Never Trust a Rockstar

by Sarah Darlington

  The second the door clicked closed, shutting out the rest of the world, she circled her arms around my waist and squeezed me hard.

  I sucked in a breath.

  Thank Christ.

  Her body against mine felt so damn good. I gently touched her wet hair with both hands, holding her. She smelled like the rain and vanilla, her scent intoxicating. She began to cry against me. The soft sound hitting my entire body like a hammer.

  “I love you too,” she said against my chest. “I love you so much, Caleb. I’ve been going insane missing you. Which seems so stupid. I know you should pick Rebecca. But every ounce of me wants you to pick me, to love me.”

  “I do love you—”

  She kept talking before I could finish. “I know I’m being selfish. Your son should grow up with two parents.”

  “And he will. I shouldn’t have left when you told me to go.” I said it against her hair. “I knew it wouldn’t work with Rebecca. She lived in my house—and I felt nothing. She kissed me—and I felt nothing. Caleb Junior will grow up with two parents. But under no circumstances will I ever be with Rebecca again. Hell no.”

  “You kissed her?” she sniffled.

  “No, she kissed me. And it was as if my grandmother kissed me. Worse actually, I don’t mind kisses from my grandma.” I swallowed, not sure how to explain how unbearable kissing Rebecca for even five seconds had been.

  Emma tipped her head back, looking up at me. She had a smile on her face that let me know it was forgiven.

  I kissed her lips briefly as she still had her arms locked tightly around me. “I only want to kiss you.” I kissed her cheek. “I love you.” I kissed her nose. It was still cold from the rain. “I want to be with you. Come on.” I tugged her hands from my waist, ready to lead her a little deeper into the hotel room. We’d barely made it past the door. “Let’s get you out of those wet clothes.”

  She hesitated, staring at me with uncertain eyes. But then she nodded and followed. I didn’t plan on rushing any of this. We had all the time in the world. I only wanted more time, more kisses, more chances to hold her in my arms, and more time to continue reassuring her how serious I was.

  In the back room, she sat on the bed while I dug through my suitcase. I’d stayed here alone last night. I hoped to God that would not be the case again tonight.

  I found a clean pair of gym shorts and one of my t-shirts. I tossed them aside on the bed. Those were for her. I tugged off my own shirt, dropping the wet fabric on the floor. The rain outside had turned into a full-force storm, darkening the room, beating softly against the window.

  “Can I?” I muttered. I moved closer to her and touched the zipper on the sweatshirt.

  “I got the surgery,” she whispered.

  “What?” I froze. What did she mean?

  “The double mastectomy. I did it ten days ago. I’m still healing.”

  Holy shit. I dropped to my knees in front of her, feeling like the wind had been knocked from my lungs. I was in shock. I never knew she was considering having it done so soon.

  I hadn’t been there.

  “I figured it was better to just do it and get it over with,” she said as if she meant changing the oil in her car. “I had the surgery and the reconstruction all at once.”

  I hadn’t been there.

  I ran my hands through my hair. I wanted to stand back up. But I felt the world swirl and my stomach turn.

  I hadn’t been there.

  “Emma?” I whispered.

  “You’re upset.”

  “With myself—yes. I should have been there with you.”

  “But you didn’t know.”

  “I didn’t. But that would have been prevented had I not walked away. You told me goodbye, and I should have stayed and fought for us.” I felt the color drain from my face. Tears were brimming in my eyes. I didn’t want to fall apart in front of her, but I’d never felt so fucking awful. I folded my arms, resting them on her knees. And I dipped my head against her. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there.”

  ~ CHAPTER 52 ~

  EMMA

  I was seeing a new side of Caleb. I’d never seen him so upset. “I’m okay.” I touched his shoulder, running my fingers over the strong muscles in his arm. “I’m going to be fine. I’m healing and I’m fine.” I still had a long way to go, but I hated seeing him upset in any capacity, so I downplayed it.

