For Their Child's Sake

by Jules Bennett

  Tara couldn’t say too much else without giving it all away, but having her daughter relive all the terrible moments over the past year was going to be heart-wrenching. Perhaps she would remember some of the good memories, as well, and those would outweigh the bad.

  But Tara doubted it. Between Sam leaving, the ruined family vacations and Daisy dying, the past year had actually been pure hell for all of them. At this point Tara only hoped she could make happy, new memories and keep Marley’s spirits up.

  “Will I get to keep the new Daisy?”

  Tara smiled and patted Marley’s leg. “Of course you can.”

  Over the past few days Tara had gotten used to the slobbering, the flying fur and constantly walking around a giant beast in her home. How could she not love the new Daisy? The beast was a cuddly ball and so affectionate.

  Marley sat up, tossed her mermaid aside and threw her arms around Tara’s neck. Tara hugged her daughter and squeezed her tight. This was only one hurdle of many they still had to overcome, and there was no way of knowing how everything else would turn out once Marley discovered the whole truth.

  “I’m going to go make us some lunch,” Tara stated. “Why don’t you go outside and play with Daisy, because she has missed you.”

  Marley hopped off her bed and raced from the room. Tara figured that had gone much better than she’d originally thought. Then again, children were resilient and Marley hadn’t recalled all the issues from her missing year.

  On a sigh, Tara came to her feet and went into her bedroom. She needed to change her shirt since she had dog hair all over it. She was still getting used to changing her clothes before cooking because she really didn’t want to serve up a side of St. Bernard fur.

  As soon as she opened her closet, Tara stilled at the envelope hanging from a bright yellow ribbon around one hanger.

  Another letter. She knew full well what this was before she even reached for it. This was a note with Sam’s feelings.

  Before she and Sam were married, during their marriage and since he’d been out of rehab, he would randomly leave her notes. Sometimes they were lengthy and heartfelt; other times they were short, sweet, and utterly heart-melting...sometimes panty-melting.

  No matter the highs or lows of their lives, this one constant had always remained. Persistence had been one of the many reasons she’d fallen in love with Sam. He never gave up and the one time she’d needed him to, he refused.

  Sam knew exactly what to do, what to say, to get her emotions open and vulnerable. Even now, especially now.

  But she couldn’t let him back in. She simply couldn’t, for both of their sakes.

  Pulling up her courage and strength, Tara reached for the ribbon and slid the silk strands loose from the hanger. She glanced over her shoulder to make sure she was still alone. Sam had to have placed this in here after she’d dressed this morning and before he went to his mother’s house.

  Tara took the envelope and went over to sit on the edge of her bed. She didn’t know why this one made her so nervous when the others hadn’t. Perhaps it was because he was in her house now; he was actually right downstairs, likely waiting for her reaction.

  With shaky fingers, Tara opened the envelope and pulled out the folded sheet of paper. In his familiar slanted handwriting, she read the simple words, “I’m not perfect, but I’m better than I was. I’m always here for you.”

  For as determined and persistent as Sam was, he was also uncomplicated. Those words summed up his essential being.

  She knew he wanted to help and be their supportive rock. There was no doubting the love he had for Marley. He’d always treated her as his own because in Sam’s world she was his.

  But part of Tara couldn’t help but worry that when things got too tough or things did not resolve quickly enough with Marley, would he head to the pills? Would he be able to handle life’s obstacles all on his own and not revert to the old Sam? That addiction might have started from an accident and a simple prescription, but he’d turned to them later when he just couldn’t cope.

  That was one risk she couldn’t take. Not for Marley, not for herself and mostly not for the man she still loved with her whole heart. She had to keep him pushing forward and the only way she knew how was to keep him at a distance.

  Tara folded the letter neatly and put it into the envelope. She crossed to her dresser and opened the top drawer, laying the envelope with the stack of the others.

  Despite what happened between them, she had kept every single letter he ever wrote to her. Call her sentimental, or perhaps just someone wanting to hold on to the one perfect thing about their relationship, but she needed those letters. It was the only way she remained connected to him emotionally without anyone truly knowing how she felt.

  Tara went to her closet to grab a different shirt and quickly changed before heading downstairs. Squeals of laughter came from the backyard and Tara glanced out to see Sam and Marley being chased by Daisy. An instant flash of when Sam had first come into their lives slid into her mind. Marley had instantly taken to Sam and he to her. They had a stronger bond than most blood relatives and their little family had been picture-perfect. She’d never imagined anything could rip them apart.

