Endure

by Sara B. Larson

  Something deep inside of my belly clenched, sending a rolling wave of nausea through me. “I don’t know.”

  Damian stared down at his fist. “Please don’t do this. Please don’t go. If you do … they’ll take you from me. Forever this time.” He closed his eyes. “I can feel it. If you go, I will lose you.”

  I crossed to where he stood and put my hand over his. When he looked into my face, his expression was bleak. “Together we can do anything, remember?”

  “But we aren’t doing this together. You’re going alone.”

  With my free hand, I reached up to cup his face and gently pulled his mouth toward mine, until our lips met. He trembled beneath my touch, threatening to break apart. He’d let me past the careful wall he had built around himself for so many years, giving me the power to hurt him more deeply than I could probably imagine, and that knowledge made me want to scream and cry and never let him go. His arms came around me, his hands clutching at my tunic as he pressed my body against his. The desperation we battled seeped into our kiss, evidenced by the bitter taste of salt on my tongue from tears. I wanted to lose myself in the heat of his touch, in the need that pounded through my blood, coalescing in my limbs and belly.

  But I couldn’t do that to him. I couldn’t love him completely and then leave him alone.

  With a gasp, I tore myself away, and he let me go.

  We stood motionless, breathing heavily, and then I said, “I’ll come back. I promise.”

  He just stared at me, silent and resigned.

  Summoning every ounce of strength I had, I turned and strode away toward the curtain that hid the door to the passageway. Just when I lifted the fabric to pull it back, Damian spoke.

  “I love you, Alexa.”

  I didn’t dare turn around and look at him, afraid it would be my undoing. “I love you, too.” And then I stepped out of his sight and into the darkness.

  After a restless few hours of trying — and failing — to sleep, I finally strapped my sword on and prepared to leave. I’d decided to start at the campsite where I had last seen Rafe, but then I’d have to track him north, hopefully catching him before he made it to Dansii. I’d never been to the northern reaches of Antion, and I’d certainly never been to Dansii. I barely knew anything about Armando’s kingdom, and I had no idea what to expect, or how to prepare for what lay ahead.

  Outside my window, the black sky was barely melting into gray. The indistinct shade of nothing, when it was no longer night, but not quite morning yet, either. The jungle was a hulking, seething monster, waiting to envelope me in its feral embrace, rising beyond the palace walls. I stood irresolute for a long moment, thinking of Damian in the next room. He was only a few feet away from me now, but soon he would be a day’s walk away. And then an entire kingdom would be between us. I’d promised him I’d come back, but I could tell that this time, he didn’t believe me.

  He’d said good-bye to me last night, thinking it was for forever.

  Fear clutched my chest, but I took deep breaths and turned to my door. I’d lived with varying degrees of fear as my constant companion for so long, I couldn’t let it beat me now. I would go; I would find some way to save Rylan and get us back to Damian. And maybe I could find a way to get Rafe killed, releasing us from his control. If I was really lucky, maybe I could even find out what Armando was planning — and how we could possibly stop him.

  I wondered how long he’d been planning this. When had he found out about the fountain and decided he wanted to drink from it? If Damian’s suspicions were right, and he’d sent his black sorcerers with men pretending to be part of the Blevonese army to attack the smaller Antionese villages like mine — when my parents had been killed — to keep fueling the anger against Blevon, ensuring the continuation of Hector’s war, then he’d been planning it for a long, long time. Almost my entire life.

  As I opened my door and stepped out, I was so lost in thought I almost tripped over a package lying on the ground right outside my bedroom. I glanced around, but the hallway was empty. No one was there guarding Damian’s door, which meant the king was not in his bedroom after all. For some inexplicable reason, my heart sank to realize he wasn’t even as close to me as I’d thought. I looked down to see a strange oblong shape wrapped in fabric, with a note attached, lying at my feet. The parchment was sealed shut with red wax, and for a moment, panic seized me. But when I bent down to look closer, I realized it wasn’t the same as the one from last night — instead, it was the Royal Crest of Antion, a jaguar crouched and ready to pounce.

  It was a message from the king.

