Love Worth Pursuing

by Max Hudson

  Opening his browser, Steve looked it up. “Let me check, I should probably know, in case I need anything medical. I’m insured, but still...” Seeing the numbers on his screen, he stopped. “Wait, is that right?”

  “Is it on the NHS website?” Euan asked.

  “Yeah.”

  “Then it’s probably whatever it says. Is it bad?” Euan sat up and leaned over Steve’s shoulder. “Ouch.”

  “You kidding? That’s really low,” Steve replied. Steve felt cheated. “So, if I get something here, it’s cheaper to pay for my treatment than use my insurance? That was a waste.”

  “Nah, you probably need the insurance for other things,” Euan said, pointing at another part of the page. “Anyway, weren’t you supposed to be changing passwords.”

  Steve nodded. “Yeah, that.”

  Euan lay back down again and picked up a pamphlet for some museum or another from the other bedside table. Steve guessed he was trying to be polite and not watch as Steve sorted his accounts.

  Steve tried to log into his bank. It didn’t work.

  He tried again. Nothing.

  He brought up the saved passwords and copied it down directly. Wrong password.

  “Fuck,” he said, choosing to reset his password.

  He was always logged into his email, at least. But when he opened the page, he saw a timer. “Due to your recent password change you are being logged out of all devices. Please log in again using your new password.”

  “Fuck no,” Steve said, loading his alternative email and social media accounts on several tabs in a panic.

  “What is it?” Euan asked, sitting up a bit but not looking directly at the screen.

  “I’m locked out of my fucking accounts,” Steve said. “Maybe they guessed my PIN? Shit, it’s everything.”

  He breathed a sigh of relief. “At least they haven’t changed my cloud password. I’m gonna lock it until Alex can log in and change the password at his end. Fuck, my head hurts. This is bad. What am I gonna do?”

  “You have to let everyone know what happened,” Euan replied. “Maybe they can lock the accounts until you prove that they were yours?”

  “First things first, got to contact the bank, and work, and…” Steve was too overwhelmed to even think. Everything was going wrong. He didn’t even know where to start.

  Euan rested a hand on Steve’s shoulder. “Just breathe, okay? One step at a time.”

  Steve didn’t want to admit it, but Euan’s words swept at least half the panic out of him.

  “Think of one thing that is good,” Euan said.

  “Thank fuck they didn’t access my cloud, I can’t imagine losing all my work like that,” Steve said, snapping his fingers.

  “That’s great. Now one thing you need to do first,” Euan continued.

  “Contact the bank, then Alex, see what he can do about connected accounts, and-”

  “Focus on the first thing,” Euan interrupted.

  Steve was anxious, but Euan was right. One call later and his bank account was frozen. The next thing was a bit more daunting, but he bit the bullet and messaged Alex with a list of what he had lost.

  He had assumed that Alex would wait until working hours to call him. He was wrong. Instantly, he got a message saying video chat was being initiated. And he knew better than to decline.

  “So, tell Steven what happened?” Alex asked, his calm expression barely masking the panic and anger in his voice.

  Euan sat on the bed, clearly listening in. Steve felt uncomfortable, but he also didn’t want to let Alex know he had anyone there. “Uh, I was robbed last night. Phone, wallet, everything gone. And they got into it, so all my passwords are changed except a couple of work ones and the cloud.”

  “I didn’t foresee that. That could be pretty bad press for us, so don’t mention it, we’ll try and lock all the shared accounts before the person gets around to messing with our clients,” Alex replied. “They must have been pretty fast...”

  Steve fidgeted uncomfortably. He could blame it on the person who robbed him. Easily. But he didn’t want to hide any part of the truth from Alex. They had a good work relationship, and Steve had been raised to be honest. He drew a deep breath. “I was drunk.”

  “What?” Alex asked, his anger showing briefly. “When?”

  “When I was robbed. I was really drunk, so I made the report and came home and basically fell asleep. The guy had like six hours to get into stuff,” Steve replied.

