Serenity (Forever Book 1)

by India R. Adams

  “Do what, Serenity? Hold you?”

  “Yes, that,” I growl in the kitchen.

  “That’s asking me to stop breathing.”

  As his hand timidly touches my shoulder again, I feel his love for a moment. Deep instincts want me to let that love in, but the same promises I can’t refuse enter my mind. Walk away… then no more pain, Serenity. Desperate, I listen to the darkness looming over my soul and turn my back on Dereck. As I walk away, I can practically hear his heart crack with my every cruel move, including sleeping in my own room again.

  The flower field calls to me, but I don’t move. The sun shines on the path leading to her, but I stand still. Her cloak blows behind her as she walks toward me, asking, “Will you meet me halfway on your journey?”

  Motionless. I stare at her, absolutely motionless.

  She approaches. “You say nothing, Sugar Plum?”

  I want her. I want her badly. I peer behind me to see if the whispers have followed.

  “Darkness cannot reach you here.”

  My arms fly around her. She is the only one who can reach me now.

  “Don’t let them use your pain against you, Serenity.”

  “How did you get me here?”

  She smiles. “His love helped me.”

  My eyes open. I’m in Dereck’s arms—in his bed. The sane part of me must have searched for him in the night, as I used to. The new crazy me is furious! This is going to anger the voices. “Dereck!”

  He jolts from his sleep. “Are you okay?”

  “No! Why did you let me sleep in here?” I yell as though my actions are his fault.

  Dereck, so willing, takes the blame. “I will never deny you.” He attempts to touch my face but is left with nothing but empty space as I storm out of his room.

  Josh, completely over my borderline abusive ways, keeps reaching out to me, but I don’t wish to hear his bullshit either. I try to shut him out altogether, as I was told to do by the voices. My attitude is soaring like a lead balloon with Josh. My phone rings, so I let it go to voicemail. The voices are powerful, and I want what they promise, but so far they have not fulfilled their end.

  Someone who always keeps his promises is about to beat my ass. His text screams, Answer your phone NOW!!!!!

  So this time, I answer my ringing cell. “Hello?”

  “Throw me to voicemail one more time and I will beat your ass! You hear me?”

  I blink. His rage shouldn’t be, but somehow it’s comforting to me—familiar, safe.

  “Josh, I—” I think I’m terrified. What’s happening to me?

  His tone changes in a heartbeat. “Serenity, what is it?”

  Voices scream past Josh’s tender moment. I slam a hand over my available ear, but it doesn’t help. I have to surrender to the darkness. They’re getting worse. “Uh, nothing.”

  “Serenity. Let me in.”

  “You don’t want in this. I promise you that.”

  His temper flares again. “I’m having a party Saturday. Be there.” The pot stirrer has arrived.

  “Not in the mood for a party.”

  “Don’t care. Seven o’clock. Oh, and ease up on your husband, for God’s sake.” He hangs up on me.

  I slam back against my mattress, my ears ringing with the continuous torment that’s driving me mad. Turning off my lamp, all I can do is pray to fall asleep and get a break from this insanity.

  A ball of light dances in front of me. As if I’m a child wanting the innocence of play, I crawl from my bed like Tinker Bell, on my toes, prancing after it. Following, I’m led to an even brighter light. A warm, familiar light. No voices scream at me to stop, so I allow myself to enjoy the sight and sneak into his bed.

  “Dereck?”

  “Yes?”

  “I miss you.”

  “I miss you, Baby Doll. More than you may ever know.”

  His tears make me feel pain. “Why are you crying?”

  “Waiting for you to come back to me… makes me sad.”

  “Will you kiss me while you wait?”

  His lips gently press to mine till he breaks. He holds me as deep sobs rip through him.

  Chapter Forty-Two

  My Light

  Judgment day has come. I sit in Blue Bonnet, frustrated as hell because Dereck stands in the way, preventing me from closing my door. “Baby, let’s not go.”

