Rogue Devil

by Kylie Gilmore

  No, I need to cut ties for his sake. He gets his freedom. Period. I wish I could just enjoy tonight. Ah, hell. He’ll ultimately leave me anyway. He’ll get tired of waiting around for the tiny slivers of free time in my life.

  He gives me side-eye. “You seem tense.”

  I cross my arms and uncross them, trying to appear relaxed. “Nope.”

  He presses pause on his show and sets the remote down. “Do I need to take you in there—” he jerks his chin toward the bedroom “—and turn you into a limp noodle?”

  I laugh a little, flushing with heat despite my inner turmoil. That’s what I always say he turns me into. He just wrings me out and leaves me boneless, utterly spent. His stamina is incredible. And he’s demanding, wanting everything I can give, and then wanting more. If only everything was as simple as what we have in the bedroom.

  He pushes a lock of hair behind my ear. “What’s wrong?”

  I swallow hard. “We need to talk.”

  He turns off the TV. “I know. It’s your last night here. I’m going to miss you, but we’ll keep in touch, and I’ll see you when you get back.”

  I bite my lower lip. “Bren, I think we should stop right here, end it on a high note.”

  He stares at me, his jaw gaping.

  Shit. I didn’t think this was going to be that big a surprise. It seemed inevitable.

  I rush on. “This summer has been great, but after I get back from Villroy, I’ll be working round the clock between my studies and my work at the hospital. Not to mention wrapping up my med school applications. And then I don’t know where I’ll be for med school. I could be thousands of miles away. Everything is so uncertain in my life, and you deserve better than that.”

  He works his jaw, glaring at me.

  My voice comes out small. “I tried to tell you I was a bad bet.”

  “So you’re breaking up with me?”

  “It’s a natural parting time.”

  More glaring.

  I swallow over the lump in my throat. “Bren, you’ve somehow become my best friend. Friends can pick up whenever, no hard feelings. It’s not the same with a relationship. I won’t have the time or energy to devote to one. Not the way you deserve.” My voice catches. “I can’t give you what you deserve.”

  “Do I get a say in this?”

  “I’m sorry.” I wring my hands together and stare at them. “I don’t regret our time. I’m so…thankful for what we had.”

  “Thankful? Thankful!” he barks, startling me.

  He looks to the ceiling, takes a deep breath, and levels his gaze on me. “Chloe, I know you. You pull away when things get intense. I know we’re in deep, both of us. I’m asking you to stick with me, and I swear I’ll stick with you too.”

  “I’ve given it a lot of thought. It’s the right thing.” I swallow over the lump in my throat. “What if we stick together as best friends?” A small ray of hope shines through at the thought. I won’t have to completely lose him.

  “No.”

  My stomach drops. “No?”

  “No, Chloe,” he bites out. “I don’t want you as a friend.”

  “Don’t you see it’s for your own good? I’m giving you your freedom.”

  His lips form a flat line. “For someone so smart, you’re doing something really stupid.” He stands and stalks to the front door.

  I leap off the sofa. “You’ll see I’m right. Give it time.”

  He stills for a moment, shakes his head, and walks out the door.

  I slap a hand over my mouth, my eyes hot, my gut churning horrifically. It’s over, and now he hates me. Oh God, I’m going to be sick.

  I race to the bathroom and vomit. Isn’t that just the perfect metaphor for the way my relationships end? Down the toilet.

  17

  Chloe

  The next morning I walk across the tarmac to the royal jet like a zombie. I barely slept last night. I kept replaying my night with Brendan. Our dinner together, his blue eyes warm on mine, the way his deep voice seemed to reach out and caress me. And then later, my attempt to painlessly get out of his way. I hurt him, and that’s what hurts me the most. But what was the alternative? Let it drag on as we gradually drift apart until there’s nothing left between us? It had to end at some point. It will only hurt more postponing the inevitable.

  A flight attendant meets me halfway, taking my luggage for me. “Good morning, Miss Chloe.”

