Never Trust a Rockstar

by Sarah Darlington

  “Would you take the next exit, John?”

  John looked at me in the rearview mirror. “It’s not much further.”

  Yeah, that was why we needed to stop.

  He kept driving, ignoring me.

  Dani shook her head. “I can’t keep this in.” She grunted. “Dammit... okay. When we were in Miami, right before we canceled the rest of our tour, Caleb did not leave his hotel room for three days. He locked himself in his room. And the only thing that got him out of that room, was me booking the house in North Carolina.”

  What was she talking about?

  “You mean when I stopped texting him?”

  “Yes.”

  “It upset him that much?”

  “Yes.”

  I had no idea that I’d hurt him then. I thought we were only friends then. He’d straight up told me to try harder to get to know Nick. He’d pushed me toward another guy. I’d stopped talking to him thinking I was doing the right thing. When in fact… I’d hurt him?

  “You have no idea how much power you have over him,” Dani said. “How crazy his feelings for you—”

  John, and his tattooed knuckles, reached over the middle console to touch her hand. “Dani,” he said softly. “Stop. This isn’t for you to say.”

  Dani immediately went silent.

  I felt my stomach turn. I really couldn’t bear the idea that I’d hurt Caleb. For really no reason at all. I hadn’t loved Nick. I hadn’t wanted to try with him. I’d called Caleb in the bathroom on my date because I would have rather talked to Caleb, closing myself in a toilet stall, than be on that date with Nick. Caleb always seemed so easy and in control. I never would have guessed he’d shut himself in a hotel room for three days over me. And this was before anything had really happened between us. What if I meant as much to him as he meant to me? I guess when I told him goodbye because of Caleb Junior, I’d done the exact same thing to him all over again. Shut him out. Just on a much larger scale.

  “This is our exit,” John said.

  We were blocks away from the same venue I’d seen Sunset Revival preform at in September. With trembling hands, I wiggled to get my phone out of my pocket. I had a voicemail I desperately needed to check now.

  Finding it in my phone, pressing the device to my ear, I listened to something I should have listened to over a week ago. Caleb’s smooth voice came through the phone’s speaker. And hearing him now, even if it was only a recording, hit me harder than ever.

  “You’ve probably moved on. Really our time together was only a small moment in the grand scheme of things. So I get it if you’ve already found someone else to love. But I’m going to regret for the rest of my life letting you tell me goodbye. I should have—” The recording ended, and my throat felt thick. But I knew I had a second message from the same day. “I should have held you closer, kissed you longer, and told you exactly what I was feeling. Emma, if you’re feeling half as miserable as I am then please call me back. I love my son, but I... just call me back.”

  Oh. My. God.

  The recording ended. And now I knew.

  I could hear it in the fear in his voice. I could feel somewhere deep in my soul.

  Caleb Mills was in love with me.

  ~ CHAPTER 49 ~

  CALEB

  “She’s here.” Those were the first words out of Dani’s mouth when she found me backstage. My heart jumped until I realized she wasn’t actually here.

  “Where?” I asked. Because she sure wasn’t with Dani.

  “She’s getting lunch with John. We were three hours early, so I suggested that to give you more time.”

  Ollie popped his face in and interrupted our conversation. “I can’t believe we are doing this for free.”

  I shoved him away. “Just keep setting up.”

  Ollie reached down and grabbed some tangled cords. “I thought we were past all this.”

  In the beginning days of our band, we traveled in a beat-up van, and we were our own road crew. Now we had people to set up our equipment for us. But not today. Today we had to do it all ourselves. Luke, Ollie, and I had driven all the basics for today’s show from Tennessee yesterday.

  “Back to John,” I said. Dani never left North Carolina with the rest of us. And I had to guess this John guy was the main reason behind that. He was older. Moody. Tattooed, literally all over his body. I had my own shit to worry about tonight, but I couldn’t help but feel apprehensive about this John guy.

  “Is Emma safe with John?” I asked.

