohappen.”
I said: “Nonsense, dear.”
In the evening Lupin arrived home early, and seemed a little agitated. Isaid: “What’s up, my boy?” He hesitated a good deal, and then said: “Youknow those Parachikka Chlorates I advised you to invest £20 in?” Ireplied: “Yes, they are all right, I trust?” He replied: “Well, no! Tothe surprise of everybody, they have utterly collapsed.”
My breath was so completely taken away, I could say nothing. Carrielooked at me, and said: “What did I tell you?” Lupin, after a while,said: “However, you are specially fortunate. I received an early tip,and sold out yours immediately, and was fortunate to get £2 for them. Soyou get something after all.”
I gave a sigh of relief. I said: “I was not so sanguine as to suppose,as you predicted, that I should get six or eight times the amount of myinvestment; still a profit of £2 is a good percentage for such a shorttime.” Lupin said, quite irritably: “You don’t understand. I sold your£20 shares for £2; you therefore lose £18 on the transaction, wherebyCummings and Gowing will lose the whole of theirs.”
FEBRUARY 19.—Lupin, before going to town, said: “I am very sorry aboutthose Parachikka Chlorates; it would not have happened if the boss, JobCleanands, had been in town. Between ourselves, you must not besurprised if something goes wrong at our office. Job Cleanands has notbeen seen the last few days, and it strikes me several people _do_ wantto see him very particularly.”
In the evening Lupin was just on the point of going out to avoid acollision with Gowing and Cummings, when the former entered the room,without knocking, but with his usual trick of saying, “May I come in?”
He entered, and to the surprise of Lupin and myself, seemed to be in thevery best of spirits. Neither Lupin nor I broached the subject to him,but he did so of his own accord. He said: “I say, those ParachikkaChlorates have gone an awful smash! You’re a nice one, Master Lupin.How much do you lose?” Lupin, to my utter astonishment, said: “Oh! Ihad nothing in them. There was some informality in my application—Iforgot to enclose the cheque or something, and I didn’t get any. TheGuv. loses £18.” I said: “I quite understood you were in it, or nothingwould have induced me to speculate.” Lupin replied: “Well, it can’t behelped; you must go double on the next tip.” Before I could reply,Gowing said: “Well, I lose nothing, fortunately. From what I heard, Idid not quite believe in them, so I persuaded Cummings to take my £15worth, as he had more faith in them than I had.”
Lupin burst out laughing, and, in the most unseemly manner, said: “Alas,poor Cummings. He’ll lose £35.” At that moment there was a ring at thebell. Lupin said: “I don’t want to meet Cummings.” If he had gone outof the door he would have met him in the passage, so as quickly aspossible Lupin opened the parlour window and got out. Gowing jumped upsuddenly, exclaiming: “I don’t want to see him either!” and, before Icould say a word, he followed Lupin out of the window.
For my own part, I was horrified to think my own son and one of my mostintimate friends should depart from the house like a couple ofinterrupted burglars. Poor Cummings was very upset, and of course wasnaturally very angry both with Lupin and Gowing. I pressed him to have alittle whisky, and he replied that he had given up whisky; but would likea little “Unsweetened,” as he was advised it was the most healthy spirit.I had none in the house, but sent Sarah round to Lockwood’s for some.
FEBRUARY 20.—The first thing that caught my eye on opening the _Standard_was—“Great Failure of Stock and Share Dealers! Mr. Job Cleanandsabsconded!” I handed it to Carrie, and she replied: “Oh! perhaps it’sfor Lupin’s good. I never did think it a suitable situation for him.” Ithought the whole affair very shocking.
Lupin came down to breakfast, and seeing he looked painfully distressed,I said: “We know the news, my dear boy, and feel very sorry for you.”Lupin said: “How did you know? who told you?” I handed him the_Standard_. He threw the paper down, and said: “Oh I don’t care a buttonfor that! I expected that, but I did not expect this.” He then read aletter from Frank Mutlar, announcing, in a cool manner, that Daisy Mutlaris to be married next month to Murray Posh. I exclaimed, “Murray Posh!Is not that the very man Frank had the impudence to bring here lastTuesday week?” Lupin said: “Yes; the ‘_Posh’s-three-shilling-hats_’chap.”
We all then ate our breakfast in dead silence.
In fact, I could eat nothing. I was not only too worried, but I cannotand will not eat cushion of bacon. If I cannot get streaky bacon, I willdo without anything.
When Lupin rose to go I noticed a malicious smile creep over his face. Iasked him what it meant. He replied: “Oh! only a littleconsolation—still it is a consolation. I have just remembered that, by_my_ advice, Mr. Murray Posh has invested £600 in Parachikka Chlorates!”