by Lara Swann
“Jessica?”
I glance down.
“Sorry sweetie, what was that?”
“We need to file the papers.” She insists.
“Right. Yes. Okay, well this is how we do that…”
I grab some spare folders from my bottom drawer and start explaining to her how to slide the different papers in, before we put them in the filing cabinet together. With Kenneth gone, some of the levity I felt spending time with Abbie earlier comes back, and I find myself smiling a whole lot more.
She really is a sweet child. Though I can’t help wondering, now, about her Mom. And Kenneth. And things I shouldn’t be thinking about. Things that have absolutely nothing to do with my purely professional relationship with my boss.
“Good!” She says with satisfaction, folding her arms and looking at the one stack of green paper left. “We did it.”
I smile, having to resist the urge to reach out and stroke her hair in a similar motion to Kenneth’s. That might be strange for her - she’s not my child.
“You did it.” I say instead. “You’re a very helpful little girl, Abbie.”
She nods, then looks up at me. “If I help, Daddy won’t have to work so much.”
I pause, caught off guard again by her casual comment, and something tugs at my heart. I don’t know anything about her - or about Kenneth’s life now - but I can’t help the picture that’s starting to form. Or how much it’s making me feel for her.
God damn it, Kenneth, your little girl…
“Jessica?”
I glance over to see her crouched down by the scattered green papers.
“Yes?”
“Do we have to bin these now?”
I frown, confused. “Umm…we don’t have to. Why?”
She grins. “Because they’re like grass!”
I blink, but she’s already clearly thought this through because the next thing I know she’s turning some of the papers over to blank green sheets and reaching for her plastic toy animals.
“My horses like grass.” She continues, bouncing one of the horses over the paper and onto another one.
The smile is back on my face as I watch her happily playing with the animals, totally unaware of the effect she’s having on me. I never really thought children were all that cute before, but something about Abbie…I don’t know. Too much time around her and I might start having dangerous thoughts.
My long-dormant body clock might finally make an appearance.
The idea almost makes me chuckle - and without thinking about it, I crouch down next to Abbie, asking her about her horses.
She chatters away at me and I watch as she moves them around the hastily-assembled pieces of paper.
“Hmm…” I look at them. “You know what this needs…”
She looks up at me and I jump up to grab a couple of pens from the desk.
“Some trees.” I grin at her, then begin drawing in a couple of trees.
Her eyes light up and she takes a pen too, helping me.
We continue playing with the horses and I forget all about actually doing work today as we start drawing on the different pieces of paper. Part way through I go and get some different colors of paper so that together we make fields and lakes and a dangerous volcano for her animals to explore.
As the time passes, I have to admit to myself that whatever I might think about Kenneth, his daughter is simply wonderful. I haven’t had this much silly fun in a long time, and until today I never would have said I was the sort of person who might be good with children.
When the phone at my desk goes, it even takes me a moment to realize what it is - and that I am supposed to be working too.
I jump up, almost guiltily, and tell Abbie to wait a minute as I take the call from Kenneth’s lawyer, Patrick Heath, about a meeting he needs to rearrange. I flick through his diary, schedule it in, and by the time I put the phone down I’m not surprised to see Abbie peering over from the other end of the desk.
“Who was that?”
“Your Daddy’s lawyer. He wanted to have a meeting with your Dad.”
She leans back to look into the office, then shakes her head.
“Daddy’s not here.”
I smile slightly. “Yeah, I know. I told him he could see your Daddy tomorrow.”
“Oh, okay.” She says, then frowns down at the phone. “How does this work?”
She starts pressing buttons and I have to hurriedly disconnect the whole thing before she makes a call I have to explain to someone.
“Um, well…” I pause, then look into Kenneth’s office again as I get a sudden thought.
She’s right…he’s not here.
“Why don’t I show you?” I say, suddenly grinning.
“Okay.” She grins back, even though she doesn’t know what I’m thinking yet.
I set the phone to an intercom-only mode, so that it can only communicate with the one in Kenneth’s office, then set her down in my chair. She laughs and wriggles back in it, almost getting lost in the over-sized seat.
“So, I usually talk to your Daddy on this phone—”
“But he’s just in there!” She exclaims, pointing to the office.
I smile to myself. She has a point.
“Sometimes he’s doing important things in there, or I need information here at my desk to talk to him.”
“Hm…” She doesn’t sound convinced, but she doesn’t ask anything more.
“Do you want to have a go?” I ask instead. “I could go in there, and you could talk to me on the phone.”
“Ooh, yes!” She says, leaning forward in excitement. “I want to use the phone!”
“Okay. Just let me get it working…”
I take the phone off the hook and point to the machine.
“When you want to call me, press this button here - just this one, don’t press anything else or it won’t work - and then we can talk to each other.”
“Okay!” She grins. “I’ll be you, and you be Daddy.”
I blink, then I laugh to myself.
“Okay, sure. I’ll be your Daddy.”
“And I’ll be you! Go on, go on!”
She gestures me excitedly toward the office, but I give her a serious look first.
