Forbidden Love

by Mary Hagen

  As usual, he waited for her a few blocks from her home out of sight of his parents’ home, but seeing him, did not relieve her feelings of impending doom.

  “I didn’t expect to see you until I reached the Tiergarten,” she said as he brushed her cheek with a kiss.

  “What kept you?” he asked. “No more encounters with Goebbels if I can prevent it.”

  She tucked her arm under his, relieved he was with her. “That ugly little man. May I never see him again, but didn’t you hear the siren? I was afraid they were coming for us.”

  Pausing at his car, he spun her in front of him. “I did, but I saw them turn. Forget them. I’m astounded such a beautiful creature as you, sees anything in a lowly captain like me.” He hugged her, titled her face upward, and kissed her. As he opened the door of his coupe, he continued, “I’ve heard rumors of unthinkable acts of experimentation with prisons at Dachau. Once again, even though I’ll miss you beyond belief, perhaps beyond my endurance, you must get out of Germany and wait for me where you’ll be safe.”

  Hannah settled into her seat. “What have you heard that’s so terrible? Himmler assures the public Dachau is a model for any future camps that may be built.”

  “I can’t bring myself to repeat them to you, but some are experiments on Jews supposedly carried out to benefit Luftwaffe pilots to endure cold and high altitude flying.” Penn started the motor, but did not put the car into gear. “Dr. Sigmund Rascher, the man in charge of the experiments, is a sadist of the worst kind if the rumors are true.” His voice carried a deeper emotion than his words to Hannah.

  Her apprehension increased and her mind shouted, “Beware. Be careful. Be wary in repeating such a story.” She could not force the fear from her.

  “I shouldn’t have mentioned the rumors to you. I’m sorry.” He pulled onto the street. “I have tickets for us to a show. Forget I said anything.”

  His words were much easier to say than to console her. She had heard intolerable rumors as well, but most Jews could not believe them including her. She shook her head and forced her heart to slow down. “Where are we headed?”

  “Certainly not to Hitler’s love of opera by his favorite composer, Wagner. His music is too dark, too heavy for my likes. We need something light. Charlie Chaplin is starring in a comedy I thought we’d enjoy. Undoubtedly Hitler will ban it when he realized Chaplin is mimicking him or so I’ve read.”

  Her throat closed and she fought to catch her breath. When she could speak, she said, “We mustn’t go to such a public place. Someone may notice you are with me, a Jew, and report you. The Gestapo would have little sympathy even if you are with the Luftwaffe.” She paused, the thought of ending up in Dachau too terrifying to imagine.

  Penn changed the subject by commenting on the clothes she wore, irritating her, but she accepted his compliments. “You look lovely in your blue coat and hat. Every woman who sees you will envy you. Every man who observes us will envy me.”

  “Unless they turn you in for taking me to a public theater. I’d rather not take the chance.” Her anxiety overwhelmed her, and she shivered even though the night was mild. For the second time that night, she had dark premonitions of the future.

  Ignoring her protest, Penn hunted for a parking place. “I’ll not let Hitler dictate my personal life.”

  Hannah put her hand on Penn’s forearm. “Please, I fear if you keep making such remarks someone will turn you in. I’ll lose you. People have no problem reporting objectors to the Gestapo.”

  Her lungs filled to bursting, her heart thundered in her ears, her palms turned sticky at the thought of what would happen to the man she loved.

  Unable to find a parking place, Penn drove to a noisy beer hall for supper where he ordered brats and sauerkraut and she ordered a carrot salad. He had beer and she had a glass of wine. Nothing tasted good to her, but food was hard to come by and she forced herself to eat. While she ate, she kept an eye on two Gestapo sitting near them. Involuntarily, she shivered.

  “We should hurry,” she said in a suppressed voice. “Have you noticed the two Gestapo keep glancing our way? They must have discerned I’m a Jew. I think we should leave.”

