Then she pulled her hand from his.
“It won’t work.”
“It will! Lee it will, I promise, I’ll try harder.”
“No, it won’t. Because you say you love me now, but I presume you would have said that for the whole last year - and I would have believed you. And yet you have cheated on me for a year.” She stood, putting her empty cup in the sink and picking up the car keys from the counter. “I can’t trust you.”
He didn’t say anything to that - but then what could he say? She knew in her heart that everything she said was true. This was poisoned now - as much as she didn’t want to believe it, it was ruined. She walked towards the doors, with the car keys in her hand - not asking, just taking. By rights, she should have told him to get out of the house, but it felt as though the house was toxic too, and she needed to be in a fresh space. She didn’t grab anything on the way out, other than her coat and her phone; she just wanted to make it out of the house without crying.
“Lee…” His voice called from the kitchen, but she did not wait to hear what he had to say. She made it out the front door, down that slippery path, and into the little silver Citroen that she so rarely drove.
And then it hit her. She’d kept it together until that point, but it was then that the tears fell - hot, fast and angry, beating a path down her face in their race to get out. It was loud and it was ugly - and it helped release a fraction of the hurt she was feeling. She hit the steering wheel in frustration, and shouted a few swear words into the silence of the dark, cold car.
It was five minutes before she regained some sort of control. Pleased she was wearing the flat shoes - even if they had got soaked from the walk between the house and the car - she turned the key in the engine and began to drive. It was half past five and pitch black outside - well, it was November. Unsure of the destination, she revelled in the freedom she felt at driving alone, at night, with no plan. She drove around housing estates, she drove around shopping centres, she drove until the petrol light lit up on the dashboard and she was forced to pull in to a petrol station.
She needed a plan, she thought, as she paid for the petrol, a very large bar of chocolate and a bottle of cheap white wine. The where was the next part of the plan that was needed: a hotel? A friend’s house? Most of their friends were mutual, and she couldn’t face the humiliation of telling them that her husband had been shagging a blonde doctor, and a nurse of undefined hair colour, for the past year. Her colleagues, she considered briefly, for they were hers and hers alone - Nathan barely knew them, despite all the hours she spent with them weekly.
But the same thought hit her - she’d have to tell them. She’d have to see the shock and pity in her eyes. Her mum? But she was an hour away, and she loved Nathan. It would devastate her. She wouldn’t want to think of her little Shirley (the name she insisted on calling Lee, despite her protestations) being left alone, just like she had been by Lee’s dad. Then there was her sister… that was the most likely option, she thought. Her sister wasn’t married, thought Nathan was a bit pretentious (something she’d admitted after one too many glasses of Chardonnay) and would be willing to get drunk and hurl abuse at the idea of Nathan cheating on her sister.
Chapter 3
Forty-five minutes of driving South and she reached her sister’s flat in Exeter. She hadn’t called first, but hoped that the fact that it was a weeknight would mean that her sister - who was the opposite of Lee in almost every way possible - would be home, and home alone. As far as Lee knew, her younger sister (by two years - she hadn’t yet hit the big 3-0 whereas Lee had passed that milestone) wasn’t dating anyone - but as she walked up the pathway she questioned her decision to turn up unannounced. To be fair, she hadn’t really been in the right frame of mind to think about anything - she just had to do something. And so turning up here was what she’d done. She hadn’t even brought any clothes, or a toothbrush - although she was hopeful that her sister would offer for her to stay the night.
Taking a deep breath, and trying to push yet again the image of Nathan with her, Lee knocked on the door and was quickly face to face with her sister. Both had blonde hair, but that was where the similarities really ended; Elizabeth’s was curly where Lee’s was always straight; Elizabeth had freckles where Lee did not; Elizabeth was slightly below average height with curves, where Lee was above average height and willowy.
“Lee!” Elizabeth exclaimed, pulling her sister down for a hug before even asking what she was doing there on a random Monday evening.
“Hey, Beth,” Lee said with a watery smile. Elizabeth and Shirley; both had chosen to shorten their long and fairly old-fashioned names. Only their mother really called them by the full versions - and the occasional official.
“Come in - is everything okay?”
Lee shook her head, and didn’t trust herself to speak. They walked through the hallway, past the clothes horse full of clothing drying by the radiator, and into the living room that was lit with many candles. Without speaking, Lee took off her coat and draped it over the sofa, then handed the cheap bottle of wine to Beth.
And then she burst into tears.
“Lee! Lee, what’s the matter?”
Through sobs and struggling to calm her breathing, Lee managed to convey the key points to Beth; Nathan had been cheating on her and she had walked out.
“What a shit,” Beth said, and although it didn’t change anything, it made Lee feel a fraction better. She knew coming to her sister’s had been the right decision; she needed someone to say all the bad things she was thinking.
“What an absolute wanker. Lee, you have always been too good for him, and this has just proved that. How could he do that to you? Here, let me get glasses. You need wine. You’re staying, I presume?”