  Hands trembling, I tore open the missive.

  Alexa,

  I noticed that you’ve been without your own bow or arrows for some time now. I want you to have every advantage when you face whatever lies ahead of you. I believe in you — in your strength and your courage. This isn’t the end for us, and I apologize if I let my fears get the better of me last night. I don’t want you to leave believing me to be afraid. I will do all I can to protect my people, my kingdom, and myself so that when you return, we will be ready to welcome back our queen.

  With all of my love,

  Damian

  Blinking away tears, I untied the string to reveal a beautiful, hand-carved bow and a quiver full of arrows, tipped with the midnight black of sharpened obsidian blades. A rare and valuable gift. I folded the note and carefully placed it in the pack on my hip that I usually used to carry a small amount of food. Then I strapped the quiver to my back and slung the bow over my chest.

  I grabbed the fabric he’d wrapped it in, tossed it into my room, and shut the door. When I turned around, Eljin stood before me. I jumped back with a gasp of surprise.

  “Where did you come from?”

  “Better not let anyone else sneak up on you like that if you want to come back here in one piece.” Eljin smirked at me. His mask was still gone, and he was armed similarly to me. After the coldness of his dismissal last night, I was grateful that he seemed back to his usual self this morning. And that he was up and about. Lisbet must have worked on him some more during the night.

  “Right. Thanks for the advice.” I turned to walk away, but he followed me. I stopped and turned to face him. “Do you need something?”

  “Look, let me spell this out for you, since you’re a bit slow this morning.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “I’m coming with you, Alexa.”

  “You’re coming with me?” I lifted my eyebrows in surprise.

  “Damian doesn’t want you going alone, and since he can’t go with you, he’s sending me.” Eljin looked at me steadily, the teasing glint gone from his eyes, replaced by deadly seriousness.

  “Damian sent you?”

  “Are you going to repeat everything I say? Yes, Damian sent me. He’s been up pretty much all night doing everything in his power to help you, since he can’t go himself.”

  I swallowed once, hard, afraid I would break down in tears at any moment if I let myself think of him up all night, finding me the bow and arrow, somehow getting Eljin completely healed and convincing him to come with me, and who knew what else…. “What about your father?” I asked, trying to rein in my emotions.

  A dark look crossed Eljin’s face. “Whatever has happened to my father can’t be undone. Damian is sending scouts to his castle to try and find out where he is and what’s happened. Damian’s promised me that he will do everything in his power to find him, and if he’s still …” He trailed off, looking away from me. “The true danger lies in Dansii, and if we don’t put a stop to this, both of our kingdoms will end up massacred. My father” — his voice grew strained, almost choked — “is just one man.”

  He didn’t have to say anything else. I reached out to touch his arm, but he flinched away.

  After a pause, I said, “Well, I suppose we had better get started.” I turned and headed toward the staircase that would take me down to the main floor, giving Eljin a moment to compose himself.


  I was only halfway down the first flight of stairs when Eljin caught up to me. We finished descending in silence, but when we reached the bottom, I asked if he wanted to stop by the kitchen before leaving, to stock up on food and water, and he agreed.

  We were halfway there when I heard the sound of heels clicking on the stone floor, heading toward us. Sure enough, within moments, a young woman rounded the corner of a side hall, and when she saw us her eyes widened. I recognized her immediately as well — it was Miss Durand, the young woman who had been so rude to me a few days prior, and who had been in the hallway with Jerrod when Damian and I had come out of his quarters holding hands after the fight with Vera. I expected her to sneer, or make some snide comment, but instead she froze, staring at both of us.

  I could only imagine what she thought, seeing two armed, scarred guards striding down the hallway together, especially since I’d heard her less-than-savory opinion of me … and particularly now that she knew there was something between me and Damian. I was certain she’d had her sights set on the king of Antion for herself, so I expected more vitriol from her. Instead, she actually ducked her head in a small semblance of a bow as we passed. I didn’t turn to look over my shoulder at her, even though I was tempted to.

