Lilac

by Reid, B. B.

  Loren’s head shot up. When he saw I was dead serious, he looked to Houston, who shrugged. This was my show and my shot to call, but we were both still caught off guard by Houston’s refusal to interfere. Control was not something he relinquished without a bloody fight.

  Braxton was changing everything.

  “This is bullshit,” Loren spat like I gave a damn.

  “Wheelchair.”

  It was all the reminder he needed before he stormed off the bus.

  Sighing, I headed for the shower while Houston cleaned up. With Loren gone, at least there’d be hot water.

  One city blurred into the next as we made our way east. Exhaustion from performing nonstop, with only two real breaks to recharge in between, had drained my excitement for new places. I didn’t feel the spark I’d left behind in New Orleans until we reached the Big Apple two months later.

  Now all I could smell since we arrived this morning was cinnamon.

  Visiting had always been a dream of mine, and not even the pall Dallas put on the tour could ruin it.

  My bus had been repaired and met us in New Orleans, but Houston had given it back to the crew rather than exile me again. Even though I was relieved for the crew, I wondered if Houston’s motive was to punish me since it meant staying on the bus with them. We didn’t speak unless it was absolutely necessary, and the three of them avoided me like I carried a flesh-eating virus.

  I know I said I wanted space but going so far as to avoid even a shoulder brush was a bit much. All three seemed to jump out of their skin whenever I got too close and would hurriedly leave the room.

  They still argued almost every night, but something had changed. They didn’t lash out anymore, and I was no longer a bystander. Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup made sure to hash their beef out of earshot, though it was always close enough for me to watch them through the window.

  Sometimes I had to remind myself that I’d asked for this. We were Pandora’s box, better left untouched than explored. I just didn’t count on it hurting this bad.

  Against my will, I missed them.

  I’d gone from feeling nothing to feeling sad, and now something else. I wasn’t sure at what point during the two months prior that anger had set in, but the chip on my shoulder was huge.

  New York was as loud, smelly, and crowded as portrayed on television, but the magic was real too. Los Angeles had gotten me used to large cities, but there was an edge to New York that the City of Angels just didn’t have. No other place in the world could match the grit, speed, and glitz of the metropolis.

  The best part was that we’d be here for a week before moving further north. After Boston, we’d storm through Canada, and then it was back to the west coast for our last two shows of the first leg—Seattle and Portland. I’m sure the guys were excited about returning home—at least until the European leg of our tour began.

  The number of shows packed into one tour seemed…excessive, even for a band as notable as Bound.

  I also wondered why we weren’t flying to each show instead of being crammed onto a bus. It was public knowledge how much money Bound’s tours made. I’m sure the label could afford to charter a plane. None of it made any sense.

  I told myself I didn’t care, but the thought only went so far as the corner of my mind where it waited to spring out again at the most inopportune time.

  At least Savant had sprung for us to stay in a hotel while we were here. It was a five-star hotel, and nothing I could have afforded on my own. Even with my large advance, I wouldn’t squander it on a few nights’ stay. Meanwhile, the crew was put up in a less expensive hotel nearby, which didn’t seem fair. I would have been fine without the glamour—even Stevens.

  When I texted my friends to complain, Griff called me a self-sacrificing headache and ordered me to shut up and enjoy the all-expense-paid vacay.

  I’d been talking to them practically nonstop since I no longer had the guys to distract me. Before, I’d been too caught up in life on the road and my whirlwind emotions to realize how much I missed home.

  I hadn’t talked to my parents since they wouldn’t pick up the phone and wouldn’t allow Rosalie to, either. She did manage to sneak me DMs here and there since my parents didn’t understand social media. I wasn’t sure they even knew Instagram existed.

  During our last talk, I tried to get a sense of where her head was, but Rosalie had been reluctant to let me inside. That was more than two months ago, so I knew she was avoiding me. She’d even abandoned her mission to convince me to fly her out despite our parents forbidding her any contact with me.

