Songlines

by Carolyn Denman

  ‘If we have to dance, let’s at least do it properly,’ he almost spat, and I didn’t get an opportunity to reply because he swung me around and led me in a complex pattern of movement that made no apology for the fact that everyone else had to move aside or be bulldozed by us. Furious, I didn’t even bother trying to think about how I was going to keep up. If he wanted to see me fall on my face then I was just going to have to make damn certain that I took him down with me. Relaxing into his firm grip, I let him swing me recklessly around and after a few moments I had to laugh when I saw that he was just as surprised as I was that we were still both upright. My backwards heart was thumping wildly, but it was actually not all that difficult to move in time with his audacious steps. So this was what it was like to have someone lead! Seriously lead. I was only an average dancer, and he swung me around as if he was challenging me to keep up, yet at the same time he always seemed to know when I was about to trip and supported me easily. His mother must have made certain his musical education had included some form of dancing to go with it. Did all professional dancers hold their partners this securely? I could feel the resonant heat of his skin like an intricate lace of energies, seeking, flowing … searching for something to heal? Cobwebs made of light and life coursed through me wherever our bodies connected—from his hands, his hip, his thigh—pure enough to taste.

  Every pair of eyes in the room was fixed on us; I could feel them boring into my back. I couldn’t remember why that was a problem. At least it meant that the people around us instinctively began to give us space, because Bane certainly wasn’t trying to remain inconspicuous anymore. As he spun me to a breathless halt I was amazed to find that the song had ended. His hand trembled on my shoulder blade but he still held me firmly while we both stood there gasping, and I wondered whether his heart was doing the same weird thing mine was. The expression on his face was unreadable, sort of confused and cross and startled all at the same time, which made me want to laugh. For once I didn’t. Eyes of chipped ice held mine, as he in turn tried to gauge my mood. Pity I didn’t know it myself.

  I bit my lower lip and extricated my fingers from his. ‘Can we go outside?’ I mumbled. ‘I think we’d better talk.’

  Nodding grimly, he took my hand again and led me out the front door, attracting even more surprised glances from the other students. Practically yanking me along, he strode all the way down the street to a small playground, away from all the smokers and couples. I quietly hoped Noah was right about him trying to protect me, otherwise I was headed for a secluded area with someone who had recently pulled a knife on me … sort of. I started to have second thoughts.

  Sensing my reluctance he let go of my hand and backed away from me, a puzzled expression on his face. ‘You aren’t in any danger. What’s wrong?’ He looked confused, then frustrated as he realised that he was the one I was worrying about.

  Leaning forward, I peered at him in the dusky yellow light of the street lamp. ‘How do you know? How do you know whether or not I’m in danger?’ My inquisitiveness was quickly winning over my reticence.

  He hesitated before answering, his hands finding his pockets again. A lock of velvet-black hair fell into his eyes as he lowered his gaze again. ‘Because I don’t currently feel like a junkie desperate for a hit,’ he said, clenching his jaw and looking down at his shoes.

  I pondered that for a moment. He stayed silent. Annoyed, I realised he wasn’t going to volunteer any information and that I was going to have to steer the awkward conversation. Great. I sat down on the edge of a seesaw shaped like a bee.

  ‘Are you trying to protect me? From what? And why?’

  He looked up sharply. ‘I have no idea. I just … need you to be safe. I didn’t even realise that’s what it was until yesterday. I’ve tried to stay away from you, I really have. I just can’t. It makes me sick.’

  ‘Physically sick?’ I asked incredulously, eyebrows reaching for the sky. He nodded. Oh great, how lovely. What was I supposed to say to that, exactly?

  ‘Um. Okay. So how close do you need to be?’

  He looked down again. ‘It seems to be more dependent on time than on distance,’ he said thoughtfully. ‘I mean, if I’m in or near my car I feel more comfortable than if I’m on foot. Maybe because I can get to you faster that way. I’ve driven almost as far as Horsham before throwing up, but I can only walk as far as the grain silos on Tarin Street if you’re at home. It’s hard for me when you leave town.’

