Lilac

by Reid, B. B.

  Unable to forget her confession four days ago, the lyrics took hold with an icy grip. They did their job and left only a warning.

  I’m no good for you.

  Braxton stared at me until she was satisfied that I’d gotten the message. Her red hair became a veil shielding her expression as she stared out her window. I could reach out my hand and touch her easily, yet she’d never felt so far away. Shifting my body forward, I rested my head against the back of the seat before closing my eyes.

  I wouldn’t listen.

  I never did.

  Emily hadn’t warned me away like Braxton just tried to, but my friends did.

  No one spoke again for the rest of the drive. We were too distracted, dissecting the lyrics of each song she played. We hit up the zoo first after Braxton admitted she’d never been. I didn’t even want to know how someone reached adulthood without ever visiting a zoo. Even a petting one would have counted.

  Xavier had made some calls and was able to get the place shut down for a couple of hours. Braxton’s excitement level, which had been stuck on neutral, revved once we got inside, and she saw the first exhibit.

  She actually thought those creepy-ass fucking lemurs were cute. I swear one of them stared at me as if he knew me or something.

  Loren griped the entire time about the smell.

  Houston remained impassive even when a male lion charged the fence and roared. It baffled even the keepers who admitted he was a pretty vocal lion…just never toward guests.

  Braxton explained that Houston had that effect. Apparently, it wasn’t limited to humans. Houston got some curious looks from the staff after that as they not-so-covertly whispered to each other. We moved on, and when we reached the giraffes, Braxton lost her shit. She talked endlessly with our tour guide about some chick named April, who’d given birth last year. I was confused along with Houston and Loren until she saw the looks we exchanged and filled us in.

  April wasn’t a friend of hers.

  She was a giraffe we’d never heard of before. At the time, we were too busy fighting in vain to keep Calvin alive to realize a fucking giraffe had set the internet ablaze.

  Braxton claimed the wave had only lasted a couple of months but that it helped the world lose themselves in something meaningful. At least for a while. As she talked, we nodded, pretending to give a damn until she turned back to our tour guide.

  At some point, as we made our way through the park and for no reason at all, Braxton slipped her hand in mine. I wasn’t sure if she planned it or was just caught up in the moment, but I didn’t let go. If she noticed my tension, she didn’t comment on it. She was thoroughly enthralled by the guide’s boring facts about fucking flamingos.

  I glanced at Houston, who was currently hiding behind his black shades. I could tell by the set of his lips that he’d noticed, and he wasn’t thrilled. Braxton wasn’t only defying orders. She was risking it getting out that we were making more than just music behind closed doors. Liking the fact that she’d chosen me to make her stand, I tightened my grip.

  Houston could kill me and then pry her from my dead body if he wanted me to let go.

  Braxton’s hand was soft and small in mine, and I suddenly had this urge to go all alpha-dick and stake my claim. That was usually Houston’s speed. I’d never felt this way with Emily. With Braxton, the possibilities of who I wanted to be for her were endless. I wanted to protect her from everyone.

  Including me.

  Knowing that when Braxton found out about my wife, she would never forgive me, I loosened my grip. When I started to pull away, Braxton’s head turned, and then she was staring up at me, a question in that deceptively innocent gaze. My heart began to pound out of control.

  Fuck.

  She had me.

  She so fucking had me.

  I tangled our fingers once more, but she kept staring at me like she could read my guilty thoughts. She wanted to know why I tried to pull away. She wouldn’t let it go unless I made her.

  Desperate to avoid the inevitable, I did the first thing I could think of.

  I kissed her right there in front of the tour guide and the other keepers trailing us while pretending to work. With a moan, she melted into me, not bothering to think twice as we spiraled deeper within each other’s souls. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her lips since she wrapped them around my cock. I will never forget how it felt to have her on her knees for me.