  Swallowing the lump in her throat, Tara shifted her focus from the scene outside and started preparing lunch. All of this time she had been worried about how Sam would deal with the situation of living here again, but what she really needed to worry about was herself. Letting go of the pain would be too easy, but she could not do that again. She would always love him, but she’d learned a tough life lesson that you can still love someone and have to set them free.

  She just wished it didn’t hurt so damn bad.

  * * *

  He wasn’t sure if he was an utter fool or if this was a brilliant plan. Possibly a healthy dose of both, but what did he have to lose?

  Sam stood outside of Marley’s bedroom door as Tara started tucking her in for the night. He missed these days. Even though his time here was temporary, he was glad he was here for the nightly regime where he’d come in and kiss his daughter good-night.

  Though he’d never quite done anything like what was about to happen.

  Sam glanced at himself, thankful that nobody else could see him at the moment. Gray and Noah would never have let him live this down. Hell, any man he’d ever known wouldn’t have let him forget his state of dress.

  But there wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do for his family and acting like a fool fell right into that category.

  He eased the door open and cleared his throat to get the attention of his girls. Tara glanced up, her mouth dropping open, her eyes wide. Marley had the exact reaction he was hoping for. She burst into laughter and rolled on her bed, kicking her feet.

  “Well, those are different pajamas,” Tara said with a wide smile on her face and a gleam in her eye he hadn’t seen in far too long. “Is this something new you’re trying?”

  That smile was like a punch to his gut. “You don’t like my coconut bra and grass skirt?”

  “I love it, Daddy,” Marley squealed as she hopped off her bed. She wrapped her arms around him and Sam hugged her as he met Tara’s questioning gaze.

  “I figured this was the best way to tell you I booked our beach trip.” Sam patted Marley and smoothed her hair beneath his palm. “Well, I could’ve told you, but I figured this was better.”

  “I don’t even want to know where you got it,” Tara muttered, shaking her head. She came to her feet and tucked her hair behind her ears. “I was looking into something similar. But I admit I never would’ve thought to announce it this way.”

  Sam didn’t know if he could’ve handled Tara in a coconut bra and grass skirt, so perhaps that was a good thing.

  “I’d say this family deserves a vacation, don’t you?” he asked. “I think lounging on the beach is exactly the break we need.”


  Tara’s eyes raked over his bare chest and Sam would have been lying if he didn’t admit that he loved every single visual lick. He’d thought Tara would never look at him that way again, and he sure as hell never thought it would be while he was wearing a coconut bra and a grass skirt. Marley jumped up and down with her hands extended high and Sam lifted her into his arms.

  “When are we going, Daddy? When?”

  He squeezed his girl tight and laughed. “My boss has a beach house in South Carolina he is going to let us rent. It’s secluded, with its own private beach, and the home is fully stocked. We were discussing vacations and when I mentioned I was looking for a house, he told me about this. He said there was a cancellation at the last minute and, lucky for us, we get the place for four whole days. We can leave the day after tomorrow.”

  “Two days?” Tara repeated. “That doesn’t give us much time to plan.”

  “And Mommy promised me we could find a new bathing suit,” Marley added. “I want a purple one.”

  He sat her on the floor and tapped the end of her nose. “Then I guess we better get shopping.”

  Sam was not letting this opportunity pass him by. The opening had presented itself and he was taking his family on the promised vacation...though a year late. Even though Tara remained across the room she continued to stare at him with wide, wondering eyes.

  “Maybe we should wait a little bit,” Tara stated as she continued to stare at him. “I mean, we do have a lot going on.”

  Sam was not going to let her back out of this. He had vowed to be there for his family and he was going to start by making good on all of the promises he had broken. He refused to let them down again, no matter how minor the situation was.

  “But, Mommy, I really want to go now,” Marley said as she wiggled out of Sam’s arms. “Can we please go in two days? Please, please? You don’t even have to get me a new suit.”

  Tara sank onto the edge of the bed to be eye level with Marley. “We will go. We all could use a getaway.”

  “I hope you don’t mind if I take this for my new suit,” Sam stated as he pointed at his dollar-store ensemble.

  Marley giggled and shook her head. “I don’t think so, Daddy. Maybe you should take your swim trunks.”

  Sam reached behind his neck and pulled the string, then untied the string behind his back. He tossed the coconut bra onto Marley’s bed.

  “I suppose you’re right,” Sam stated. “I can take you shopping tomorrow if you want to find a new suit.”

