Endure

by Sara B. Larson

  Finally, when darkness began to slip over the jungle, like a blanket slowly being pulled across the sky until all light was extinguished, we were forced to stop and make camp. Rather than bothering with a tent, we had only brought light sleeping rolls. I found a large tree that offered some protection from the ongoing storm, and after a cold dinner of soggy rolls, cheese, and some bruised papaya that we’d found in our packs, Eljin and I unrolled our “beds” next to each other and lay down to try and go to sleep. Even though the night air was thick with the humidity of the storm, I still felt chilled. Maybe because I was still half-soaked, as was my sleeping roll. I pulled my knees into my belly and wrapped my arm around my quiver of arrows, holding it to my chest. No jungle creature would want to steal my weapons, I knew, but for some reason I wanted them as close to me as possible.

  “Goodnight, Alexa,” Eljin said from behind me. We’d hardly spoken the whole day, lost in our own thoughts. I wondered if he was fighting his own fears and worries, like I was. He had to be. He still didn’t know what had happened to his father. He’d had to leave Tanoori without saying good-bye — right after she’d been through such a traumatizing ordeal. His kingdom had technically declared war on us again. There was plenty for him to be worried about.

  “Goodnight,” I finally responded quietly.

  It took me some time, but I finally drifted off into an uneasy sleep. My dreams were plagued with blood and death and all my worst fears chasing me through the darkness. I jerked awake at one point, shaking from the terror of my nightmares. Sometime during the night, Eljin had rolled closer to me. I could feel his back against mine through my sleeping roll. The warmth and solidness of his body was surprisingly soothing to the frantic racing of my mind. He could be taciturn at times, but I knew he was also my ally and my friend. Suddenly, I was intensely grateful to Damian for convincing Eljin to accompany me. With the comforting pressure of his body against mine, I was finally able to relax enough to drift off again.

  Though we woke up before dawn and moved as quickly as we could through the dense vegetation, we never caught up to Rafe, and as the day wore on, I was beginning to worry that we wouldn’t find them before they reached Dansii.

  “He must be setting a grueling pace to be able to stay this far ahead of us,” I commented in frustration as the day began to wane toward evening. “There’s only two of us and a whole group of them.”

  “True, but didn’t you reduce their numbers significantly before your escape?” Eljin pointed out, reminding me of all the men I’d been forced to hew down with my sword recently. Men who were intent on hurting — or killing — me as well. But it didn’t assuage the guilt that rose like poison, burning through me. Somewhere in Dansii, those men had families. Mothers. Wives. Children.

  I didn’t respond, and we lapsed into silence again. We’d skirted two villages that afternoon; the path Rafe had taken had kept him away from the people of Antion so far. Until an hour later, when we realized their trail headed toward the village that lay ahead of us in the oncoming twilight, not around it.

  Dread quickened my steps as we rushed toward the medium-sized settlement carved out of the jungle’s threatening embrace. Smoke curled up from the chimneys of the homes that dotted the fairly large clearing. A rutted road cut down the center of the row of homes and buildings, heading toward the largest building. This was larger than the village I had grown up in — but if it was anything like mine, that building was where the people bartered for goods. It was a market and a school and whatever else it needed to be. The jungle was too hard to keep at bay, so the people of Antion had learned to only use as much space as was absolutely necessary. Hector had outlawed all festivals and celebrations of any sort when he became king, except for weddings and funerals. But I wondered what it had been like before he came to Antion and stamped out the old ways; if once, perhaps, this building had been used for other means as well.

  As my gaze traveled over the little town, I noticed that they had two extra buildings that ours hadn’t had. One of them was two stories tall and had a sign out front, with the symbols of a horseshoe and a bowl with a spoon in it painted on the wooden surface. Behind the two-story structure was a building that appeared to be a small stable.

  “Is that an inn?” I whispered.

  Eljin nodded. “And a place where travelers can exchange horses for a nice fee. We must be closer to the main road than I realized.” Horses were a rare commodity in the jungle and generally were only kept and used by those closest to the largest roads. The animals were an ineffective mode of travel on the smaller paths through the dense foliage of the jungle between most of the villages.

  We crouched in the protection of the forest as darkness swiftly fell, blotting out the details of the village.

  “Let’s do a sweep before we investigate any further. Keep an eye out for Rafe and his men,” Eljin murmured to me, gesturing that I head to the left and that he would cut right. “Meet me behind there if you don’t find anything.” He pointed at the largest building, close to the inn and stable. Small, tightly constructed homes lined the rutted, weedy road that led out of the village and deeper into the jungle. I nodded and slunk forward, slipping between shadows and trees to conceal myself. The light of fire and candles created a warm glow in the windows of the homes I skirted. In my village, we’d had wooden shutters that we latched at night, but some of these villagers were wealthy enough for glass. The laughter of children was a quiet, almost dreamlike sound on the apathetic breeze that did little more than stir the hot, humid night air. I paused, peering through the darkness, wondering if Rafe and his men were here somewhere. Would they have stopped at the inn for the night? Could we be this close to Rylan?