“You remember which button?”
“This one.” She says decidedly, and sure enough, she seems to know what she’s doing. “Go on!”
“I’m going, I’m going.” I say, raising my hands in defeat.
I’ve disconnected everything enough that she won’t be able to call anyone else anyway, so if it doesn’t work, I can always come back out and help her.
It’s strange to go into Kenneth’s office for a different reason than my usual professional agenda - especially like this, using it to play a child’s game - but I can still see some of Abbie’s toys to one side and that seems to make it okay. The whole workday has been different today, it’s okay just to accept that.
It feels even stranger to walk behind the desk and contemplate the large, plush leather chair there, but the phone rings - the button for secretary lighting up - and without another thought, I pull it out and sit down, laughing a little as it twists and turns behind the desk. All these games with Abbie have left me feeling like a kid myself and I indulge the slightly naughty feeling of sitting somewhere that’s previously been so obviously the CEO’s chair.
I give into the strange giddy feeling as I cross my legs under the desk and look out at the office before picking up the phone. It’s strange seeing it from this angle, but I can’t deny it’s fun as I hold the phone to my ear and and lean back to contemplate it.
“Hello.” I say, putting on my most serious, gruff voice as I get into the role. “This is Kenneth Stark, super serious businessman. What super serious business did you have for me today?”
I hear the giggle on the other end of the phone and smother a laugh myself as I try to maintain my ultra-serious persona, all while I want to break down into fits of giggles myself - until I glance up.
To see Kenneth stood right there.
My hand freezes on the phone in my ear and I sit up with a jerk, fast enough the back of the chair hits me a moment later, as mortification sweeps through me.
Oh my god. Oh my god. What did he just hear? What did I just do?
I can’t look at him, but I hear what could be a slight laugh as he looks between the two of us.
Oh god. How do I explain—what can I say—what—
“I think I might need my desk back.” He says, his tone mild as he doesn’t mention whatever he just heard at all.
Please say he didn’t hear.
“Right—yes—of course.”
I almost scramble to put the phone down, jumping up and trying very hard not to run out of the room as I get out of there as quickly as possible, my heart pounding in my chest. I don’t shut the door behind me, but I wish to god I could, cursing his open door policy for the first time.
“Jessica?” Abbie looks up at me, eyes wide and innocent. Totally oblivious to the kind of trouble she just got me in.
“I think…” I say slowly, my face still crimson with embarrassment. “I think, Abbie, maybe we should go back to playing with your horses.”
I take her hand and help her off the chair, wishing I could sink into it and let the ground swallow me up.
“Okay…” She says in a very indulgent tone, looking at me carefully.
We do that and I try not to think too hard about whether I’m still going to have a job by the end of the day. I’m pretty sure openly mocking your boss is a no. Even if it was just for a little bit of fun…
“Jessica! You’re not paying attention!”
Abbie scolds me several times, but all I can see is that strange expression on Kenneth’s face, like he’s trying to stifle some outburst.
Anger? Laughter? Disbelief?
I’m no closer to an answer when he comes to collect Abbie and take her home - and I still can’t meet his eyes.
“Say thank you to Jessica, Abbie.” He says as he picks her up, balancing her on his hip.
“Thank you Jessica!” Abbie sing-songs from his shoulder and I give her a weak smile.
“It was lovely to meet you, Abbie.”
There’s a pause for a moment and then Kenneth steps up to the desk, so it’s impossible not to look at him.
“Really, thank you Jessica. We both really appreciate your help today.”
“That’s okay. I enjoyed it.”
My cheeks heat again as I hope he doesn’t immediately think I enjoyed that game in his office. I still feel embarrassed enough I want to cover my face with my hands.
He hesitates before leaving, though, then looks back.
“If I don’t get this situation with Abbie’s Nanny sorted, we might both be coming back tomorrow…” He trails off, not quite asking, but it’s obvious what he’s saying.
I nod. “Well, if Abbie wants to spend anymore time with me, she was very helpful today.”
Plus, that means I still have a job. Right?
“Thank you.” He says again, the relief in his voice obvious as he bounces Abbie on his hip, looking over at her. “Do you think you might want to spend a little more time with Jessica, Abbie? Help her out some more?”
“Ooh, yes!” She grins at me and I have to smile back, however awkward I feel around her Dad. I really do like that little girl.
He laughs. “Okay, well, we’ll see how things go tomorrow then.”
With that, they both leave, and I’m left not sure what to think or feel about it all.
I shake my head, taking a deep breath and trying to settle the mortification still burning in my stomach.
He didn’t say anything about it. I guess that means it’s okay? Maybe we’ll just forget about it…
Yes. That would be best. I helped him out, he’ll overlook that little moment I had there. That seems fair.
As I pack up to leave for the night, I think about Abbie coming back tomorrow and a small smile tugs at my face. I really did enjoy today. Sure, I’m not getting much work done, but I think Kenneth is just going to have to accept that.