  Penn put his fork down and reached for her hand. “Stop fretting. They’re only admiring your beauty.” He glanced at the Gestapo and smiled.

  His words did not comfort her and she was relieved when they finished the meal. Penn returned to the theater and found a parking space.

  Reluctantly and with dread, Hannah followed him to excellent seats in the middle of the theater. The performance by Chaplin soon had the audience laughing and Hannah joined in forgetting her worries.

  Halfway through the movie, Storm Troopers burst in with guns drawn and loud commands of, “Out, out.” They emptied the theater but with protests from the audience. Minutes later there was the loud rat tat rat of a machine gun.

  Outside, the crowd listened before dispersing. Few words were exchanged, but Hannah sensed unease even terror as the people moved away from the building and the occasional sound of gunshots. She wanted to run, but Penn snorted in disdain at the reactions of the theater goers to the noise as though it was nothing. He led Hannah to his car. As he opened the door, he said, “Hitler, our great leader, our Fuehrer, must have heard about the movie. Such an over-reaction.”

  Hannah settled into the car seat, but did not smile at Penn’s comment. In the car, Penn continued, “The man has no sense of humor. He can’t laugh at himself and won’t allow anyone else to do so. May he rot in hell.”

  For the second time that night, angst flooded her thoughts. She fought to control her nervousness, but failed. Her lungs filled to bursting. First, the Gestapo ruined her evening with Penn, and now the gunshots. He was powerless to protect her. “There was shooting. Someone may have been killed or injured. How can you be so blasé?”

  “What can I do? I cannot stop the hate so I must take it as an unsettling experience.”

  Hannah glanced at him in disbelief. “You can’t be serious.”

  Penn flinched. “I see the ugliness.”

  They rode in the car and in the elevator to his apartment floor in silence. Hannah was haunted by the events. She did not understand Penn. Her emotions roiled with love, fear, and questions on what would become of them. She was scared out of her wits. Is Penn changing his beliefs about Hitler?

  She was grateful no other tenants shared the ride with them. Although his apartment was light and airy, she did not want to be here. He had left the windows to the balcony open and a breeze rippled the curtains, but the coolness did nothing to obliterate her misgivings. Turning off the one light in the room, he put his arms around her.

  “I know the citizens see the Nazis through rose-colored glasses, but in time, I’m certain they will see the ugliness of the Nazi slogans and turn away. I can only make light of such incidents as occurred tonight although they do concern me,” Penn said. “I’m a German citizen, and when the change comes, it’s my duty to support it.”

  At least, Hannah thought, as she listened to his voice, a voice she’d always love and recognize, Penn is at ease. I’m not. I must not come here again.

  An automobile pulled in front of the building and parked. “Oh my god, my parents. What are they doing here? They never visit me.” He pulled Hannah away from the window. “You’d better hide in the bedroom. I don’t want . . .” He said no more.

  Hannah did not need an explanation knowing well enough the possible consequences, the demands on Penn, the degrading statements about the Jews and her.

  “Why can’t they leave us alone? We love each other.” She stifled the words and swallowed hard.

  Without a word, Penn led her to his bedroom, opened the door, and gave her a hug. “This is intolerable, but we mustn’t let them see you here. I’ll get rid of them as fast as possible.”

&nbs
p; She slid to the floor next to his bed, smelling him, longing for him, afraid they would never be together with the threats of the Nazis hung over their heads. Not one country in the world raised a hand against them, unable to believe the policy of men like Hitler against the Jews. Why didn’t any country open its eyes to the repression?

  Tears ran down her cheeks. Silent sobs twisted through her body. She brushed the tears away with the back of her hand. Unsettled as she was, she heard Mrs. Schwartz’s words through the closed door.

  “Why were you sitting in the dark, dear son?”

  she cooed. “What is that smell? You’ve had a woman in here? Who is she? Some nice German girl, I hope. You must tell me.”

