Just Pretending

by Dana Burkey

  "So, Gina mentioned you aren't playing baseball anymore?" I asked the question already knowing the answer but needed to hear his response.

  "Yeah. I just need more time to get ready for college and stuff," he said while leaning back in the sun.

  I tried to give some "that's great" response, but my mind was reeling. Nick just lied to me.

  When we were bowling earlier in the week the guys went to pay for the games while Gina and I headed to the car. Somehow Nick’s bowling ability reminded Gina of his playing baseball. Then she told me the "fun fact" that apparently Nick was failing two classes and as a result was kicked off of the team. He was given time to get the grades back up, but was going out with friends so often that he didn't leave time to study.

  "Only a week until Gina heads back home..." Nick stated. My body froze as I felt his hand brush against mine. "I'm going to be really lonely when she heads out."

  "Well, you can still hang out with me and Josh." I tried to keep my voice casual, but could feel my heartbeat racing. With all the info I had heard about Nick lately, I was not sure he was the guy I liked last summer. The baseball was just the tip of the iceberg from what Gina hinted at in the last month. But the real thing making my pulse speed up was the idea of not having an excuse to play girlfriend to Josh.

  "What if just you and I hung out, like last summer?" Nick sat up and began twirling a lock of my wet hair around his finger. "Josh never needs to know."

  "Never needs to know what?" Josh's voice asked from behind us where he was drying off with his towel.

  "Nothing, just a silly thing from last summer," I laughed. Hopping up I walked to Josh and gave him a quick kiss before shooting Nick a look. I wanted him to know that the only "us" I wanted to be in was with Josh.

  "Let's have lunch," Josh mumbled, walking away while I was still looking at Nick. He was acting more and more grumpy the last few days, and today seemed to be no different. Every time we were with Nick and Gina he acted more like a boy about to dump me than my pretend happy boyfriend. It was part of the plan we came up with a while ago, but not the new plan I was starting to wish for. When we were alone he seemed much more calm but went out of his way to make sure we were never close enough for a replay of the scene on his porch.

  "Think about it..." Nick whispered the words as he walked past me. It gave me chills, but not in the way it would have weeks ago. After a summer of wanting Nick in my life, I was about ready for him to leave.

  *****

  "Man, it's weird to be the third wheel for you guys right now," Nick tried a laugh, but it sounded more sad than funny.

  I nodded half-heartedly, remembering Nick’s words to me at the beach just days ago.

  Gina had left two days before, so Nick invited Josh and I over to watch a new show that was premiering for the fall season. Actually, he only invited me, but I insisted Josh come too. Josh came up with a few excuses, but in the end agreed to be there for me. Nick may have been glad Gina was gone, but I was nervous he would use it as his chance to cheat on yet another girlfriend.

  "So are we all going to the fair this weekend?" I asked in an attempt to remind Nick that Josh and I were a pair.

  "I wouldn't miss it!" Nick smiled at me for longer than was necessary.

  "Great," Josh mumbled next to me quietly.

  "What?" I asked, turning to look at him.

  "I said I'm excited. Should be a lot of fun." He smiled, but his eyes remained unchanged, hardened almost.

  I leaned in, ready to plant a kiss right on his lips, but he turned his head before I made contact. My lips brushed his cheek and ear instead. I pulled back in confusion as he stood up suddenly.

  "I'm going to go use the restroom." Josh announced flatly. "End of the hall, right?"

  "Yup, end of the hall," Nick instructed, as Josh left the room at a quick pace.

  "Looks like trouble in paradise...."

  "What?" I asked turning away from watching Josh leave.

  "I saw that head turn. It looks like someone's summer love might be ending with the summer." Nick’s voice had an almost laughing quality as he stood up and moved to fill the seat on the couch Josh had been filling.

  "It's fine. He's just stressed with some family stuff," I replied weakly. Honestly, I was not sure what was going on with Josh. But, I was not about to let Nick know that.

  "Did you know last summer I had a big crush on you?" Nick's words startled me enough that Josh was quickly out of my mind.

