Arms of Grace

by Eleanor Chance

  I nodded but remained quiet and wondered what choice I’d had but to cooperate.

  “Each of us has had a chance to read your appeal statement, and we’ve come to a decision. Before we continue, is there anything you’d like to add to your statement?”

  I nodded and stood. “Thank you for allowing me this hearing, sir. I do have something to add. As I’ve admitted throughout this process, I take full responsibility for what I’ve done, and I make no excuses. My actions were reckless and could have put lives in danger. All I want to add is that I acted out of deep concern for Johnny. I’ve come to care for him like a son.”

  I stopped to let that sink in and gauge their reactions. A few raised their eyebrows, and one man shifted in his seat, but that was it. Encouraged, I said, “I know it makes no sense that I would endanger him, but I took every possible precaution before going to his room. I made a promise to him that I’d never leave him alone. I had to keep my promise.”

  I expected Kinsley to pipe up at the point, but he sat like a statue staring at the wall on the opposite end of the room.

  The board member who had squirmed said, “Ms. Ward, what difference would it have made to the child if you made a promise? He’s too young to understand, and he’s in a coma.”

  “You’re right,” I said. “He may not understand, and it might not matter to him, but it matters to me. He’s alone in the world. He needs me to look out for his best interests. If not for that, I never would have broken quarantine.” I squared my shoulders and looked the chairperson in the eye before I added, “My spotless twenty-year record is a testament to that. I have nothing more to add.”

  “Fine, Ms. Ward. In light of your statement and the evidence in this matter, we’ve concluded that you may continue in your employment here.”

  I’d been so sure they were going to fire me that I could only stare in stunned silence.

  When I didn’t respond, he said, “There are stipulations to your continued employment, however. The first is that, for obvious reasons, your involvement with the ID unit is terminated, and there will be a permanent notation in your file. You’ll return to internal medicine as a floor nurse. When the current internal-medicine charge nurse goes on maternity leave in three months, you’ll return to that post. She’ll be given a position of equal responsibility in another department upon her return. We’ll consider the intervening three months as a probationary period. If there are no further infractions, you’ll resume your former position. Mr. Kinsley was notified of our decision prior to this hearing and has agreed to comply. I hope that this matter is concluded to everyone’s satisfaction.”

  I couldn’t believe what he was saying. I’d thought that on the slim chance they decided not to fire me, they’d have me stocking supply cabinets. Instead, I was going back to my old job in just three months. Tears welled up, but I fought them back.

  “Thank you all,” I said and looked at each of the board members. “I can’t express how grateful I am, and I promise that nothing like this will ever happen again.”

  As the words came out of my mouth, my eyes landed on Kinsley. His expression hadn’t changed, but his face was redder, and a vein throbbed on his forehead. It was one of the best moments of my life. I could only imagine how he’d reacted when the board had given him the news. He’d come so close to getting rid of me. I only hoped he wouldn’t try to find new ways to make my life miserable. I decided to tuck that thought away for later. I had won, and, for the moment, I was going to enjoy my victory.

  I stood, and everyone at the table followed. I shook each of their hands and thanked them again before I practically ran out of the room. Adam and Alec stood when Paul and I came out of the boardroom.

  “Well?” Alec asked.

  I answered by smiling and throwing my arms open for a hug. When I broke free, I explained the board’s decision and said, “I’m relieved and grateful, but I still I don’t feel like I deserve it. I broke a big rule. They had every right to fire me.”

  “Stop torturing yourself. One bad decision doesn’t wipe away a brilliant career,” Alec said.

  “She’s right,” Paul said. “Trust me; these corporate boards always err on the side of caution. They wouldn’t have kept you on if they thought you were a risk.”

  “I appreciate that Paul, but with Kinsley going against me, I was sure I was gone.”

  “Kinsley’s their puppet. They see him for what he is, which is probably why they hired him,” Adam said. “That doesn’t mean they feel the same way about you.”

