by Chris Zett
“I’m sorry I was mad at you,” Lena whispered.
“You don’t have to apologize. It was a misunderstanding. No harm done.” With a stroke of her thumbs, Jess let go of Lena’s hands before she could follow the impulse to hug her. Since when had she become so touchy-feely? Could she still blame the hormones two months after giving birth?
She loosened the brake and started walking again.
If that had been Lena when she was mad, Jess didn’t wonder anymore why people described her as too nice. She was much too concerned with everybody else’s feelings to express her own. They couldn’t be more different if they tried. But maybe Lena’s way wasn’t so wrong. At least it had resulted in a conversation that cleared up the misunderstanding. Whenever Jess was mad, she let the other person know without a possibility of doubt. Loud and clear. More often than not, her temper ran away with her and she never even heard explanations or apologies. When she looked at it with a clear head, this behavior was immature and not acceptable at all.
Damn, this walk was turning into another introspective session. So much for Lena’s company stopping her from pondering too much.
“How about we drive up to Diana’s beach house on Saturday afternoon after you finish work and stay overnight? We can pick the blackberries on Sunday and then drive back.”
“Do you want to sacrifice two more days to help me pick berries?”
“Sacrifice?” Jess laughed. “I had so much fun picking apples. And the way Diana talked about the house, it sounds like a nice weekend trip, like a vacation. When was your last vacation? Mine’s been ages ago.”
“Vacation? I can’t remember. I guess when I was little, when my grandfather was still alive, before I started school. We did a road trip and ended up at some lake in a rental cabin. But I can’t remember where or when that was.”
“Oh, wow. I wanted to complain that mine was four years ago, but I guess I better shut up.”
“No, no, tell me,” Lena said in a lightly teasing tone. “Where did you go? What did you do? Caribbean Islands? Paris? Hawaii?”
“New York. Sightseeing and shopping for a long weekend after a conference.” Jess mumbled. Yeah, that didn’t sound spoiled at all.
“Shopping? Is this something you love to do?” Lena’s question lacked the expected judgment.
“Not really, no. But I was dating someone at the time who enjoyed it very much.” Jess grimaced at the memory. “We didn’t last much longer than the weekend. It’s kind of sad it was my last vacation.”
“Why has it been so long for you?”
“Work.” Jess sighed. “To get to the position I now have, I never dared take time off. But that’s probably all ruined. After what’s happened, I guess I have to climb up the ladder once again and fight on each rung with someone five years younger and single. Or at least without kids.” Another depressing topic she had wanted to avoid. “But we’re getting off track. So do you want to go with me, or rather us,” she pointed to Ella, “on a mini vacation to a beach house and pick some blackberries?”
“If you ask me that way, how can I say no? I’d love to.” Lena squeezed Jess’s arm. Before the touch fully registered, it was over, and only traces of warmth remained. “Thank you.”
“Great. Wonderful. No need to thank me. I’ll pack everything we need, and when you come back from the market on Saturday, you can take a nap in the car, like Ella does.”
Chapter Fifteen
The radio screeched as they moved out of the station’s reach. Jess quickly switched it off before it could wake her passengers. For most of the two-hour drive, Lena and Ella had both slept soundly. Jess didn’t mind; traffic had kept her busy but never stressed her enough to temper her good mood.
“Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to sleep that long.” Lena yawned and half-turned in the passenger seat to face Jess. Her eyes were still adorably small and sleepy, and her smile was more relaxed than Jess had ever seen.
She pulled her gaze away from Lena and back to the road. Was that how Lena looked when she woke up in the mornings? The urge to find out leapt at her like a deer crossing the road. From one moment to the next, she wanted to wake up next to her. Wanted those hazel eyes to be the first thing she saw in the morning.
What’s wrong with you? The couple of hours of soft rock and lovely views must have switched her brain to a sappy setting. “That’s okay. You seemed to need it. Could you do me a favor and see if Ella’s still asleep? I haven’t heard her for a while.”