  "Really?" I couldn't help but smile thinking back to a year ago.

  "Oh yeah. But I thought you would never date me when I was leaving for home at the end of August, so I thought I would wait until this summer to start something." Nick shrugged a little but scooted closer to me on the couch. "Too bad you're with Josh now."

  "And you're with Gina," I reminded him.

  "Not anymore." He turned to me and winked. "We broke up the morning she headed home."

  My mind was still reeling from the wink and his words, leaving me completely off guard when he leaned in and kissed me.

  After a whole summer of kissing Josh, this kiss felt wrong. Nick was pushing my mouth open with his tongue before I was even aware we were having a moment. I tried to pull back, but his arms wove around me, pulling in closer.

  Hearing footsteps coming down the hall I tried again to pull back, this time succeeding. I turned then, just in time to see the look on Josh's face ignite into anger.

  "Josh...." My voice was breathy, still recovering from my kiss with Nick.

  "I'm done." Just two words. And with that Josh turned to leave.

  I stood, trying to follow him, but Nick’s hand found mine and pulled me back onto the couch.

  "Don't go. You know you would rather be with me." Nick leaned in again, his lips aiming right for mine.

  My shock was wearing off, anger replacing it. Before his lips could reach my face I did the only thing I could think of. Swinging my hand out, I made contact with Nick's cheek, slapping him harder than I knew possible.

  "Stop it!" I wailed, standing up.

  Nick sat dazed, a hand on his reddening cheek.

  Ignoring my old crush I turned and ran for the door. Stepping on the front porch I watched as Josh peeled off down the street. With a sigh, I pulled out my phone and called Josh. He did not answer. He was driving, after all. Leaving him a quick message, I asked him to call me as soon as he was home. We needed to talk.

  Behind me, I heard the door to Nick's house open. Turning to him I shot daggers as best I could before spinning around and walking to my door a short trip away. I slammed the door for good measure, then called Josh again. Although we were fake dating, it was feeling real to me. And the fake break up that went with it was a little too much to handle.

  *****

  "Josh, call me. I have to talk to you about what happened. Please, call me back."

  It was the tenth message I had left on his phone in the past two days, but still he was not breaking radio silence. Even when I stopped by his house to see him I was informed that he was sick and not able to chat. It seemed like the only person willing to talk to me was Nick.

  Every hour or so Nick would send me a message letting me know he forgave me for hitting him, that he knows I was just emotional, and that he wanted to hang out. I deleted each one, leaving all my phone’s data space for any message that might come through from Josh.

  The memory of my kiss with Nick played in my mind over and over. The kiss was not something I wanted to remember, but it was not half as bad as the look on Josh's face. We had talked about having a breakup moment once Gina left so Nick and I could be together, but those conversations stopped weeks ago. Once I realized Nick might be the guy I thought he was, all I wanted was for Josh to stop pretending to be my boyfriend and take the job for real. When the "breakup" moment finally came, it felt too real. And with no contact from him since then, it was like our fake breakup was the real end of our summer together.

  Hearing my phone go off across my roo
m, I dragged myself out of my bed and prepared myself for another pathetic message from Nick. My breath caught in my throat as I read the words from Josh that showed on the screen.

  "I GOT A STOMACH BUG FROM MY SISTER, SO I HAVE NOT BEEN UP TO CHATTING. BUT CONGRATS. I GUESS YOU AND NICK GOT WHAT YOU WANTED."

  That was it. It was all over. Josh had only been helping me get Nick for myself, and now that I did he didn't even want to talk to me. I was stupid to think he was starting to like me as much as this summer made me like him. Blinking tears out of my eyes I typed my reply.

  "I LEFT NICK’S RIGHT AFTER YOU DID. PLEASE CALL ME. WE NEED TO TALK."

  I stared at my phone for an hour before my mom called me down for dinner. We had a no phone rule during meals at our house, so I left it on my bed and slumped down the stairs. So much for a summer with the guy I liked.

