Arms of Grace

by Eleanor Chance

  I pulled my hand away. “This doesn’t change what I said earlier. The only thing you can do is promise to take care of Johnny.”

  “I already am, but soon, you’ll be doing that yourself. That’s the other reason I’m here.”

  “Alec, I don’t know what you think you know, but I’m finished at the hospital, and I’m probably going to jail. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that won’t happen. Rebecca is dead, and it’s my fault. No one can change that.” The smug look on Alec’s face made me want to shake her. “Are you listening to me?”

  “Every word. How can you say I’m the one who thinks she has all the answers? Things have happened in the past week. If you shut up for two seconds, I’ll tell you.”

  It was my turn to cross my arms. I tried to match her smugness, but my curiosity was piqued. “I’ll listen, but then will you promise to go and not come back?”

  “No,” she said without hesitation. When I rolled my eyes, she rubbed her hands together and said, “Adam badgered Kinsley until he told him what was going on. Adam can be as obnoxious as I am when he wants to be.”

  “Oh, great. There are two of you,” I said.

  “Funny. Listen. When Adam was leaving Kinsley’s office, Kinsley said that you’d better get a good lawyer. It reminded Adam of his friend named Paul Pierno, who’s a lawyer here in Richmond. They were undergrads together. He’s adorable by the way. If you were ten years younger and he wasn’t married, I’d fix you two up.”

  “Glad I’m not, and he is, then. Why are you telling me this?”

  “Adam and I went to see him about your situation. He said there isn’t much you can do about the fact that you broke quarantine, but he and Adam looked into the regs. He says you can appeal to the board if Kinsley fires you. Given your hospital service record, you might get off with a fine and a slap on the wrist. You’d probably lose your position on the ID team too.”

  “I killed Rebecca, Alec. None of that’s going to matter when I’m in jail.”

  “It wasn’t you. Adam talked Paul into investigating at the hospital. You’re not going to believe what they found.”

  Nothing could absolve me of Rebecca’s death, but I was willing to hear her out since Paul and Adam had gone to so much trouble.

  “Four days before you broke quarantine, a child with cystic fibrosis was admitted. His room was three doors from Johnny’s. His condition deteriorated rapidly, so they transferred him to the PICU. No one suspected that his symptoms were anything but CF. Poor little guy passed away three days later. The results from that morning’s blood test came minutes after his death, positive for Streptococcus pneumoniae. This happened before you went to see Johnny. Two PICU staff members are in the ID unit. CDC considers that as the source of the new cases, not you.”

  “But how did the boy get sick?” I asked. My mind was reeling. How could Kinsley not have known when he suspended me? I kicked myself for not answering Alec’s calls. I could have saved myself a week of anguish.

  “Paul wants to meet with you tomorrow to go into the details. He needs you to sign papers. He needs the information on the attorney for Rebecca’s family too. He says that from now on, you need to pass them off to him whenever they contact you. Don’t discuss anything with them.”

  I went to the answering machine on the kitchen counter and pushed the play button. Alec raised an eyebrow when I skipped through all the messages from her. I wrote down the attorney’s information and stuffed the note into my purse.

  “What time does Paul want me there?” I asked.

  Alec took a business card from her pocket and handed it to me. “Call first thing in the morning. He’s not in court tomorrow, so he’ll rearrange his schedule to make time for you. Tell his receptionist who you are. She’ll put you through to Paul.”

  I nodded but didn’t say anything. I studied my empty calendar hanging on the far wall, too ashamed to meet Alec’s eyes. She, Adam, and even Paul were sacrificing their time, and maybe their reputations, to offer me a gift I didn’t deserve. Who was I that they were willing to help me?

  “Grace,” Alec said, and I flinched. When I looked at her, she said, “Please tell me you’re going to call Paul.”

  “I will if you help me understand why you’re all taking this risk for me. My problems don’t involve you.”

  “Don’t involve us? You’re our friend. Anything that happens to you involves us. We care about you because you’re worth caring about.”

