For Love or Money: A laugh out loud, heartwarming romantic comedy

by Clodagh Murphy

  Oh God. There was something about the way Stella said Rafe’s name, something in her face when she talked about him that made Lesley’s heart sink.

  ‘That’s not ... I mean Rafe’s not the reason you broke it off with Peter, is he?’ she asked cautiously. Bloody Rafe! She hated to think Stella had fallen for his act and been tricked into giving up the life she wanted.

  ‘No,’ she said with a derisive laugh. ‘Definitely not.’

  ‘Good. Because I know he can be very flirty and everything, but he’s not someone you can take seriously.’

  ‘I know.’ She looked hurt, and Lesley had a horrible feeling she was lying. She really hoped Stella hadn’t fallen too hard.

  ‘So, what are you going to do now?’

  ‘Well, first I have to cancel this wedding – which it turns out is almost as much work as planning it in the first place.’

  ‘Right, well, I’ll help you with that.’

  ‘Then I don’t know. Find somewhere to live, get a job ...’

  ‘But you’re staying in Dublin?’

  ‘Yes, I want to be near—Oh gosh, I haven’t even told you about what’s been happening the last couple of days. There’s been so much going on.’

  Lesley listened aghast as Stella told her about her father’s funeral, her mother still being alive, Dan, the trip to Galway with Rafe ...

  ‘Wow, you’ve had quite the week!’ she said when she’d finished. ‘So you went to Galway with Rafe? And you stayed overnight?’

  ‘Yeah. He was really kind actually.’

  Lesley studied her face closely. ‘Did something happen between the two of you?’

  ‘No, nothing like that.’ Stella met her eyes frankly. ‘But it could have. It almost did.’

  ‘Oh God, you’ve fallen for him, haven’t you?’

  Stella shrugged. ‘Maybe I have. But it doesn’t matter. It wouldn’t work out anyway.’

  ‘I suppose it would be a bit awkward after you were with his dad. Even though you never shagged Peter.’

  Stella smiled. ‘It’s not that.’

  ‘What, then?’ Lesley knew she shouldn’t be pushing it, and she hated seeing Stella upset, but her natural curiosity got the better of her.

  ‘I can’t explain. There are things you don’t know about me, Lesley.’

  Lesley wondered if that was true. Did Stella have even more secrets yet to be unearthed? ‘Well, I’m glad you’re sticking around anyway.’ She’d miss Stella if she was gone. ‘Even though we won’t have the Bradshaw connection, I hope we can still be friends.’

  ‘Me too.’

  ‘And I’m not cancelling your hen night. Just because you’re not getting married doesn’t mean we can’t have a banging night out.’

  News of the cancelled wedding had travelled fast. Stella was glad for once that her share of the guest list was so sparse, so Peter bore the brunt of the fallout, and, since they’d started breaking the news yesterday, his phone rang constantly day and night with people offering their sympathy and eager for gossip.

  He had decamped to Jane’s apartment while Stella packed up and got ready to leave. He’d told her there was no rush and she could stay as long as she liked. It was a big house, he said, and besides, she was one of the family now ‘like it or lump it’. But it didn’t feel right, especially when it left her and Rafe here together. She’d started packing and would move out at the end of the week. She’d rented a short-term apartment in the city centre until she sorted out something more permanent.

  She took her clothes from the drawers and folded them neatly before placing them carefully in the suitcase that lay open on the bed. Opening the wardrobe, she pulled out the black suit she’d worn to her father’s funeral and held it against her, looking at her reflection in the mirror as she stroked the material. It was a beautiful piece, but she didn’t think she could ever face wearing it again. She pulled it off the hanger and folded it before placing it in the pile that was earmarked for a charity shop.

  ‘You’re going, then?’

  She looked up to see Rafe standing in the doorway.

  ‘Yes.’ She gave a little shrug. ‘The wedding’s off. What is there to stay for?’

  ‘There’s nothing else here you want?’ His eyes were unblinking as he looked at her, his body so rigid he was almost trembling, his hands clenched tight by his sides.

  ‘I don’t want your money,’ she said quietly. ‘I never did.’

  ‘I’m not talking about money.’