  Alex sighed and raised a hand to his temples. “That isn’t exactly your fault Steve. If they could get in, they could get in. But… if you can’t do the job without going out and getting drunk on work money, maybe this isn’t right for you.”

  Steve shook his head. “It’s not like that, honest. I was just checking out the local culture...”

  “You don’t need to get drunk to do that. In fact, it makes it worse, and you know that. I will do my best to work things out over here,” Alex finally said with a sigh. “But I have half a mind to bring you home. If you can’t take the job seriously, then we need to find someone who will.”

  “I just wanted to give a full picture of what Wales is like, it’s not like I planned on being robbed,” Steve insisted, a little panic in his voice.

  “I know you didn’t plan on being robbed. I’m not saying that’s the problem. Shit happens, Steven. But the fact you were out getting drunk with work money, your work phone… That’s irresponsible at best. I can’t overlook that entirely,” Alex explained.

  Steve couldn’t argue with that. Alex was right. He just nodded.

  “I’ll talk to the team, see what they think,” Alex replied. “Don’t think this is the worst thing that has ever happened to one of our reporters. I just want to make sure you are fit for the job, and that you come home safe. This can’t be the start of something.”

  “Is there anything else I can do?” Steve asked.

  “No, it sounds like you got it all. I’ll sort the social media and cloud passwords immediately. Just don’t forget any of your personal passwords that might have been on there,” Alex replied. “I’ll let you know as soon as things change.”

  Alex ended the call before Steve could say anything else.

  Steve sighed and collapsed back on the bed. “I fucked up.”

  “A bit,” Euan replied. “But it’s just the getting drunk thing that’s your fault. The rest is… well, even your boss said, ‘shit happens’, right? Maybe they won’t consider the whole picture, just the one thing that was your fault?”

  “I hope so,” Steve said. “I need a coffee.”

  Euan laughed. “Fine, let’s get you down to the bakery for some coffee.”

  Chapter Nine

  Walking into the bakery with his laptop case, Steve felt a bit less excited to work than usual. All the wind had been taken out of his sails. He knew he had to keep working, at least a bit, to prove he wasn’t just spending his time slacking off. But even thinking about work was reminding him of the night.

  As he set up, Euan all but rushed to the back, putting on the coffee maker. “You don’t have to do work right away,” he said.

  Steve watched Euan bustling about, flinching whenever he accidentally touched something with the sore part of his hand. “Neither do you. But I think we both need to keep a routine after last night.”

  “I guess so,” Euan agreed. “It’s just I’d wish you could have a break. You need it, for your mental health.”

  Euan came out with their coffees and two huge slices of cake.

  “I’ll pass on the cake today,” Steve said, already feeling queasy.

  Euan, not dissuaded, started eating his own one. “I always feel so hungry after a night out drinking,” he said with a full mouth. “You’d think with all those calories I would be less hungry, but I just want to eat like I’m still growing. Which I might be, but not the kind of growth I want.”

  Steve laughed. “What are you talking about? You look great.”

  “Really? I used
to be a bit more, well, shredded,” Euan replied, already almost done with his slice of cake and eyeing up the second one.

  “You look good like this,” Steve insisted, his cheeks flushing a bit.

  “In that case,” Euan said, pushing the last forkful of cake into his mouth and taking Steve’s abandoned slice.

  Steve settled back into the chair and stared at his screen. Euan was right about needing a break, of course. But having a break would mean letting Alex know how much it had affected him. Which would mean leaving Euan even sooner. He didn’t want that.

  He had to go sooner or later, but this possibility of a sudden separation felt wrong.

  Receiving a password reset from Alex on his personal email, Steve logged into the cloud and opened a file, ready to note down anything he could remember about the clubs. It felt a bit wrong, considering what had happened later, but if he was going to persuade Alex that the club visits had been worthwhile, he needed something to show for it.