  Hannah heard the doorknob turn. She crawled under the bed and curled into a tight ball. Dear God, don’t let her find me. It’ll be the end of us, my papa and mamma, Ethel. Do you hear me, God? What am I thinking asking Him for help? There is no God for Jews.

  “Come, Mother,” she heard Penn say. “Sit down. I’ll make some coffee. You must tell me the reason for this unexpected visit. I hope nothing is wrong.” Penn directed her away from the door. “You, Father, have you any word about Hitler’s plans for the parts you’re producing? I assume business is good.”

  Hannah sighed in relief but did not slide from under the bed, her nerves tight, her heart pounding as she strained to hear the conversation on the other side of the closed door. How terrible she had to hide. Like the rat I’m considered by good ethnic Germans. I’m not a rat. I should face them, threaten them. With what? Go away. She bit her lip to check her impulse and hold her words.

  Her leg cramped and she straightened it with a thump against the floor. She lay still and listened, but heard a harsh laugh from Mr. Schwartz. “You are a fool not to join me in a profitable business. Can I do nothing to convince you?”

  “No. I love to fly.”

  “Such a waste,” his mother said.

  “If you believe as strongly as you say, you know I’m helping Germany,” Penn said.

  “We’re having guests for dinner tomorrow night. Mother and I want you to attend. Goring has agreed to come. You can meet him. It could advance your career if you insist on flying,” Mr. Schwartz said. His words sounded as a demand to Hannah.

  “Some lovely young ladies will be present for you to meet. Do come?” Mrs. Schwartz pleaded. “Hubert and Lisa will be there.”

  “If you are not careful, Hubert will soon out rank you,” Mr. Schwartz said. “Don’t be a fool.”

  “I have no respect for Goring and do not wish to see him,” Penn spat out the words.

  “Keep such words to yourself. They are disloyal,” his father retorted.

  Hannah brushed a hand over her hair. How long before they left? How long could she restrain herself? The minutes turned into an hour, the words of his father sounding more and more like censure of Penn, but he did not give in to his father. He did not mention her name to them, did not declare his loyalty to her. How deep was his love if he was afraid to inform his parents of his devotion to her? Ridiculous. She knew what would occur if he did. Their love for one another was doomed. She had to leave him, never see him. Her breath squeezed out of her lungs as she restrained her desire to face Mr. and Mrs. Schwartz and scream her love for their son.

  When, at last, they said goodnight, Hannah relaxed and edged out from under the bed but remained in the room until she was certain his parents were gone.

  Penn opened the door. “They’ve left.” He helped her to stand and together they sat on the bed, Hannah sobbing into her cupped hands.

  “Please, don’t cry,” Penn said. “Here, take my handkerchief and wipe those tears from your eyes.”

  “We must never see each other again. You risk too much continuing to see me, a Jew. I won’t come here anymore.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. I love you. The Nazis, my parents, nothing is going to keep me from seeing you.” He took her in his arms and they fell back on the bed.

  For a minute, Hannah said nothing. Penn turned her face toward him and kissed her. “No more of this. We’ll work something out.”

  “You know as well as I, we cannot keep this up. Take me home. It’s late.” She released his hold and stood.

  “It’s unfair.” Penn emphasized the words.

  “I’m not coming here one more time.” Hannah went to the hall closet and retrieved her coat. “I think I should find my way out.”

  “Nonsense. I’ll drive you.” He helped her into her wrap and picked up his jacket. “This is so unfair, so stupid. Hiding our love. We’ll go to Switzerland, marry, and no one can stop us.”

  Hannah gave him a weak smile but made no comment. What was the point? Her parents objected to Penn because he was not a Jew. They could never marry. Why did he keep asking when he knew it was impossible? She didn’t want to hear it anymore and she pulled her hat as low as she could over her ears.

  Inside his coupe, Penn said, “I don’t understand. I’ve always admired my father, respected him, but he has become arrogant and so confident he is right. He refuses to see the fallacy of Hitler’s words, his intolerance, and his desire for world power.”