  Rosalie believed I could move mountains while sometimes I wished she would beg me to come home. At least then, I’d have an excuse to leave Bound without wounding my pride.

  Annoyed with myself, I sat up into a sitting position where’d I’d been lying in the middle of my hotel bed. I’d already wasted two months of new adventures. I wasn’t going to let Bound take away another.

  Digging my brown crossbody from my suitcase, I filled it with things I thought I’d need for the day before shoving on my most comfortable pair of boots and heading out of my room. The white summer dress with long sleeves that hung off my shoulders would do just fine.

  The four of us had been given the twenty-six hundred square foot duplex for our stay. It had four beds, four baths, and a view of Central Park and the city. There were only three bedrooms, so Loren and Rich had doubled up while Houston took the second bedroom, and I was left with the master.

  I’d forgotten what it was like to sleep on a full-sized bed. The bedroom on our bus had been left empty since I refused to run and hide. And despite its purpose that Houston had made known, the guys never used it for any groupies—not since Loren that one time.

  Nope. I’ve been content with my bunk, putting up with Rich’s loud snoring, Houston’s quiet contempt, and Loren jerking off every morning and night.

  At least he used his curtain for privacy now.

  I wouldn’t think about what I’d done with his pillow.

  I was seeing red at the time, but I didn’t regret it. Sometimes you have to stoop to beat your opponent at their own game.

  Emerging from my room for the first time since arriving, I descended the five or six stairs separating the master bedroom on the suite’s second floor from the other rooms.

  Loren was sitting alone on the couch closest to the stairs, with his arms spread along the back, and his body sprawled as if the couch were his throne, and he was king.

  Houston stood in front of the floor-to-ceiling windows gazing out at the city with his brows dipped even though the view was breathtaking.

  Rich stood in the kitchen, sucking on an orange, and I tried not to remember how good he was with his tongue.

  I pretended they weren’t there as I headed for the door.

  “Stop.”

  When my feet actually obeyed, I cursed him and me under my breath. None of them had spoken to me in nearly twenty-four hours. What made Houston think I’d want to listen now?

  “Where do you think you’re going?” he asked when I peered over my shoulder.

  “Does the answer affect our show four days from now?”

  Houston’s expression morphed into something that warned me to back down now. Loren watched me like he wanted in on the action, and for the first time, Rich wasn’t jumping to my defense.

  Looks like I’d bonded them, after all.

  “It does if you don’t plan on coming back,” Houston returned.

  Spinning around to face them, I crossed my arms. “No need to flatter yourself, Morrow. I’m not going anywhere.”

  “That’s right, Braxton. You’re not. Get back in your room.”

  The room suddenly smelled as if we were standing inside an inferno. I was so angry it almost slipped my notice that he’d called me Braxton and not Fawn. “Excuse me?”

  “We dismissed our security team. They needed some time off. That means we’re staying put for a couple of days.”

&n
bsp; How convenient.

  “I don’t need buff men with guns to tell me not to wander down dark alleys.”

  “It wasn’t an offer, and I’m definitely not asking. This isn’t a negotiation or a goddamn democracy. Sit. The fuck. Down.”

  Houston’s voice had gotten rougher with each word he spoke, but he never reached the point of shouting. I was one thousand percent sure I’d walk out on them and this tour if that ever happened.

  Savant could sue me.

  This time, I didn’t bother to stop or offer another caustic remark. It would only give them the chance to corner me, so…

  I bolted for the door.

  Rich was closest, so I knew it was his arm around my waist, lifting me in the air while his free hand slammed closed the door I’d barely gotten open.

  “It’s been two months,” he whispered in my ear as he held me. I could have sworn I felt his lips skim my cheek. “You’ve made your point.”

  “I doubt it,” I returned dryly.

  The only thing I felt was confusion as Jericho carried me to the empty sofa across from the one Loren occupied. How had I gone from being ignored to locked inside our hotel suite?

  My angry gaze traveled from Rich, who’d taken a couple of steps away, to Loren and finally Houston.