  Her answer touched me even though the last thing I felt was worthy of their help.

  “You’d do the same for us.”

  “I hope I would,” I said softly.

  “What you’ve done for Johnny proves you would,” Alec said. “Whatever the reason, just accept what we’re offering with grace.”

  “Clever,” I said and smiled at her. “I’m not sure I know how, Alec.”

  “Start with ‘thank you.’”

  “Thank you,” I whispered, but the words caught in my throat.

  She hugged me in true Alec fashion. It was the perfect reply.

  I met with Paul the following day. I was almost late for my appointment. His office was downtown, and I’d forgotten how hard it was to find parking. I relented and pulled into an expensive parking garage. The price was worth it to be on time.

  I walked the half block to Paul’s office building. The décor was elegant, with marble floors and leather furniture, definitely out of my price range. I hoped the appointment wouldn’t be a waste of time for both of us.

  The receptionist took me to Paul’s office without making me wait in the lobby. Alec had been right about him. He was adorable, although stunning would’ve been more accurate. From his last name, I guessed he was Italian. If he and Angela ever had a baby, it would be the most gorgeous child on earth. His eyes were blue instead of dark-chocolate brown like hers. It was striking with his dark coloring.

  He greeted me with a confident handshake and a warm, honest smile. He smiled a lot. I trusted him in seconds, which was rare for me. After introductions, he got down to business. “I’m sorry, but we’ll have to make this short. I have an appointment in fifteen minutes. We’ll schedule to meet later this week so we can go into more detail.”

  “Don’t apologize. You don’t owe me anything. Can I ask why you’re doing this? It’s clear you don’t need my business.”

  “It started out as a favor to Adam, but when he told me that you had taken precautions before visiting Johnny and that your blood tests had all come out clean, I was curious. I wanted to find the source of the infection. By the way, Kinsley isn’t cooperating. He sure has it out for you. What happened between you two?”

  “Long story for another time,” I said and glanced away.

  “I think we need to talk about it now. Your relationship will have a bearing on his decision. You’re facing anything from a warning to dismissal. If he tries to fire you, I’d advise you to appeal, based on what you tell me,” Paul said.

  “Can we discuss your fees first?” I asked and looked down at my clasped hands. “I have money put away that I can use to pay you, but I don’t even know your rates. I’m not sure I can afford you.”

  Paul smiled and leaned back in his chair. “Don’t worry about that. Adam and I are working out a deal. I owe him.”

  His cryptic answer made me wonder what he owed Adam. I tucked it away in the back of mind to ask Alec later.

  “In that case, I’ll tell you about Kinsley,” I said. “He and I have this long-standing war of wills. He resents that I don’t kowtow to every one of his cost-cutting policy demands, most of which ignore patients’ best interests.”

  “Is this more than a difference in perspective and differing responsibilities? You’re in the trenches with the patients every day. Does that make it hard to see the big picture?” Paul asked.

  “No. It’s more than that. A hospital is a business—I get that—but Kinsley is heartless and maybe even a little dangerous. There’s something about him I don’t trust. In re
action to my behavior and attitude toward him, he does whatever he can to make my life difficult, which is why it made no sense that he chose me to head the ID unit. Maybe he thought I’d fail and that would give him a chance to get rid of me. If so, his plan succeeded,” I said.

  “I’m not criticizing you. I just needed to be clear on your relationship,” Paul said and smiled reassuringly.

  “I appreciate that. What happens now?” I asked.

  Paul rummaged through sloppy stacks of paper that covered his desk. I wondered how he ever found anything.

  “I can’t think unless my desk is tidy,” I said. “I’ve never understood how people function with an unorganized workspace.”

  “There’s actually a method to my chaos,” he said and handed me the forms he pulled from the pile. “I need you to sign these if you’d like me to represent you. I’m not pressuring you into this. You’re free to seek other representation.”

  I snatched a pen from his desk and started signing before the words were out of his mouth.