  My mind churned and my heart ricocheted against my lungs as I hurried forward, straining for any sign of Rafe, or of a struggle of some sort. But by the time I made it to the back of the largest building to wait for Eljin, I’d seen no sign of them. Only families gathered in their homes, safe from the threats Antion brandished at night, behind their closed doors and secured windows.

  I waited as the minutes dragged by with no sign of Eljin. Had something happened to him? What if he’d run into Rafe? Sinking into a low crouch, I silently unsheathed my sword and crept forward, my back to the dark, silent building. The buzz of insects was the only sound besides the hammering of my pulse until the snap of a twig on the other side of the wall I hid behind made me flinch. Someone was heading right for me. I lifted my sword, preparing myself.

  A man rounded the corner, and I jumped forward and then froze, with a gasp lodged in my throat. It was Eljin.

  “What took you so long?” I hissed, lowering my sword.

  Eljin had stiffened when he saw me jump forward with my blade raised, but now he just lifted one eyebrow. “There was a sign of struggle near the stables. I was trying to find out if Rafe and his men were still there.”

  “And … are they there?”

  “I don’t think so. You need to come look at this.”

  Warily, I followed Eljin through the darkness toward the stable. The air was so thick with humidity, it coated my skin, slicking it with sweat. I kept my sword out, just in case.

  When we neared the stable, there was no sound of neighing or any other noises a barn full of large animals would make. Eljin led me around the side of the building and pointed at the stable door, where it hung off its hinges, broken. The ground was stained with blood, and when I peered into the black interior of the barn, it was to find the stalls empty.

  I turned back to face Eljin, my stomach sinking. “They stole the horses.”

  Eljin’s expression was grim. “It appears that way.”

  “We’ll never catch them now if they’re on horseback.”

  I was tempted to punch the door but knew that would just bruise my hand and do nothing to ease the frustration and anger that churned in me.

  “Perhaps we should turn back —”

  “No.” I cut him off furiously. “We have to keep going. I can�
�t just abandon him.”

  “Forgive me for asking …” Eljin started hesitantly. “But you’ve accepted Damian’s proposal of marriage, correct?”

  I nodded, still trying to subdue my emotions and figure out what we should do now.

  “So you love him.”

  I nodded again.

  “Then why are you risking yourself like this for Rylan? I understand that he is your friend, and a fellow guard, but you are going to be the queen of Antion. Damian needs you. His kingdom is under attack from all sides, and his best guard — and fiancée — isn’t at his side.” Eljin held up a hand when I tried to cut in again. “Just let me finish. Chances of saving Rylan were slim to begin with, but now that they have horses, there is no way we’ll intercept them before they reach Dansii. If he survives the journey, I have no idea how we’ll find him. And if we find him, how do you propose we rescue him? It’ll be us against a kingdom known to use black sorcerers. And after what happened at the palace yesterday, I’m quite concerned about what other dark sorcery they’ve managed to come up with. Is it truly worth all this risk to continue?”

  “Rylan is more than just my friend or a fellow guard. He … he was almost like another brother to me. It’s my fault he’s hurt. I can’t leave him to his fate or I’d never be able to live with myself.” A myriad of emotions twisted through me, tightening my stomach into knots.

  Eljin’s gaze was unwavering, searching for some answer that I wasn’t sure I had. “Is that all?”

  Was that the only reason? Because I’d hurt him, and I didn’t want to live with the guilt if he died? I thought of his wide, easy smile, of the way he looked at me, the gold flecks in his brown eyes making them practically glow with warmth. I thought of the hundreds, if not thousands, of times we’d sparred, of the countless times we’d fought together and protected each other. We had both lost our entire families to a war that had never been necessary to begin with. It was technically my fault Rylan’s brother, Jude, had died. He’d sacrificed himself to help me stop Iker. But Rylan had never held it against me.

  “I can’t let him die because … because I love him, too,” I finally admitted quietly.

  I loved Damian with my whole being, my very soul. He was my fiancé and would hopefully be my husband one day. But I did love Rylan as well. Although it wasn’t the same kind of love, I realized that didn’t make it any less important. The thought of his death was unbearable.

  Eljin’s face was a mask, betraying nothing of his feelings upon hearing my admission. He and Damian were very close…. Would he think of it as a betrayal to the king of Antion?

  “Then we’d better keep going,” was all he said.

  “Hey! What are you doing back there?” A shout startled us both, and we turned in unison to see a man striding toward us, brandishing a lantern in one hand and a sword in the other.

  The meager light the lantern offered flickered over the man’s dark skin and even darker eyes.

  Eljin lifted his empty hands. “You have nothing to fear from us,” he called out as the man drew closer, his features twisted with a mixture of anger and dread.

  “Then why is he” — the man squinted at me in the darkness and then amended his statement — “I mean, she, holding a sword?”

  I quickly resheathed it and lifted my hands as well. “I am Alexa Hollen, guard to King Damian, and this is Eljin, one of his most trusted friends and advisors. We are tracking a group of men from Dansii. They are holding one of King Damian’s guards captive, and we’re trying to rescue him. Did they come through here today?”