I wonder what other games we could play around here to entertain her…not anything like that intercom moment, obviously, but there have to be other options…
Lost in thought, I forget all about the letter waiting for my decision in my desk drawer.
Chapter Five
Kenneth
Abbie comes to work with me all week.
Kara decides to be difficult about whether she’s ‘feeling better’ or not and I end up giving up on the discussion before I say something I regret about the whole conversation. The fact that she knows how hard it’s making our lives and doesn’t seem to care…ugh. It infuriates me. I have to bite my tongue more than once to stop myself asking Abbie why she likes her so much.
I have to talk to her preschool about pulling her out of the usual morning sessions she attends three times a week, because there’s no way I’m going to be able to dart in between preschool and the office to take her, but it still seems like the best option I have - even if I quietly resolve to start looking for another Nanny as well.
Maybe if I introduce someone new slowly, Abbie will feel more comfortable with it. She’s certainly taken to Jessica easily enough.
That’s the other reason I give up trying to negotiate with Kara after only a few attempts.
I don’t know what it is with Jessica, but there’s something about seeing her with my little girl…she just seems so good with her. I never would have guessed. Not because I don’t know she’s a lovely, caring person - she always has been - but just because…well, I’ve never seen her with children.
I’m pretty sure she didn’t even know whether she wanted them when we were dating.
I mean, that was ten years ago, neither of us knew anything at that stage, but still…it’s not like she’s struck me as maternal over the last few weeks, either. She’s been distant and detached. Not the kind of woman I’d imagine getting down on her knees and playing games with my daughter.
That’s the other thing. Abbie is my daughter. It still surprises me that doesn’t seem to bother her, but I have to admit wryly that might just be my ego speaking. Whatever was between us was years ago. She has no reason to care what I do anymore. Even if that thought makes me a little sad for some reason.
And I’m not about to question the way she’s suddenly helping me out. It’s nothing like any of my previous secretaries have reacted to having my daughter around - and it’s such a refreshing change that I’m almost pleased to be bringing Abbie into work with me. She’s obviously enjoying it too - all she seems to talk about when we go home is Jessica this and Jessica that. Even more so than she sometimes does with Kara - which only makes me reconsider my current Nanny situation some more.
Not that I have time to look for another one…
I get the idle thought of trying to delegate that to Jessica, too. She seems good enough at everything else and she obviously care about Abbie…but I could never actually accept someone caring for Abbie that I haven’t vetted myself first.
So for the moment, it’s bringing Abbie to work with me instead and watching as Jessica seems to find endless things to entertain her with - enough that I almost feel ashamed at how little I’ve ever found to occupy her here. As well as the way I dismissed Abbie’s comments about ‘helping’ me. I never really thought anything of it, but Jessica has definitely taken my little girl’s request to heart.
In between fielding meetings and calls and all the work that doesn’t get done while they’re happening, I watch as a sample box of all our ExVenture nutrition bars appear outside my office - and hear Abbie’s mixed reactions as she tries them all, dictating thoughts on them to Jessica.
Later that day, I find a ‘Taster Feedback’ meeting in my calendar and get to enjoy Abbie presenting her thoughts on each of my products and the different flavors. I’m caught between trying to treat it seriously, wanting to laugh and wondering why I
’d never thought about doing that. I’ve always dismissed my work as something boring that my daughter wouldn’t want any part of - but Jessica…Jessica is making it accessible in a way that’s never occurred to me.
Now, when we leave work, Abbie tells me all about different things I should do with my business, different flavor ideas - various forms of chocolate being the primary one - and we’re having actual conversations about what I do all day. With a four-year-old. It seems insane to me, but she’s loving it.
I can’t deny I feel better about the whole thing, too. I’ve always struggled with the guilt of how much I work and how it takes me away from my little girl, but having her see what it’s all about somehow makes it easier.
I don’t miss the way having Abbie around changes something about Jessica, too. She can’t be so formal about everything with my little girl there - and it’s shocking how much it hits me every time I see her smile or laugh.
Until my daughter arrived, I don’t think I saw her smile once in all the time she’s been working for me. It made it easy to forget about the past. I’d wondered why seeing her again hadn’t affected me so much in that way…and now I know.
When she smiles, Jessica lights up. The smooth, ordinary lines of her face become something else entirely - full of life and spark and interest. And when she laughs…
I can hear it almost perfectly, the light sound going all the way through me and bringing back every distant memory.
All the fun we used to have, before we became adults and life got hard.
I hadn’t noticed the completely dead-pan expression she gets around me until seeing her with my daughter and now…now it’s hard not to be conflicted about that. There’s a part of me that wants to make her laugh like that, even if I don’t entirely understand it - and I know enough to realize it’s probably not what she wants.
Still, that image of her in my office - lounging back in my chair and talking on the phone to Abbie - that’s impossible to get out of my head.
Hearing her voice, mimicking me and mocking my attitude and job so easily…I didn’t know what to do with it. It was so unexpected - and part of me just wanted to burst out laughing. Another part of me thought I was seeing her - really seeing her - for the first time.