  “Morning,” I say absently. I check his name tag since I don’t recognize him from previous flights. “Nice to meet you, Henry.” That’s my nephew’s name too. At least I’ll have baby Henry to comfort me.

  I trudge up the stairs to the jet’s entrance, my backpack over my shoulder. I plan to work on med school applications on the flight, figuring keeping my mind focused on my future goal will help manage my current agony. My eyes sting with unshed tears. I still can’t seem to cry, even as horrible as I feel. I can’t believe how close I got to Brendan, more than anyone in my life besides my sister, and now it’s over, exactly as I always knew it would be. I just didn’t anticipate this deep level of pain. Like a part of me is missing.

  The jet is empty besides the pilot and copilot, who greet me warmly. I can’t manage a smile, but force some energy into my voice to return the greeting.

  I take a window seat in the front row and stare at the open field next to the private airport in New Jersey. Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye. I lean my head back on the headrest and close my eyes.

  “Hello,” a familiar deep voice says, landing in the seat next to me.

  My eyes fly open. “Brendan! What’re you doing here?”

  “What does it look like I’m doing here?”

  I stare at him. “Going to Villroy?”

  He puts his seatbelt on. “Yup. I’ll be there for a week. Put your seatbelt on.”

  I comply, my mind whirling. What does this mean?

  The flight attendant checks in with us and lets us know we’ll be leaving shortly.

  I can’t seem to put the pieces together after the way we left things last night. I thought he hated me. It doesn’t help that I’m sleep deprived. “Bren, why’re you going to Villroy?”

  He stretches his jean-clad legs out and crosses them at the ankles. “I’m a prince. The palace is my natural habitat.”

  “Natural habitat,” I echo.

  “Mmm-hmm.”

  I face front, blinking a few times. Finally, I ask, “Are we friends again?”

  He gives me a sideways look. “We’ll talk once we’ve reached our cruising altitude. I want to be sure you’re not going anywhere.”

  I gulp. Why does he think I’m going to flee the scene? What’s he going to say to me that would make me want to flee? Doesn’t he know I’m barely hanging on by a thread here?

  “You look tired,” he says.

  “I didn’t sleep much last night. Or the night before.”

  “Rest your eyes a bit.”

  I stare at him. “I don’t think that’s possible. I’m in too much shock.”

  He leans his head back and closes his eyes. “Shock and awe. Yup. I have that effect on people.”

  My brain hurts, trying to figure out what he’s up to, and then the jet starts taxiing down the runway, the white noise making me drowsy.

  I wake with the chime that indicates we can take our seatbelt off. I take mine off and shift to face Brendan, feeling more alert with my catnap. “Okay, talk. What’s going on? Why are you here? What do you plan to do in Villroy for a week? Are we friends or not?”

  “I’m here because I decided we’ll keep being best friends like you wanted.” He tucks a lock of hair behind my ear, drawing close, his breath hot over my lips. “I’ll be your best friend and your lover.” He kisses me and draws back, his eyes intent on mine.

  My lips part, enthralled for a moment, and then I scowl. “That is not a thing! Best friend and a lover. You can’t be both.”

  “Chloe, it’s called a husband.”

  My jaw drops, my heart
racing. My mind flashes back to Michael proposing just last year, but this time’s different. Instead of everything in me retreating at the thought, I long to be able to say yes. But I can’t. He’ll be miserable tied to me. I won’t be able to give him what he deserves. He’ll lose too much.

  My throat clogs with emotion. “You don’t mean that. Take it back.”

  He eyes me. “This right here—” he gestures between us “—this is love. I feel it, and I know you do too. It might not be perfect timing, but…” He shrugs. “It’s the real deal.”

  My world is tilting under me. “Suddenly you’re the relationship expert.”

  He leans close. “It’s been building all summer. Why am I your best friend?”

  I take in his warm eyes, his handsome face, always ready for a smile, his solid strength. “Because I can’t wait to tell you everything that happened in my day and share everything I’m planning and dreaming for the future. And I love to hear everything going on with you too.”