Lena unhooked her seatbelt to completely turn around. “Her eyes are open, but she’s busy studying the fish.” She let herself fall back into the seat and buckled the belt again. “I think she likes them.” Her tone was filled with pride.
And she should be proud. For at least fifteen minutes, Ella hadn’t stopped reaching for the string of handmade wooden fish in rainbow colors Lena had brought home from the farmers market. Another of her long list of friends had made them. “Maybe she’ll take after her grandma and study biology but specialize in marine life instead of botany.”
“Or maybe she’ll move to Alaska and work on a fishing trawler.”
“Uh…I hope not. I don’t want to have a smelly daughter.”
Lena sniffed. “I didn’t want to say anything, but…you already do have a smelly daughter. She needs a pit stop soon.”
Laughing, Jess nearly missed her turn when the GPS announced it. She looked at the display. “Five more minutes. I’ll open the window.”
A warm breeze carried salty air and the scent of pines.
“Oh. I can smell the ocean.” Lena opened her window and held out her hand.
When they reached their destination, Jess parked in the well-kept space next to the small bungalow and shut off the SUV.
Ella protested the end of their journey. Before Jess could reassure her, Lena got out and opened the door next to the baby carrier.
“Don’t worry. We’ll move you around again in a second. We’ll clean you up and feed you and walk around this amazing place.” Lena’s singsong voice caught Ella’s attention.
Smiling, she fixed her gaze on Lena’s lips and reached for her with both arms.
Jess was as mesmerized as her daughter. With an internal sigh, she tore herself away. “Could you take her while I get our bags?”
“Sure.” Lena waited with Ella at the front door until Jess came with the bags and key.
The entrance opened directly into the living room. An oversized couch dominated the room and stood with its back to them, facing the large window and the inviting seat beneath it that was built into the wall. To both sides, a pair of mismatched but comfortable-looking armchairs rounded out the seating arrangement.
To their right, beyond the armchair, an open door revealed dark-red kitchen cabinets and a sturdy table. Jess set their duffle bags down near the door and reached for the carrier. “I’ll use the table to change Ella, and you can go ahead and pick a room.”
Lena neither moved nor answered. She had taken a few steps inside the house and then stopped, staring out the window.
Following her gaze, Jess could see a patch of grass and several old pines on the plot behind the house. Between them, a few pink clouds streaked over a dark azure sky, and the low-hanging sun reflected off the blue-gray waves of the Pacific Ocean like strands of molten gold.
“Do you think we can get close to the water?” Lena whispered in awe.
Jess grinned. “Sure. Diana said something about cliffs, but she texted me directions on how to get down to the beach. It involves a staircase, so maybe we shouldn’t risk it in the dark.”
“Oh, right. But can we go tomorrow morning? I’ve always wanted to touch the ocean.” Wonder and excitement colored Lena’s voice as if she was about to visit the Mona Lisa.
“But Seattle is right next to the water. Puget Sound isn’t the ocean, but surely you’ve been on one of the islands
or somewhere up and down the coast?”
Lena shrugged. “I only moved here four years ago and haven’t had the chance.”
“And before?”
“I lived in the middle of the country, nowhere near a coast.”
Jess couldn’t imagine living to her age without having seen the ocean. Okay, the list of places in the US she’d visited was much smaller than most people’s, but she’d always taken the ocean for granted.
Ella’s protest saved her from finding a response. Jess slung the bag with Ella’s stuff over one shoulder.
“Let me take her. Maybe one of the rooms has the same view?”
After Jess changed Ella, safely stored the dirty diaper in an airtight container, and heated a bottle with formula, she went looking for the best place to feed her.
Lena had removed their bags, probably to their respective rooms, and had carried the cooler and the empty containers for the blackberries inside. A door that led out to the porch stood open.
Outside, Lena was nowhere to be seen, but a wooden swing seemed like the perfect place to enjoy the sunset while giving Ella her dinner.