  My eyes bulged. Man, he must have been struggling with this for a while. I had no idea it was so powerful, or so controlling.

  ‘When did all this start?’

  He looked away, staring at the ancient swings, unable to meet my eyes. ‘It’s been getting stronger over the last couple of years. I’ve always felt … sort of … drawn to you, but you make me uncomfortable. I keep doing strange things when I’m around you so I try to keep my distance. It’s been getting harder.’ He looked accusingly at me. ‘I always know where you are. Exactly where you are. Why? Why you?’

  I glared right back. ‘Why me? I’ve been asking myself that since primary school! Why do you always pick on me? What have I ever done to upset you? Why was it my locker you had to set on fire? Honestly? Until recently I thought it was about Noah … you know, because you act a bit like the girls in class would if they didn’t have any self-restraint …’ It was my turn to study my shoes.

  He was quiet for a moment, then started to chuckle. I couldn’t remember ever hearing him laugh before, and I started chuckling too. I think we were both a bit desperate to see a funny side to the situation. He took a deep breath and the corners of his mouth twitched into an almost-smile.

  ‘No,’ he assured me, ‘this definitely has nothing whatsoever to do with your pretty boyfriend. You can keep him. I’ll keep as far away from you both as I can.’

  Damn, I hated it when my aunt was right, although the idea that Bane was jealous was still taking it way too far.

  ‘He’s not my boyfriend. He never has been. Didn’t anyone notice him going all cow-eyed over Claudia? How can you have been at school with us all these years and not know we’re just friends?’

  ‘Whatever. Friends then,’ he said cynically. ‘I’ll still try to leave you alone. But please, could you, maybe, call me or something if you’re going to do anything … risky? It’s easier if I’m close. Or at least I’ll know not to do anything I need to concentrate on that day.’

  If I didn’t already believe that there was something supernatural going on I would have told him where he could stick it. Instead I just felt kind of bad for him. He didn’t deserve this. We were both caught up in something completely outside our control. I thought about what Aunt Lily had said about being destined for him, which was laughable—I would have been less surprised to catch Noah knitting—but I thought I’d better at least try to get used to having him around.

  I shook some tan bark out of my shoe. ‘Ben, what are your plans? Do you have a job?’ I asked.

  His shoulders relaxed slightly, as if he’d actually been worried about my reaction to his request. ‘No, I’m still looking,’ he admitted. ‘I’ve been doing some odd jobs around town since I can’t go to the city to find work. I’ll find something though.’

  I took a resigned breath. ‘Are you any good on a farm? We happen to be without our farmhand at the moment and some of the less urgent jobs are starting to pile up. My aunt and I could use some help if you’re interested. We’d pay you, of course, and feed you. I’ll ask if you can use Harry’s cottage until he gets back.’

  He looked at me as if I’d grown an extra nose. ‘Seriously? Just like that?’ He blinked. ‘After everything we’ve … You would just invite me to come and live on your farm and work?’

  How could I explain to him there was no real choice? I just smiled and nodded. I had found that usually worked well enough when I didn’t know what else to say. Just smile and nod. I wonde
red if there was a way I could just do that instead of having to tell Aunt Lily.

  Chapter 15

  The next morning my vivacious aunt fluttered around the house like a butterfly on red cordial. She tidied, she cleaned, she polished. In short, she fretted. It was obviously difficult for her to prepare to meet the boy she believed I would marry, and I was more than a little worried that she would blurt out something inexcusably embarrassing in front of him.

  She’d set up our guest bedroom for him to stay in because she didn’t feel comfortable letting him use Harry’s place without being able to check with him first, but she didn’t seem too happy about us living under the same roof either. In the end she probably figured that it would be inevitable anyway so she cleared out the back room and then proceeded to clear out every other loose item in the house as well. When I caught her trying to vacuum the veranda I had to say something.