  “Were you alone?” His voice came out raspy.

  “No. Mom and Luce were there with me for the three days in the hospital. That was the worst of it. Pop has been taking care of me at home. I showered on my own today. So that’s something.”

  He breathed in deep through his nose. I could feel him shaking against me.

  “Even if we hadn’t ended things,” I added. “You were with your son. That’s just as important.”

  “He’s not my son. He’s Luke’s kid. We did a paternity test. He’s his, not mine.”

  Oh my God. It took him this long to tell me that? I pinched his arm, so he’d stop sulking about my stupid boobs and look up at me.

  “Ouch. What was that for?” He stared up at me.

  “You should have led with that.”

  “That he’s not my son?”

  “Yes.”

  “It wouldn’t have changed my decision to be with you.” He stood up. His naked chest on full display in front of me. “Do you still have stitches?”

  I nodded.

  “Will you let me take care of you? Your stitches shouldn’t be soaking against your wet shirt.” There in his eyes I saw a fierce protectiveness.

  The truth was, today had taken so much out of me, I knew I needed to be in bed resting. It was the first time I’d left the house, exerted any sort of energy, and I was beyond exhausted.

  I nodded again, letting him know it was okay for him to touch me.

  He unzipped the sweatshirt, pushing it off my bare shoulders. My heart raced. All I had on underneath the sweatshirt was this medical wrap. Because clothing and bras were still uncomfortable. He found the end of it and started to unwind it from my body.

  “Caleb,” I whispered, feeling the blood flood my face. “I’m...” I had nothing underneath.

  “It’s okay. I’ve seen your tits before. I’m going to see them thousands of times again after this. I’m not squeamish when it comes to stitches.”

  “It’s not just the stitches. I’m bruised and swollen.”

  “I can handle it. I promise. Trust me, please?”

  With my heart jackhammering, I gave in and carefully raised my arms as high as I could—which was only to the height of my shoulders. My shoulders were more sore than my breasts. Maybe it was best he saw me now anyway. That way if he hated what he found, so be it.

  He peeled the fabric away slowly. I tried my best to stay still, even though my body had begun to tremble. When there was nothing left to hide me, my chest exposed, I waited for him to speak first.

  It would take another few weeks for the bruising to go away, for my new implants to settle, and for some of the swelling to go down. He took in my injuries, then he cupped my face in his hands. “You’re as beautiful as ever. I mean it. As beautiful today as the day I first saw you in the sun on the beach.”

  I couldn’t help the tears that swelled in my eyes. I still had my arms up. I think he saw then, how much I still needed someone to take care of me, how terrified I still was.

  “I’ll go out to CVS and get another one of those things.” He meant my ACE bandage wrap. “Is my t-shirt okay for now?”

  “Yes,” I whispered.

  “You should be in bed. The concert was a stupid idea. You should have made me come to you. Because really, I was only trying to impress you.”

  Caleb moved to fix the pillows on the bed. He helped me into his t-shirt. Then he peeled off the rest of my wet clothes, kissing my inner thigh briefly, before he helped me into his gym shorts.

  Then he picked me up and placed me at the top of the bed, tucking me in under the covers. Maybe the
whole reason he was upset about my surgery was because he hadn’t been there to take care of me. And now—he was making up for it by being extra accommodating.

  It was really, really nice.

  The room service he ordered. The items he brought back from the pharmacy. The company—because at home I’d been shutting myself off in my room. All of it was so overwhelmingly sweet.

  He lay next to me with one hand lazily across my stomach. He’d started to drift off to sleep beside me when I whispered to him.

  “I love you, Caleb.”

  He smiled with his eyes closed. “You have no idea how amazing that is to hear. Say it again, please.”

  “I love you,” I repeated.

  He made a soft, sexy noise deep in his throat. It warmed me all over. Sore boobs and all—I’d never felt this happy.

  He opened his eyes briefly to say, “I love you, my Emma.”

