Just Pretending

by Dana Burkey

  "Come here," Josh pleaded, grabbing my hands and forcing me back onto my feet. I allowed him to drag me a few steps before we stopped at a guardrail. Looking up I was shocked at the view.

  In front of us was the whole town, although quite a ways down. The switchbacks had taken us a lot higher than I thought it would, giving us a view for miles.

  "So cool!" I heard Gina say from the other side of me. She and Nick were standing at the rail beside us.

  "Told you it was going to be worth it," Josh laughed as he pulled me in for a sweaty hug.

  Squirming away from him, I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone. Snapping a few photos, I tried to ignore Nick and Gina sharing water out of the corner of my eye.

  "Allow me," Josh suddenly interjected, taking the phone from my hand. Standing next to me with the view behind us he held out his arm to take the photo. Smiling, I was caught off guard when his lips met my cheek just before the photo was snapped.

  Turning my back to Nick, afraid my shock was written on my face, I took my camera back and viewed the picture. If I didn't know any better I might think Josh and I were actually dating from the happy faces in the photo.

  "Time for lunch?" Nick asked, from over my shoulder.

  "Yup. I have it all in my bag."

  Thankfully Josh was taking the lead here, so I had time to track down my backpack and water bottle before following our hiking group to a picnic table under a tree a short walk from the view. It was similar to the picnic from the day before, but more meaningful with Nick sitting across from me.

  "So, are you guys here all summer?" Josh asked casually while we snacked on the sandwiches and fruit.

  "Gina heads back a week before me for cheer camp, but other than that we're here until the week school starts," Nick spoke through a mouth of grapes that he chased with some water.

  Well, that explained it. Gina was a cheerleader. Her hair was better, her teeth were straighter, and she was the queen of their school back home. I felt my chances of winning Nick blowing away in the breeze.

  "Oh cool, you'll be here for the fair!" Josh must have missed the cheerleader comment, not understanding that this whole charade was pointless.

  "Nick, didn't you say you went to a fair here last year?" Gina asked while displaying a perfected confused expression.

  As Nick nodded I felt my cheeks growing red. How could I have forgotten?

  The fair was what really got my hopes up with Nick last summer. We went with plans of winning some stuffed animals and eating a lot of fair food but decided to end our day with a ride on the Ferris wheel. I had eaten a lot of greasy snacks and was starting to feel its effects at the top of the ride. Nick could tell something was wrong and tried his best to comfort me. He wrapped his arms around me in hopes of warding off the chills I was facing head on. Then, as the ride ended, he walked with an arm around me, holding my hand for extra support. Sure, we were walking to the bathroom, but it was still a special moment. Twenty minutes and a few flushes later I was feeling better, although super embarrassed. I lied, telling Nick I threw up, knowing the truth was a lot less pleasant. He was so sweet all night, but a week later left without much more than a "see ya."

  "Cam?" Glancing over it was obvious to tell that was not the first time Josh had said my name.

  "Uh, what?" I blinked, hoping I did not miss anything too important.

  "Your cheeks are really red," he frowned. "You need more water sweetie."

  Taking the water bottle, he handed me I took a long sip, not wanting to announce the real reason for my flushed face. Glancing at Nick, he looked less than pleased. At first I thought he was thinking of the fair as well until it hit me. Josh had just called me sweetie. Maybe the cheerleader thing was not as much of a deal breaker as I thought. A smile played on my lips as I went back to eating my lunch.

  *****

  Hiking proved to be a great start to our "win Nick" plan. The way down the trail was filled with hand holding and even a piggy back ride after I complained about a blister on my pinky toe. Gina seemed un-fazed while Nick seemed to clench his jaw more and more.

  Two days later we convinced Nick and Gina to join us for a trip to the lake. We spent the afternoon swimming, tanning, and playing some volleyball with other teenagers who were on the beach. I made sure to flirt with Josh every chance I got through the afternoon. I thought it might be a little bit much, but Josh snuck a few thumbs up to me when Nick was not looking to let me know the plan was going well.

