Confused by Shadows

by Geonn Cannon

  Lance realized Jodie was speaking to Elaine and felt something close around her heart. She walked to the couch and put her hand on Jodie's shoulder. She squeezed and Jodie reached up to cover her hand. "I still want this to turn into something more than friendship, Car-Claire. But I don't intend to take Elaine's place."

  "I know. Thank you."

  Jodie sighed. "Okay. We should go. Big day ahead of us."

  Lance nodded and grabbed her wallet and keys off the counter. They drove through town in a companionable silence, and Lance parked illegally at the curb and followed Jodie upstairs. Jodie said, "I'll just be a second."

  "Take your time," Lance said.

  Danica howled for attention and Jodie stooped to scratch between her ears. When Jodie closed the bedroom door on her, the cat spun and charged back into the living room. She stopped in front of Lance and stared up at her with wide green eyes. Lance stared back. "What?"

  The cat scoffed.

  Lance crouched and held out a hand. Danica immediately dipped her head under Lance's fingers and forced her to scratch. Lance smiled and said, "Sorry I'm taking up so much of her time. I promise you'll get her back eventually." The bedroom door opened and Jodie came back out. She had changed into a pair of baggy jeans and a Seahawks sweatshirt. She had Lance's borrowed clothes folded and tucked under one arm. Lance amended, "Well. Maybe you'll get her back."

  "What's that?" Jodie bent down and Danica ran straight for her. She scratched the cat's back and then let her flee into the kitchen.

  "Nothing." Lance stood up and said, "You ready?"

  "Just a second." Jodie followed Danica into the kitchen and Lance heard the rustle of a paper sack. The water flowed in the sink, and then Jodie returned. "Fresh food and water. She's set. Okay. Got the tickets, got my wallet, ready to go. Where do you want to have lunch?"

  Lance held out her hands. "I'm up for anything." Jodie closed the apartment door and tested the knob to make sure it was locked. They started toward the elevator and had almost reached it when the doors slid apart to reveal Rebecca St. John and the blond man Lance remembered from the race track.

  Rebecca smiled. "Oh. Calico. You're a hard woman to get a hold of this weekend." Rebecca eyed Lance before focusing on Jodie again. "We were just on our way to see you."

  "I actually was on my way out for the day."

  "Well, that's fine. We just needed to drop something off for you."

  Lance noticed the heavy duffel bag slung over the blond man's arm.

  "I also wanted to make sure you were ready for what we had planned. I couldn't get a hold of you last night. You weren't answering your phone." She looked at Lance and then focused on Jodie again.

  Jodie shrugged. "Must have gotten turned off. But I probably know what you wanted to ask me." She looked at Lance and shrugged. "Everything is set and I'm ready to go."

  "Fantastic." Rebecca gestured at the duffel bag slung over the man's shoulder. "We just wanted to drop this off for you." She took the strap and held it out to Jodie. "Keep it safe, please."

  Jodie took the bag, muttered an apology to Lance, and turned back to the apartment. She unlocked the door and disappeared inside. Lance stood uncomfortably in the hallway with the two strangers until she finally held out her hand for introductions. "Carmen Landry."

  The blond man looked at her hand for a moment before he clasped it in his own. "Simon Hatcher. Nice to meet you."

  Jodie returned and Rebecca stepped to one side of the elevator. She gave a cold smile that didn't convey any humor whatsoever. "Well. Don't let us keep you."

  The four of them got into the car together, Lance and Jodie side by side at the back of the car, Rebecca and Hatcher between them and the door. Lance stared at the tight curls on the back of Hatcher's head and detected a faint whiff of tea rising from the man. She wrinkled her nose and looked down at his hands. Big beefy mitts with blocky fingers. He kept rubbing the tip of his index finger with his thumb. He didn't strike her as the dangerous sort, but there was some kind of nervous energy about him that she didn't trust.

  The doors opened and they exited into the lobby. Rebecca turned and said, "I hope you enjoy the game, Jodie. And you, Ms. Landry. Always a treat to see you."

  "Same," Lance said. "Nice meeting you, Mr. Hatcher."

  He kept his pale eyes locked on her before he dipped his chin. "Ma'am."

