Mindset Mission
Flip It to Test It
Kristen Pressner, the global head of human resources for a multibillion-dollar diagnostics company, gives a different take on being inclusive. It was from her “Are You Biased? I Am” T E Dx talk that I learned about her technique of Flip It to Test It. 3 Part of the challenge in diversifying our connections is our unconscious bias. Unconscious bias happens when our brains make incredibly quick judgments and assessments of people and situations without us consciously realizing. Biases are influenced by our background, cultural environment, and personal experiences. Unconscious bias influences the way we make decisions.
Kristen shares with me that she recognized her bias against women leaders when hiring for an executive role. That confused me, since she is a woman leader. She explains, “Eighteen years of being the sole provider for my family of six isn’t enough to overcome the cumulative effect of everything I’ve been exposed to throughout my life.” So to be more inclusive, she suggests, instead of trying to pretend bias doesn’t exist, “be aware of every instance where someone is outside the default of the cultural norm and test your bias by flipping it.” She explains the purpose of the mindset shift is to try to make conscious decisions.
Flip It to Test It is simply that. Change the outlier aspect that may be causing the bias such as gender, age, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, or anything else: in your mind, remove that aspect and see if it changes the way you think about that person or that situation. For example, if the interview feedback is that the female candidate is coming off as arrogant in an interview, flip to test it and see if you would have the same feeling if the candidate was a male. Flip It to Test It is in essence a mindfulness technique; it is a way of stopping your unconscious brain from driving in order to let your conscious brain make decisions. The act of stopping and flipping it causes you to be conscious again. I love this approach because it is non-accusatory and puts people in discovery mode. Curiosity is the key to change. The technique has infiltrated my brain and I am finding myself testing my thinking and catching myself more often than I expected.
What’s the Point?
I decided to conclude this book by sharing how to be an Inclusive Connector, because that is the crux of the Connector mindset: the joy, curiosity, and interest in building relationships with all kinds of people. Connectors may have a natural way of thinking and acting, or they may have learned these mindsets and behaviors over time. A Connector is simply someone who thinks about the value of connection and prioritizes relationships: making them, strengthening them, supporting them, and recognizing those relationships are there to support them too.
I know that some people reading this book may think, “What’s the point?” The truth is, you don’t always know the point when you are building relationships, whether you are connecting with someone from another generation, an influencer, or anyone different from you. Diversifying your network expands your thinking, your access to information, and the speed at which you can reach different resources, information, and people. If you want to garner the benefits of being a Connector, keep connecting. Branch out to learn about and learn from those who don’t look, sound, speak, or think like you. Connect with those with different interests, education, and experiences. A Connector mentality is one that trusts the process: even if they don’t know what those results will be at the outset, a Connector knows that real relationships garner real results.
Refresh Your Memory
Stay connected. If you work remotely, use technology like Skype and instant messaging to replace watercooler chitchat. Remember not all relationships need high-frequency contact to flourish.
Diversify your connections. Build a network that’s inclusive of all levels of colleagues, multiple interests, and various types of people. Doing so will contribute to your individual innovation and impact.
Connect with influencers. Think about how you can be of value to them and look for opportunities to connect in person.
Millennial secrets of success include reaching out to people you’d like to work with. Seek out mentors at all levels—even peers.
Be an Inclusive Connector. Adopt a host mindset; welcome others into the fold. Do not call out differences when interacting with others; instead, focus on your similarities.
Embrace the unicorn in you. We are all different. If you feel like you’re the only one like you at an event, welcome it. If you want to be an inclusive networker, start by including yourself.
Conclusion: Putting the Book into Action
“Action is the foundational key to all success.”
Pablo Picasso
“It’s not what you know, it’s who you know.” That’s a saying that we’ve all heard, but few of us understand the true impact that relationships can have in our lives. Our relationships enable our impact to be greater and our results to happen faster, easier, and better than without those connections. A Connector lives and breathes this philosophy.
At the start of this book, I asked you what you want and what level of Connector you want to be. Now is the time to put the book into action to get you where you want to be. To do that, you need to evaluate the mindsets you currently embody and those you need to adopt to increase your connectedness. Use the chart below to begin your self-evaluation. Rate your current skill level of each mindset on a scale of 1 (low) to 5 (high). Then create your action plan to be the type of Connector that is best for you.
Mindset
Description
Skill Level (1–5)
Open and Accepting
You are open and share multiple aspects of yourself with others. You do not put on a front or put up walls. You are willing to be vulnerable. You accept yourself, including your unique charms and work to flex when needed. You accept other people’s strengths and flaws the same way.