  “And have Josh up my ass? No, thank you.”

  “Then can’t we ride together to his party?”

  “I need to breathe!”

  “And you can’t? Near me?”

  “No! They—” I pause.

  “Who’s they?”

  I look away.

  “Serenity! Who’s they?”

  “You don’t understand, Dereck.” I push on his chest to move him so I can shut my door and get this night over with.

  As I put Blue Bonnet in reverse, Dereck bangs on my window, hollering, “Who’s they, damn it?” He runs along with my truck as I back down the driveway. “Are you hearing the voices from your house?” Ignoring him, I put my truck in drive. In my rearview mirror, I see Dereck chasing me, running with all his might, yelling, but I can’t hear him. The voices are screeching for me to go faster.

  Josh is waiting for me as I pull into his driveway. Smiling, probably trying a different, nonaggressive approach, Josh hugs me. And God, does it feel good. “You made it, baby girl.” Shaking from the pure exhaustion and torture of the voices, Josh tightens his hold. “Are you okay?”

  I nod, not letting go. “Where’s Dereck?”

  I let go.

  Leaving Josh in his driveway, I mingle with the crowd and find the rest of the Crew.

  Sitting on the railing of Josh’s back porch, I continue coming out of my shell.

  Josh, with a little attitude, hands me a beer. “Maybe this will help.”

  I take a sip, remembering this is the porch railing Rocco jumped over to help Skyler from. My insides are melting; my torture pit is swallowing me alive. Rocco and Jolene observe me as if my suffering is visible.

  Rocco shifts on his feet. “Josh, are you sure alcohol is going to help?”

  “Something needs to happen. Maybe it will be her truth serum.”

  An all-too-familiar rumbling purr makes my body automatically yearn for Dereck. The voices wail as his bike pulls directly into Josh’s backyard, and he stares at me through his visor. His shoulders are tense as he cuts the engine and removes his helmet. I can’t take my eyes off him radiating as he approaches. A part of me is longing for this protective, angry side of Dereck—this side that normally drives me nuts. I see what Destiny means now. Trust him.

  Rudely, he gestures. “Should you be drinking? You’re driving.”

  Not one person from my Crew would let me have this beer and get behind a wheel, so I know he’s referring to the voices. He wants to know if the alcohol is going to make what I’m hearing in my head worse or if it’s going to make me sound like a raving lunatic in front of everyone. “Can’t get any worse.”

  “Neither of you are driving,” Josh says, motioning to Roc and the cooler he’s standing closest to. “You’re staying the night.” Then he turns to a friend. “Mind turning up that music?” He doesn’t want us to be overheard.

  Rocco hands Dereck a beer. “Sorry, dude. El Ca-pee-ton’s orders.”

  The music’s volume rises, but I calm Dereck. He pops the lid then leans his head back, preparing for a huge swig. “‘Can’t get no worse,’ she says. I need this beer to believe it.”

  I follow suit. I don’t believe it either.

  Studying me, Dereck tilts his bottle higher, downing the remaining fluid. I follow, again. Rocco hands out two more beers, telling Josh, “I hope you know what you’re doing.”

/>   “Something’s got to be done, so I’m stirring the pot.”

  The voices crying in my head are making me irritable. “Whatever, Josh.”

  “Don’t get sassy with me, little girl. I’m done putting up with your shit.”

  Jolene attempts to reel him in. “Josh.”

  But this freight train is in motion. “Jolene, I tried what you told me. But this calm, bullshit approach doesn’t work with her. She hears me when I’m me.” He hits his chest.

  Apparently, the voices are not enthused with Josh’s strengths and bright ideas. They’re shrieking in my ear. This drives me mad. “Josh! Why don’t you just butt out!”

  “’Cause that’s not how I love you!”

  I’ve unleashed the beast. The party quiets. No music is hiding his rage. The ones near us step away, possibly wanting out of the line of fire.

  Josh points at my husband. “And you! I’m fighting for her life. Join the fucking battle, Dereck!”