  By Friday it was clear we were a foursome for the summer, so we planned a trip to go ice skating just outside of town. The rink was home to a few winter hockey leagues, but in summer was open for free skate time in the afternoons. It was a great way to cool down, so it was packed most days. Thankfully, we picked a rainy day, thinning out the crowds just enough to make it bearable.

  "So, I think we need to kick this up a bit." We were lacing up our skates while Nick and Gina got their hands stamped at the front desk.

  "What do you mean?" I asked as I pulled on my hoodie and winter hat.

  "I just think we need to make it really look like we are dating," he answered slowly.

  "Ummm, okay," I shrugged as Gina sat down in her cute winter dress. Apparently Nick told her we had an ice rink in town, so she brought her old figure skating warm ups to wear. And to think I was so happy with my new jeans I had put on this morning.

  "I like your hoodie," Gina smiled, motioning to my purple school hoodie.

  "Thanks. I like your dress," I replied. She beamed as she pulled on her skates.

  I learned this little game of Gina's while we were at the beach. For Gina, a compliment to someone else was her way of getting one back. I observed her at the lake complimenting a few different girls on their suits, dresses, or shoes. When she was given a "thanks, you too," she grinned ear to ear. But when only a word of thanks was given, her smile would droop into a frown.

  Unable to sit with her smiling at herself I stood up and grabbed Josh by the hand. "Let's go!"

  Josh stumbled after me before regaining his balance on his blades. By the time we reached the ice he was laughing as he laced his fingers with mine.

  "Your hat’s really pretty," Josh said in a high pitched voice as we hit the ice. He had already heard all about my annoyance with Gina. Shooting him a glare I leaned in to bump shoulders with him playfully.

  Weaving through the crowd on the ice, we made a few laps before we were joined by Nick and his figure skating cheerleader. I gave them a wave, then went right back to focusing on Josh and our conversation about our summer reading list. All the time with Nick and Gina was getting me behind on reading books I had been avoiding so far this summer. Josh, the avid reader, was filling me in on the outline of the one I was least likely to read.

  Focusing all of my attention on getting out of reading one of the books, I was caught completely unaware when a kid cut in front of me suddenly. It had been a while since I went skating, so I forgot ice skates were not as easy to stop as my roller blades from our school’s middle school skate parties. Slamming my heel to the ground I started careening out of control, gripping Josh's hand and arm for stability. The battle for balance ended quickly, as my bottom made hard contact with the ground. The only small consolation was bringing down Josh with me.

  As the shock of hitting the ice wore off I found myself laughing at us laying on the ice. I was 16 but got taken down in one pass by a 9-year-old. Josh also saw the humor in the fall, laughing from his spot next to me.

  When we finally got control of our laughter we began the hard task of standing up. Feeling like a newborn baby deer trying to walk, I struggled to get my feet under me. Letting go of Josh, I couldn't help but frown as he hopped up to his feet easily.

  "Give me your hands," he grinned down at me. I could see Nick across the rink watching my pathetic display of skating ability. It would take a lot to make up for this one.

  Reaching my hands up I held onto Josh and planted my feet as he pulled me up. His pul
l was a little too forceful, leaving me pressed into him with my arms firmly around his neck.

  The smile on my lips died when I looked up and made eye contact with Josh. His light brown eyes were shining as he looked at me with a lopsided grin. His cheeks were flushed from the cold and laughter, his brown hair looking more tousled than at the start of our skate. Reaching a hand up from around my waist Josh tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. His hand lingered on my cheek as he slowly leaned down to join his lips to mine.

  Although I had been kissed before, it was nothing like this. Despite the ice, I was suddenly flooded with heat as Josh allowed his fingers to become tangled into my hair. He pulled me closer, making it clear that this kiss was no peck between friends.

  Hearing the music on the rink change to a familiar pop song, I was suddenly aware of where we were. Pulling back, my hands still resting on his chest, I did my best to control my breathing.

  "I think that worked," Josh whispered, his hands now resting on my waist.