  The man stopped a few feet away from us, the anger gone, replaced by exhaustion and a hint of wariness when he lifted the lantern up higher to get a better look at us. After being alone with Eljin for such a long time, I’d forgotten about my scarred face — or his. I just saw him, not the horrifying scars he’d earned trying to protect his mother as a child. But the man’s eyes widened when he looked at my face and then Eljin’s, reminding me of our disfigurements. “I think I know the men you’re talking about. They asked for some rooms, and claimed they were going to pay me to rent a few of my horses and then have them returned in a few days. I showed them my stable, and the next thing I knew, one of them hit me in the back of the head and knocked me clean out. When I woke up, my stable boy was dead on the ground behind me, the horses were gone, and so were they.”

  Eljin grimaced, the combination of anger and sadness on his face echoing my own tumultuous emotions. “I’m very sorry.”

  I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to think my way through this. Our only option was to continue on foot, move as quickly as possible, somehow sneak into Dansii, and then figure out where Rafe went. Even though neither of us spoke Dansiian. And there was no way we’d be able to blend in, with our Blevonese coloring, our accents, and our clothing.

  “Rafe’s taking him to the king. That’s what his letter said.” I pinched the bridge of my nose but opened my eyes to look at Eljin. “We’re going to have to ‘get caught’ and hope they take us to Armando. He wants me alive for some reason. If his men find us, they have to take us to the king.”

  “And then what?” Eljin’s lips pursed into a thin line.

  “What’s this guard they’re holding captive worth to the king?” the owner of the inn cut in. “If I were able to find you some horses … would he be willing to recompense me for my losses?”

  “Yes,” I answered without hesitation. “If you could do that, I would personally see to it that King Damian remunerated you for your losses.”

  “My brother runs an inn and stable two hour’s walk from here. I can send my son right away and he could return by morning with a horse for each of you.”

  I didn’t want to waste another minute waiting, but getting horses of our own was our only hope of catching Rafe before he crossed into Dansii. On foot we’d be days, maybe even weeks, behind them.

  “How far is the border from here?” Eljin asked the man, as if he’d heard my thoughts.

  “Five or six days of hard riding. Three times that or more if you walk it.”

  “We’ll take the horses. And a room for the night, if you have any available. If you keep your word, I promise you will be well compensated by the king.” Eljin glanced at me, and I nodded. It was our best option.

  The man’s eyes narrowed, sizing us up. Weighing Eljin’s offer. “This way,” he finally said, turning and gesturing for us to follow him back across the small distance between the now-empty stable and the inn.

  I woke long before dawn, the echo of a scream still on my lips. The nightmares were even more unbearable with the uncertainty of the future looming before me. Sweat slicked my skin, and the darkness writhed around me, a living, oppressive thing, breathing down my neck with the heat and relentlessness of nighttime in the jungles of Antion. Through the open window I heard the far-off sound of a group of monkeys chittering back and forth. Thunder rumbled ominously in the distance, warning of the storm to come.

  I sat up in bed, looking down to make sure Eljin still lay on the floor beside me. The innkeeper had offered us two rooms, but we’d elected to stay together. I was grateful to have Eljin close by, but I missed the comfort of actually sleeping beside him. If I closed my eyes and shut my mind off long enough, I could almost convince myself that he was Marcel. With everything that had happened in the last couple of months, I’d barely had any time to let myself mourn my brother’s death, and suddenly, sitting there in the darkness, with the soft pattering of rain beginning to slap at the roof, his loss nearly overwhelmed me. How had I gotten here? Almost completely alone, save for a Blevonese sorcerer, rushing through the jungle that I hated and feared, leaving my fiancé behind to go after my friend in hopes of rescuing him from the biggest, most powerful kingdom known to me.

  Marcel, are you still near me? Do you still try to watch over me as you did when you were alive? Are you with Mama and Papa? Are they proud of the person I’ve become — do they watch over me, too? My heart was raw, flayed by loss and gr
ief and fear for what was still to come.

  Throwing off the thin blanket I’d slept beneath, I stood and crossed to the window. My fingers curled around the windowsill, my nails biting into the hard wood as I squeezed my eyes shut and lifted my face to the soft, damp breeze. It carried the scent of rain and flowers, of moist soil and green things sucking the water in and growing ever larger, ever stronger. The jungle was resilient; it never stopped trying to press forward, to expand and thrive. As much as I hated the dangers it held, I couldn’t help but admire the beauty it possessed — and the tenacity it represented.

  Opening my eyes, I stared out into the night sky spreading like thick, choking smoke over the canopy of the rain forest. Heavy clouds of black and gray pulsed with occasional lightning, and the sprinkling rain was slowly growing more insistent. Bending out to grab the handle, I pulled the window shut, securing it before the rainstorm began in earnest.

  When I turned around, Eljin was sitting up watching me. I jumped back with a swallowed scream, my hand instinctively dropping to my sword, but finding only empty air. I’d unstrapped my scabbard and slept next to it, feeling safe enough not to sleep with my sword in my hand.

  “You scared me,” I said shakily.

  “I apologize. You seemed upset; I didn’t want to disturb you.” Eljin rose to his feet with the natural grace of a fighter.