  *****

  "Josh?" I asked into my phone through a haze of sleep.

  "Yeah. Hey. What are you doing tomorrow?"

  Glancing at my alarm clock I saw it was 3:00 AM. Rubbing the sleep out of my eyes I cleared my throat before answering.

  "Uh, nothing."

  "Want to go to the fair?"

  "Okay."

  "Great. I'll pick you up at 5:00."

  "Okay."

  CLICK.

  And that was it.

  I glanced at the phone, trying to figure out if the conversation I just had was real. It was the first time I had spoken to Josh since Nick kissed me, but it left me more confused than when he was not answering my calls.

  Turning over onto my side I kept my phone in my hands in case he called again, and willed myself to fall asleep. Sadly, the rest of my night was filled with tossing and turning. I replayed his words over and over, trying to see where this all came from.

  By 4:30 the next evening my stomach was in knots, I had changed clothing six times, and my nails were bitten down as far as my teeth could get them. Sitting on the steps of my porch, every blue car that drove turned down the street got my heart beating a little faster. Finally at 5:00 on the dot, Josh pulled into the driveway.

  "Here goes nothing," I muttered to myself as I stood up and walked to the car.

  The ride to the fair was silent. I tried a few time to start a conversation, but Josh was so focused on driving you would have thought it was his first time behind the wheel. When we reached the crowded parking lot Josh was out of the car and heading to the gate before I even had my seatbelt off. Rushing after him I caught up just in time for him to pay for us and walk into the fairgrounds.

  "Josh, can we— Are we going to talk?" I tried as we headed for the rides.

  "In a minute," he replied without looking at me.

  "Josh-" I tried again but was cut off.

  "I just want it to be the right time." The expression on his face was almost pained as he glanced at me finally.

  "Okay," I managed while following after him into the crowd.

  The closer we got to the rides, the thicker the crowd was becoming. Afraid I would lose Josh before reaching our final destination I reached out and grabbed his hand. After holding his hand stiff for a second, he relaxed and laced his fingers with mine. It was a familiar gesture that gave me hope that things might be okay. When I realized we were heading for the Ferris wheel my confidence for a good evening began to fade once again. A year ago this ride was the nail in the coffin. I silently prayed history would not repeat itself.

  *****

  We were on the ride before Josh decided to talk to me finally.

  "So I need to say something." His voice was strained, his hands clenched in his lap. "If you're with Nick then I'm happy for you, but I don't think he's the right guy for you."

  "What?" I asked now quite confused. I was not expecting this at all.

  "When he and I were alone at the beach he told me stuff about him and Gina. And about what he does when he's back home. And I don't think he is the right guy for you. You deserve better."

  "I don't like Nick anymore," I explained slowly, thinking through each word before speaking them. "I realized a while ago he was not the same guy I met last summer."

  Silence filled the space between us as the Ferris wheel continued up and up. The view was amazing, but I was staring at my feet too much to notice.

  "But you two kissed...." Josh's voice was little more than a whisper.

  "No," I corrected him. "He kissed me. Just once. I slapped him when he tried to kiss me a second time."

  "What?" Josh could not keep a smile from playing on his lips as he turned to look me in the eye for the first time since we boarded the ride. When I nodded and laughed a little at the memory his smile grew even bigger.

  "So, if you stopped liking him a while ago, why did you keep having me pretend with you around him?"

  I was afraid this question might be coming. This was the moment of truth. There was a chance I would walk away from this even more broken than I was by Nick a year ago.

  "I wasn't pretending with you all summer." I paused to swallow the lump in my throat. "The more Gina told me about Nick the more I was glad I had you, even if you were just pretending with me."

  "Wait, so you started liking me but let the charade keep going?"

  "Yeah. I figured even if it was fake, being with you made me really happy."

  Finally getting enough courage, I looked up and into Josh's eyes. I was shocked to see the grin on his face. "You don't hate me for it?" I asked, nervous for the answer despite his smile.

  "Not even a little," he laughed. "I'm just glad I wasn't the only one wishing it wasn't fake."