When the bottle was nearly empty, Lena reappeared from her exploration between the trees. Her cheeks glowed in a healthy pink that rivaled the sky. “The cliffs are close, and you can see water for miles and miles.” She gestured in the direction she had come from. “It’s so beautiful. I can’t wait to go down there.”
“Why don’t you go? I’ll stay with Ella.”
“What? No!” Lena’s hair flew in the light breeze as she shook her head. “We’ll go down tomorrow. But come to the fence and look at the water. We’ll carry her. I’ll get the wrap.”
Ella finished the bottle, and Jess held her up to her shoulder. Wrap? Before she could decide if it was a good idea or not, Lena returned with what looked like an extremely long shawl made of a light material in all the colors of the rainbow.
Jess stared at it. “I have no idea how to use something like that. I have a carrier at home, like a backpack.”
“Oh, it’s super easy once you’ve done it a few times. I always carried Tammy like this.” Her face fell, and her mouth opened as if she was surprised by her own words. “My little sister.”
The sadness in her words tugged at Jess’s heart. She burned to know what had happened to Tammy and why she was no longer a part of Lena’s life, but even more than that, she wanted to bring back Lena’s smile. “Okay, why don’t you take her and show me next time. We should go now before it’s too late. I don’t want you to fall down the cliff in the dark.”
Ella didn’t seem to mind in the least as Lena held her to her front and wrapped the shawl around herself in a complex crisscross pattern. She rested her head on Lena’s cleavage.
Lucky baby. Jess forced her gaze away.
“Do you want to check her before we go?”
“No, she looks happy enough, and I trust you.” Even though she mostly said it to lighten Lena’s mood, Jess did mean it. She hadn’t thought it possible she would trust anyone so soon with Ella, apart from her mother.
Lena led her down a path between the mature pines. It was shady and cool, and with each step heavenly scents rose as they crushed old pine needles.
Almost without warning, they emerged from the tree line. Tall grass and several hardy plants she couldn’t name clung to the stones and almost hid the fence made of wire and wooden posts slanted at precarious angles. To one side, a much sturdier wooden bench stood facing west, showing Lena wasn’t the only one interested in watching the sun set over the water.
“Wow.” Jess sat down to enjoy the view. The sky was more indigo than blue, and the sun had already dipped partly into the ocean.
“Yeah. I’ve got no words…” Lena wrapped both arms around Ella.
She stood at the fence, and even though it was still a good distance from the edge, Jess’s stomach dropped at the sight of them.
“Come here.” Jess had never been afraid of heights, but looking at Lena, with her enraptured profile glowing in pink and orange, caused her insides to flutter like a swarm of drunk butterflies. “Sit down.”
Lena regarded her with a raised eyebrow.
Oops, her tone might have been harsher than intended. “Um, please?”
“Everything okay?” Lena sat down next to her on the small bench, close enough that their sides touched.
The swarm settled down and buzzed contentedly. Much better. “Yeah, sorry, seeing you that close to the fence…” She gestured at the drooping wire. “I didn’t want to endanger Ella.”
“Sure.” Lena rolled her eyes but softened the gesture with a grin before she faced the setting sun as the ball of fire dissolved into the ocean.
All too soon, the spectacle was over, and the light breeze carried in a coolness as if the water had doused the heat of the sun. Only Jess’s left side was still warm, and she had to resist the urge to snuggle closer. Why was she having these thoughts all of a sudden? Maybe it was a kind of nesting instinct. Was it some residue left from her pregnancy? But she hadn’t felt this snuggly with anyone but Ella in the last year, more like a prickly cactus on speed.
She reached out to caress the bare head of her daughter, carefully avoiding any contact with Lena’s skin. “I forgot to put a cap on her. It’s getting colder.”
“I think she’s still fine. But let’s go back. And have something to eat.”
Jess’s stomach grumbled at the mention of dinner. Maybe that weird sensation had been hunger?