  She knew he wasn’t. She knew what he was asking, and she so wanted to say yes. Yes was the answer. ‘No,’ she said. ‘There’s nothing else here I want.’

  He nodded, jerking his head away quickly, but not before she saw the hurt etched on his face. He dropped his head and sniffed heavily, a nasal sound that twisted her heart. ‘I wish you’d stay,’ he said so quietly she had to strain to hear him. He sounded crushed, heartbroken, and she longed to throw her arms around him and tell him the truth – that she wanted him just as much as he wanted her. But she’d have to tell him the whole truth – all of it – and she was too much of a coward, because what if he didn’t want her anymore once he knew? She couldn’t bear it if he were to look at her the way Steve had.

  She’d told Peter, of course, but the stakes hadn’t felt so high. She hadn’t been in love with him. He said it didn’t make any difference to him, but she could never be sure. Maybe it had put him off, even if only subconsciously. She couldn’t help wondering if it was partly the reason they’d never had sex.

  ‘I wish I could,’ she said. ‘But you don’t really know me, Rafe. If you did, you probably wouldn’t want me to stay anyway. I’m sorry.’ It was better this way, she told herself, as tears tore at her throat.

  ‘Well, I’m going to go down to Clare for a couple of days,’ Rafe said hoarsely. ‘Will you still be here when I get back?’

  Did he want her to be? ‘Probably not. I’m moving on Friday.’

  For a long moment they just stood gazing at each other. Then Rafe turned and walked quickly away without looking back. A few minutes later, she heard the front door slam, and he was gone.

  46

  The house felt eerily quiet once Rafe had gone. Despite having lived alone most of her life, Stella had got used to having people around all the time, and she’d miss the company. She was glad Lesley was coming over for the evening and should be here shortly. She’d decided she was going to tell her everything – if not tonight, then soon. She was putting down roots now. It was time to start being real with the people she cared about, even if – her mind strayed away from the thought, but she brought it back – even if it meant losing them.

  That would be Lesley now, she thought, as she heard the front door open. Rafe must have bumped into her as he was leaving and let her in. She skipped down the stairs to meet her – and saw Rafe standing in the hall looking up at her.

  ‘Did you forget something?’ she frowned.

  ‘No. Not exactly.’

  ‘Oh.’ She suddenly felt very aware that they were alone in the house together.

  ‘Actually,’ he said, ‘I thought I’d take another crack at persuading you to stay ... with me.’

  ‘Rafe—’

  ‘Because I ran into Lesley just now, and she seemed to think–’

  ‘Where is she?’ Stella’s eyes flicked to the door.

  ‘She left. She said to call her later if you still want her to come over.’

  ‘But what did she tell you?’

  ‘Nothing.’ He gave a rueful smile. ‘Well, actually she told me I was an arsehole, and she seemed all set to tear me a new one.’

  ‘What changed her mind?’

  ‘I guess she’s one of those women who can’t stand to see a grown man cry. Bit of a softie, I suspect, when it’s all boiled down.’

  ‘You were crying?’

  Rafe shrugged. ‘Anyway, she seemed to think I’d been leading you on or something – coming on to you just so you’d break up with Dad.’

 
‘Oh.’ No wonder Lesley had seemed so keen to warn her off falling for Rafe.

  ‘She got the wrong end of the stick, and I thought perhaps you had too. I realised I might not have made myself clear earlier. So I had to come back and tell you, just to make sure there are no misunderstandings. So, here it is: something true about me that not many people know.’ He dropped his head and took a deep breath. Then he lifted his head and looked right into her eyes. ‘I’m in love with you. Did you know that?’

  She nodded. ‘I guessed,’ she whispered, tears welling in her eyes.

  ‘I want to be with you. I want us to be together. And I was hoping you want the same thing.’

  ‘Rafe, I don’t know what to say.’

  ‘You don’t feel the same way.’ He smiled sadly at her, and her heart twisted when she saw his eyes shone with tears. ‘Okay. That’s fine. Just so we’re clear.’ He turned to the door.