  "Wait, what?" I managed to ask.

  "I've liked you since we first met," he began slowly. "But you were so hung up on Nick I figured I never had a chance to be close to you. I thought this summer we could hang out, but Nick got here and I saw all my plans to get to know you better were going out the window. But then I figured we could try to make him jealous. The whole time though I was hoping you would end up with me in the end…"

  He paused as if afraid to say the next words out loud.

  "When I saw you kiss him I thought he had won. I had hoped our moments all summer meant something to you, but that kiss showed me I was wrong."

  "So that's why you were acting weird this last week?" I asked, putting the pieces together.

  "Yeah. I could see our plan was working, but my plan to win you for myself was going down in flames."

  "That means when you kissed me at your house?" I prompted, hopeful finally.

  "I'm not that good of an actor to fake something like that," Josh joked.

  Before I could fully process his words Josh leaned closer and pressed his lips to mine. Much like the first time we kissed I could feel currents running through my body. My heart was racing, my head was spinning, and I didn't want the moment to ever end. Pulling myself closer to Josh I deepened our kiss, our bodies pressed as close as we could get.

  "So does this mean you want to be my real girlfriend, no more faking?" Josh asked a few minutes later when we finally pulled our mouths apart.

  "Absolutely. No more pretending!" I laughed before moving in for another kiss.

  NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR:

  Thanks for reading my Hearts to Follow series! Stay tuned for more about Nick in the second book Changed?

  If you enjoyed this book please take a moment to submit an honest rating. As a self -published author, your feedback is very important.

  Thanks again, and I hope you will enjoy more of my books in the future!

  -Dana Burkey-

  Continue reading for a preview of book two in the Hearts to Follow series: CHANGED?

  CHANGED?

  "Why are we even going to this party again?" Summer asked from the back seat of Morgan’s car.

  "It's the last weekend before school starts again, and it's either this or watch marathons of the same movies we watch every other weekend." Tonya sat in the front seat putting on lipstick, something Summer did not even know she owned.

 
"Fine," Summer sighed. "But we’re only staying for a little bit right?"

  "I make no promises!" Tonya laughed, exiting the car and heading towards the house party.

  This particular party was hosted by Heather, a girl on the soccer team. Each weekend it was a new place, but each time it was the same. Drinking, people hooking up, some puking in the bushes, and a lot of photos online that were forgotten until viewed after the hangover was gone. Normally Summer would never even be invited to this kind of party, but Tonya had an in to the popular crowd now so attendance was "mandatory".

  With only three days until school started, everyone was getting in their "last night of fun" before tests, homework, and everything else the school year brought. Whenever someone made comments like that around Summer she would just roll her eyes. She knew the truth. In two more weeks, there would be another party. Then another party after that. Most weekends there was a party of some kind, and the farther into the year they went, the more popped up. By Christmas break, there would even be mid-week events. As long as everyone was having fun, and the cops never showed, kids could spend more time at house parties than in class by the time the year was over.

  Summer was lagging behind, imagining what her parents would say if they saw her face in the paper or on the 11 o'clock news. This was not her scene. She had no desire to hang out with the people inside the party.

  "Come on Summer!" Morgan called to her. "Nick is probably inside already!"

  Although she tried to fight it, a smile crept up on Summer’s face. She ducked her head so her friends could not see her blush as she hurried after them. They already teased her enough for liking someone so out of her league, she did not want to start the evening with another round of it.

  Even though Nick was a soon to be senior with a sketchy reputation, Summer’s crush was going on two years now. When she started high school she thought he was the cutest guy she had ever seen, and liked him even more when she went to his first baseball game. He was amazing on the field, back when he was on the team. Now, his good looks were all that could catch Summer’s eye. But, on most days, that was enough.

  Before even reaching the house, Summer counted at least 5 people who were drunk. She had seen a few drunk people in person before, but nothing like this. Hugging her purse a little tighter to her body, she followed her friends and repeated over and over in her mind, "we’re only staying a little while."