  There was a click as the front door unlocked, and the bell rang. A burly man marched into the shop. He was only about five foot six, but built like an old-time strongman. He was glaring at Euan.

  “Not opening today either? You think I wouldn’t notice?” he asked.

  Euan sliced another chunk of cake with the edge of his fork. “I’m going to need a few days off, Dad, my hand got hurt.”

  “What’s the excuse for the other days?” Euan’s father asked, walking up to the table.

  Though smaller than Euan and shorter than both of them, there was something imposing about his presence. He was not there to mess around. Steve felt like he was also in trouble.

  “I’m getting paid to help this American tour writer learn about Aber,” Euan said. His lack of eye contact and tone of voice seemed sullen, but there was an edge of pain to it as well. He stood up, taking both plates, his feet pointed at the counter.

  Steve wanted to reach over and hold Euan’s hand, but he felt stranded. It was not his place to interrupt them. He wondered if he should get up and leave, or if that would be rude too. It felt like being a deer stuck in the headlights, unable to work out the best path out of the situation, just waiting for the oncoming vehicle to do whatever it was going to do.

  “No, Euan, you can’t do this to us!” Euan’s father exclaimed. “You said you would keep the bakery running, you said you would hold it all together. I trusted you.”

  “I was!” Euan exclaimed back, looking up at his father for only a moment before turning his eyes down. “I was. I just got busy again.”

  “This isn’t your job, though,” Euan’s father replied, sitting down on a spare chair. “Your job is to work the bakery, not be a tour guide. No offense,” he added, glancing at Steve.

  Still uncomfortable, Steve shook his head a little.

  Euan sat down as well. “I just- I wanted a break. This was fun, and interesting.”

  “You can’t do this without even telling me,” his father replied.

  “I’m getting paid. The deliveries are still happening. It’s not like we made many sales by keeping the cafe open anyways,” Euan began explaining.

  “I need to keep this place running, I have no choice in the matter here. It isn’t about money, I want the family business to stay open,” Euan’s father insisted. “You said you could do that for me. I… I can’t begin to tell you how disappointed I am in you right now.”

  “I don’t want to do this. I want to finish my studies and work a job I am passionate about,” Euan said. “I’m happy to help out, but you can’t treat me like I’m an employee on an hourly salary when all I’m doing is free work sitting around in a cafe all day. I am doing the things that make money and keep the bakery open.”

  “It’s not about-” Euan’s father began.

  “I know, Dad,” Euan interrupted. “So, if it’s not about the money, maybe I can just stop the deliveries and orders instead? If the cafe is really all that important, then maybe we can focus on the cafe instead of the bakery.”

  “You know that isn’t how things work,” Euan’s father replied. “We have bills to pay here.”

  “So what? I have to work all afternoon and every morning with deliveries, and then sit around in the cafe to keep up appearances?” Euan asked.

  Steve could tell that Euan was furious. He could also tell this was getting personal. He moved to stand up. Euan reached out and took Steve’s hand under the table edge. Steve relaxed back onto his seat. Euan wanted him there. However awkward it was, if Euan wanted him to stay, then that was what had to happen.

  “Don’t forget I’m looking after you right now, and don’t get that young man involved in our business,” Euan’s father said.

  Euan glared. “I want him here. And you shouldn’t forget I left University and came back here. I was handling my own bills just fine when I was studying.”

  “So, you’re happy to work as a courier for some restaurant in York, but not to work for the family business?”

  “I was paid by the hour, and I could choose what jobs I want to take on,” Euan replied. “I could quit or change jobs if I wanted.”

  “I had to leave your mother with her sister today, so I could even speak to you. Do you think I want to be here? Do you think I want to leave her side for even a moment?” Euan’s father’s eyes were brimming with tears. “I was trusting you to keep things rolling so I could care for her.”

  “And how long am I expected to do this? She isn’t getting better,” Euan snapped. “I’m not some free service for you, I’m a person too.”