  If Damian’s fears were correct, and I didn’t return, how long would it take before he began to look elsewhere for a queen? If he survived what lay ahead, he had to marry and ensure the continuation of the royal family. Would he look to her? With her smooth, dark complexion, her wide eyes and ebony hair, she was definitely beautiful.

  I shook myself, refusing to let those thoughts take root. Eljin remained silent at my side, not commenting on the girl’s strange reaction to us, or the uncertainty that might have been plain on my face if he looked over at me.

  When we got to the kitchen, there were already two packs of food waiting for us, and flagons of cool water. Something deep inside my chest constricted as I put the food into the bag strapped to my side, next to Damian’s note. I turned away from Eljin as I hooked the flagon onto my belt, hoping he wouldn’t notice the emotions I was trying to suppress. After two slow breaths, I was able to push them back down, deep inside where I could try to ignore them.

  “Are you ready?” I asked, facing him once more.

  Eljin didn’t say a word about the sheen in my eyes, but I noted the way his face softened when he nodded. “Let’s go.”

  We took a servants’ door out of the palace, skirting the tent city of women and babies to reach the palace wall.

  “Did you tell Tanoori you were leaving?” I asked quietly as the mewling cry of a baby broke the stillness of the morning.

  Eljin wouldn’t meet my questioning gaze. “She was still asleep from the herbs my aunt gave her to help calm her down. I didn’t have the heart to wake her up.”

  I saw the way a muscle among the scars on his jaw twitched as he told me this, and guilt burrowed through me. “I’m so sorry, Eljin. I’m sorry that you got dragged into this.”

  He was silent for a moment as we neared the door that would let us out into the jungle. Just before we were within earshot of the perimeter guards who were watching our approach, he stopped and faced me. His dark eyes were lit with an unexpected fire. “I am deeply indebted to you after what happened with Vera. If helping you rescue Rylan and returning you to the king safely can in some way repay that debt, then I will accompany you and do what I can.”

  “You aren’t indebted to me. I nearly killed —”

  “No.” Eljin cut me off. “I would have killed you. You were only defending yourself, and you stopped me without killing me. It’s more than most would have done. And as I said, the true fight lies in Dansii. I was not coerced into accompanying you.”

  Without another word, he turned and walked away.

  I followed behind a bit more slowly, some sense of dread making my steps sluggish. Just before I reached the gate, I had the strongest urge to turn back. I glanced over my shoulder and noticed the curtains pulled open in one of the large windows on the main floor of the palace. A tall, dark shadow of a man stood silhouetted in the window. Something inside of me lurched when I realized it was the library that had once been the former queen’s — Damian’s mother. He stood there, watching me leave, as everyone he had ever loved had left him one by one. But none of them by choice — except for me.

  I stopped and turned to fully face him. I saw him straighten, and though I couldn’t see the details of his face from this distance, I imagined the brightness of his eyes, the curve of his lips, and the light of the morning sun on his dark hair. Lifting my hand up to my mouth, I kissed my fingers and then pressed my hand to my chest, above my heart, hoping he’d understand my message.

  I love you. I’ll come back to you.

  My eyes burned when he lifted his hand to his own lips and then pressed it to his heart. I stood frozen for a moment, every instinct in me screaming to turn back, to run to him. But I couldn’t leave Rylan to die. I just couldn’t. Swiping at my cheek, I forced myself to turn away and rush after Eljin, through the gate and out into the sweltering heat of the jungle.

  “They’re gone,” Eljin announced unnecessarily when we reached the campsite I had escaped what seemed like mere hours ago, even though I knew it had been much longer. There was a pile of ash where the fire had been, and trampled ground cover and bushes, but no men. No tents. No Rafe — or Rylan.

  He’d told me they were heading to Dansii, but some small part of me had hoped it was another ploy, and that they’d be waiting for me here.

  Instead, Eljin and I sat down in the empty clearing to eat a tiny portion of our food and rest for a moment before continuing on.

  Sweat beaded along my hairline. My tunic stuck to my skin underneath the straps of my quiver of arrows as I bit into one of the rolls I’d brought.

  “What do you know of Dansii?” I asked to fill the strained silence.