  Dani rolled her eyes, her hands landing on her hips. “Please.”

  “I’m not kidding.”

  “She’s fine. Well, fine with John. Fine otherwise—who the hell knows.”

  “What does that mean?”

  The look Dani gave me—her jaw tight and her eyes wide told me there was something I needed to know. Something more that was going on with Emma. Something she couldn’t say.

  I grunted, throwing up my hands, returning to the speakers. I’d see Emma soon enough. I could ask her about all of this myself. If I could manage to keep my cool and my shit together until then.

  ***

  The venue was almost full. You throw a free concert, and this is what happens. Normally when I stepped on stage, I introduced us and started playing. I didn’t waste any time saying more than I needed to. That wasn’t my play for tonight. Tonight I had a full speech prepared.

  Holy fuck, I was nervous though.

  But this was it.

  It was time.

  I couldn’t mess this up. I stepped into the light, onto the stage, with my guitar already in my hands. I looked for Emma in the front row. I’d sent her a ticket for the exact same seat I’d sent her the first time. She wasn’t in her spot, and I started to freak out. As if I wasn’t anxious enough already.

  The microphone was set up and waiting. “Shit,” I said into it.

  The crowd quieted.

  The words I’d rehearsed went flying from my mind. “We’re Sunset Revival,” I said like I always said. “And I wanted to invite you all back here tonight, the same group from the concert we played in September, because I messed up and I want a do-over.”

  “We love you, Caleb!” came an unrecognizable voice.

  Okay...fuck. Keep talking.

  “Thanks. So, that night, the girl I love was in attendance. She’s here tonight, too—I hope. Ya’ll probably didn’t notice, but I spent the night sweating and avoiding eye contact with her the entire time. So, instead of freaking out, and being me, being my usual insecure self like that, I just want you all to know that every song tonight is for her. The new ones and the old ones. Emma, wherever you are, it’s all for you. I’m in love with you. And it’s only ever going to be you. C’mon Dani, give me a beat.”

  I glanced briefly over my shoulder. Dani knew which of our songs to start with. Not one we always opened with. One a little softer than the others.

  “And Emma,” I said into the microphone. “If you’re here. Please get your pretty ass to the front row where you belong. Where I want you always. I’m not doing this for anyone else.”

  The reaction I got out of the crowd was astonishing. They cheered and screamed, when I kind of thought none of them would want to hear about my love life. Someone even started to chant.

  “Emma...Emma...Emma...”

  I was an introvert at heart, but I’d gotten used to the spotlight. To being in front of the crowd. But Emma, she wasn’t used to all this. I wasn’t sure if all of this was terrifying, making her want to run in the opposite direction from me. But this performance wasn’t just about me trying to win her heart. I was introducing her into my world. I was letting everyone watching know, I was a taken man and that they all needed to respect and accept that.

  I was here. I was hers.

  I still hadn’t seen her face as I started the first song in our set. The fear in me began to grow.

  Had she left?

  ~ CHAPTER 50 ~

  EMMA

  The words C
aleb just said about me...

  About loving me.

  It was hard to catch my breath.

  From the stage, Caleb’s eyes were scanning for me. I could tell. I was lost in the crowd and keeping it that way. This wasn’t fighting fair—because when he sang, the thick, raspy quality of his voice was so damn sexy that I couldn’t think. And I really needed a minute to think.

  “You gonna go to the front row like he asked? Or you gonna stand here with me until it ends?” John asked, hollering above the deafening sound around us.

  “I’m terrified,” I admitted, hollering back.

  “Why?” he shot back.

  “What if he’s not into the scars—well, currently, the wounds on my chest.”

  “I’ve done a lot of tattoos to cover the scars for breast cancer survivors.” John took a breath, dipping his head closer to mine so I could hear him. He wasn’t someone I would have spilled my guts to normally, but he was all I had at the moment. “And no one ever comes into my shop and says...my husband left me because of it. Most husbands or boyfriends or girlfriends are right there with their woman, proud as fuck. He’s not going to care. He just announced he loved you to the entire venue, maybe the world because I’m sure someone will post all that shit on YouTube. So stop doubting your self-worth and go get your fucking man. He’s waiting.”