  “You offered to do this. And you should do this. You will be the one to get the business, so the least you can do is keep the cafe and shop open until the time comes that I can sign it over to your name,” Euan’s father explained.

  Steve could feel the tension growing stronger. He wanted to go. There was no way to easily leave. Euan wanted him here. He tried to make eye contact, to interrupt a bit and just get enough attention to excuse himself, but it wasn’t happening.

  “And if I don’t want the business?” Euan asked.

  “That would be a waste of all the work that went into keeping the shop open,” his father replied.

  “I don’t want to keep the shop open. I don’t want to work here. I don’t want to take over the business,” Euan insisted. “I don’t know how else I can explain this to you. And, well, after me then what? Not like you are going to have grandkids.”

  “You can adopt, I always knew that,” Euan’s father began.

  “And what if I don’t want to adopt? What if I don’t want kids at all? What if I just want to live my life, not carry on your legacy?”

  Euan sounded so exasperated, like he had had this argument before. Maybe not all at once, but everything they were saying sounded repeated, like each thing was a separate argument they had gone through before, now all reaching boiling point.

  And then, like a welling ocean wave that rose higher and higher, only to flatten out without cresting or breaking, it was all gone. Euan’s father sighed and his face fell. Euan’s shoulders slumped and he looked away.

  “This business has been in our family for generations. We have so much to offer Aber,” Euan’s father said, brow furrowed. “I don’t want to lose it. I owe it to every Roberts that came before us.”

  “And that was your choice, but I need to make my own choices now,” Euan replied.

  “You know,” Euan’s father began with a disarming, gentle smile. “I used to feel the same way. It didn’t make sense to me either at first, but as I got older-”

  Euan shook his head and stood up. “I can’t do this. I just can’t.” He began to walk towards the door.

  Steve stood to follow Euan.

  “No, sorry, just, give me some space, both of you,” Euan said flatly as he walked out of the door.

  Euan’s father sighed heavily. “I guess I’m working the bakery today,” he said, most likely to himself.

  Steve moved to leave as well, not wanting to stay any lon
ger now that the situation he had been trapped in was over.

  “So, what do you think I ought to do?” Euan’s father asked Steve.

  Steve froze. “I- I don’t know.”

  “Sorry you had to see that. You shouldn’t have been here. He was just being difficult,” the older man said. “Is there anything I can do for you?”

  Chapter Ten

  Steve walks over to the counter. He doesn’t know what he is going to say until he says it. And then it began pouring out.

  “Please, don’t blame him for this. I was the one who asked for his help,” Steve said. “I just needed some help, and he was so kind, and I definitely took advantage of that.”

  “No, no, he is a grown boy, he… he can make those choices on his own,” Euan’s father replied. “He would have found a reason eventually. It feels like he’s been looking for a reason since he came home. Hell, I think he’s been looking for a reason to get out of this since he was a kid.”

  “Maybe it just really isn’t for him,” Steve suggested. Steve wasn’t sure if he should be doing this, but he couldn’t help himself. He didn’t want to see Euan so unhappy again.

  Euan’s father sighed heavily. “Maybe not. He just seemed to be at least putting in a bit of effort, showing some interest, right? It’s like I don’t even know him. Here, let me get you a coffee for your troubles.”

  “Thanks,” Steve said.

  “No problem. I mean no offense, but you look pretty rough.”

  Steve laughed. “Yeah, last night was… something.”

  “I’m Mike, by the way,” Euan’s father said, extending a hand over the counter.

  “Steven, but folks call me Steve,” Steve said, shaking the hand firmly. Like father like son, Mike’s burly hand felt like a winch closing on Steve’s knuckles. It didn’t seem intentional either, it was just a strength beyond his control.

  “What happened last night, then? His hand, and you… big night out?” Mike asked.

  Steve wanted to tell him all about it. But that wasn’t his place. It was up to Euan to talk about that. He nodded. “Yeah, it got a bit out of control.”