While Jess readied Ella for bed, Lena cut the cheese and vegetables she’d bought at the farmers market. She filled two low glasses with carrot, cucumber, and celery sticks and transferred the roasted pepper hummus from its reusable takeaway container into a ceramic bowl. The orange and red hues reminded her of the perfect sunset she’d just witnessed.
Humming to herself, she placed cheese cubes and apple slices on matching plates and stacked everything on the serving tray she’d found on the counter.
Jess’s anxiety about the fence had been cute, and Lena hadn’t minded the gruffness in her voice. It was too easy to read the true intentions in Jess’s eyes. She was so damned attractive when she focused intently on something or someone.
Were Lena’s thoughts and feelings as easy to read? It wouldn’t be good if Jess saw Lena’s interest in her eyes. Not at all.
Lena carried the tray to the main room and studied the seating arrangements. In the warm glow from the two small lights on the side tables, everything looked extra comfy and romantic. But she didn’t want to switch on the bright overhead fixtures. The sensible choice would be to sit in one of the armchairs, but then it would be uncomfortable for one of them to reach the food. She sat on the couch with a sigh and placed the tray in front of her on the wooden table.
“Mmh, that looks delicious.” Jess’s low voice came from directly behind her. She walked around the couch on fluffy blue socks and sat next to Lena.
“You look comfortable.” The sight of Jess in a gray hoodie that had been washed so often the name of the college was illegible tempted Lena to change out of her shorts into something warmer too, but her stomach demanded she wait until after dinner.
Jess shrugged. “Ella slobbered all over my T-shirt, so I had to change anyway.” She looked around. “What do you want to drink?”
“Oh sorry, I forgot about that. What did we bring?”
“Nothing. Diana said we can drink anything we find. I think I saw water, soda, and beer in the fridge. And some wine on the counter.”
“Oh, I haven’t had wine for ages.”
“I haven’t had alcohol since before I got pregnant with Ella, but I’ve heard a glass of wine is supposed to be good for the heart.”
“Don’t you need to ask your doctor about that?”
Jess laughed. “This cardiologist approves.”
“I’ll get u
s some.” Lena started to rise.
“No, stay. It’ll just take a minute.” With her socks, Jess slid more than walked to the kitchen. “Red okay?”
“Sure.” Lena should limit her intake to one glass too. She wasn’t used to it, so the wine would make her tipsy. A stupid idea if she wanted to avoid revealing her budding attraction to Jess.
After a minute, Jess returned carrying two wine glasses in one hand and an open bottle of Pinot Noir in the other. Two bottles of water stuck out of the pocket of her hoodie. She placed everything on the table, then poured them each a glass.
Grateful for the water, Lena sipped that first. For the help in keeping her wits, she would forgive the use of plastic for once.
“Thank you for dinner.” Jess raised her wine glass. “To our mini vacation.”
“Thank you for bringing me here.” Lena touched her glass to Jess’s and looked in her eyes.
The cornflower blue wasn’t as bright as in the sunlight, but the dim lighting erased the fine lines around her eyes and gave her an ageless look, warm and inviting.
When Jess closed her eyes to twirl and sniff the wine, her dark eyelashes fluttered.
Before she had even had a sip of wine, Lena was already dizzy. She closed her eyes and breathed in. Oh, yeah. Diana and her partner weren’t skimpy when it came to wine. The first sip flooded her senses with something tart and fruity like cranberry or blackberry before it warmed her with a softer flavor, almost like vanilla. “Mmh. I think it’s the best wine I’ve ever had.”
Jess hummed in agreement. “I love it too. It will be so hard to limit myself to one glass.” She took a carrot and dipped it in the hummus. After finishing it off in two bites, she dipped two more and sighed. “I think this is the best hummus I’ve ever had. So we’re even.”
“Hey, you didn’t bring the wine.”
“Did too. From the kitchen.”
Lena laughed. “Oh, I’m so looking forward to the first time Ella uses that line on you.”