  “Forget Kinsley. Let’s just go enjoy this,” Alec said.

  I nodded. The board’s decision meant more than keeping my job. It also meant I’d have access to Johnny that I’d have been denied if they’d fired me.

  “You win, Alec. I’ll let it go. Let’s get brunch to celebrate, on me,” I said.

  “I have to be in court, but I’ll take a rain check,” Paul said.

  “I’m going to hold you to that since you won’t let me pay you. It’s the least I can do. I can thank you though. Seriously, thank you, all of you.”

  “You’re welcome,” Alec said. “Enough of that. If I remember, there was talk of brunch.”

  Alec linked her arm through mine and pulled me forward. As we passed the open boardroom door, I saw Kinsley closing his briefcase. He caught my eye and stared me down with glacial contempt. I shivered and turned away. Even though I’d promised Alec to put the incident behind me, I’d thrown down the gauntlet for Kinsley. Our battle was far from over.

  Chapter Eight

  I was rubbing lotion on Johnny’s legs when Alec found me in his room three weeks later. I was doing everything I could to keep Johnny from getting bedsores or losing muscle tone. I massaged his arms and legs two or three times a day. I wasn’t sure it did him much good, but it was my favorite time of day.

  Alec dropped into the rocking chair and said, “Come over for dinner tonight?”

  Since I’d been banished from the ID team, we hadn’t seen much of each other. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been to her apartment. “I’d love that. Can I help?” I asked.

  We stared at each other for a few seconds and then burst out laughing. My less-than-stellar cooking abilities were no secret. My offering to contribute when she cooked for me had become a running joke.

  “I’m good, but you can pick up dessert,” Alec said. “I won’t have time to fix anything.”

  “I’ll run by Juliana’s on my way over.”

  Alec had introduced me to Juliana’s Bakery before the quarantine. I’d become so hooked that I had to limit my visits to special occasions. I always considered dinner at Alec’s a special occasion.

  “Perfect. Get enough for three,” she said.

  “Three? Who else are you expecting? Adam maybe?” I asked, teasing her.

  “Yes, it’s Adam, but it’s not what you think.”

  “When are you going to admit that it’s exactly what I think?”

  “Oh, I’ve admitted it, but that’s not what I mean. I told him about your research on Johnny’s condition. He’s done some too. I thought you could compare notes.”

  “That’d be great, but what do you mean you’ve admitted it?”

  Alec moved closer, clearly thrilled to talk about Adam. “He’s the perfect man.”

  “Perfect? No one’s perfect, especially not men.”

  Alec rolled her eyes. “Well, perfect for me, I mean,” she said.

  “Even with all the time we spent together during the quarantine, I don’t know that much about him. He a good person though. Give me the juicy details.”

  “He came here from Colorado for medical school and ended up staying, so we’re both transplants.”

  “Those are the opposite of juicy details.”

  “I’m getting to it,” Alec said and put up her hands to shush me. “I’ve always considered myself an independent career woman who didn’t need a husband or children to be fulfilled. I’ve learned that sometimes independent is just an
other word for lonely.”

  “I’d never describe you as lonely. You’re constantly surrounded by people, and you have me, of course.”

  “And I’m grateful for that, but you know what I mean.”

  “More than most,” I said.

  Alec nodded and said, “You know how I felt about Adam when we first started working on the ID team. I thought of him as more of a brother. My feelings now are anything but brotherly.”

  “It took you long enough to come around. It was obvious how he felt from the first second he saw you.”

  “I was clueless. It started when he came over after our shift, and we talked for hours. I’d never had a relationship like that. I would have been happy to go on like that forever, but eventually, Adam decided he wasn’t content with our ‘sibling’ relationship. I had a group of friends over one night, and Adam ‘accidentally’ forgot his wallet when he left. He came to get it, and when we were saying good-bye in the doorway, he put his hand under my chin and kissed me. I was speechless, which, as you know, is rare for me. That played into his plan because he kissed me again. I was ready the second time.”