  Eljin finished chewing his cheese before answering. “I’ve never been there, but I’ve heard it’s very different from anything you’ve seen before. King Alonz, Armando and Hector’s father, had a massive wall built across the entire border of Antion and Dansii, guarded day and night by his soldiers.”

  “To keep the people of Antion out or his people in?”

  Eljin shrugged. “No one really knows. Probably so he could control both.” After taking another bite he continued, “I’ve heard that the land in Dansii has rolling hills, and is very hot and sandy, with strange bushes and trees and very few streams or sources of water. In times of drought they have been known to attack border villages in Antion to gain access to their water.”

  I thought of our lush jungle — of the abundance of rivers and streams that ran through our land — and the small gold mines in the southern tip of the kingdom that helped support us, and a new thought occurred to me. “Do you think that Armando might be after our water and our mines, now that Damian is king and not his brother? We’ve always traded goods with them, but maybe he wants to take it all for himself. Maybe those are his goals — and not the temple.”

  “That might be a by-product of what he hopes to accomplish, but if that were all he was after, he would just attack Antion. Damian’s army is depleted, he has very few sorcerers to help him defend his people or his throne, and Dansii has apparently not only been creating black sorcerers, but also experimenting to create an entirely new breed of dark sorcery.” From somewhere in the depths of the greenery that surrounded us on all sides, an animal keened. A high-pitched sound that turned into a screech; it sounded like it was dying. Eljin stood up abruptly, brushing off his lap and taking a quick swig from his water flagon. “We should keep moving.”

  Spooked, I followed his lead, putting my half-eaten roll back in my pack and taking a drink of the water that was now lukewarm from the constant, oppressive heat of the jungle. Above us, through the canopy of leaves, the clear morning was working its way into an afternoon storm. The sky churned with gray-black clouds, increasingly blocking out the pieces
of azure sky that broke through the treetops and the light of the sun.

  We looked to the ground for signs of which way Rafe had gone. It was easy to pick out his party’s path; they hadn’t even tried to conceal their tracks this time. Eljin and I were silent as we trekked through the dense foliage. I, for one, hoped that whatever predator had made a meal out of the poor animal we’d heard was full for now. But just to be safe, I slid my sword out of its sheath and kept it partially lifted in front of me as we pressed forward, heading north.

  “Are you anticipating an ambush?” Eljin smirked as he glanced down at my white-knuckled grip on the sword.

  “I’ve already been attacked by a jaguar and a snake in the last couple of months. I’d rather be prepared for any possibility,” I retorted.

  He just shrugged and kept moving forward. Rather than going for stealth like they had before, Rafe’s men had literally cut through the rain forest this time, leaving a fairly wide path of destruction — hacked-off branches and trampled foliage and a very easy-to-follow trail. How far behind them were we? When I saw a broken branch lying on the ground, its leaves stained red, I froze, thinking it might be Rylan’s blood. But when I walked closer, I realized it was just some crushed berries.

  Eljin glanced at me when I exhaled sharply, but didn’t comment this time.

  I couldn’t let myself think about Rylan — injured and possibly dying. I couldn’t let myself remember the last time I’d hiked through the jungle with Eljin, when I’d believed him to be my captor; when I’d started to discover the truth about Damian and realized how alike we truly were. When I’d started to fall in love with him. I couldn’t let myself think of the pain and fear in his eyes when I’d gone to him last night to tell him of Rafe’s threat, or everything he’d done to try and support my decision to leave, despite his fear that it was to my death.

  Instead, I kept my mind carefully walled in to the present. My gaze roamed above us, to watch for threats overhead, and in front and to the side of us, straining to hear the faintest sound of anything that might be stalking us. But there was nothing to hear besides the squelch of our boots in the moist earth, and the occasional call of a bird, or the screech of a monkey. We crossed through streams and climbed hills, only to have to descend and then climb again. For hours and hours, we pressed on. Eventually, the storm broke, a steady drizzle of rain that quickly soaked us, but still we continued forward. The boot prints from Rafe and his men began to grow indistinct as the soil turned to mud beneath our feet, but it was still easy enough to pick out their trail of chopped tree branches, vines, and trampled bushes.