Confused by Shadows

by Geonn Cannon

  "Dirty laundry," Jodie said. "Huge mess." She slipped her arms under Lance's and flattened her hands against Lance's back to pull her into the bedroom. Lance scanned the room for dangers and escape routes out of instinct and habit; it was small, but serviceable, with an unmade queen size bed taking up most of the space. Jodie led Lance to the bed and broke the kiss, stepping back to look Lance over.

  Lance shifted and looked away, uncomfortable with the scrutiny. Jodie ran her hands over Lance's shirt, unabashedly focusing on her breasts. She slid her hands up to Lance's neck, and hooked her finger under Lance's chin. "Hey. Look at me." Lance reluctantly met Jodie's eyes. "Do you want music? Candles? I want this to be perfect for you." She leaned in and kissed Lance's chin and both cheeks.

  "It's perfect," Lance said. She touched Jodie's face and slipped her fingers into Jodie's mouth. "I never thought I would want anyone else."

  Jodie sucked on Lance's fingers and looked at her, eyes wide in the darkness. She kissed the heel of Lance's hand. "And now?"

  "I want you." She kissed Jodie's lips, breathing heavily. She moved her hands to the hem of Jodie's sweatshirt and slipped her fingers underneath. Jodie leaned back and lifted her arms, and Lance pulled the shirt up and off. Jodie tossed the shirt across the room and arched her back. Lance was captivated by the sight of Jodie's simple white bra.

  Jodie shrugged. "If I had known...I mean, I could have changed while I was cleaning."

  Lance shook her head. "It's perfect." She bowed her head and kissed the flat part of Jodie's chest, sliding her tongue down to Jodie's cleavage. She cupped Jodie's breast in her hand and kissed her through the material of her bra.

  Jodie sucked in a deep breath as Lance's tongue passed over her nipple, and she threaded Lance's hair through her fingers. She rolled her head back and purred. "God, Claire..."

  "Jodie," Lance whispered. She lowered herself to her knees and kissed Jodie's stomach. She wrapped her arms around Jodie's waist and pressed her face to the curve of Jodie's hip. Jodie breathed in and out, and Lance squeezed her eyes shut. She had spent so long loving a ghost, she could barely believe she was actually feeling another woman.

  Jodie put her hand on top of Lance's head and whispered, "We can go as slow as you need, Claire."

  "Thank you," Lance whispered. The fact that Jodie respected Elaine was enough to push her onward. She kissed Jodie's warm skin again and noticed a small divot above her navel. She looked at it for a moment before she realized it was a piercing. She kissed it and said, "You didn't get dressed up after all."

  "Next time," Jodie said.

  Lance licked a line from Jodie's navel up to her breasts, her hands working the gold belt buckle. The belt fell open, and Lance tugged at the button of Jodie's jeans. She felt the heat from Jodie's skin, her ragged breath coming from above, and pushed the denim down past trembling knees. She let the pants fall and then ran her hands back up Jodie's legs. She kissed each thigh and closed her eyes, knowing that she wouldn't be able to function if she even got a glimpse of Jodie's underwear before she was ready.

  Jodie sat on the edge of the bed and lifted both legs. Lance pulled the denim down and off, tossed them aside, and eased Jodie's legs apart. She opened her eyes and swallowed hard when she saw Jodie's underwear.

  Lance moved forward and kissed above Jodie's right knee. She let her lips brush over Jodie's thigh, then gently kissed her hip. When she was bent completely over Jodie's lap, Jodie slid her hand under the collar of Lance's shirt and dragged her fingernails over Lance's shoulder blades. Lance followed the elastic waistband of Jodie's underwear and brushed her chin against the lace over the crotch.

  Jodie's breath caught and she lifted her hips. "Take them off, Claire. It's all right."

  Lance hooked her thumbs around the lace and leaned back. She tugged the panties down and kissed Jodie's ankle as she lifted it. Jodie wriggled on the sheets, her breath coming in weak puffs, her skin hot to the touch. Lance licked her lips, ran her tongue over them to make sure they were nice and wet, then put her hand on Jodie's stomach. She spread her fingers and Jodie eased down onto her back, bringing both feet up to the edge of the mattress.