  I was vaguely aware of the guide trailing off mid-sentence, Loren storming off like I’d stolen his favorite toy, and Houston plotting to make us both pay. Xavier had faxed over NDAs for the employees to sign in exchange for our patronage, so word wasn’t getting out, but that was never Houston’s problem.

  He wanted Braxton for himself.

  He’d rather scheme and plot and make arbitrary rules than simply admit it so that we could deal with the fact that we wanted her too.

  Braxton broke the kiss, and when our gazes met, we were the only two people in the world.

  “Take me somewhere, Jericho. Just you and me.”

  It only took me half a second to pick up what she was putting down. Grabbing her hand, I pulled her back the way we came. We hurried over a bridge and underneath a covered walkway before crossing over to the tunnel that separated the park’s east and west side. Or maybe it was north and south.

  There wasn’t enough blood left in my brain for critical thinking, let alone navigation skills.

  The moment we were under cover of darkness and the prying eyes of the security cameras, I kissed Braxton again. With my hands on her waist, I kept kissing her as I backed her against the wall of the tunnel. I could hardly see shit, but I felt how crazy she was making me.

  My hands drifted up, teasing her hard nipples through her thin T-shirt. She hardly ever wore a bra, and before now, I had no clue how much easy access turned me on. I groaned, thanking God for small favors as I shoved her shirt up, baring her breasts and wrapping my lips around her nipple.

  She let me have my fun for a while, gripping my hair like she was hanging from a cliff, and I was her only lifeline but then…

  “Rich.”

  I felt her trying to pull me away. My heart skipped a beat before plummeting to my stomach. Had she already changed her mind?

  “I know this is our first time, and as much as I appreciate the foreplay, I assure you I’m good to go,” she told me through her panting. “We don’t have much time.”

  She smiled so sweetly that even though I’d been thinking about going down on her again, I didn’t have it in me to deny her. She wanted to be fucked now, and I was more than willing to make that happen.

  Today, she wore black denim shorts, which told me getting fucked in a zoo hadn’t been her plan. She needed me bad enough not to care if we were caught. I quickly unbuttoned her shorts and helped her shimmy out of them since they were tight as fuck. She wore fishnet tights, but instead of patiently pulling them down her legs, I tore them at her crotch. After she gasped, I watched her surprise morph into desire. She was looking at me like all my past lovers had when it dawned on them that my lovemaking didn’t match my personality. They expected sweet and gentle. This was the first time I wished I could oblige.

  “I wish we had a bed right now.”

  She made this purring sound that reverberated deep in my gut and down to my dick. “Me too, but there’s always later.”

  I kissed her again before turning her to face the wall. Her hair was pulled up, and her nape beckoned, so I kissed that too before bending her over. She stayed like that, her hands braced on the wall while I quickly undid my jeans and pulled my dick free. I silently prayed I had protection while I fished out my wallet and plucked out the single condom inside. Thank fuck.

  “Hurry,” she urged me.

  I wrapped my dick up as fast as I could without breaking the rubber and fucking up my chances. We were all so hot and cold. There was no guarantee there’d be another.

  With that reminder, I quickly found her soake
d entrance. I needed inside her now. Slowly filling her pussy, I realized she was even tighter than I imagined. If not for Houston, I’d think she was a virgin.

  “Rich…”

  I couldn’t respond.

  She was too hot, too wet, and I needed her too desperately.

  Gripping her hip with one hand and planting the other on the wall above her, I begin fucking her hard, showing her just how much.

  I pulled her body into me even as I shoved into her from behind.

  The sound of our skin slapping and my dick moving in and out of her pussy echoed around the tunnel, mixing with her moans and my grunts.

  Sweat dotted my temple and collected on her back.

  I lost awareness of my surroundings and didn’t care if someone watched. All that mattered was that I chased this feeling.

  This—fuck, I didn’t know.

  Whatever it was, it wasn’t supposed to happen. She wasn’t supposed to mean anything to me. Now it felt like I couldn’t live without her.