  When I handed the papers back, he smiled and said, “I’ll call the Wilsons’ lawyer before the end of the day. I’m not sure if they’re aware of the new information. The family has pressed charges, but the commonwealth’s attorney is still deciding if there’s enough evidence to go forward. I’ll turn my evidence over to him. I’m anticipating they’ll drop the charges.”

  “And the civil suit?” I asked.

  “Civil suits normally come later. If they drop the criminal charges, there won’t be a civil suit. All you need to worry about right now is Kinsley. He’ll make his decision soon. Once he does, we’ll go from there.”

  I gave him a weak smile and toyed with a stray thread on my sleeve to avoid his eyes.

  “You don’t look like someone who’s just received great news,” he said.

  “I appreciate what you’re doing for me. It’s not that. It’s just that this all turned out nice and tidy for me, all tied up in a bow. People died. Loved ones who were left behind won’t ever be the same. Soon I’ll go on with my life, the same as before. I’m grateful, but it doesn’t seem right. A few days ago, I was certain that I’d be going to jail for killing Rebecca and Johnny. Now the worst that could happen is I’ll have to find a new job.”

  Paul leaned back and eyed me for several seconds. When I squirmed under his scrutiny, he said, “That first night, when you broke quarantine to see Johnny, did you think about what would happen if you were caught?”

  I searched my memories of that night. I’d planned my actions but hadn’t given the consequences much thought. “I guess on some level I knew that, at worst, I’d be fired.”

  “Were you worried about infecting Johnny or anyone else?”

  I didn’t have to think about that answer. “No. Absolutely not. You can’t ever say a hundred percent, but I wouldn’t have gone if I thought it would put Johnny in danger.”

  “Adam and Alec explained your relationship with Johnny to me. They said what you just told me too. I’m saddened by the lost lives too, but how do their deaths differ from past patients you’ve lost?”

  I considered his question and shrugged. There was no difference, but it didn’t feel that way.

  “Grace, you broke the rules, and you feel guilty, as you should, but you’re not responsible for these deaths. You didn’t cause them. You couldn’t stop them. It’s all happened so fast. Give it a few days.” He stood and walked around the desk. “My next appointment is probably here. Set another appointment on your way out. In the meantime, cut yourself some slack. This will all work out.”

  I nodded and thanked him again. I thought about what he’d said on the way to my car. Logic told me he was right, but it would take time for my heart to believe it.

  After viewing Paul’s evidence, the commonwealth’s attorney didn’t press charges. The Wilsons were reluctant to accept the decision. When I met with Paul a few days later, he told me it was because they were grieving and wanted someone to blame. I felt for them and wished I could ease their grief, but I knew nothing but time would do that.

  I didn’t have time to dwell on it, because Kinsley wanted me in his office the following day. I didn’t bother trying to sleep that night. The Hyena had my future in his hands. It was enough to give anyone insomnia.

  Kinsley stared at me over his desk with the tips of his fingers pressed together. If he was trying to intimidate me, it worked. I would have preferred to face a jury. I had too much at stake to let him get the best of me though, so I refused to look away.

  We glared at each other for several more seconds until he said, “While I’m relieved that you weren’t the cause of Rebecca Wilson’s death or any of the deaths that followed, that doesn’t make what you did any less egregious.”

  Sure you’re relieved, I thought. He would have loved nothing more than to see me go to prison for involuntary manslaughter. In spite of that, I said, “I agree.”

  It was obviously the last thing he expected. He sputtered a few incoherent words before saying, “You agree?”

  “Yes, I agree. What I did was unconscionable. I did it out of my own selfish desire to see Johnny. I was as certain as I could have been that I wouldn’t infect him or anyone else. I wouldn’t have risked going to see him otherwise.”

  Kinsley opened his mouth to say something, but I held up my hand to stop him. “Not that I’m making excuses. What I did was wrong, and I’m truly sorry.”