  ~ EPILOGUE ~

  CALEB

  Four Weeks Later

  “It’s giant!” Emma said, her eyes wide, taking everything in.

  It was our first time in Tennessee together. Well, our first time here since the gala. Emma’s first time inside my house outside of Nashville.

  We’d spent the last few weeks in Kill Devil Hills, staying together at the rental close to her family’s house. She didn’t know it, but I’d bought it. It had cost about double its worth—the owners had completely taken advantage of me.

  But whatever, it was only money.

  I’d continued to do renovations on it, Dani helping me, Emma stubbornly trying to help me, in the weeks since. That was one thing I’d learned about Emma—she wasn’t very good at staying in bed, staying still, when she was supposed to be recovering. I’d had to drag her back to bed before she overexerted herself a few times in the last couple weeks.

  The house in Kill Devil Hills now looked nothing like it had when I first started renting it. The only thing I hadn’t torn apart and changed was the reading room. That would always be ours. That I would never change. That was the main reason I’d overpaid for the house.

  I still had my house in Tennessee. I would keep this house, too. For my recording studio alone, I’d always keep it. So I hoped Emma loved it as much I did.

  “Do you like it?” I asked her, tugging on her hand so she’d come a little closer to me.

  “Yes, of course I like it.” She leaned into me, whispering in my ear. “Where’s your bedroom?”

  Fuck, I knew exactly what she meant. Her soft breath against my skin instantly turned my blood hot. The doctor said she couldn’t partake in any ‘physical’ activities until it had been about four to six weeks since her surgery. We were four days shy of six weeks, and every chance Emma got she was trying to get me to have sex with her. I hadn’t given in yet. But I was only human and knew I wouldn’t be able to hold out much longer.

  “At least let me take you to dinner first.” I brushed her wild, curly hair from her beautiful face.

  “I don’t want to share you.”

  When we went out, people always approached me, so I knew what she meant.

  “I know the perfect place where you won’t have to. No one will bother us there.”

  “And then after?”

  “And then after,” I repeated, promising.

  I pressed my lips to hers, breathing her in, taking a taste of the woman I loved more than anything on this earth. Every time I kissed her; I fell for her all over again.

  When I finally mustered the strength to break away from her lips, I told her the real truth. “It’s going to be awhile before we leave this house again. So you’ll need nourishment first.”

  The cutest pink color touched her cheeks. Dammit, I wanted her so bad it made me ache. If we didn’t leave right this second, I’d have her naked on the floor and under me in about a minute flat. “To the garage,” I decided. I had so much to show her, starting with my Aston Martin.

  She followed. And her mouth dropped open when she saw my cars. I had three, plus a motorcycle I rarely used. I wanted to drive it out to North Carolina. Maybe I’d get more use out of it there.

  “Caleb?” she whispered.

  “What?”

  “Nothing.” She shook her head, being shy.

  I opened the door to the Aston Martin. I knew what she was thinking. That all of this was overwhelming. When our band became popular, I went from having about twenty dollars in my bank account to having everything I ever could have imagined. So I knew the feeling.

  “One day,” I told her, “when I make you my wife, all of this will be yours too. Hell, it’s already yours. I’m yours. So by default, all my fancy shit is yours, too.”

  Standing in the door frame, sinking her pearly white teeth into her bottom lip, she stared at me. Had the ‘wife’ comment been too much? From the way her blue eyes were on me—no.

  “Get your pretty ass in the car,” I told her, because I knew my resilience was fading fast.

  “No.”

  “Emma—”

  “No. I’m not hungry. At least not for food.” She crossed her arms over her chest. She was teasing me, and it was working. My heart knocked against my ribs. I could feel the mood between us shifting fast. Changing from our usual light and playful, to serious and sexy as hell.

  We’d waited so long for this.

  She’d been patient. I’d been patient. My home was the right place. So, suddenly, I had zero good reasons for making her wait even longer.