  Well, there it was.

  And when John said it, it sounded pretty clear. Caleb loved me. He freaking loved me. He just announced it to world. What was I doing still standing here?

  “Excuse me,” I said to the stranger next to me. Without another word, I left John and started worming my way through the crowd. People weren’t quick to move. They were too engaged in the concert to notice me trying to get past them. One girl bumped into my chest and I cringed in pain. I crossed my arms over my breasts in hopes that it wouldn’t happen again, because it had nearly brought me to tears.

  When I reached the aisle, which thankfully was free of people, I started approaching the stage. Slowly. My heart beat harder with each step. I wondered what Caleb would do when he saw me coming closer. If he’d say something or go on playing like he hadn’t seen me. I assumed the latter. It’s not like he’d jump off the stage and come running at me, right?

  He talked about the two versions of himself once. About the regular person and the Rockstar. And watching him on stage... in his fitted jeans, his white t-shirt, and worn brown jacket. As he played the guitar like he was born to play it. As he sang with so much emotion in every word.

  I saw both versions. My Caleb, the Caleb who was passionate, but also shy, who smiled and made you want to give up your whole life for him. And the Rockstar Caleb, who cared what his fans thought, trying so hard to please them, who put his heart and soul into each word he sang. I loved both versions.

  I don’t know what made him glance in my direction, but suddenly his eyes connected with mine. A good distance still separated us. But for the first time in what felt like an eternity, he saw me. With his eyes on me I felt like I was the only woman standing in the crowd, like I was his everything. Hell, maybe I was.

  His fingers froze on the strings of his guitar. Like he forgot the words to his own song, he stopped singing.

  I felt heat prickle through me. I hadn’t meant to mess him up in front of all these people. He breathed into the microphone a few times as if he were trying to continue on with the song, trying to remember the words.

  Dani, Luke, and Ollie never missed a beat. They kept playing as if nothing had happened. And then suddenly, Ollie started to sing the words. He only ever sang backup vocals. I mean, a few ‘oooos’ and ‘awwwws’ here and there. But he took over, singing lead. And Caleb—oh, holy shit—took his guitar off, setting it down on the stage by his feet. Then he walked to the edge of the stage and jumped.

  I squealed, nearly falling backward on my ass. He’d surprised me. And for a moment I lost him. Then the very next second I spotted him once more...jogging toward me.

  I shook my head no, as I felt a flood of emotion coming over me. Like I’d been holding and trapping it all in—through telling him goodbye and through my surgery—and now, suddenly, the dam walls cracked, the pressure too strong, and everything flooded out.

  I didn’t want to do this in front of people. Not with the noise. Not when I felt like I might fall over at any time due to exhaustion. Not with Ollie’s wannabe attempt at singing one of my favorite songs ringing painfully in my ears. And not with Caleb looking like fresh Rockstar sin. Not when I had tears in my eyes.

  There wasn’t anything I could do. My feet weren’t moving. And then suddenly Caleb was there. He pressed his fingers in my hair, pushing the locks from my face, tipping my head back. Saying nothing, he kissed me.

  Nothing had ever felt so good. His kiss was familiar, and intoxicating, and hit me like a truck running over my body. The crowd hardly mattered. And if they’d noticed us or reacted to us, I couldn’t tell because I could only focus on Caleb’s soft lips.

  He wrapped his arms around me, breaking his kiss, holding onto me as he started to walk. “Let’s go.”

  “But your concert—”

  “It’s over now.”

  He wasn’t kidding. He wasn’t wasting any time leaving. I guess for good reason too, because almost immediately people started to crowd us. More accurately, crowd him. But he kept a firm grip on my shoulders and never stopped moving. Once we were outside, there weren’t many people. It had started to drizzle in the time since his show had started. “This way,” he said. “There’s a staff parking lot over there. I parked the rental car I’m using over there.”