  Dereck wipes beer from his lips. “What the hell do you think I’ve been doing?”

  “Apparently not enough!”

  I mumble, which unfortunately redirects Josh’s aggression.

  “What’s the matter, Serenity? Pissed off?”

  My jaw tightens. “Yes, I’m pissed.”

  “Good. I’m pissed, too. I’m pissed she’s gone. And pissed you’re being a—”

  Dereck quickly steps in front of Josh’s face. “Don’t say it.”

  Josh grabs Dereck’s shoulders. “There he is! Finally, ready to fight.” Josh smiles. “But not me.” He spins Dereck around. “Your wife.” And Josh gives him a shove.

  Dereck’s head drops, then he slowly walks to me. He stands between my legs, resting his hands on my knees.

  Josh complains, “He’s calm again. What the—”

  “He loves her,” Jolene says.

  “Then he needs to fight for her!”

  Dereck reaches in his pocket and pulls out a necklace made of little pink and purple stones. “Jewelry?” Josh shrieks.

  Dereck whispers, “Destiny had this delivered for you.”

  I stare at it, nodding, so he leans forward to clasp it around my neck. The stones touch the skin on my chest and neck and, for some reason, clear my mind. Instead of voices, I smell Dereck’s soap, his skin, his hair. My face slightly nuzzles him, wanting his light all over me.

  “Serenity?” He says my name as if he hasn’t dared to for months.

  My cheek touches his neck, on purpose.

  He tilts his head to see me, but it puts his lips teasingly close. I lick mine in anticipation. His quickening breath caresses my face as his hands move to my hips, gripping me with need, distracting him from completing his mission. The necklace drops to the ground.

  The voices howl, He will leave you, just like she did!

  I gasp! No.

  Suddenly, I realize that this god-awful torture of missing Sky could get worse with Dereck leaving me too. My stomach turns violently. I slam my hands over my ears, desperate for some relief from the relentless voices. As if I’m having an out-of-body experience, I watch mayhem unfold.

  Dereck says, “Serenity, I love you.”

  But this is all too much. The voices give no mercy, so I yell, “Don’t. Stop. Leave me alone!” I close my eyes, willing to shut anything and everything out for a second of silence. I’m confined to a hell on earth. Fear ripples through me as I realize the shadows finally have me, and I will be trapped with them forever.

  Lost in this all-consuming mental cave, I’m huddled over, shaking, until I smell jasmine. A breeze is delivering another promise, one the whispers suddenly can’t shut out.

  I hear Josh’s voice. “Just stay as close to her as possible. I understand now.”

  The Crew are hovering around my crumpled form on the deck railing. Rocco’s voice vibrates on my right shoulder. “Could you clue us in, Josh?” His arm is draped over my back.

  “It’s the confusion, but she didn’t look confused.”

  “Uh… Huh?”

  “It tricked me.”

  “What tricked you, El Ca-pee-ton?”

  “The confusion!”

  “Okay, he’s cut off. No more brewskies for you, Josh.”

  “No. I’m serious. It made her look mad instead of confused. Don’t you see?”

  “Oh, yes, it’s all clear now.”

  Jolene’s voice vibrates on my left shoulder. “I put the necklace on her like you said.”

  “Thank you.” Josh tightens his embrace. “We’re here, girl, and we won’t let go.”

  The aroma of jasmine has me daring to reach out and grab for Josh’s shirt that I suspect is right in front of me. “Josh?”

  “Yes. It’s me. We’re here.”

  No whispers. In relief, my arms wrap around his waist. “They wouldn’t let me go.”

  He kisses my head. “I remembered what you said about Sky. All of a sudden, I remembered what Roc could do for her.”

  “Wh-what did I do?”

  I rub my face to Josh’s chest, capturing all his light that I can. “So much, Teddy Bear. So much.”

  Jolene leans in closer. “Oh God. Serenity is back. Why are you shaking?”