  “What is this really about?” I was certain my new status in life hadn’t reached me being unable to walk the streets in an overcrowded city without being recognized. Most people only knew who I was if one of Bound was standing next to me. I wasn’t buying Houston’s reason for keeping me here. Besides, he had no say in what I did off stage.

  “What makes you think that we have an agenda?” Loren asked.

  When I responded, I kept my gaze on Houston, knowing it would piss Loren off. “Tell me a time when you didn’t have one.”

  “Touché.”

  Unable to resist him any longer, I looked into Loren’s eyes. I missed staring within those endless depths. “Screw you.”

  They all reacted one after another to my aggression.

  “Someone’s cranky.”

  “Could it be that she’s hard up?”

  “Whatever shall we do about that?”

  I so wasn’t interested in this game.

  Rich didn’t move to sit me back down when I stood, but I was ready for him if he tried. “Nothing,” I said, answering Houston’s question. “It’s being covered.”

  “What the hell do you mean by that?” Loren snapped.

  “Figure it out.”

  I didn’t consider that I’d have to walk by him to get to my room and through Rich to get to the front door. The moment I tried to pass him, Loren pulled me down onto his lap, and he wasted no time locking his arms at my waist to keep me there. I could feel my limbs wanting to relax. My body missed being close to his. Knowing better, I kept my spine ramrod straight.

  “Tell us who he is so you can watch us beat the shit out him.”

  “Why would you do that?”

  As Loren spoke, his hand caressed my lower belly, drawing heat there and filling my mouth with sweet syrup. I was beginning to despise the taste of cherries. “Because we’re spoiled, possessive, jealous…and we only like to share with each other.”

  Loren caught me off guard. The only part of me that moved was my heart pounding inside my chest. “What are you saying?”

  “We’d like to propose an experiment.”

  “An experiment?” I echoed when I couldn’t think of what else to say.

  “We’ve been kind of losing our shit without you,” Rich admitted.

  “I’ve been right here.” And from my viewpoint, it looked like they’d been just fine.

  “It felt like you were on another planet.”

  I didn’t expect the admission to come from Houston. When my gaze shot to him, he wore an uncomfortable look as if the lead singer of a fucking rock band wasn’t used to baring his soul. I guess it was easier in front of a stadium of faceless strangers.

  I was floored.

  But I wouldn’t fall for it.

  No one else had ever made me feel so alone. Not even my parents after they’d thrown me to the wolves.

  There was a chance they’d gotten bored ignoring me and were just toying with me for their amusement. It wouldn’t be the first time.

  Chuckling, I pried Loren’s arms from around me, and he reluctantly let me go. “I’m not doing this,” I said after I was standing on my feet. “I’m not playing this game.”

  “You haven’t even heard what we have to say,” Rich accused me. He sounded disappointed and angry, but I didn’t care. I’d given into them too many times.

  I recalled how I’d found them when I finally left my room. I realized now that they had been waiting for me. For this. Whatever this was.

  Swallowing past the lump in my throat, I nodded even as my stomach twisted, and the air began to fill with the scent of roses. It’s been a long time since I felt sorrow this deep.

  “I’m okay with that.”

  “Braxton,” Loren called after me when I started for the stairs.

  I’d stay put for now, but I had no interest in hearing what they had to say. They don’t get to ignore me and discard me until they’re ready to play again.

  Yes, I asked for it, but they had no problem giving in.

  It was all too easy for them to shut me out. They hadn’t even tried. They just taunted me as usual until even that grew boring.

  The thick tension in the suite weighed my feet down, but eventually, I made it to my room.

  The last thing I saw before I shut myself inside was Rich’s bowed head, Loren’s tense shoulders, and Houston staring out the windows once more.

  “That went well,” Loren drawled sarcastically the moment Braxton shut her door. I already knew she was smart, but when I heard the snick of her bedroom lock turning, I realized she had great instincts too. “Great idea, Rich. I’m so glad you talked us into this.”

  “I didn’t talk you into anything. You were already thinking it. We all were.”