  Alec’s eyes glistened as she remembered the encounter. I could only wonder how she felt. Any memories of my affection for Danny were dead and buried. I’d come to grips with the fact that I’d never have romantic love in my life, but I didn’t begrudge anyone else. I nudged her to go on.

  “He told me he’d wanted to do that for a long time. He said it was better than he’d imagined.”

  “Sounds like a keeper,” I said and smiled.

  “You don’t have to tell me. We have so much in common. Sometimes I think of him as the male version of me. Anyway, we’ve tried to keep it secret because we thought it might make things weird on the ID team. I’m glad you’re okay with it.”

  “I’m thrilled, and I’m glad you’ve found out that there’s more to life than nursing.”

  “Look who’s talking!” she said and shoved me. “About tonight, though, come over around six thirty.” Alec looked at the whiteboard on the wall and frowned at Johnny’s latest stats. “At least he’s put on weight.”

  “What does that matter? He’s still not reacting to stimuli or moving,” I said and frowned too.

  “It’s an improvement, Grace. We need to take what we can get. He doesn’t seem any worse from the infection.”

  I appreciated that she was trying to be positive, but even her news about Adam couldn’t erase my disappointment. “It’s been four months. He doesn’t get better. He doesn’t get worse. He just goes on sleeping. You know as well as I do that his prognosis is poor, especially since what happened during the quarantine. I’ve never seen anyone in Johnny’s condition survive without severe brain damage. I’m trying to be positive, but I have to be realistic too.”

  “Four months already? It feels more like a few weeks,” Alec said, ignoring my comment.

  I picked Johnny up and carried him to the rocking chair.

  Alec caressed his cheek and kissed mine. “I’ve got to run, but don’t get discouraged. We’ll talk to Adam about it tonight,” she said and gave a small wave on her way out.

  I was discouraged, as much as I tried to fight it. I was tired too, tired of waiting for some sign that the previous months hadn’t been a waste that would end in Johnny’s death. I swallowed my doubts and kissed the top of his head. Even if he didn’t survive, I was comforted in knowing that I was doing my best to love and support him during his last days. At least he wouldn’t die alone.

  The sweet aroma of Italian cooking wafted over me as I reached Alec’s apartment, and my mouth watered. When Alec met me at the door, I asked her how an upper-class Californian had mastered Italian cuisine.

  “I had a roommate at UCLA whose grandmother emigrated from Venice as a young woman. I spent many weekends at her house learning to cook. I’m glad I have such a willing subject to hone my skills on now,” she said.

  I breathed in deeply and said, “What’s on the menu?”

  “Chicken parmesan, mushroom risotto, and sautéed peppers with green beans. What’s in that beautiful pink box you’re holding?” she asked.

  I lifted the box to show her. We said “cannoli” at the same time and laughed.

  “What else?” Adam said as he came around the counter. He kissed my cheek and took the box from me.

  “Those are for all of us,” I said and sat down.

  Alec sat a plate piled with her aromatic food.

  I took a bite of the risotto. It was the most delicious food I’d ever tasted. “You’re in the wrong line of work.”

  “I think I was a chef in a former life,” Alec said.

  “It’s the only reason I like her,” Adam said.

  Alec snapped him on the arm with a dish towel and sat next to him. We talked about Johnny during the meal. I told them about the research I’d done and how discouraged I was.

  “Did Alec tell you about my connection to Johnny?” I asked Adam.

  “Yeah, she told me. I hope you don’t mind,” Adam said.

  “No, I’m glad. I won’t give up on Johnny, but I understand that I should prepare for the worst. Alec told me about the research you’ve been doing. I hope your results have been more positive than mine. Most of what I’ve read makes it sound like I shouldn’t expect much,” I said.