  "W-what?" I stuttered, closing my eyes to help concentrate.

  "Look," Josh laughed. Opening my eyes, I followed to where he was looking.

  Across the rink, Gina stood stunned as Nick headed off to the seating area where we had laced up our shoes. It was hard to be sure since we were otherwise occupied, but it looked like our display of affection was a bit much for Nick to handle.

  "Oh. Yeah. Good." I could still feel the tingle on my lips where Josh had pressed his to mine.

  "Want to go get some hot chocolate?" Taking hold of my hand I nodded as Josh led me off of the ice. My backside ached with each movement as I glided off of the ice, but it was the last thing on my mind as my fingers traced my lips over and over.

  *****

  A whole week passed before we hung out with Nick and Gina again. Nick claimed they were busy doing stuff with his dad, but Josh assured me it was more than likely a result of our kiss. The break from them came at a good time though; I had my wisdom teeth out and spent two days snacking on ice cream while I had movie marathons with my mom who was off work to take care of me.

  Josh and I chatted through text each day, but it wasn’t until the day before our next double date that we hung out in person. Our kiss still crossed my mind now and then, but today’s visit with Josh was all business, no fake dating. We were determined to work on our summer reading list, each sharing information on a different book. The theory was if we each read half the books on the list, then we could fill each other in on the rest. Sadly this theory had some flaws.

  “This is boring,” I sighed after an hour of skimming the book Josh had read. Although he was telling me the basics, there were a few sections he said I needed to read in order for the book to make sense.

  “The book picks up in the end. Major plot twist,” Josh promised with a laugh.

  Josh had already listened as I read my notes of the book I had picked to read, taking down some notes of his own and asking questions when what I wrote was unclear.

  “How am I going to get through two more books?” I leaned my head on the table, ignoring the papers under me.

  With my eyes still closed I could hear Josh get up and head to the kitchen. Looking up when he cleared his throat, I couldn’t help but smile at the snacks he held in his hands. His mom’s homemade pistachio pudding was just what we needed to get through the afternoon.

  Taking our treat to a bench on the wrap around porch I enjoyed the view while simultaneously enjoying the tasty snack.

  “Can you believe we’re going to be juniors next year?” Josh asked between spoonfuls of his pudding.

  “I just can’t believe it’s been over a year since I moved here!” I commented. “It feels like not that long ago.”

  “I was going to say it feels like way longer than a year ago.” Josh shrugged, setting his empty bowl on the table next to our bench. Reaching over, he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me a little closer. After our times with Nick and Gina, it felt natural as I leaned into him while I finished off my snack.

  "Do you really think it will work?" I asked after we sat together for a few minutes enjoying the view from his porch.

  "What?" Josh asked as he rubbed circles on my hand with his thumb.

  "Nick. Do you really think he will choose me over Gina?" I clarified.

  "Of course," Josh mumbled, his body noticeably tensing next to me.

  Turning to face him a little more I looked into his eyes for a further explanation.

  "How could he want to be with a diva like Gina when he has you at arm’s reach?" Josh smiled, his body relaxing once again.

  "You're just saying that," I sighed looking down at my non-designer outfit and old flip-flops.

  Placing a hand under my chin Josh lifted my head to look into his eyes again.

  "I can't think of anyone who would choose Gina over you."

  Opening my mouth to reply, I was cut short when I felt the familiar pressure of Josh's lips pressed aginst mine. Much like at the ice rink I was taken off guard. This time, however, the kiss deepened before we came up for air.

  "Sorry," Josh said breathlessly, sliding away from me as our lips parted finally. "I wasn't thinking."

  Catching my breath, I pressed my hand to my chest to will my heart to stop its pounding.

  "It's okay," I managed after a minute of silence.

  "I'm so used to making a show of things for Nick I just forgot," Josh explained again.

  "It's okay, really." I could only hold his gaze for a second before looking away. I did my best to ignore the part of my brain telling me to go in for another kiss.