  “Move, please.”

  She stepped aside so I could close the car door. Turns out, we weren’t going anywhere tonight.

  * * *

  EMMA

  Finally. Finally. Finally.

  The way Caleb’s eyes were on me, eating me alive, I knew we were finally about to cross that line. He was impossible to crack. We’d been sleeping in the same bed every night—cuddling and touching. All above the clothing. Torturing one another. I was so frustrated, I could scream. Every time I took a shower alone, I’d have to go for some ‘me time’ just to take the freaking edge off.

  Caleb moved his hands to my neck, digging his fingers into my hair. His eyelids were half open over his hazel-green eyes. His pupils dilated. His nostrils flaring with each deep inhale he took. I could see all his control slipping away. And I loved it.

  He backed me against the steel metal of his car, the sound echoing in his vast garage. “If you weren’t a virgin...I’d have you hard and fast against this car.” He said the words against my mouth without kissing me. My body quivered at his sweet threats.

  I’d seen only glimpses of this side to Caleb. His rougher side. The Rockstar side that was used to having his way with women. I wanted to meet that side of him. Just take my stupid virginity and be done with it, I wanted to shout.

  “Please, Caleb. I need you to lose control.”

  He groaned, a sound almost like a growl came tearing from his throat. Still, and maybe even because I’d pointed it out, he held back.

  So I pushed softly at his chest, making him step away from me. He complied, staring at me with confusion, staring at me with fear. I began unbuttoning my blouse, from the top to the bottom, letting the material slip off my shoulders. Kicking off my heels, I inched down my black pants and my panties at the same time. I stepped out of those. Caleb had seen my breasts plenty of times since the surgery, so I shouldn’t have been afraid to show him again. But this was in a different context. I wanted him to want me. I wanted to feel the lust roll off him in waves, the same way it had the first time he’d seen me naked in the reading room.

  I unhooked my cotton bra, letting it, too, fall to my feet. I stood before him, trembling slightly in the open air, feeling more nervous than I ever had.

  He knew my scars. But maybe that was half the reason we hadn’t had sex yet. Because that was all he saw when he saw my chest—just scars.

  At first, I felt like being naked in front of him had zero effect. And my heart fell to the floor because of it. Until I noticed how his hands balled into fists at
his sides and a vein in his neck showed. The breaths he was breathing were slow and even. Controlled and careful.

  “Come here,” he muttered. “I need you.”

  I obliged. Slowly, I moved toward him, a little unsure exactly what to expect. But as soon as I was close, he had his hands on the sides of my face, his lips against my lips, his body pressed against my body—giving me everything I wanted. He kissed me like he needed me to breathe, taking a deep taste of my mouth, making goosebumps erupt all over my skin.

  His hands moved to cup my breasts, and I wished to God they weren’t numb to feeling. The surgery had messed with my nerve endings, but when he next flicked his tongue across one of my nipples, sucking it into his mouth, I felt it all the way to my toes.

  “Yes. Oh God, Caleb.” I tugged on his hair, needing so much more of this, needing him even closer to me. He gave my other nipple equal attention, before he hoisted me up in his arms. My arms went automatically around his neck and my legs around his waist.

  He held my bare ass and started walked. Through the garage, through the door inside, through his giant house. I buried my face against his neck, kissing the man I loved, inhaling him, knowing we were headed up to his bedroom.

  When we finally reached it, he lowered me down. I didn’t even have a moment to take in my surroundings, to glimpse this place of Caleb’s I’d always been curious about, because he had his hands on my breasts again, his lips on my mouth, moving me until the backs of my legs hit the edge of his bed. I sat down.

  “Lie back,” he whispered. His voice was raw, his eyes on fire.

  A shiver ran over me, and I moved to lay on his sheets like he asked. He made a noise of admiration, and he ran his thumb from the seam between my legs all the way up my chest. “You’re so beautiful, so wet, so fucking tempting.”