  Lance parted Jodie's pubic hair with a soft breath through pursed lips. She brushed her knuckle over the lips, watching as moisture gathered on her knuckle. She added a second finger and spread them, then parted her lips and curled her tongue against the soft, pink flesh inside. Jodie sobbed and grabbed Lance's free hand. She wrapped her fingers around Lance's wrist and held tight. Her toes curled and she lifted her lower body to meet Lance's tongue.

  When Lance found Jodie's clit, she uncurled her middle finger and slipped it inside. She circled the hard bud with her tongue as she gently thrust with her fingers. Jodie was writhing now, one hand clutching Lance's wrist while the other tried to tear open the back of Lance's T-shirt. Lance opened her eyes and looked up, seeing the silhouette of Jodie's head against the bedroom window. She wished she had asked for the candles, wished she could see Jodie's eyes.

  "You're going to make me come, Claire," Jodie whimpered.

  Lance withdrew her fingers and put her tongue in their place. She curled the tip and Jodie cried out a curse. She brought up a handful of the sheet, then dropped her shoulders back to the mattress. Lance rode out her climax and then began to kiss a trail up her body. She settled between Jodie's legs and kissed her, Jodie's lips slowly becoming responsive to the kiss. She laced her fingers at the back of Lance's head and said, "Hold on." She twisted her lower body, forcing Lance to the side. The air was knocked from Lance's chest as Jodie landed on top of her.

  "Sorry," Jodie said, grinding her hips against Lance's stomach. She swept the hair out of her face. "I can be a little rough."

  "No problem with rough," Lance said. She looked up into Jodie's face and realized they were making love. She was making love to someone who wasn't Elaine. She knew she should feel terrible, knew touching this body should feel like a betrayal, but it didn't. It felt right. It felt like it was time.

  Jodie pushed her hands under the edge of Lance's shirt and spread her hands over Lance's stomach. She pushed it up and Lance helped her get it off. Jodie continued to explore, running her hands over the tight flesh. Lance dropped the T-shirt to the floor and guided Jodie's head to her breasts. Jodie kissed Lance's cleavage as she reached under Lance to undo the catch on her bra. She grabbed the edge of one cup with her teeth and sat up, pulling the bra up and away. She smiled, bra hanging from her teeth like a trophy, and flexed her thighs.

  Jodie draped the bra over the headboard and then moved to one side to tug down Lance's zipper. The button of Lance's jeans caused a moment of bafflement, but Jodie managed to get them open. "Oh, Claire," Jodie said as she slid her hand past the denim and the cotton of Lance's underwear. Two fingers led the way and brushed Lance's labia and then curled against her entrance. "Look at me, Claire."

  Lance managed to open her eyes. She could barely make out Jodie's features in the darkness. But her eyes seemed alive, sparkling, and her face was shining with sweat. Jodie whispered, "Say something."

  Lance moved her body against Jodie's fingers and said, "I want you inside me, Jodie."

  Jodie kissed Lance's lips and brushed one finger over her folds. Lance grunted and Jodie made a slow circle with her knuckle. "God, you're so wet."

  "It's been a while," Lance said, tears at the corner of her eyes.

  Jodie looked at her and said, "Is it okay?"

  "Yes," Lance said. "It's okay. It's time."

  Jodie withdrew her hand and lifted Lance's legs into the air. She grabbed two handfuls of her jeans and lifted them up and off. Lance let her legs fall, splitting them on either side of Jodie. Jodie took a moment to run her hands over her breasts, pausing at each dark pink nipple. "You're so gorgeous. My God."

  Lance hooked her ankles behind Jodie's back, and Jodie flattened her hand against the crux of Lance's legs. Two fingers slipped easily inside, and Jodie began to rock her hips forward. Lance grabbed Jodie's h
ips and guided her movements until they were both breathing hard. Jodie's sweat dripped down onto Lance's stomach.

  Lance tightened her thighs as she came, managed to grunt Jodie's name before she sagged, boneless, to the mattress. Jodie fell on top of her and they shared a few, exhausted kisses. Lance brushed the dark strands of hair out of Jodie's face and let her thumb rest on Jodie's bottom lip. Jodie sucked it into her mouth and circled it with her tongue. Lance felt a tingle between her legs and said, "Jodie..."

  Jodie released Lance's thumb and bent down. She kissed Lance's stomach and then settled between her legs. Fingers, lips, teeth and tongue went to work and, a handful of minutes later, Lance cried out her second orgasm of the night. Her second orgasm in over a year. It left her weak and desensitized, aware only of Jodie's hands running up and down her sides.