Lee smiled slightly through her tears at her sister’s stream of questions and abuse. “Please, if that’s okay. I need to think what I’m going to do.”
“Of course, stay as long as you need. Right, wine…”
With full glasses of cheap and not particularly cold wine, Lee and Beth began to dissect Nathan’s behaviour, and could only come to one conclusion, no matter how late the hour got; his behaviour was despicable.
“If he wasn’t happy,” Lee said, after they’d finished the wine and started on the vodka Beth kept in, mixed with flat coke, “Then he should have said something. Talked to me. If he thought we weren’t having enough sex, he should have used his bloody words and told me! We could have fixed it! Instead he decides to take some floozy to our bed. Our bed, I mean, is he kidding me! We have money, he could have at least had the decency to take her to a hotel.”
“And the nurse! And the way he tried to justify it…” This was the third hour of discussing the night’s events, and Beth felt she could picture the scene as clearly as if she’d been there.
“I wanted a baby with him,” Lee said, suddenly breaking into sad, drunken sobs. “We’d said we’d talk about it soon, and all along he was sleeping with other people…”
“Oh Lee…” Beth put her arms around her older sister and tried to think of the words that would make things better. “Things will get better. It’s better you know now, than for it to just keep going on behind your back. You’ll get through this - I promise.”
Lee nodded, wiping away the tears that kept flowing from her eyes.
“I’m sorry to dump all this on you. And I know you’ve got work tomorrow…”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Beth said, running a hand through her curly hair as she glanced at the clock; nearly two in the morning. “What are you doing about work tomorrow?” she asked gingerly. She knew how important Lee’s job was to her - but she also knew there was no way she could go and face clients in this state.
“Call in sick,” Lee said, and Beth was a little shocked. She thought it was the first time she had ever heard her sister even mention skipping work - let alone actually doing it!
“Good plan. I’ll do the same - I think the hangovers we will have tomorrow
will make it true anyway,” she said with a chuckle. “And the office will survive without me, I’m sure.”
“No-one wants me…” Lee slurred. “A big client walked out yesterday because I was a woman. He thought I was a man because of the name…” She hiccoughed at the end of her sentence, and Beth - who it seemed could handle her alcohol better than her big sister - decided it was time for bed.
“It’s simple, Lee - all men are pricks. Come on, let’s get you to bed.”
Lee nodded, agreeing with both of her sister’s statements. Beth led her into the spare bedroom which was made up with blue floral bedding, and put a large glass of water on the bedside table. She felt her sister would need it at some point during the night. Although she had planned to dig out some spare pyjamas for her, she thought it was unnecessary - Lee pulled back the covers and climbed in fully clothed, still wearing her make-up, her eyes drifting closed as soon as her head hit the pillow.
Beth pulled the covers up over her sister’s shoulders and stroked her straight, dark blonde hair from her eyes. She kissed her on the forehead and whispered: “Sleep well, sis. It’ll look better in the morning.”
***
Although Lee fell asleep almost instantly she unfortunately did not stay that way. By three in the morning she was wide awake with a dry mouth, a headache and a sick feeling that did not wholly come from over-indulging on alcohol. She downed the glass of water that Beth had kindly left for her and lay for a long time, staring at the ceiling, wondering what had become of her life. The perfect job, the perfect house, the perfect marriage… it was all falling down around her, and she felt like her mind couldn’t deal with all the changes she knew were coming. After a long time staring at a hairline crack in the white ceiling above her, she rolled over and rifled around in the handbag next to the bed to find her phone. It only had 6% battery, but she didn’t think she’d brought a charger with her. She’d deal with that in the morning.
2 missed calls. 1 message.
All three were from Nathan. Lee didn’t even bother to read the message; there was nothing that could be said that would make this situation any better. Besides, in her foggy, slightly drunk, slightly hungover brain, Lee had a fuzzy thought that three attempts to get hold her was a bit pathetic. He’d cheated, and she’d left - surely he could have tried harder? She hoped to god he hadn’t rung her mum, or her colleagues - but then if he did, he would have to admit what he’d done, and none of the three women would respond well to that bombshell. No, Lee thought Nathan would be too cowardly to admit that particular nugget of information to anyone.
So that she didn’t have to think about it in the morning (well, later in the morning than it already was), Lee opened up her emails and drafted something simple to Tania and Gemma to explain her absence.
Hiya - had an awful stomach bug all night and can’t stop being sick, so I won’t be in tomorrow. Sorry - Lee x
It wasn’t long before she had a reply - it said a lot about their jobs that 3am replies to emails weren’t that shocking. They weren’t the norm, but they certainly weren’t unusual.
Don’t want to sound heartless, but this isn’t anything to do with how Brandon treated you, is it? Please don’t let his misogyny affect you - you’re a brilliant lawyer. Tania x
Lee closed her eyes for a moment, but opened them again when she found the room beginning to spin. No, this wasn’t because of Brandon; she would have gone into work the next day ready to find another big client - if, that was, her husband hadn’t turned everything she knew upside down.