  Loren sighed rather than argue. “Back to the drawing board, I guess. Fuck this three-musketeer shit. I’d rather be all for me and none for you anyway.”

  “She never said no.”

  “She never gave us the middle finger either, but the fuck you was implied.”

  “We iced her out for two months, Lo. Just give her a couple of days. We can try again.”

  Loren’s sneer that he directed at Rich told me we’d already lost him. It seemed there was no hope for a plan that didn’t fail when it came to Braxton Fawn. She was too complex to strategize, and we still weren’t worthy opponents.

  Rich’s suggestion of not making her choose had so many holes in it, I couldn’t blame Loren for jumping a sinking ship. There was only one option left, but I couldn’t help wondering if the cost was too great. Not one of us would stick around and watch her be happy with whoever she chose. It would mean the end of our friendship that was barely hanging on. It would mean the end of Bound.

  “Why the hell are you pushing this so hard anyway?” Lo grilled Rich. “It was a crap idea, to begin with. Share her? Do you know how much that makes my balls itch? Fuck you.”

  “I don’t see you coming up with ideas.”

  “Sure, I have.” Loren grinned, kicking his legs up on the suite’s coffee table and lacing his fingers behind his head. “My plan is to make her fall in love with me. Whichever one of you cries the least about it can be my best man at our wedding.”

  Rich, who had more patience than was wise, looked ready to swing on Lo. “What makes you so sure she’ll choose you over one of us?”

  “Have you seen my rock-hard abs and gorgeous hair? What am I saying? Of course, you have.” The look Loren gave him was mocking and knowing, which Rich avoided by turning his head. Naturally, Loren wasn’t ready to let it go. He’d push every button necessary to get the reaction he needed. “Oh, no, don’t be ashamed, Jericho. I’m honored, you being so straight and all, took it up the ass so that I’d st
ick around.”

  Rich shot to his feet, his angry gaze like liquid silver as he fixed it on Lo. “I’m not ashamed,” he snapped. “I’m just wondering why I bothered.”

  Something in Rich’s gaze made Loren hesitate before he said, “Me too.”

  Rich stormed off and closed himself up in the room they were supposed to share before Loren got himself thrown into the doghouse. Again. Now he’d be sleeping on the couch instead of the spare bed, and I doubted the opulent piece of furniture had been designed for comfort.

  Feeling Loren’s gaze, I found him silently attempting to pry open my mind so he could piss me off and push me away too. He probably thought it would make it easier when he tried to take Braxton for himself. It hadn’t worked out for him the first time but being pigheaded was at the top of his vices. I had yet to figure out how he’d gotten so smart learning shit the hard way. Maybe it was because he insisted on having to be told everything twice.

  I sighed. “Unless you want the room’s security deposit taken out of our cut for this tour, I suggest you swallow whatever you’re about to say to me, Lo.”

  “I’m just wondering how you sleep at night.” Unlacing his fingers from behind his head and lowering his arms, he spread them once again along the back of the couch. “First, you convince us Savant’s shitty deal was a dream, and then you let Rich believe that sharing a woman was actually possible.”

  “Why are you so sure it’s not?”

  “Because that’s not how love works.”

  “How do you know when you’ve never been in love, Lo? Our only knowledge of it is what we’ve been told. It’s second-hand information.”

  “But have you thought about what happens when this gets out? Don’t kid yourself into thinking it won’t, and I’m not keeping Braxton a secret.”

  “Neither will I, but whose opinion are you so concerned about? Strangers we pass on the street? People we’ll never meet? Our families who don’t give a shit if we’re sad, much less if we’re happy? We get to define what true love is for ourselves. No one is entitled to do it for you. Once she’s mine, I’d never hurt her, neglect her, or let her forget that she’s the axis on which I spin. I can do the same with my best friends hanging around. We were already family, Lo. We built a career together. We share a house… We don’t even have separate bank accounts. What’s mine has always been yours. This world is a wolf in sheep’s clothing, and the people in it would rather you be miserable as long as they’re comfortable. Why not carve out our own piece and be free to love how we choose?”