  He smooths my hair back and cradles my jaw. “And I like hearing it and telling you stuff. I look forward to dinner with you and talking and just watching TV together, yelling at the screen. We’re very compatible.”

  “I thought we were opposites.” He’s the fun one. I’m not.

  One corner of his mouth tilts up. “Maybe you have a little devil in you, and I have a little serious student in me.”

  “What are you a student of?”

  He kisses me. “You. Every little fact I file away, every expression, every emotion you express. I eat it up. You’ve become my favorite person in the world.”

  A surge of affection rushes through me, my chest warming. That means a lot because he has so many awesome people in his life. “You’re my favorite person too.”

  “Thanks.”

  “It’s not tough competition, though. I only have my sister, my roommate, and my study group.”

  He pulls me into his lap, wrapping his arms around me. I know I should move away, but it feels so good to be back in his arms. Besides, where would I go? We’re on a jet thousands of miles in the air. Smart man, waiting for us to be flying. Now I have to stay here, tucked close.

  He shifts to meet my eyes, his voice low. “This summer with you was the longest I’ve ever been with a woman before we had sex. We’ve built something here, beyond the physical. You understand? This love isn’t going anywhere.”

  My breath catches, a tiny bubble of hope rising in me. Still, it won’t be easy. “I need you to understand what you’re getting with me. I need to focus on my studies. I need to be a medical researcher. It’s all I’ve ever wanted, to give back in a significant way.”

  “You will be. I want that for you.”

  I worry my lower lip, almost afraid to say the next part. “And if I go away for med school? My dream is Harvard.”

  He studies me for a long moment before squeezing me tight. “Then I’ll go with you.”

  I push out of his arms and sit back in my seat. “What?”

  “I’ll go with you,” he says loud and clear. I still can’t believe my ears.

  “And do what?”

  “I’ll look for a new job.”

  My mind whirls. “You can’t abandon your family for me!”

  “It’s not abandoning. It’s following my heart. You’re my heart, Chloe.”

  I hold up a palm, refusing to be the reason he loses everything. “That doesn’t make sense.”

  He places his palm against mine.

  My voice chokes, my eyes hot. “You’re not making sense.” And then tears leak out, running down my cheeks. I’m crying. I never cry. I wipe the tears away, irritated by them.

  His arm wraps around my shoulders, hauling me against his side. “Tell me why you’re crying. You, the woman who never cries.”

  The tears just keep coming, spilling down my cheeks. I’m angry and confused and out of control. “I can’t trust love! It’s a cocktail of chemicals that fades in time.”

  He wipes my tears away with his thumbs. “That made you cry? Because you’re afraid to love?”

  I sniffle. “I didn’t say I was afraid.” Am I? “I said I don’t trust it.”

  He signals to the flight attendant, Henry, who rushes over with a tissue box. It occurs to me they were expecting Brendan, and maybe he told them why. As fast as Henry arrived, he disappears toward the back of the jet, shutting a curtain behind him.

  I clutch the tissue box, tears still flowing, my grasp on reality slipping. Nothing makes sense. I’m sitting on a private jet, having a private conversation with a discreet witness nearby, and the man I thought I’d never see again is promising to never leave.

  Brendan grabs a tissue, hands it to me, and takes the box from my hands. I blow my nose and try to stop the waterworks. It’s impossible now that the dam has broken.

  “Chloe.”

  I peer at him through watery eyes. “What?”

  “Here’s how it’s going to go. Part one of the plan, after Villroy, you’re going back to school. We’ll get together on weekends.”

  “What if I need to study?” My voice is wobbly.

  He gives me a gentle smile, causing a fresh bout of tears to spill out of my stinging eyes. “Then I’ll meet you after you’re done studying, or maybe I’ll help you study by quizzing you. You’ll graduate, and I’ll be there cheering you on. Good so far?”

  I nod and gesture for another tissue. He gets it for me.

  He continues. “Part two, you’re going to medical school. I’ll be there too. Part three, you’ll become a researcher and find a cure for cancer. And somewhere between part one and part three, you’ll marry me.”