  I reveled in the satisfaction of throwing the Hyena off his game. He shuffled through the papers on his desk as if searching for his next words. I’m sure he expected me to be groveling at his feet by that point. He picked up the stack of papers and tapped them on the desk to straighten them, and then slowly laid the stack back on the desk.

  He pressed his fingers back together, and said, “Your agreement makes what I’m going to say much easier. Breaking quarantine would be a serious offense by any employee, but from the head nurse on the ID team, it’s inexcusable. Therefore, your employment at this hospital is terminated.” He stood and pulled the top few sheets of paper from the pile.

  I willed my hand to stop shaking as I reached up when he held them to out me across the desk.

  “You have the right to appeal my decision. Instructions on how to do so are included in the papers I just gave you. Once you leave this office, you’ll be a private citizen. That means I can’t prevent you from visiting Baby John Doe, but I hope you’ll see that doing so will tarnish the reputation of this institution. Now, if you agree to this action, please sign on the line indicated on the top sheet.”

  Part of me wanted to sign, so I’d never have to see that despicable man again, but I wasn’t ready to abandon my life at the hospital. Accepting Kinsley’s decision would also make it nearly impossible for me to get another job in Richmond, maybe even Virginia. Paul had recommended that I appeal. He said there were several steps between a slap on the wrist and dismissal. I realized that I had nothing to lose with an appeal. If I lost, the result would be exactly the same.

  I stood and shoved the paper into Kinsley’s chest. “I do not agree with this action. I agree that I should be punished, but not fired. I’ve given twenty years of my life to this hospital without a single infraction. How many other employees do you have that can say that? So I’m appealing your decision. See you at the board hearing, Kinsley, and you enjoy the rest of your day.”

  My heart pounded so violently as I made my dramatic exit that I was sure Kinsley would notice, but it was the first time since the quarantine that I felt like the old Grace again.

  The wheels of hospital bureaucracy turned much slower than I wanted. It took three weeks for the board to schedule my hearing. Since I wasn’t allowed to work, I spent as much time I could with Johnny. During that time, he’d been moved from the ID unit to the PICU and finally back to his room in the pediatric ward. Seeing him back in his room with his block quilt was such a comfort to me. It was my first glimmer of hope that life might return to normal.

  I s
pent my evenings during that time researching Johnny’s condition. I started in the university’s library but didn’t find much that helped. After that, I scoured medical journals and online medical message boards. The last step was checking all the latest studies related to traumatic brain injuries in babies. None of it was encouraging. Traumatic brain injuries were still somewhat of a mystery, even with all the latest diagnostic tools. Johnny’s case was even more difficult because of the circumstances.

  By the time I exhausted all of my resources, the three weeks had passed, and it was time for the hearing. I met with Paul a few times for prep work, but mostly he reminded me that it wasn’t a trial, just a hearing with the board. That did little to calm my fears.

  Since the hearing was a personnel issue and not a medical one, no one was allowed to come in with me for moral support, but Alec and Adam showed up to wait outside the boardroom during the hearing. Paul was allowed to attend but couldn’t offer counsel or make statements. He was mainly there to make sure the procedure was conducted properly.

  When the receptionist came to tell me it was time to go in, I was much calmer than I thought I’d be. I knew Kinsley would be present, but I doubted he’d have much to add. I’d admitted my guilt, so the hearing was more about what my punishment would be.

  Paul sat next to me at the end of the long oval table. I recognized some of the board members from fundraisers and special events. I was relieved to see the two female members there. They both had children, and I hoped their maternal instincts would make them more sympathetic to my situation.

  Kinsley was near the head of the table. I assumed he’d arrived early to make himself look more important than he was. He looked at me stone-faced, but I could feel him thinking a sneer.

  The chairperson cleared his throat to start the hearing. I directed my attention to him, glad to get my focus off Kinsley.

  “Ms. Ward,” the chairperson said, “to begin, we’d like to thank you for cooperating during the investigation.”