Hard To Leave (The Hard Series Book 3)

by S. Jones

  He bit out a curse and looked to the floor. “I have to go.”

  My eyes flew to his in panic. “No, you don’t.

  He was leaving me. He was getting back on the plane and going back to his life in New York. He might be calling this a break, but his voice sounded final.

  Every part of me ached, and I wanted to plead and beg him not to do this, but until he was ready to forgive me, we didn’t stand a chance.

  “I’ll call you,” he promised, and it sounded so wrong. I didn’t want him to call me. I wanted him to stay and work things out. I wanted him to forgive me and move past this. It was clear that his mind was made up.

  I wiped my nose with my sleeve. “Why does it feel like you’re not coming back?”

  He cupped my cheek with his strong hand. “I’m always just a phone call away.”

  That was the wrong thing to say. I made my intentions clear. I laid it all out on the line. If he couldn’t find it in his heart to forgive me, then there wasn’t a damn thing more I could do.

  “When will I see you again?” I asked, trying to hide how destroyed I felt about how he was handling this.

  I watched his neck constrict with emotion as he swallowed. “I’m not sure.”

  I wiped my eyes and looked at him for what I hoped wasn’t the last time. “I don’t want to let you go.”

  His hands fell to his sides without another word. I wanted to stay and fight but I couldn’t. He had to get back to his life in New York, and I had to go home to my son.

  I picked up my purse and walked toward the door. I was going in the opposite direction of where I wanted to go. My hand paused on the door, and I turned my head to take one last look at the man who owned my heart. “You can tell yourself whatever bullshit you want. But we’re not over. Not even close.”

  And with those parting words, I walked out the door and hoped that this wasn’t the end.

  Chapter 31

  Chloe

  “Oh my God, this is horrible,” grumbled Brogan, who was sitting beside me with his eyes glued to Tanner on the pitcher’s mound.

  There were three balls and two strikes with no outs. It was the top of the sixth, and we were down by one run.

  “He’ll be fine,” I tried to reassure him.

  I looked over my shoulder, searching for any sign of Jack, who was nowhere to be found.

  I was tempted to call him and see if he was coming but was afraid of what that answer would be. These past two weeks have been the longest of my life. The distance I could handle, but not hearing his voice was depressing.

  “I can’t sit.” Brogan stood up and started pacing a small patch along the grass. “I hate how all the pressure falls on the pitcher.” He’d been keyed up during the entire game. He really wanted Tanner’s team to win.

  I turned in my seat. His hands were clenched tightly against his side. He hadn’t taken his eyes off the game since it started.

  I couldn’t help but laugh. “You sing in front of thousands of people, and you can’t take the pressure from a little league baseball game?”

  He sat back in his chair as Tanner threw the last pitch into a full count. “Strike!” called umpire, and the batter was out. A sigh of relief left my body. He was doing great. Now if only Jack were here to experience it with us.

  “It’s different,” Brogan said, breaking through my train of thought. “Plus, the coach really needs to teach the kids how to play their positions. If you’re going to play in the outfield, you need to adjust on every play and know how to catch the ball.”

  I laughed. “Brogan, they’re only in second and third grade. They’re still learning.”

  His eyes cut to mine. The vein in his forehead was popping out. “Oh, my God.” I smacked my hand on my leg. “You’re that parent.”

  He smirked, rewarding me with that dimple that helped him earn his fame. “I should coach and actually teach these kids a thing or two.”

  “No, you really shouldn’t. You should stick to your day job, country star.”

  The two moms behind me laughed. Brogan already had a little fan club forming. Once word got around who Tanner’s father was, it seemed like every female in a sixty-mile radius started showing up, hoping to get a glimpse of the famous Brogan Hayes.

  He folded his arms across his chest. “Are you teasing me for taking an interest in my son’s game?”

  I picked up my water bottle and unscrewed the cap. “Maybe. Or maybe I’m just being realistic.”