  ‘What are you doing? Why does everything need to be so clean? Honestly, it’s only Bane. You have no idea how … how … irritating he can be.’

  ‘I’m just trying to make a good first impression! We only get one chance at that.’

  ‘Or else what? He won’t think I’m a suitable match? Isn’t that a good thing? Maybe his disgust at our housekeeping abilities will override his compulsion to fall hopelessly in love with me.’

  ‘I just want things to go as smoothly as possible. This doesn’t need to play out like some TV daytime soap opera. I just want things to stay simple.’

  Stay simple? Which part of any of this was simple?

  A cloud of dust billowed up from the road behind a blue sedan.

  ‘Please just don’t say anything to him, Aunt Lily. He might not care about my housekeeping skills but scaring him off by acting crazy certainly won’t help to keep things simple.’

  Humming nervously, I tried to look busy when our new employee knocked on the front door. Aunt Lily introduced herself and welcomed him inside, leading him down the short hallway into the kitchen where I was rearranging the knives in the knife block. Bane took one look at me and scowled, so I meekly sat down. The three of us were so much on edge that we all jumped a mile when the phone rang. Aunt Lily excused herself and took the phone into the other room.

  ‘Tea or coffee?’ I asked, trying to sound casual.

  ‘Coffee would be great, thanks.’ It was the first time he had ever said thank you to me for anything. In fact, in the last two days he’d spoken more to me than in our entire high school lives. If you didn’t count all the yelling. It was going to take getting used to.

  For the next few minutes I pottered around the kitchen trying to find something other than fruit to offer him to eat. We had been so busy with lambing and graduation that we hadn’t had a chance to go to town for groceries for a while. All we really had were things we grew at home, currently consisting of eggs, lettuce, cauliflower and a glut of snow peas.

  ‘Nutri-Grain? Or some pears?’ I offered awkwardly.

  ‘Er, no, thanks. Just the coffee would be great.’

  I put the milk and sugar out for him but he drank it plain and black. Sitting down with my cup of tea, I pried open a jar of bottled pears and poured some into a bowl. We were starting to run low on those too.

  He watched me try to stab a slippery piece of the fruit with my spoon. ‘Listen,’ he said, clutching his coffee mug like he wanted to strangle it. ‘You and I both know that we don’t get along, and this is probably the last place on Earth I want to be.’

  A pear slid off my bowl onto the table.

  ‘But I want you to know that I’m grateful. And I’ll try to … I mean I’ll try not to—’

  ‘Be such an asshole?’ I volunteered, wondering what he’d say if I still ate the pear. Popping it quickly into my mouth, I decided that since he hated me anyway I didn’t care.

  He recoiled slightly, but nodded. ‘So, what sort of things will you need me to do?’ he asked after a moment.

  Well, let’s see, take care of a few thousand sheep, protect me from all harm, keep the secret of Eden from the world, marry me and help me raise children who will probably not be human.

  ‘Oh, you know, just the usual things that keep a sheep farm going,’ I told him instead. ‘Have you driven a tractor before?’

  ‘No. But I can learn. What else?’

  If I didn’t know better I might have thought he almost sounded enthusiastic. He was in for disappointment if he thought it was going to be exciting work.

  ‘Well, the new sheep need drenching. We’ll give that a go this afternoon and after that we’ll just see what jobs turn up. There’s always something.’

  We sat in awkward silence for a minute. Aunt Lily was still on the phone. Why couldn’t she just take a message?

  I fished around blindly for something to talk about. ‘So, um, do you have any hobbies? Interests? Extra skills we should know about?’

  ‘I play keyboard and guitar. And I used to play soccer,’ he reminded me.

  Ow. He’d played soccer until I’d ruined it for him.

  ‘But what sorts of things do you do with your friends?’ I tried again.