  “I—it’s been so hard to survive her—” Pain crashes into me again, and I just need it to end.

  Jolene hugs me. I can feel her heartfelt embrace over Josh and Rocco’s arms, already holding me. “I am so sorry I abandoned you.”

  I burst into tears. “I—I missed you!”

  “Oh my baby girl, I will never leave your side again. I love you so much. I’m so sorry. I just couldn’t see past my own pain to help you with yours.”

  I slowly sit up. “That’s it, Josh. They found a hole in our union—the Crew. That’s how they got to Sky.”

  “Wait. Who, what?” Roc asks.

  I’m stunned. “Separate and dominate.” I quickly look at Josh. “This isn’t over. Must be unified or they will get me again. Where’s Dereck?”

  Josh nods, looking spooked. “Like what Roc was for Sky?”

  “Yes, he fought for her!”

  Josh is exasperated. “That’s what I kept hearing in my head! That’s why I keep telling Dereck to fight for you.”

  It all makes sense now. “Yes.”

  Roc’s head falls to mine. “Why does this sound crazy but feel right?”

  I’m running. I’m running to find and mend the heart I have shattered. I love Dereck. I love that man with every fiber in my being. I was just taken over by forces I didn’t know how to deal with. But I do now. We have to stick together. I have to trust my husband, and we have to be unified. I’ll make it up to him, and I will kiss him till my lips fall off.

  Or maybe I’m too late.

  In Josh’s driveway, Dereck is leaning against Josh’s truck. Alexandria is leaning against him. She’s holding Dereck, and her lips are finding their way to his. I gasp. His eyes shoot to mine. They are red—they are tortured. My husband looks… broken. We are severed. I can feel he’s given up on me.

  I scratch the burning itch on my neck. The necklace falls to the ground.

  “Now do you believe us?” The voices have returned, and they are crystal clear, as if standing right next to me. And it is awful. The sensation of them being so close feels like slime slithering through my soul, capturing my essence, my free will, my life force.

  Faintly, I hear Dereck calling my name, but without a care, my legs are taking me elsewhere. My heart has gone cold. It’s a delightful change from the constant pain. The promise from the darkness has finally been delivered. I guess there’s a price for everything. The voices now claim I need revenge. So I seek it.

  As I’m approaching the back patio, Rocco whispers, asking Josh, “Why
? Why would you keep this from us?”

  Who cares? The pain is gone.

  Josh replies, “I made a mistake. I thought I was crazy. Doesn’t all this sound crazy? Losing Sky, having so much on our plates, I thought I was protecting everyone. I was wrong. For whatever reason, something is after Serenity.”

  Not after. They have me now.

  Jolene nods. “And this is somehow linked to Destiny, isn’t it?”

  Sensing a slight ache, I stop walking. Destiny?

  The voices interrupt my thoughts. “How about him, Serenity?”

  They’ve pointed out Jack, the young man who asked me out in fifth grade—the one Dereck was jealous of. Perfect.

  As I head to my new conquest, Josh notices me. “Hey! Find Dereck?” His expression quickly shows recognition. “Oh no.”

  He reaches out for me, but my arm recoils from his touch. I don’t wish to be saved. I am numb now and wish only for “Revenge,” I tell him, staying on course.

  I gently tug on an elbow. “Hi, Jack.”

  He turns. “Hey, Serenity. How are you?”

  “Do you have a minute?”

  “Sure.” He follows me inside.

  We pass the kitchen and bathroom and head down the hall. I lead my victim past Lainy’s bedroom and go straight to Josh’s, closing the door behind us. Inside, I sit Jack down on the edge of Josh’s bed, the fish tank humming in the background. “I can’t stop thinking about your offer.”

  “My offer?”

  I start to straddle him. “The one about you wanting me?”

  Jack is watching me, appearing stupefied. “Uh, well, I was joking. You’re married.”

  In his lap, I lean toward him. “So, you don’t want to kiss me?”