  Finally, Jodie settled on top of her and kissed her lips again. "I owe you one," Lance said.

  "You've got time," Jodie whispered. "I don't start charging interest until midnight."

  Lance smiled and touched Jodie's face. She said, "I'm sorry. I'm going to fall asleep."

  Jodie kissed Lance's palm and said, "Good. It's about time I was the one left awake." She touched Lance's face. "Thank you for letting me...for letting me help you." She kissed Lance's lips. "Thank you for trusting me with you."

  "Always," Lance said. She kissed Jodie and rested her head against the pillow. She closed her eyes and focused on the weight of Jodie's body against hers, felt the drum of her heart, and fell asleep as Jodie's hand brushed over her stomach.

  #

  Chapter Twelve

  Lance woke in the middle of the night with Jodie curled against her side. She looked at the clock and then brushed her hand over Jodie's back. Jodie murmured and lifted her head. "Claire?"

  "I didn't mean to wake you."

  "It's okay." She kissed the outside swell of Lance's breast and said, "I think I was dreaming about you."

  Lance smiled. "What were you dreaming about?"

  Jodie shifted so they were face to face. "I was dreaming that it's good you're you."

  "I haven't thought that in a while."

  "No, it's good." Jodie was drawing shapes on Lance's chest. "See, the way we met, the when and the where. You could have been a rebound relationship. It would have always been at the back of my mind until it forced me to find a reason to break up with you. But see, this way, Carmen Landry was my rebound relationship. I broke up with Carmen Landry, and now I'm with you."

  Lance thought about that. "I guess it makes sense."

  "Mm hmm," Jodie said.

  "You're kind of slutty, then. Jumping into bed on our first date."

  Jodie laughed and pinched Lance's stomach. Lance smiled and rolled onto her side. "Turn over. Let me spoon you." Jodie did as instructed and Lance embraced her from behind. She kissed Jodie's neck and shoulder, mapping the terrain with her lips. The way Jodie felt and smelled, the way she fit against Lance's body, all went into a vault, filed away for future reference. She wanted Jodie to become familiar, because she couldn't take much more of this mind-blowing shock. She kissed the back of Jodie's neck and let one hand slip between her thighs. Jodie sighed and craned her neck to give Lance's lips room to maneuver.

  "Talk to me," Jodie said. "I like it when...there's talking."

  Lance nipped at Jodie's earlobe. "You feel so good in my arms," she whispered. Her heart was pounding. "I'm so goddamn lucky I found you. I've needed you for so long, Jodie. Thank you, thank you."

  Jodie pinned Lance's hand with her thighs. "Right there."

  "Is that where you want me to touch you? Do you want me inside of you again?"

  "Yes."

  "Say it." Lance was discovering that she liked it when there was talking, too. She nipped Jodie's neck with her teeth. "Say the words."

  "I want you inside of me, Claire. Your fingers inside of me."

  Lance turned Jodie's head and they kissed. Lance circled Jodie's clit with a finger. Jodie broke the kiss to draw in a breath and arched her back. "The way you touch me, Claire..."

  "Yes?"

  "Don't stop. I don't...want you to stop. Ever."

  Lance smiled against Jodie's cheek. "I'll see what I can do." She kissed the corner of Jodie's mouth. "You feel so good. It'll be easy."

  Jodie smiled and focused on what Lance's hand was doing between her legs. "I'm going to come for you, Claire." She ran her hand down Lance's arm, squeezed her wrist, and arched her back. "Right...there..." She exhaled and made a sound that was half a cough, half a laugh, deep in her throat. She groaned, bit her bottom lip and trembled. "God."

  Lance whispered, "Good?"

  "Oh, fuck, yes." Jodie chuckled. She rolled onto her back and kissed Lance. "You're wonderful."

  "And now we're even."

  "For now."

  Lance smiled and lay back against the pillows next to Jodie. She traced Jodie's lips with one finger. "I'm so glad you didn't run away," she whispered. "I don't think I could leave you behind."

  "You mean that?"

  "I don't know," Lance whispered. She touched Jodie's face. "It would be the hardest thing I would ever have to do. I think it would kill me."