  Rebecca touched his arm and nodded for the door. He walked away and Rebecca followed him. Once they were gone, Jodie sighed. "God forbid I have an actual life, huh?"

  "Who is that guy? Hatcher?"

  Jodie shook her head. "No one important. I...uh, he works for Rebecca's restaurant or something."

  Sure, Lance thought. He looks like a restaurateur. She pushed the questions from her mind and said, "Okay, lunch." She put her hand in the small of Jodie's back and guided her to the door. Whatever Rebecca and Hatcher were up to, it would wait until after the football game.

  #

  Chapter Eleven

  It should have been one of the most awful nights of Lance's life. At one point, when she went to put her arm around Jodie, her hand ended up in a beer cup. Apparently the seat-back cup holders had a few flaws in their design. Halfway through the second quarter, it began to sprinkle, and Lance hunched her shoulders against the cold. The sound from the bleachers was deafening, and more than once Jodie had to put her lips directly against Lance's ear before Lance could hear what she was saying.

  But despite all the problems, and despite the fact she could have cared less about football, she enjoyed herself. She smiled when Jodie shot to her feet with the rest of the fans in the section. Their seats were on the ten-yard line, very close to the field, and Lance was surprised by how quickly she was swept up into the game.

  When the game finished, the Seahawks besting the Patriots 21 to 10, Lance and Jodie left the stadium with a flock of satisfied Seahawks fans. The night was chilly enough that Lance tugged the two sides of her windbreaker together and pulled Jodie close. Jodie put one arm around Lance's waist, her other hand holding the remains of their garlic fries. She offered some to Lance, who shook her head, and dumped the few remaining fries in a garbage can they passed.

  Jodie bought Lance a baseball cap on the way out of the stadium to celebrate the win. She had immediately placed it on Lance's head, but Lance was already tugging at it as they came out of the stadium's glass entryway. Jodie said, "Stop fussing with it. You look good."

  "I don't know," Lance said. "I'm not really a baseball cap type of person."

  "That's because you leave the brim all stiff and boring." Jodie stepped in front of Lance, put her hands on either side of the brim, and folded it in half. She pushed with both hands, flexing her fingers until it was bent in almost a half-circle. "There ya go."

  They looked into each other's eyes, and Jodie's expression changed slightly. She moved her hands to Lance's temples and let her fingers brush Lance's hair. She managed a weak smile, moved her eyes to Lance's lips, and swallowed. Lance had her hands on Jodie's hips and was very aware of every bit of clothing between them. They stood frozen in time, statues in the center of a sidewalk. Fans streamed by on either side of them, too excited by the win to pay very much attention to Lance and Jodie.

  Lance saw the kiss coming and tilted her head in response. Jodie's lips met hers, and some fool passing by gave them a wolf whistle. Jodie's lips were soft and warm, her breath tangy from the garlic fries. Jodie touched her tongue to Lance's lips, but Lance didn't part them for her. After a moment, Jodie pulled back and pecked Lance's bottom lip. She cleared her throat and let her hands fall to her sides.

  Jodie smiled. "Call it a victory kiss."

  "Yeah, we can call it that," Lance said. She put her arm around Jodie's shoulder and walked her to the bus. They climbed aboard, took a seat in the back and watched the other fans board. Jodie held Lance's hand and said, "Did you have a good time?"

  "I did," Lance said. "Best football game I've ever been to."

  "Even with the h
and in the beer thing and going deaf from all the noise?"

  Lance laughed. "All part of the experience. It's been a really long time since I was able to just sit and enjoy something without worrying about..." She waved her hand vaguely toward the window and Jodie nodded. She put her head on Lance's shoulder and they rode the rest of the way to the parking lot in silence.

  They found the Mustang where they left it, and Lance walked around to the passenger side to hold the door open for Jodie. "Well, well," Jodie said. "Aren't we chivalrous?"

  "All part of the date experience, right?"

  Jodie curtsied and climbed into the car. Lance walked around the front of the car and got behind the wheel. Jodie waited until they were on the street before she spoke. "I can't imagine what your life must have been like these past few years. I don't have any idea how you went on. I'd go crazy."

  "Got pretty close a couple of times," Lance said. She let the silence hang as she put them on the I-5 heading back north to Shepherd.