  ‘Wait! Don’t go.’ She couldn’t bear to see him looking so sad. ‘Come and have a drink.’ She skipped down the stairs and led him into the living room. She poured them both whiskey and sat beside him on the sofa. ‘My turn,’ she said.

  He frowned questioningly.

  ‘You told me something true about yourself. Now it’s my turn.’

  ‘Okay.’

  ‘You want everything to be clear between us, no misconceptions. And there are things you don’t know about me, Rafe. Things that might make you change your mind about wanting to be with me. Probably will, actually,’ she said shakily. ‘And that’s okay.’

  He took a gulp of his drink as if bracing himself for something. ‘I doubt it, but go on.’

  She took a deep breath, not knowing how to begin. ‘Remember when I told you about being bullied in school?’

  He nodded.

  ‘And you were surprised that it was boys who bullied me. Why?’

  ‘Well, look at you,’ he said, his eyes glittering as they scanned her face.

  ‘I told you, I didn’t look like this then.’

  ‘Even so, I’d have thought a girl – any girl – among a bunch of teenage boys ...’

  She took a deep gulp of her drink, her hand shaking as she lifted the glass to her lips. ‘I went to a boys’ school,’ she said. ‘There weren’t any girls.’

  ‘That must have been tough, being the only one.’

  ‘No, you don’t understand. There were no girls – not one in the whole school.’ She looked meaningfully at Rafe. She saw realisation dawning in his face, but there was still disbelief too.

  ‘You mean...?’

  ‘I mean not one. Not even—’ She gulped, looking away. ‘Not even me. I went to a boys’ school because—’

  ‘Because you were a boy,’ he breathed.

  She turned back to find him looking at her searchingly. It was obviously a shock, and he was struggling to get his head around it. But at least he didn’t seem disgusted.

  ‘That’s why they bullied me. They hated me because I was ... different. It’s why my parents kicked me out. It’s why my boyfriend stabbed me.’

  ‘He didn’t know?’

  ‘Oh no, he did. I was out then – not at work, but with friends. I hadn’t even fully transitioned when I was with him. And he was fine with it ... as long as we were together. Or at least I thought he was. But when I broke up with him ... he was so angry. Like I said, he’d thought he was doing me a favour being with me. He couldn’t handle the humiliation of someone like me leaving him. And he was ashamed, I guess, after the fact, of having been with me.’ She rattled the ice in her glass, and knocked back the last of the whiskey. ‘So he stabbed me, and when that didn’t work, he plastered pictures of me all over the internet. Naked photos on revenge porn sites; videos of us doing stuff ...’

  ‘But if he was ashamed of it, surely he’d have wanted to keep it quiet.’

  ‘Oh no,’ she said bitterly. ‘Because every time someone liked or shared it, he took it as proof that he was a real man. Every vile, filthy comment reassured him that he hadn’t fucked a boy. He was just one of the lads and any other red-blooded male would have happily “given me one” and been none the wiser.’

  ‘Jesus!’ Rafe dug the heels of his hands into his eyes, swiping away tears.

  ‘It was after that that I decided to live in stealth. It seemed ... safer. After my final surgery, I changed my name – again – and moved to LA.’

  ‘What was it before – your name?’

  ‘Joanna when I first transitioned. My parents named me Joe.’

  ‘Joanna!’ he gasped. ‘That guy in Villefranche ...’

  ‘Yeah. So anyway,’ she said, looking down at her hands, twisting in her lap, ‘that’s it – all the news that’s fit to print. Or not.’ She laughed nervously.

  It felt like an age as she waited for him to say something. Then his hand covered hers, gently unknotting them. He lifted one to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to her knuckles, while his other hand cupped her face, his thumb gently stroking along her jaw.

  ‘Stella,’ he breathed. There was a world of tenderness in the way he said her name, and when she looked up at him, her breath hitched at the love she saw in his face. Achingly slowly, he leaned in and kissed her, his lips firm and warm on hers, and she felt like she was melting, all the knots of tension in her body dissolving under the warmth of his touch. He pressed butterfly kisses to her cheeks, her nose, the corners of her eyes, kissing away the stray tears that escaped because she was so overcome with relief and happiness. She curled her fingers into the short hair at the back of his neck and kissed him back, loving the sandpapery rasp of his stubble against her cheek.