  Jodie turned her head into the caress of Lance's hand. "Well. We can't have that, can we?" She kissed Lance's fingertips and said, "I'm honored you chose me."

  "I didn't choose you," Lance said. "I didn't have any say in the matter." She smiled and kissed Jodie's lips. Jodie moaned and arched against Lance. When the kiss broke, Lance said, "I'm staying the night, right?"

  "Yeah," Jodie said. She reached out and lifted Lance's arm, sliding under it to curl against her side again. "You make a good pillow," she said as she rested her head on Lance's breast.

  "As long as I'm good for something," Lance said. She settled her body against Jodie's, finding a comfortable position that didn't cause undue excitement. The feel of another woman in her arms, the sound of someone breathing next to her in the darkness, was something she thought she'd lost forever when she left Chicago. She hadn't realized how vital it was to her mental well-being. She kissed Jodie's forehead and said, "Good night."

  "Very good night," Jodie said. She put her hand on Lance's stomach and, within a few seconds, the fingers had gone limp with sleep. Lance smiled, covered Jodie's hand with her own, and stared at the ceiling. She wasn't sure she would be able to fall asleep, but she knew she would be content to just lie there all night if she had to. As long as she had Jodie, that was all that mattered.

  #

  She knew she had to have succumbed to slumber at some point, because the next thing she knew, sunshine was cutting across the unfamiliar floor of the bedroom. Discarded shirts in red, blue and white formed a sloppy American flag in the narrow space between the bed and the wall. Lance rolled onto her back and looked around the room for signs of her errant bedmate. "Jodie," she called. Her throat was scratchy, so she coughed and gathered the sheet around herself.

  A race car shaped clock on the dresser revealed it was sixteen minutes past ten in the morning. It took Lance a moment to realize why that was a bad thing. "Shit." She threw the blankets aside and started searching for her clothes. The clothes Jodie had worn the previous morning would still be reasonably clean. What had happened to them? She made it all the way to the door before she noticed the scrap of paper taped to the headboard.

  She climbed onto the mattress and peeled the tape away from the wood. "'Carmen'," it read in pencil, the word Claire having been written and erased, "You looked so peaceful that I didn't want to wake you. I decided we could just switch for today. I'll take the morning shift and come pick you up at lunch. I borrowed your car. Please don't kill me; I'll stick to the speed limits, honest. See you at noon. Love you, Jodie."

  Lance smiled and relaxed. She tossed the note onto the nightstand, lay down, and pulled the sheet back over her. She stared at the ceiling and closed her eyes.

  "She's beautiful."

  Lance turned her head at the sound of Elaine's
voice. She watched her lover's ghost toy with a first-place trophy from the dresser. She wore a white smock over a pair of blue slacks, barefoot with her hair down. "That's what she said about you."

  "She's a charmer." She put the trophy down and said, "That note said love, didn't it?"

  "It did."

  Elaine sat on the edge of the bed and stretched out alongside Lance. "I know I told you to move on."

  "It wasn't you. It was my subconscious telling me what I wanted to hear."

  "Look at you, all psychological. Weren't you the one who answered 'ink blot' to every card on her Rorschach test?"

  "And clouds aren't bunny rabbits."

  "Such a sad little unimaginative world you live in," Elaine said. "Anyway. If I were around to tell you, I would have told you to move on. But I still feel jealous."

  "How can you feel jealous if you don't exist?"

  "You're not psychological enough to have that conversation."

  Lance closed her eyes and shook her head.

  "Don't let me get in the way." Lance turned and looked at her. "I mean it. Two years, Claire. It's not going to mean anything if you find comfort. God knows you deserve it. If it ends, fine, but don't try to pin the end of the relationship on me or my memory. Understood?"

  "Understood."

  Elaine turned her head to look up at the ceiling. "A race car driver."

  "What's wrong with a race car driver?"

  Elaine shrugged.

  "Are you here to support me or to tell me to stay away from her?"

  "Don't look at me. I'm just your subconscious."

  Lance opened her eyes and looked at the empty mattress next to her. She sighed, rubbed her face, and rolled off the bed. She went to the bathroom and then searched the bedroom floor until she found a blouse that was long enough to wear alone, fastened the bare minimum of buttons, and went into the kitchen. Danica, disturbed by the near-stranger's solitary appearance, did what any respectable guard cat would do and ducked behind the bookcase.