  “Is that so?” he said, as someone barked along the sidelines about one of the kids trying to steal a base. We both watched helplessly as the catcher threw the ball over the second baseman’s head, trying to get the runner stealing second base. The parents and coaches from the other team cheered widely, waving the runner on to third base, putting him in scoring position.

  All humor left Brogan’s eyes, and he bit down on his nail and started to pace the sidelines. Down by one run, with two outs and a runner on third was a tough spot for any pitcher.

  Tanner lifted the bill on his baseball cap and glanced over at us, then his eyes moved across the field. My heart sank because I knew who he was searching for. The next batter stepped up onto the plate, drawing Tanner’s focus on him rather than the person who he really wanted here.

  “Come on, Tanner.” Brogan whistled. “You got this, kid.” He clapped, trying to cheer him on.

  Tanner threw the next pitch, and the kid swung too low and the ball ended up being a strike. We let out a sigh of relief.

  Brogan’s smile was beaming as Tanner threw another strike, which brought us to one pitch away from ending the inning.

  “He’s fucking awesome,” he said, giving me a high five.

  I stood up to join him on the grass and bumped his shoulder. “He is. You might want to watch your language though; there are little ears all around you, and a couple of people with cameras and microphones.”

  “We don’t mind,” said Mom One and Mom Two behind us.

  I rolled my eyes while Brogan chuckled. He should have been annoyed by all the attention he was getting, yet he wasn’t. He was happy. And his smile was contagious.

  “I’m really glad you’re here,” I whispered in his ear, low enough so only he could hear.

  He looked at me through his sunglasses, and I wished I could see his eyes. “Me too. You’ve done a good job raising him.”

  Things were starting to get a little easier between father and son. Brogan was determined to make up for all the time he’d missed.

  They talked and skyped every single night, sometimes just for a few minutes and sometimes for hours. There were times where I would join in on the conversation, and other times I would let them be. Their connection was slowly forming, and it left me feeling both grateful and guilty.

  Brogan pursed his lips and flipped his hat around on his head. “I wanted to talk to you about something.” He looked over his shoulder and back to me. “I have an appointment with a realtor tonight. I’m looking at a condo down on Coastal Beach Road.”

  “Oh, are you moving here?”

  “Just buying a place. I want to be close to you guys when I can.” He shrugged his shoulders. “I figured it would make things easier and give me a chance to spend some time with Tanner.”

  My face turned back to the game. It made perfect sense, and he certainly could afford it. In my heart, I knew it would be best for Tanner. Still, I worried about how Jack would react to hearing that news. Would he feel like the competition was moving in on him? Based on our last conversation, I’m not sure he would be able to handle it.

  “Would you still keep your house in Nashville?” I asked as Tanner’s coach called a time-out.

  He picked up his Gatorade from the ground and took a huge gulp. “Yeah. It makes sense for me to keep it there for work. I plan on splitting my time between here and Nashville as equally as I can.”

  “How does Sienna feel about all this?”

  His eyes dropped to the ground. He hasn’t spoken much of her
lately. In fact, according to “TMZ” and US Weekly, their relationship has been put on hold. She was currently out of the country doing a fashion shoot in Italy.

  “She knows my priority right now is my son.”

  The thought of her stressed me out for some reason. “When will we get to meet her?”

  I’ve seen pictures of her; she was gorgeous. I wasn’t jealous, just a little intimidated. The only thing I cared about was how she treated my Tanner when they were together. I didn’t want to ruffle any feathers, but I was concerned about how we were going to blend our lives together. Up until this point, I haven’t had to share my son with anyone.

  I could tell by the hard set of his jaw that there was something he wasn’t saying. I narrowed my eyes at him. “What aren’t you telling me?”

  “Sienna and I are on a break.”

  I groaned at the familiar term that Jack used with me. “I’m so sorry.”

  He stared at me. “Don’t be. If it’s meant to be, it will be.”