Clear Vision
You know what you are working on whether it is your 6-month or 10-year plan. You know what you need to accomplish your goals and are willing to ask for and accept help to make it happen.
Abundance
You believe there is enough to go around and don’t make decisions from a place of fear. You see the opportunity in situations and don’t judge yourself in relationship to other people.
Trust
You believe people are generally trustworthy and are willing to give trust to others. You trust yourself and seek to build the trust of others through being authentic, vulnerable, transparent, and consistent in your interactions.
Social and Curious
You enjoy the process of building connection and use the format that suits you. You are curious and seek to listen and learn about other people, find points of commonality, and opportunities to add value. You recognize introverts and extroverts both have natural, and very different, strengths in connecting.
Conscientious
You do what you say you are going to do and communicate updates on commitments to stakeholders. You know when to say no, how to say yes, and you don’t commit to something if you can’t follow through.
Generous Spirit
You believe in generosity and recognize that there are many ways to add value. You are aware of the pitfalls of being a zealous Connector and set boundaries to mitigate those risks. You are generous with yourself as well as others.
Whether it’s in your home, your community, or your career, the quality of your relationships will impact your life in multiple ways. The breadth and depth of your network is up to you. There are different types of relationships you may want to consider ensuring exist in your circle.
Champions. People in y
our organization with a seat at the table are all potential champions. They are decision-makers with the power to impact your promotion, salary, bonus, and work assignments. To be an effective champion, they must believe in, speak up for, and even fight for you. The more champions you have, the more your career will skyrocket.
Cheerleaders. These are peers, friends, and even family who bolster your confidence and encourage you along the way. They give a needed pep talk and believe in you, even if sometimes you don’t believe in yourself. We all need cheerleaders to help us through the challenges, risks, and failures and to help us celebrate the successes.
Mentors. A mentor is an experienced and trusted advisor and having one is critical to your professional development. They have the expertise you are seeking to acquire and you can learn from them. Mentors can be in or outside your organization and can provide different types of guidance. The more mentors, the more you learn and grow.
Followers. You can’t lead if no one wants to follow you. As you rise in the ranks, it is important to reach back and fill the role others have filled for you along the climb. Followers want to work for you and help you get the best results. Meet the needs of your team; show them you care about them and the things they care about and they will follow the leader.
Sounding Boards. Have many. These are the people you go to to discuss your ideas, approach, or plan to get their opinion. They challenge your thinking and help you make more informed decisions. Choose people whose opinions are not identical to each other’s to push your thinking and broaden your viewpoint.
Confidants. A confidant is different than a sounding board. They are the people you can vent to, confide in, and with whom you can share your secrets. If you choose someone within the organization that may have perspective on organizational politics, be sure they are trustworthy. An external person may not have the complete picture but can help you release frustrations in a safe way.
Think about the people who are currently filling these roles in your life and where you have gaps. Identify people who could fill those roles and reach out. Consider the ideas put forth in these pages and seek to create a mutually beneficial exchange. If you really want to build a connection, it won’t happen in only one interaction.
I love how small the world is. Making it even smaller is what this book is about. We all need relationships and connection in our lives. As I said at the start of this book, the results, success, happiness and contentment that Connectors experience isn’t because they have luck, it’s because they have connections—and you can too. It may sound counterintuitive, but connecting and networking are two very different things. Networking is something you do; a Connector is who you are.
Acknowledgments
This is going to be a very long list! I never know whether to start or end with family, as all things for me start and end with family. I thank my husband, Michael: when I told him I wanted to write another book, he asked in a what-the-hell-are-you-thinking tone, “Why?!” I serenely responded, “I have something I have to share, to say, to teach.” He shrugged and said, “That’s a good reason.” And he supported me every step of the way. To my kids, James and Noah, for showing an interest in my work and being my constant motivation. I am grateful to my extended family for all the love and encouragement with a shout-out to my brother-in-law, Ray Meyers, who shaped the last line of the book. I thank my mother, Margot, for all the golden nuggets over the years; my father, Arthur, for instilling confidence in me, and special thanks to my sister, April Meyers, for continuing to inspire me and be the perfect example of a Connector.
Thank you to my rocks, Abby Katoni and Rebecca Friese Rodskog. The two of you talk me off the ledge, listen to me vent, give me feedback, and encourage me. I appreciate you and am thankful you are in my life. Thanks to Erin Budwick and Maria Ross for their input along the way.
John Katzman, thank you for all the mentor moments, the ideas, and the introductions. Your suggestion during a conversation about the book ignited a spark, and the result is the abundance of experts in this book. Thank you, Malcolm Gladwell, for agreeing to be a part of this book.