  "If you ever want to talk about it, I'm here. I may not be able to provide very much to the conversation, or give you any advice, but I'm willing to listen."

  "Sometimes that's enough," Lance said.

  Jodie nodded and settled into her seat. She ran her hands over her face, tugged the sleeves of her sweatshirt up over her hands, and watched the city sweep past the window. After a few minutes, she pressed her finger to the glass. "Hey, have you ever seen that?"

  Lance followed the line of her finger and saw the Space Needle, aglow like a tower from some science fiction movie. "Not all lit up like that. It's beautiful."

  "Emerald City."

  Lance wanted to say something clever about emeralds and Jodie's eyes, but she couldn't think of anything before the opportunity passed. Instead, she reached for the radio dial and began scanning for stations. "Any station you manage to pick up won't last very long," Jodie said.

  "There are some tapes on the floor," Lance said.

  Jodie bent down and said, "Tapes? Are they under the eight-tracks?"

  "Hey, shut up," Lance said.

  Jodie sat up with a handful of tapes and began sorting through them. "You know, I could put in a CD player for you." She turned on the dome light to read the handwritten labels. "I'd do it cheap. You're in, you're out, twenty minutes."

  "That's very kind of you, but I think I'll pass."

  Jodie chuckled and picked a Dash Warren tape. "Oh, well, now I know I made the right choice in befriending you." She opened the case and slipped the tape into the player. "I lost my virginity to Dash Warren's music. Both times."

  Lance raised an eyebrow. "Both times?"

  "First—and only—time with a man, first time with a woman."

  "Jacket, Shoulder Ripped" began to play and Jodie hummed along quietly. Before the song was over, Jodie lifted her right hand to use as a pillow between her head and the window. She settled in against the door, tucked her feet up into the seat, and closed her eyes. After a few repetitive miles on the highway, Lance looked over. Jodie's eyes were half-lidded but still open, focused on the road illuminated by the headlights.

  Jodie turned when she realized Lance was looking at her. "What?"

  "Nothing. I just thought you might have fallen asleep again."

  Jodie smiled. She shifted in her seat and moved closer to Lance. She rested her head on Lance's shoulder. "That's not a bad idea. Can you drive with me here?"

  "I'm going to try my damnedest." She felt Jodie smile through the thin material of her shirt. "I'll wake you up if we pass any interesting small towns."

  "Mm-kay."

  While Jodie dozed, Lance let her mind wander. How many nights had she been in the car like this, driving through a black sea occasionally lit up by small towns like islands? How many more would there be in her future? It was on those night drives, running because of an odd look or an anxiety-causing news report erased her comfort and set her on her way. You'll never stop running, because Faye Mallory will never stop chasing you. Plain and simple. But having Jodie alongside her would make things a lot easier to bear.

  Jodie suddenly murmured, "I never said anything."

  Lance frowned and tried to look down at Jodie's face without moving her shoulder. Her eyes were closed, her lips slack in sleep. "What did you say?"

  Jodie sighed and said, "No, I'll drive, I'll drive. Yeah."

  Lance reached over and touched Jodie's thigh. Jodie murmured again in her sleep, and Lance focused on the road again. She took her hand off Jodie's thigh and replaced it on the wheel. Her nights on the run had always been the most depressing. The entire world was a stretch of gray asphalt illuminated by her headlights and the rest of the world was just a closed down silhouette. Maybe it would be easier with someone to keep her company, but could she really justify bringing someone else into this life just because she was lonely?

  A few miles later, Jodie sniffed loudly, sat up, and wiped her eyes. She blinked at the road ahead and said, "Where are we?"

  Lance looked at the clock. "We've been on the road about an hour," she said, a little surprised to discover she had let her mind wander that long.

  "Do you want to stop for dinner?" Jody asked, "or wait until we get back to town?"

  "You would know these little small towns better than I do," Lance said. "Is there any place worth stopping?"

  Jodie scratched her cheek while she thought. "I'm not hungry enough to force anything. Let's just wait until we hit town."

  Lance nodded and Jodie settled back into her seat. The cassette reached the end, and Jodie ejected it before it could start over. She replaced it in the case and put in another tape. "This was a good day," she said.

  "Yeah," Lance said. She nodded and glanced in the rearview mirror. "I didn't think it would be after last night."