  "Want to get back to work?" Josh stood up and gathered our empty pudding dishes without looking me in the eyes.

  "Yeah, back to work." Following Josh back into his house I tried to forget the kiss happened. I had a feeling, however, it would easier said than done.

  *****

  "So how long have you and Josh been dating?"

  Gina and I were sitting in the theater, waiting for the boys to return with snacks. I tried to stay with Josh, but Gina insisted we go pick good seats.

  "Well, I met him when school started last year, and then things just kind of clicked a little while ago." I tried to stay vague so we wouldn't get caught too much in lies.

  "That's so sweet," Gina smiled expectantly.

  "So, when did you and Nick get together?" I finally asked, trying my hardest not to roll my eyes.

  "Well," she began with a flip of her hair, "he was dating one of my friends on the squad until Christmas, but then at a party he had a little too much to drink and kissed me. She freaked out and dumped him, leaving him all for me!"

  I tried to give a smile big enough to make her happy, but my mind was reeling at her words. Nick was drinking at a party? He cheated on his girlfriend? This did not sound like the guy I spent last summer with.

  "Who wants popcorn?" I grinned as Josh walked into the theater and plopped down in the seat next to me. Before I could convince myself not to, I leaned over and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

  "What was that for?" he whispered as Nick pushed past us to his seat with Gina.

  "Just, ya know," I shrugged before turning my attention to the screen that was starting previews. There was not enough time to relay my thanks for getting my mind off the news Gina has just given me, so the kiss would hopefully cover it until we could chat about it.

  Reaching over to hold my hand, Josh laced his fingers between mine then brought them both up towards him to plant a kiss on the back of my hand. Smiling, I scooted closer and leaned my head on his shoulder, not even thinking of what Nick would feel about our display. Things with Josh may have been fake, but the news about Nick’s life back home was starting to make me wonder if it was worth just faking everything.

  *****

  "So when are Nick and Gina getting here?" Josh asked, putting on his life jacket. We were at the lake for another canoe ride, now a full two months after our first boat trip earlier in the summer.


  "They said 10, but I don't see them yet." I scanned the parking lot again, willing their car to pull in. Glancing at my watch I saw it was now 10:15.

  "He'll be here soon," Josh sighed, loading our picnic lunch into the boat.

  I tried to ignore his sigh as I looked at the beach entrance for signs of Nick’s car. Seeing the familiar white car I grinned from ear to ear.

  "Here they come!" I announced, hopping over to Josh and giving him a hug.

  "Yup. Here they are." He hugged me back then let go quickly. I stepped back, a little shocked, while he set the oars in the boat then began moving it closer to the water.

  I was still watching Josh when Gina walked over and gave me a hug hello. It was followed by a hug from Nick. Two months ago I would have killed for him to walk up and hug me with his crooked smile, but now I just wanted to get in the boat next to Josh and head out to the island for our picnic.

  After our kiss on the porch and Gina's story about how she and Nick got together, I looked forward to each time the four of us got together. I didn't know how to tell Josh, but hanging out with Nick was less about making him jealous and more about having an excuse to be close to Josh.

  "You guys ready to go?" Josh called from the water. He was up to his knees getting ready to head out.

  "Just need our life jackets," Nick replied, handing one to Gina then buckling on his own.

  Once we were safely in our jackets we all climbed into the boat and headed off to the island.

  The island was close to the other side of the lake and didn't have much on it aside from a few trees and some grassy space. After a heavy rain, the island was nothing but a swamp on the water, but the weather had been clear for a few days so it was looking good for the picnic and swimming we had planned.

  Ten minutes after pulling into the water we reached the island and set to work tying the boat to a tree. We decided to enjoy the refreshing water for a while before lunch. Although the boys had done most of the rowing, sitting in the hot sun for even a few minutes was heating all of us up fast. After a quick dip, I sat on my towel on the beach, enjoying the sun now that I was cooler.

  "Mind if share your towel?" Nick asked, coming out of the water. After a quick nod from me he took a seat next to me, water still dripping from his hair and body.