  It was quite a walk to where he’d parked. I wasn’t sure if he noticed, but I moved slower than I otherwise would have. By the time we reached his car the rain had intensified, and we were both soaking wet. I’d started to shiver, feeling the chill all the way into my bones, knowing I was going to need to rest immediately. I was in no condition for any of this. My body ached, and exhaustion was taking over.

  We climbed into his car.

  He started the car and turned on the heat, but he made no attempt to drive anywhere. A moment ago we’d kissed each other unable to keep our hands off one another. But now it wasn’t quite that easy. I needed to ask about Rebecca and little Caleb, to know where he stood with them. I needed to tell him about my surgery. I needed to hear him say he loved me again, to know that all these feelings swirling in my chest were reciprocated. Because I was suddenly terrified that it all might have been an act for the audience. Not that I felt like Caleb would ever lie for attention like that, but in this moment a million fears took over me. I had so much to say, but my mouth wasn’t working.

  “Are you hungry?” he asked.

  “What?”

  “You want to get something to eat?”

  “Not really,” I muttered.

  “Should I drive back to North Carolina?”

  I’d already endured three hours in the car today. Another three hours didn’t sound appealing. “No.”

  “Okay.” He put the car into reverse and backed out from the parking spot. He started to drive. I didn’t really care where he was taking me, hopefully not very far, but I relaxed.

  I just wanted to be with him, I decided.

  ~ CHAPTER 51 ~

  CALEB

  Emma was silent and the tension between us was freaking me the fuck out. She’d kissed me, though. I’d jumped off the stage and ran to her and she kissed me just as hard as I’d kissed her. She told me in that moment, without words, that she felt everything as strongly as I did. But now...what the fuck? Because she wasn’t speaking. And her silence was the most terrifying thing.

  I took her to my hotel. The same hotel we’d stayed at together the first time in Richmond. I’d booked the same suite, the one with the pool inside, and I planned this romantic weekend in my mind. I thought if I could see her again, if I could get her alone, the other pieces would fall naturally into place. I’d tell her little Caleb wasn’t mine, and we’d pic
k up exactly where we’d left off weeks ago.

  It seemed so simple in my mind.

  But now. What if everything had changed in the time since we’d parted? What if she was about to break my heart into a million tiny irreparable pieces?

  I pulled the rental car into the valet.

  I took her hand—she let me—and together we walked through the shiny, polished lobby, dripping rain water as we stepped onto the same elevator we had once before. “You’re in my sweatshirt,” I commented as the doors shut and we moved upward.

  She nodded. “I’ve been wearing it a lot.” A small smile tugged at the corners of her mouth.

  Even soaking wet from the rain, I warmed all over. “Good. That’s good to hear.”

  I brought her hand to my mouth, kissing her knuckles softly.

  “I love you,” I said against her skin. I couldn’t really hold my feelings in another moment. The words burst from my mouth. I couldn’t have contained them if I tried. She needed to know. She needed to know exactly how crazy about her I was. How willing I was to put everything on the line for her. “These last weeks have been torture,” I added. “I never want to leave your side again.”

  I wished she’d fall into my arms. I wished she’d say those three words back to me. But neither happened. She stared at me; her eyes impossible to read.

  “I have to show you something,” she said.

  The elevator doors opened on the top floor. I had no idea what she meant. I let her hand fall away from my mouth and my fingers. She left the elevator and I followed. She started down the hallway. I guess she understood that I’d booked the same hotel room because she walked for it.

  My fingers trembled as I unlocked the door for us. I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. What could she possibly want to show me? All she had with her were the clothes she was wearing.

  We entered the room. And I thought I might have been losing my fucking mind. Maybe the entire time we were together, I imagined something greater between us and this was about to be the most painful breakup ever. Because the next couple minutes would either be the best of my life or the worst. There was no middle ground. All or nothing.