  "Maybe if you'd told me all that before I fell in love with you, I would've run for the hills. Too late now."

  Lance didn't know how to respond to that. They lapsed into another silence until Jodie said, "Sometimes when I'm in a car, I like to pretend I'm the only person on Earth."

  Lance looked at the red taillights in front of them. "It's easy to do at night. I've done it myself."

  Jodie nodded. This particular stretch of highway only had a handful of other cars, and the world seemed dark and deserted. "Maybe we're the only two people on Earth."

  Lance reached over and took Jodie's hand. She squeezed and felt Jodie squeeze in return. "I could live with that."

  When they reached the outskirts of Shepherd, Lance saw the sign for Sinjin's glowing out like a lighthouse for weary travelers. The sight of it reminded her of their run in with Rebecca at the apartment building that morning. She wanted to ask Jodie about it, but didn't want to ruin the good feeling they'd created.

  They stopped for dinner at a small burger shack with outdoor seating. They sat near the street, covered by a green and white umbrella, and shared their fries. "I'm going to gain a hundred pounds eating with you," Lance said as she dipped a handful of fries into the ketchup.

  "These places do have salads, you know. If you bothered to ever order one of them."

  "Not greasy enough," Lance said.

  When they finished their burgers, Lance said, "Are we going to my place or yours?"

  "Work in the morning," Jodie said. "Probably ought to take me home."

  Lance nodded, and drove Jodie back to her apartment. She offered to walk her to her door, and they took the stairs to prolong their time together. Jodie reached up as they reached the fourth floor landing and thumped her fingers off the brim of Lance's hat. "You look good in it."

  "Thanks," Lance said. She took the hat off, ran her hand through her hair, and placed the hat on Jodie's head. Jodie chuckled and stopped at her apartment. "Well. All good things have to end sometime, I guess."

  "I guess so."

  She leaned against the door frame and looked down at her hands. The only thing Lance could think of to say was 'good night,' but she didn't want to leave quite yet. Instead, she
took the hat from Jodie's head and kissed her lips. Jodie moaned quietly and wrapped her arms around Lance's neck.

  When Jodie's tongue flicked against Lance's bottom lip, Lance allowed it in. She sucked the tip and flicked it with her own tongue. She put her hands on Jodie's hips and slid them around to the small of her back, trying to feel the dimples she had gotten a peek at that morning. When the kiss broke, Lance spent a few seconds just breathing, remembering how right it felt to lie in bed with Jodie that morning. No sex, no promises, just two people in bed together. God, how had she lived without it for so long?

  Jodie kept her eyes closed after the kiss. She tightened her arms and pulled Lance close, her lips skimming Lance's cheek. "Don't leave again."

  Lance kissed Jodie's neck and made the decision. "I won't."

  Jodie released Lance and stepped back. She ran one hand down Lance's arm, leaving goosebumps in the wake of her fingers, and gripped Lance's hand. She turned to unlock her apartment door and pulled Lance inside. She kicked the door shut and pulled Lance to her again. They kissed in the darkness, standing in the entry hall as Jodie's hands moved over Lance's T-shirt. Lance kept her hands on the back of Jodie's belt, afraid of moving them anywhere else and breaking the spell.

  They heard a cat yelp deep in the apartment, and Lance broke the kiss to scan the darkness. "Danica," she said.

  Jodie's lips moved against Lance's neck. "It's okay. She knows not to disturb Mommy when she's getting lucky."

  Lance's heart skipped and she turned Jodie's head to kiss her again. Jodie let Lance walk her backwards down the hall, her hands still roaming and Lance's fingers tightened around the thin strip of leather of Jodie's belt as if it was a lifeline. Jodie stopped her at the bedroom door and said, "Wait, wait." She broke the kiss and pushed Lance away. "Stay here. Just a second, I swear."

  Jodie turned and slipped into the bedroom.

  Lance stood alone, trying to control her breathing as she looked at the closed door. She wondered if this was some sort of payback for shunning the striptease. She prayed it wasn't; as turned on as she was, she would have to drop onto the couch and masturbate before she trusted herself on the stairs. She was about to knock and ask if everything was okay when the door swung open again. Jodie wrapped her arms around her, kissing her again as she pulled her into the bedroom.