  I gave him a nod and glanced down at my shoes. I wasn’t sure who he was talking about, but I hoped it wasn’t me. We were just starting to get comfortable, and I’ve been very careful about not leading him on and giving him false hope.

  “Relationships are a lot of work,” I stated, placing my sunglasses over my eyes.

  “Ours wasn’t. At least, not in the beginning.”

  “Brogan.” I sighed, stepping aside, so we were away from the whispering ears. “We were young without a care in the world. Of course, it was easy.”

  “You make us sound so insignificant.”

  I reached my hand out, placing it on top of his. He stared at me with so much softness in his eyes it made my heart swell. I didn’t want to hurt him, but I couldn’t lead him on either. We shared a past and a child together, but Jack owned my heart in a way that Brogan never could.

  “You could never be insignificant to me.” The words caught in the back of my throat. “It’s easy to forget all the bad things that happened, but the truth is, we were never meant to last.”

  His thumb brushed along my hand. “I know that now.”

  We both turned our heads to the sound of clapping on the sidelines. The parents were eagerly awaiting Tanner to strike out his last batter. Brogan and I broke away, and I was thankful for the distraction. I kept a few feet of distance between us as Tanner threw his next pitch. The umpire called a ball, while Brogan cursed next to me. The next batter fouled out, leaving us one strike away from ending the game.

  Everyone started stomping their feet as Tanner pitched the ball dead center over home plate. He threw the ball so hard, we heard it snap in the catcher’s mitt. The ump yelled, “Strike three!” and the inning was over.

  I was so excited I was jumping up and down. I looked over at Brogan and smiled. The tender moment we’d shared was long gone.

  “That’s my boy!” he yelled.

  Our team was up to bat, and we needed two runs to win the game. This was going to be a nail-biter.

  Brogan’s phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out, read the text and frowned.

  “Do you need to get that?”

  He shook his head and stuffed his phone in his back pocket. “Nope. Just business. It can wait.”

  By the way his face changed, and his eyebrows drew together, it didn’t look like business to me. But what did I know?

  The next inning flew by, and we were down by one with the bases loaded. Tanner happened to be the next guy up to bat. I reached for Brogan’s hand and held my breath as Tanner stepped up to the plate.

  He raised his bat and swung with such strength that the ball sailed through the infield and landed against the outfield fence. Parents and coaches started screaming for the players to run. All at once, everyone started moving as our second and third base runners crossed home plate.

  Cheers erupted across the field. “We won? He did it!” I screamed right before jumping into Brogan’s arms without thinking. He laughed while swinging me around.

  Tanner was getting high fives from his teammates. I slid down Brogan’s body, feeling too excited to be embarrassed.

  The kids started lining up for their handshakes.

  Brogan kept his hands firmly on my side. His touch felt wrong, and his stare lingered a little too long. I took a step back. I didn’t want him to get the wrong idea.

  “He’s a natural,” Brogan boasted with pride. All the kids were huddled together, and then they were dismissed by their coach.

  “Mom!” Tanner called, sprinting toward us through the field with a winning smile on his face.

  Brogan met him halfway and tapped his knuckles against his. “You did awesome, dude. What a hit.”

  Tanner then made a beeline for me as I folded up my chair.

  “What did you think?”

  I opened my arms, and he ran into them. “You were amazing, Tanner. I’m so proud of you.” I brushed my fingers through his damp hair. “All your hard work paid off.”

  “Are you kidding?” Brogan laughed next to us. “My kid is the next up and coming MLB player. I see a Cy Young Award sitting on your shelf in the near future.”

  Tanner’s face lit up at the compliment. Brogan was a natural with him.

  I took Tanner’s hand and smiled at Brogan. “I have some chicken cooking in the Crock-Pot if you want to join us.”

  He raised his eyebrow and smirked. “I can’t remember the last time I had a meal out of a Crock-Pot.”

  I slapped his chest playfully just as he swung his arm around my shoulders. “I think I need to remind you of where you came from, mister. I’m afraid all those screaming fans and stadium lights have fried all the humanity out of you.”