  “I don’t understand either. The Jews love our country and would die for it if necessary.”

  She rolled down the window to feel the cold breeze on her face and to blow away her discouragement and the nightmare Germany had become.

  “You must realize we cannot change the beliefs of the Nazis and most of ordinary citizens. I’m an outcast, unhuman, a gutter rat. I worry every minute we’re seen together. I’m in your apartment. I don’t want to come again or go to public places with you.” She paused.

  Penn pulled into a parking place and turned off the engine. “You can’t believe what you’re saying. You’re not unhuman. You’re not different. I won’t hear such nonsense. I want you to consider my apartment our apartment. We may not be married in the laws of Germany, but in my heart and I hope yours, we’re married. Our love cannot be destroyed.” He reached over and pulled her against him. “Without you, I can’t live. I’ll think of something.”

  “Nothing can be done. Hitler has turned most of the Germans into fanatics, turned them into instruments of his policies, given meaning to their lives, and turned them against the Jews. He’s awakened in the Germans their lowest instincts, and they follow his simple slogans that include hating the Jews, regardless of what you think.” She pushed away from him. “Our love is impossible. It’s forbidden.” She buried her face in her hands. Her shoulders shook with deep sobs.

  “Dear Hannah, I don’t believe you. I know you love me, and I know what you say about Hitler is true, but that can’t put a wedge between us.” He banged the steering wheel with the palm of his hand. “What are we to do? Don’t refuse to see me. I’ll do whatever you ask, but I must be with you every chance we have.”

  She looked at him, read the anguish in his voice, and knew she could not exist without him. With hesitant words, she agreed, but made him promise she would not visit his apartment or go to public establishments with him.

  “We could run into your parents or someone from my school days. We don’t know what would happen.”

  Penn nodded. “Please do me one favor. Keep a set of keys. You may need a place to stay. It’s for you and your parents to hide, God forbid.”

  Chapter 12

  Gloom hung over the city with Hitler’s demands for Czechoslovakia to secede the Sudetenland to Germany. If not met, he intended to take it by force. No one wanted war including Hannah who worried about Penn. Goebbels filled the airways and newspapers with propaganda. The citizens held their breaths while the British Prime Minister Chamberlain, and the French Premier Daladier negotiated with the Fuehrer over the fate of the German citizens in the Sudetenland. The Czechoslovakian government objected realizing giving up the Sudetenland left the
m defenseless.

  Hannah attempted to shut the tension out of her mind and forced herself to remain positive, happy with anticipation in meeting Penn. For one week, Penn had been busy flying. She hadn’t seen him. The man she loved could not erase the horrors from her mind, but the closer she came to him, the harder her heart thumped. She visualized his arms around her. While with him, she pretended she was safe from the Nazi tormentors, futile thoughts that did not reassure her.

  Dressed in her green tweed skirt, white blouse, and a green sweater, she said goodnight to her parents, and left by the front door. She walked with quick steps to meet him. Her movements were stiff with dread and she could not force herself to relax. She had heard rumors from patients of treatment of people in Dachau that were beyond belief and imagination. However, like so many Jews, she refused to believe them. The denial did nothing to help her fear of an encounter with the Gestapo and Storm Troopers.

  She did know stones were thrown into homes, hangings occurred without reason, and a euthanasia program was initiated. Unpleasant neighbors in blocks of flats reported retarded and deformed children, and they were sent to a children’s hospital with promises life would be better for them. Hannah tried to block what she had heard about the hospital, children dying for no reason.

  Not until she met Penn and felt his arms around her did her fears somewhat abate about being sent to some horrible camp on a trumped-up charge.

  "I'm disappointed you no longer want to relax in my apartment,” Penn said as he helped her into his car, “so I thought we would drive to a small restaurant on one of the lakes outside the city. The place is not well known, but one of my fellow pilots told me it’s quiet and serves excellent food.”