  He just stared out of the window, his face managing to look both sulky and irritated at the same time. Right. No friends. I knew that. He had always more or less kept to himself at school and was a bit of a loner. Oh dear God, please tell me I hadn’t just invited a budding psychopath to come and live with us …

  That was when I decided that I had a new mission. Like it or not, I was going to have to get him to lighten up a heck of a lot if we were going to have to spend much time together. In fact, any time together. My eyes narrowed evilly as I studied him studying his coffee. Clearly I wasn’t going to be able to irritate him until he laughed like I did with Noah. I was going to have to be sneakier than that. I was up for the challenge.

  Later, when Bane was unpacking his things, I noticed Aunt Lily slumped at the desk, doodling absently on a notepad. She’d drawn the Kolsom logo and was adding devil’s horns to it.

  ‘So the phone call was bad news then?’

  ‘My friend from Melbourne,’ she explained. ‘The contaminated water sample only shows very small amounts of mining by-products. All within safe levels. Nothing we can use to argue against Kolsom.’

  ‘And the other sample?’ I asked. ‘What’s in it that I need?’

  She leant back in her chair to look at me. ‘The only differences he could see between the two samples were slight variations in some organic compounds that were impossible to identify. He just said that it would be difficult to prove if the contaminants had caused them to break down faster than normal. I’m sorry, Lainie, but whatever it is, it’s not anything we can find anywhere else.’

  So not only was I stuck in Nalong indefinitely, but if Harry didn’t return soon to replenish my magic water potion, I was basically stuffed. And we were also no closer to getting rid of Kolsom. Our local council representative had been politely frustrating when we’d met with him, assuring us with all the right words that he would uphold our right to deny the miners access to our property, but he hadn’t offered any practical suggestions whatsoever.

  Aunt Lily handed me another notepad and a pencil, and together we came up with some pretty creative logo variations until Bane returned and cut short our art therapy session.

  That evening when we all returned exhausted from the paddocks, he began to appreciate what it was like for us when he realised we still had to cook dinner and do all the usual evening chores.

  ‘So where’s your usual farmhand? Harry, is it? Will he be away for long?’ he asked, holding a bunch of snow peas as if he’d never seen such things before.

  My aunt and I looked at each other uneasily. We hadn’t even thought about what we were going to tell him. That was when I found out how good Aunt Lily was at coming up with cover stories without lying.

  ‘He had some personal busine
ss to attend to. He couldn’t give us a timeframe but I think it’ll be at least a month until he returns. Will you be able to stay that long?’ she asked, taking the snow peas from him to give them a rinse.

  This time Bane looked at me nervously. This was going to be annoying, keeping secrets that didn’t really need to be kept. ‘Sure, I can stay as long as you need me,’ he replied.

  I didn’t even want to think about how long that might be.

  After our uncomfortably quiet dinner I went outside with Aunt Lily to put the chooks away in their fox-proof shed.

  ‘How much do you know about this compulsion he has to protect me?’ I queried, nudging the obstinate rooster with my foot to hurry him up.

  ‘Only what little I know from your parents. Lucas protected your mother. With his life, eventually,’ she said, leaning on the gate. Her flash of grief for her lost brother tightened the air around her.

  ‘Just my mother? Did Harry have someone to protect him too? Someone he was “destined to be with”?’ If only girls needed protectors then I had a whole flood of arguments ready, and Bane could just go and do his scowling somewhere else. I had never seen Harry in a relationship with anyone, and I wondered if Aunt Lily might have had the role.

  She glared at me, her blue eyes flashing like ice crystals at dawn. ‘Harry’s business is his own. You’ll have to ask him yourself.’

  Although I had clearly touched a nerve there, I couldn’t let it rest. ‘I can’t ask him though, can I? Are you certain he’s not hurt somewhere? There was a landslide after all. What if he didn’t make it to Eden?’ I didn’t want to push but it had been playing on my mind for such a long time.

  ‘He’s fine, Lainie, I promise. I’m just concerned that he might not come back,’ she said, staring off to the northwest.