  Pulling her upright, I forced her front against the wall, and then I gripped her chin before turning her head. “What are you doing to me, Brax?”

  “I don’t know,” she whimpered.

  “You don’t know?” I echoed as I pumped inside her. She shook her head as much as my grip allowed. “Bullshit.”

  I should have only cared about getting my friends back, but instead, my only concern was which of us got to keep her. If she chose Houston or Loren…I wouldn’t be able to stay. I wouldn’t be able to watch her be happy with them. I was a selfish prick, but I wanted to be her selfish prick.

  Much too soon, I felt the familiar stirring in my gut as my heart rate increased. My body took over, pushing me toward the point of no return.

  My hips began to thrust of their own accord.

  Faster. Harder. Fucking with single-minded intent.

  I fucked her so hard I feared Braxton would bruise from the force of my body using hers. Trapped against the wall, she had nowhere to go, no other choice than to accept my savage lovemaking.

  Anyone nearby would immediately know what we were doing. The gallant hero I wanted to be had thought about stopping, but then my muscles tensed, and I held onto Braxton as my seed flooded the condom.

  Feeling boneless and drowsy, I slumped forward while making sure to keep most of my weight off Braxton. I crushed her hopes of getting off. I didn’t want to destroy her bones too.

  Under the guise of catching my breath and making sure my legs could hold me up, I stood up straight. Only when I found the courage to meet her gaze did I turn Braxton around to face me.

  “You know you do amazing things to a girl’s self-esteem.”

  I huffed out a laugh even as I felt my cheeks warm. By my count, she’d given me three orgasms, and I’d given her…one.

  Shit.

  “Sorry,” I whispered as I pulled her close. “It’s been a while.” I’d been too busy hunting my demons to worry about getting laid.

  Do it, my conscience urged me. Now was the perfect time to tell her about Emily.

  Then again, maybe not.

  My dick had been inside her less than a minute ago. Learning that you screwed a married man is not something a girl wants to hear right after sex. It was too late for there to ever be a right time, but there couldn’t have been a worse moment than now.

  I kept my mouth shut by kissing her.

  Placing my booted foot between her legs, I kicked her feet apart. I then dropped to my haunches, where I gripped her hips and attacked her clit with my tongue.

  As soon as I added my fingers to the mix, she came apart in my arms.

  It didn’t come close to the sordid things I wanted to do to her, but until we had a shower, a bed, and some privacy, it would have to suffice.

  In case anyone was wondering…no.

  I have no idea what I’m doing.

  Being around them, I seemed to have developed this habit where I say one thing and do another. I was more than fine with the sex, but I was starting to think that it wouldn’t be enough. Why did I insist on spending the day with them? Why had I taken Rich’s hand? Why was I already plotting how to get Loren alone and Houston on board?

  I didn’t understand any of it.

  My body was winning this internal war while my heart was staging a coup and my brain was screaming that I was a fool.

  We hit up Ripley’s Believe It or Not and then the Reunion Tower, an observation deck almost six hundred feet in the air. Unfortunately, Houston and Loren’s bad mood had cast a permanent cloud over our outing. Loren had broken his promise and was back to pretending I didn’t exist while Houston ramped up the dark looks that promised I’d regret crossing him. He intimidated me more than I let on, but as long as I didn’t turn into a doormat for Houston to wipe his feet on, I was fine pretending.

  After the tower, Rich suggested that we find somewhere to eat, to which Loren claimed to have lost his appetite. By then, my guilt had dissipated entirely, and I was done with his bratty behavior. Letting go of Rich’s hand for the first time since we emerged from that tunnel hours ago, I used both of them now to press against Loren’s chest. It was hard and warm beneath my hands, but that was no longer relevant. I shoved Bound’s bassist backward right there on the crowded sidewalk.

  He blinked those onyx eyes at me in surprise before steeling his gaze and pushing up on me. I was eight inches shorter and maybe a hundred pounds lighter, but that wouldn’t keep me from standing up to him. I was the first to speak since I started this in the first place. This was my show.