  He just chucked while we made our way toward the car. “Just promise you won’t make me wash dishes. I have a reputation to protect, you know.”

  I tossed my head back and laughed, and that’s when my eyes collided with Jack, as he stood off to the side.

  Chapter 32

  Jack

  Standing from afar and watching another man live my life was like a pretty big kick in the balls. When Chloe reached over and touched Brogan’s hands, my heart felt like it dropped out of my chest. Nothing could have prepared me for the sight of her spinning around in his arms or watching him and Tanner getting along so well. It was juvenile for me to be jealous, yet I still couldn’t stop it.

  I kept telling myself that it didn’t matter that she moved on quicker than I expected, which was bullshit that I didn’t even believe myself. I was going to lock up the hurt, throw up my protective walls and march over there like the man I was.

  This was about Tanner.

  The crowd was thinning out, so I stepped out of my hiding spot and walked over by the concession stand located on the path they would have to walk along.

  I waved the minute I saw Tanner jogging across the grass. Chloe’s head snapped up, and her eyes landed on mine.

  She shoved Brogan’s hand off her shoulder, and I swear, I felt the oxygen leave my lungs. “Jack.” She seemed nervous but otherwise happy to see me.

  I fisted my hands to the side and tried to unclench my jaw. I was burning with jealousy, and the last thing I needed was to cause a scene.

  “Hey,” I said, feeling my heart race. I didn’t know how I was going to handle this. It felt like someone had snatched my life away from me and I didn’t know how to get it back. “I didn’t want to miss the first game.”

  Tanner clutched his baseball cap in his hands. “You made it!” he cheered, staring up at me with those big brown eyes that melted my insides. I shifted on my feet, not sure what to expect. He surprised me when he ran into my leg, almost knocking me over as he wrapped his little arms around my waist. My heart felt like it was being filled back up.

  He may not have been mine, but I loved him as if he were, and the thought of losing him was unbearable. I tried to give him an easy smile when I was feeling anything but.

  “You did great, bud. You pitched out that last inning and
closed with a grand slam. I’m so proud of you.”

  “I did exactly what you told me to do. I pictured the batter in his underwear whenever I got nervous.”

  I grinned down at him. “I’m glad it worked out for you, kid.”

  “Tanner.” Chloe placed both hands on his shoulders. “Why don’t you run to the car with your…Brogan. I need to talk to Jack for a minute. Okay, sweetie?”

  Tanner’s gaze moved back and forth across my face. “When will I see you again?”

  I shifted forward and placed my hands on my knees so we were at eye level. “I’m not sure. You’ve got my number so you can call me anytime, okay?” I held my hand out for a fist bump. My eyes darted over his shoulder to see Brogan watching us. I cleared my throat and tried to keep my face even. “I want you to know something,” I explained, looking deep into his eyes. “No matter where I am or what I am doing, I’ll always want to talk to you. So don’t ever think otherwise.” I choked out the next words. “I love you, bud, and I’m so proud of you.”

  “Thanks, Jack. I love you too.” I watched him walk off with Brogan and tried to convince myself that this wasn’t the end.

  Chloe placed her hand on my arm. “I’m so happy to see you. Thank you for coming.”

  I looked down at her hand on my arm. The same hand that was just folded inside Brogan’s arm a minute ago.

  My jaw tightened. “Could have fooled me.”

  The smile on her face drained. I wanted to punch myself for being such an ass, but I was pissed.

  “You think I don’t want you here?”

  I could feel the vein in my neck pulse. “I know what I saw from across the field.”

  She stepped back and watched Tanner and Brogan hop into a big jacked-up Ford truck. My jealousy burned like a forest fire. I wanted to run over and claim the kid as mine. But he never was, and he never would be.

  Chloe looked at me with a flash of guilt in her eyes. “We were just being friendly. It’s not what you think. We are not together.”