  I stare at him blankly, blinking the tears away, trying to focus on his face. He’s absolutely sincere. I never would’ve guessed he’d be willing to meet me more than halfway like this. It’s too good to be true.

  “But your family—” I start.

  “Will understand.” One corner of his mouth tilts up, revealing the dimple I know and love. I stroke it lightly through his beard, and he covers my hand with his, giving it a squeeze. “My dad gave up a kingdom for love, remember?”

  I nod, trying to understand how this could work, so he doesn’t ultimately resent what he’s giving up. It’s not something I’d ever ask of him, but he’s offered and I don’t doubt his sincerity for a minute.

  “Bren, that’s an awfully long plan. Are you sure you want to wait around for me?”

  He strokes my cheek, his gaze tender. “If I married you today, I’d be with you for life. If I marry you after medical school, I’m still with you for life. I’m not going anywhere, Chloe. You’re stuck with me.”

  I choke on a sob and finally admit my greatest fear. “Everyone close to me has been ripped away. What if you die?”

  “Then I’ll haunt you.”

  I scowl. “That’s not possible. Ghosts aren’t real.”

  “I’ll love you in life and death.” He takes my hand and places it over his heart. “Our love will live on in our hearts.”

  “But it didn’t with my parents. I barely remember them. Sara says they loved us very much, but it’s not in my heart.” He wipes more tears from my face. “I’ve got a hole in my heart that can never be filled.”

  “Sara loves you very much. She gave you their love too. She carried on what your parents gave her and passed it to you. There’s no hole in your heart, baby. You love me, right?”

  I let out a shaky breath. “I do. I’ve been afraid to say it.”

  “Say it now.”

  “I love you.” A calm settles over me. Lightning didn’t strike me down for daring to love. The plane didn’t suddenly fall from the sky. I’ve been afraid to truly love in case it was taken from me.

  He dips his head, his voice silky by my ear. “I love you too.” He gazes down at me with love in his eyes. I knew all along it was there but was afraid to trust. Now I soak it in, reveling in it.

  “Bren, I love you, okay? But I had a plan. You were not in that plan.”


  His eyes gleam devilishly, his head tilting to the side. “I threw a wrench in the works.”

  “Yes!”

  “Sometimes you need a wrench. It’s a very useful tool.” He leers at me, pulling me close for a kiss. “I can see to your plumbing.”

  I put a hand on his chest. “Be serious.”

  “I am.” He kisses me again, roughly this time, distracting me as he pulls me back into his lap. The moment his arms wrap around me, my entire body relaxes. This is right. I can’t deny it, and I’m starting to believe he really is in it for the long haul.

  I sigh as he shifts to nuzzle into my neck. “Did I just agree to marry you?”

  He lifts his head and grins. “I believe you did.”

  I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him passionately. The fire ignites between us, soothing my fears like nothing else, this connection. He’s mine for keeps.

  A long while later, he lifts his head, his eyes heated. “Too bad there’s not a bedroom on the jet.”

  I smile. “You can wait until Villroy.”

  He brushes his thumb across my lower lip. “Torture.” His voice is gravelly, scraping against my insides.

  I let out a shaky sigh and snuggle into his chest. I lift my head as a thought occurs. “What if things didn’t work out between us? You would’ve been stuck with me on the jet and in Villroy.”

  He gives me a cocky grin. “It would’ve made for an awkward visit, eh? But I knew you’d succumb to my devilish charm.”

  I gaze into his eyes, lost in how much I feel for him. He’s confident enough for both of us, and I’m starting to trust in that confidence.

  He nips my lower lip and then sucks it. “You’re mine.”

  I run my fingers through his soft hair, smiling. “Wait. You’re not going to confront Michael in Villroy, are you?”

  “I don’t need to. It’s obvious you’re nuts about me.”

  “So cocky.”

  He grins. “So right.”

  “Are we really getting married?”

  He gets serious. “I want you to graduate Columbia first. All your focus on that with no wedding distractions. Sound good?”

  My eyes sting, and I press my lips together tightly, trying desperately not to cry again. “Yes. I love you so much.”