  “The fact that Johnny is an infant is in his favor. Most cases of infant drowning that occur before the age of one happen in the bathtub. Johnny’s case is unique because it’s coupled with a brain injury. Keep in mind that infants’ brains develop and recover at a much faster rate than older children or adults. Johnny’s progress may not look promising, but we can’t only base our judgment on current information that’s out there. None of us can make an accurate prognosis, but I’m not giving up hope by any means, and neither is Brad Carter.”

  “I’m relieved to hear that. Kinsey’s been giving me grief about my attention to Johnny, especially after the whole quarantine thing. Even though Johnny is a ward of the state, the complete cost of his medical care isn’t covered, and the bills are piling up. The possibility that he may be here for years is making the board nervous. I’ve thought of going to the private sector to raise funds, but it’s too much to take on with longer shifts on the floor and caring for Johnny,” I said.

  Adam wiped his mouth on a napkin and said, “That reminds me: Brad is working on getting Johnny transferred to Baltimore Regional as part of an ongoing research study there. He should know soon if they’ll accept Johnny.”

  “Baltimore?” I asked feeling relieved and disappointed at the same time. It would be great to know more about Johnny’s condition and possibilities for treatment, but I hated the thought of his going away and being all alone. “How long would it take?”

  “Probably months, but don’t worry about that for now. It may not even happen. The best thing you can do for Johnny is to give him as much loving care and attention as possible. He needs stimulation and human contact,” Adam said.

  “Trust me, she gives him plenty of that,” Alec said.

  “It’s my favorite thing. Alec’s cooking is second,” I said and licked my fingers.

  Alec got up and started picking up our dirty dinner plates. “Don’t forget that I’m here to help. You don’t have to do this alone,” she said.

  I stood to help her. “Then will you come with me to meet Serena Davis tomorrow? I want to talk to her about the legal aspects of Johnny’s future. I could use the moral support.”

  “Sure. I don’t go on until three,” she said.

  “Who’s Serena Davis?” Adam asked.

  “Remember, you met her when Johnny was in the ID unit. She’s Johnny’s caseworker,” Alec said.

  Adam gave a suggestive smile and said, “Oh yeah, I remember her.” When Alec flicked his ear, he flinched and said, “What was that for?”

  “I know that look.” Alec glared at him. “You’re supposed to save that look for me now.”

  Adam laughed. “You can’t fault m
e for admiring a beautiful work of art.”

  “As long as you admire from afar,” Alec said and kissed him.

  He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her onto his lap. I smiled at their exchange.

  Serena had grown up in the Mississippi foster system until an aunt and uncle from Virginia found her and adopted her. They told her that her mother had come into the United States illegally from Haiti. She was arrested a few times on drug charges before getting deported. They never knew anything about who her father was. Serena told me her story one day not long after Johnny came to the hospital. She’d wanted me to know that she understood what it meant to be abandoned. She’d grown into a beautiful and accomplished woman who was living proof that the system worked well sometimes. I was grateful she’d been assigned to Johnny’s case. I knew she’d fight for him.

  “I guess I’ll take off and give you two some alone time. I’ll pick you up around nine, Alec,” I said and got up to leave.

  “I want to ask you something before you go,” Alec said. “A few of us have been talking about throwing Caroline an engagement party, but none of us have room. We were wondering if you’d be willing to have it at your house. We’d do all the work. You just need to provide the space.”

  “I’d love to do that, but I insist on helping.”

  Alec clapped and said, “She’ll be so excited.”

  “Come over Saturday, and we’ll start planning,” I said and waved on my way out.

  The phone rang at three that morning, and I bolted upright in bed. “Grace, it’s Marci. I’m sorry to wake you. Johnny has pneumonia again. He’s back in the PICU.”

  “I’ll be right over,” I said, dragging my warm feet out of bed and putting them on the cold hardwood.

  “You don’t have to come. I just wanted you to know,” Marci said.

  “I’ll be there in twenty.”

  Marci had a gift with children, and I was always relieved to see her tending to Johnny when I got to the hospital.