I must acknowledge Sarah Granger and Denise Brosseau for starting the amazing Authoress group, for your suggestions and introductions, and for adding your expertise to this book. And thanks to all the people who shared their stories and made introductions to people whether or not they ended up in the book.
Thank you to every expert who shared their time, knowledge, and ideas to make this book exponentially more valuable (in alphabetical order): Ari Horie, Beri Meric, Chad Littlefield, Charles Best, Darrah Brustein, Denise Brosseau, Dennis Brown, Dorie Clark, Elisa Camahort Page, Eric Gorham, Ivan Misner, Jaime Masters, James Carbary, Jared Kleinert, John Corcoran, Jordan Harbinger, Kristen Lamoreaux, Kristen Pressner, Lindsay Johnson, Lisen Stromberg, Marshall Goldsmith, Mary Loverde, Matthew Pollard, Michael Lee Stallard, Rachel O’Meara, Rebecca Friese Rodskog, Robbie Kellman Baxter, Robbie Samuels, Ryan Foland, Sarah Granger, Susan RoAne, Viola Thompson, and Zvi Band.
Thank you, Meeghan Truelove, for introducing me to the fabulous Kathryn O’Shea-Evans whose editorial partnership was invaluable. I loved working with you, KOE. Much appreciation to my list of loyal followers who read my emails, gave feedback on the cover, and especially to the nearly 800 of you who took the survey. Speaking of the survey, thanks must go to Stacy Kessler at Montclair State University for helping select the questions and Trevor Kresofsky for analyzing all the data. Arnaldo Carrera, who trademarked the phrase Connectors Club, thank you for inspiring the idea of this book.
Finally, my thanks and appreciation to the entire production team at Page Two starting with Trena White. I knew at the first conversation you were a connection that would last. Thank you for your partnership, collaboration, and support.
Resources
Books
Ask Powerful Questions by Will Wise
Connection Culture by Michael Lee Stallard
Croissants vs. Bagels by Robbie Samuels
The Digital Mystique by Sarah Granger
The 11 Laws of Likability by Michelle Tillis Lederman
Entrepreneurial You, Reinventing You by Dorie Clark
Frientimacy by Shasta Nelson
Giftology by John Ruhlin
How to Create Your Own Luck by Susan RoAne
How to Work a Room by Susan RoAne
The Membership Economy by Robbie Kellman Baxter
Mindset by Carol Dweck
Pause by Rachael O’Meara
Reinventing You by Dorie Clark
Road Map for Revolutionaries by Elisa Camahort Page
The Secrets of Savvy Networking by Susan RoAne
Stand Out by Dorie Clark
3 Billion Under 30 by Jared Kleinert
The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell
2 Billion Under 20 by Jared Kleinert
What Do I Say Next? by Susan RoAne
Work PAUSE Thrive by Lisen Stromberg
Expert Websites
Chad Littlefield and Will Wise: WeAnd.me
Darrah Brustein: Darrah.co
Denise Brosseau: ThoughtLeadershipLab.com
Dennis Brown: AskDennisBrown.com
Dorie Clark: DorieClark.com
Elisa Camahort Page: ElisaCP.com
John Corcoran: SmartBusinessRevolution.com
Jordan Harbinger: JordanHarbinger.com
Lisen Stromberg: LisenStromberg.com
Marshall Goldsmith: MarshallGoldsmith.com
Mary LoVerde: MaryLoVerde.com
Michael Lee Stallard: MichaelLeeStallard.com
Lindsay Johnson: TheRadicalConnector.com
Robbie Kellman Baxter: PeninsulaStrategies.com
Robbie Samuels: RobbieSamuels.com
Ryan Foland: RyanFoland.com
Sarah Granger: SarahGranger.com
Susan RoAne:
SusanRoAne.com
Company and Resource Websites
Alyce: Alyce.com
Bond: Bond.co
Contactually: Contactually.com
Donors Choose: DonorsChoose.org
FutureLeaderNow: FutureLeaderNow.com
Gateway to Innovation: G2IConference.com
Intern Queen: InternQueen.com
Send Out Cards: SendOutCards.com
Women’s Startup Lab: WomenStartupLab.com
Podcasts
B2B Growth: B2BGrowthShow.com
Eventual Millionaire: EventualMillionaire.com
The Introvert’s Edge: MatthewPollard.com/TheIntrovertsEdge
The Jordan Harbinger Show: JordanHarbinger.com/Podcast
World of Speakers: SpeakerHub.com/SkillCamp
Member Organizations
The Connector’s Advantage Page 20