  “Stop pouting.”

  Loren never looked so offended in his life. “Come again?”

  “None of you are entitled to me. I decide who gets me when I want to be had. You want something from me? Convince me you’re worth the time. Otherwise, suck it up. You might be used to getting your way, but I’m your new reality.”

  He bared his teeth in a smile that was condescending and more condescending. “That’s big talk for someone who won’t be able to back it up. Make no mistake, Braxton, I’ll get you. You just better hope I don’t toss you back after I’m bored.”

  I felt the words parting my lips. Loren wiped them away by yanking me into him and kissing me with everything he felt but was too much of a coward to say.

  It was hard, passionate, raw, and messy—the culmination of everything Loren and I would be together if we ever gave in.

  “Let’s get something straight,” he whispered darkly against my lips. “I’m the only one who had the balls to admit wanting you. Houston still denies you because you’ll always come second to Bound, and Rich…you might want to open your eyes, baby. He’ll never belong to you.”

  I refused to let him see that he was getting to me. Everything he’d just said was everything I feared. “You might be right, but you’re also the only one who forced me to listen to him as he fucked someone else.”

  In his eyes, I saw his guilt and the acceptance that he’d screwed our chance before we ever knew we wanted it before he pushed me away.

  I stumbled, but then gentle hands helped me find my balance. I knew they belonged to Rich. I wanted to pull away and hated myself for letting the seeds Loren planted grow. What if he wasn’t just screwing with my head?

  Feeling my stomach roil like a storm at sea, I pulled away from Rich’s touch just as Loren turned back in the direction of the car. We had no choice but to follow.

  I’d lost my appetite too.

  None of us spoke during the drive back to the bus. There was no handholding, kisses, or secret touches. Houston didn’t look at me, not even to make me squirm. Rich, on the other hand, couldn’t stop watching me as if he expected me to shatter at any moment.

  Maybe I would.

  Loren’s anger and accusations filled me with bitterness and insecurity until I slowly came to my senses.

  I could never have all three of them. I didn’t factor in Loren’s volatility, Houston’s mistrust, and the secrets Rich was apparently keeping. Fee
ling the wonderful ache between my legs, I conceded that the day hadn’t been all bad. It had been great until Loren ruined it by being a brat.

  I was even willing to shoulder some of the blame.

  Seducing them was the easy part. What happens in the unlikely event that sex is no longer enough? What if I fell for one of them or worse…all of them? What. Happens. Then?

  The only thing messier than sex was feelings.

  Do I ask three men used to playing dirty to share me? How would I convince them? How would I convince myself? I’m not sure many women would jump at the chance.

  In theory, my body reacted in favor of it.

  Reality, however, was a judgmental bitch.

  I tried putting myself in Rich’s shoes after hearing that I wasn’t complete with only him. He’d try just to please me until it shattered him completely. Loren gave me the strong suspicion that he’d been an only child. He’s never had to share before. Why should he start now?

  And then there was Houston.

  Morrow suffered a complex that told him he must control what he could possess and eclipse anything he couldn’t. Hoping he’d claim me while allowing his friends to stake their piece was a fool’s dream.

  Making the sensible choice wasn’t something I was used to.

  I gave up my innocence, knowing what it meant for my soul. I left home accepting that I may never fit in. I joined Bound, knowing that my bandmates hated me. I’ve filled my existence with challenges. They gave me purpose, a reason to keep fighting until the bloody end, and a distraction from the knowledge that nothing was waiting on the other side. I could live now and forget it all later.

  Once again, defiance was staring me in the eye, waiting for me to pick up the gauntlet. I learned Bound’s music. I earned their respect and monopolized their desires.

  But I couldn’t do this.

  I couldn’t do what Oni had hoped when she chose me. All I’d end up doing was piling my broken pieces on top of theirs. Pain was all I had to offer Bound. That and my guitar.