  Things quickly got heated, and they were making out like a couple of teenagers, hands grasping urgently, pushing underneath clothes to reach for warm bare flesh. Stella jumped a little when Rafe slid his hand under her top and stroked along her stomach. But then she remembered that he already knew about her scar and everything else, and she relaxed because there was nothing to hide anymore. She gasped as Rafe slid a hand inside her bra, stroking her nipple while he sucked and nibbled at a pulse point on her neck. She undid the button of his jeans so she could slip her hand inside, rubbing his rock-hard erection through his boxer shorts. She slid her hand inside, and wrapped her hand around his cock. It was hot and hard, throbbing for her beneath the silky soft skin. As she began to stroke him, Rafe pulled away with a groan.

  ‘Bedroom?’ he said breathlessly, his eyes glittering with intent.

  She nodded, and they held hands as they stumbled upstairs. Rafe led her into his room, closing the door behind him with a soft click. It was still bright, and Stella watched, mesmerised as he stood in the light of the window and peeled off his shirt, revealing a tanned muscular chest with a light spattering of dark hair that trailed tantalisingly down his lean, taut stomach to the top of his jeans. He was so beautiful, and Stella suddenly felt inadequate and intimidated. Then she remembered that she was beautiful too, and she’d never been so glad, because she wanted to be beautiful for him. She held his gaze unflinchingly as she undid the buttons of her blouse and peeled it off, then unhooked her bra and tossed it aside. His eyes blazed as they raked over her naked body, and she didn’t flinch under his heated gaze.

  Their eyes held as he walked towards her and took her in his arms, and Stella shivered as her naked breasts brushed against his bare skin. He looked into her eyes as he lowered his head to hers infinitely slowly, his lashes fluttering closed just as his lips touched hers. He kissed her softly, slowly, his mouth moving to her neck as he started to undo the button of her trousers, his fingers clumsy and awkward as they fumbled with the zip.

  He lifted his head. ‘I’m shaking,’ he said with a self-deprecating laugh.

  ‘I make you nervous?’

  ‘You terrify me, to be honest.’

  Stella flinched, and looked away to hide the hurt she was feeling.

  ‘Hey, that’s not what I meant.’ He grabbed her chin and turned her back to face him.

  She took a dee
p breath. ‘We don’t have to do this,’ she said, her hands covering his where they cupped her face. ‘If it’s too weird for you ... You can’t help it if I freak you out.’ She swallowed hard. ‘It doesn’t make you a terrible person just because you don’t want me.’

  ‘Jesus, of course I want you!’ The burning desire in his eyes, the tension in his face and the bulge in his jeans made her inclined to believe him. He raked a hand through his hair. ‘It’s just ... you’re kind of a new one on me.’

  ‘I get that. You’ve never been with someone like me before.’

  ‘No. I’ve never been with a woman who—’

  ‘Who was raised as a boy.’

  He shook his head. ‘Who means as much to me as you do.’ He stroked her cheek with a finger. ‘I’m scared of screwing this up.’

  She put her hand over his. ‘You won’t screw it up,’ she whispered. ‘I won’t let you.’

  ‘Promise?’ His voice cracked.

  ‘I promise,’ she whispered as he bent his head to kiss her again.

  It had been a long time since Stella had given a blow job, but it came back to her quickly. She loved the feeling of Rafe’s hot, thick cock in her mouth, his hands tangled in her hair, the way he groaned her name as he came.

  When it was her turn, Rafe kissed his way down her body with agonising slowness, awaking every nerve ending slowly and methodically until her whole body was on fire. At last he was kissing along her thighs, pushing them apart, and she felt the rasp of his stubble as he nuzzled his face between her legs. He pressed soft kisses to her inner thighs, and Stella shook with want. Then suddenly he stopped, and looked up at her.

  ‘What do I—I mean I’m not sure how to—’ He frowned, hesitating.

  ‘How to make me come?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘The usual way.’

  ‘I just—I don’t know how it all works,’ he said, his eyes flicking to her pussy.

  ‘How it works?’

  ‘I mean, can you get wet? Will it hurt when I’m inside you?’