No, she reassured Tania. Just a stomach bug - honest. Hopefully only twenty-four hours. Will let you know.
She rolled over, keeping her eyes open to avoid the spinning, and knew that the sickness she felt in the pit of her stomach was going to last a lot longer that twenty-four hours.
It was six in the morning when Lee decided to get up. It was no use lying there, thinking about all the ways her life was ruined. How her favourite time of year was coming up and yet she did not have a husband she could trust, a beautiful home or even a job she was feeling happy in at this moment.
No, Lee decided there was no use lying there, mulling over what could have been. It was time for action; never mind that she didn’t know what that action was.
She didn’t need to dress - after all, she had never undressed, and she had nothing to change into. Borrowing Beth’s toothbrush, she tried to make herself a little more presentable for whatever today would bring. Then she scribbled a note to her sister, grabbed her handbag and her now dead phone, and headed out to the car.
***
By the time Beth woke up, with a slightly sore head if truth be told, and read her sister’s note, Lee was long gone.
Thanks for the wine and words of advice. I needed to do something - I don’t know what - but I’ll let you know once I’ve made any decisions. Love you always. Lee x
***
The open road lay ahead of her as she exited the little village outside of Exeter. She liked the quiet of the roads at this time in the morning; she felt a sense of freedom at knowing her phone was off and no-one could contact her. She knew at some point, people would start to worry - she’d have to make contact before then. She found she didn’t really care if Nathan worried - but her colleagues would need some sort of excuse if she wasn’t going to be in tomorrow.
Pushing the accelerator to the floor, she sped down the motorway, heading further South, trying to leave her broken heart behind. While the distance did nothing to lessen the pain she felt, she did feel a little thrill at doing something spontaneous.
She drove for nearly an hour, stopping at a small services in the hope of picking up a phone charger. She was in luck; they had them on special offer if you bought £30 of petrol. Despite enjoying the freedom of no contact, she knew she would need it before the day was out - wherever she ended up.
As she purchased her petrol, phone charger, a toothbrush and some more chocolate, she wondered if she’d gone mad. Left home, left her sister’s, drive to the middle of nowhere with no plan, no phone charger - not even a clean pair of knickers. It certainly sounded like she had gone mad. If anyone else had told her this story she would have definitely thought they had lost the plot, had a breakdown - probably some sort of euphemism.
But the truth was, in spite of not knowing where the journey would take her, her mind felt clearer that it had in at least twenty four hours - possibly more. The more she thought as she drove, the more she felt as though she had sleep walked through the last few months - or maybe longer - of her life.
The M5 became the A38 and whilst there were still two lanes and a seventy mile an hour speed limit, there were suddenly hills and sharp bends that she wasn’t used to navigating. She slowed a little, trying to remember when the last time she had travelled this far South had been. Five years ago, she thought - she, Beth and her mum had taken a trip together to a little town called Dartmouth, with brightly coloured houses and breath-taking views. Perhaps she could head there again… or perhaps somewhere completely new.
Would she go to work tomorrow? She thought it was unlikely - she was surely two hours from home and had no desire to turn back. Besides, she didn’t really have a home. Not anymore…
No. That was a dangerous path. To take her thoughts from their present direction, Lee took the next exit from the dual carriageway and slowed considerably as the lane became a single one and the thick trees blocked out much of the dim November morning light.
It felt like she’d driven for a long time on windy roads, over narrow bridges and past small, brick houses, when in truth the clock told her she had only been driving for twenty minutes - the unusual driving conditions just made it seem longer, she supposed.
It was then that she saw the sign: “Welcome to Totnes.” And beneath it, in black graffiti read: “Twinned with Narnia.”
Twinned with Narnia? She mulled that over in her mind. It certainly sounded like an adventure…
Chapter 4
&n
bsp; Compared with where she lived, it was a tiny town; she was surprised to see it had a train station. It didn’t take her long to follow signs to a car park, and as she rooted around in her handbag she was relieved to find she had enough change to pay for the machine. It was less than she was expecting, anyway.
Totnes. She didn’t think she’d ever heard of it before, but she thought it was worth a look around. Besides, last night’s dinner had consisted of a chocolate bar, wine and vodka, and she was starting to feel very hungry. Some lunch (or late breakfast, she supposed), and then she’d decide what to do. Maybe she’d stay the night - that would shock Nathan, wouldn’t it, if he couldn’t get hold of her and no-one knew where she was.
Or maybe he’d just spend the night with the blonde. Maybe he wouldn’t care at all…
A weak winter sunshine was beginning to break through the clouds, and Lee couldn’t help but notice how different the weather was here to the lashing rain she had been so late in yesterday morning in Bristol. Was that really only a day ago? It felt like a lifetime.
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