  Marley’s eyes widened. “You will take me shopping?”

  Sam shrugged “Sure. I’d love to buy my favorite girl new things for our vacation.”

  Before he could say anything else, Tara came to her feet, holding the comforter up and gesturing for Marley to get under the covers.

  “It’s time for bed,” Tara said as she tucked Marley in. “We can talk vacation tomorrow.”

  Tara kissed Marley on the head and turned to face Sam. Was it his imagination or had her eyes narrowed? He couldn’t tell if she was turned on or angry. Perhaps a good mixture of both.

  “Good night, baby.” Sam moved forward and kissed her on the forehead. “Sweet dreams.”

  He turned off her bedside light and walked out of the room, easing the door shut behind him. When he shifted, the edge of the grass skirt tickled his knees so he reached around the back and jerked the knot on the skirt.

  Fisting it, he went into his bedroom, where Tara stood with her arms crossed, lips thin, shoulders squared. Clearly ready for a fight. And here all he’d come to battle with was a plastic costume.

  “Something you want to say?” he asked as he tossed the skirt onto the floor.

  Once again, her eyes raked over him as he stood before her wearing a pair of running shorts. If she kept looking at him like that, he was going to start to believe there might be a chance for them. He had never stopped wanting his old life back. Even those nights he had spent in rehab alone, shaking and afraid, he’d held on to the memories of his family and the love they’d created. He had wanted Tara, had needed her, but he’d been of no use to her at that point.

  Now he was a new man, but with realistic expectations of life. He knew anything they’d had was gone. But did that mean they couldn’t start over? Was that even an inkling in her mind?

  “You can’t keep doing this.”

  Confused, Sam crossed his arms over his chest and shook his head. “You’ll have to clarify.”

  She waved a hand toward him. “All of that,” she stated, as if her vague explanation made this any clearer.

  “You’ll have to be more specific.”

  Tara growled, threw her arms in the air and headed toward her dresser. “Everything. The new dog, the continuous letters, the damn coconut bra and all this charm. Just stop.”

  He watched as she opened her drawer and pulled out the stack of envelopes. There was no way to suppress the smile, and he didn’t even try. He had given up all hope of basically anything between them ever again. Well, other than sharing custody of Marley.

  What did it mean that she had kept every single letter he had written? From her frustrated tone, he had to believe she still cared more than she wanted to admit.

  Tara tossed the letters onto the bed with dramatic flair and turned her focus to him with narrowed eyes and tight lips. Who was she angrier at, him for sending his thoughts through handwritten notes or herself for holding on to each one?

  “You can’t keep doing this to me,” Tara cried, frustration lacing her tone. “I can’t ride this roller coaster of emotions with you, with Marley, with everything. You are making this difficult by making me remember exactly what I lost.”

  The joy he had felt moments ago simply vanished at her last statement that came out on a broken sob. Sam had no right, but that did not stop him from crossing the room and taking her in his arms. She stiffened against him, but he held tighter. He held on to her as if he could take the hurt away, as if holding their bodies together would somehow make this better. He would do anything to ease her pain but he had no clue how. Being helpless had never sat well with him, and he’d damn well try to make her happy again because sitting back and doing nothing sure as hell wasn’t an option.

  As if she’d run out of energy fighting herself, fighting him, Tara dropped her head to his chest. An instant later her body trembled, but Sam realized she was trying to keep her crying hidden from him. Again, he had no right to think he should be offering comfort when he’d caused the damage, but he kissed the top of her head and refused to let go.

  Moving his hand over her spine, Sam murmured, “Let it out. Don’t keep trying to be strong. There’s nobody here but us.”

  She tipped her head back and stared at him with unshed tears shimmering in her bright eyes. “Don’t you understand? I can’t just let go. I’m afraid if I let go, I will never be whole again.”

  Sam looked into those bright blue eyes swimming with tears, wondering how many nights she had struggled with this control, trying to remain strong for everyone around her. Had she turned to anybody for comfort? He wanted to be that person, but there was no way she would let him and he had no place asking.

  His eyes darted to the letters strewn across the bed merely feet away. Maybe she hated him for what he’d done, and that was nothing less than he deserved, but those letters spoke volumes about what was truly hidden inside her heart.

  She blinked and one lone tear slid down her creamy cheek. That absolutely gutted him. Sam framed her face with his hands and swiped at the moisture with the pad of his thumb. She continued to stare at him as if searching for answers, but he didn’t have any. All he had were these feelings, too many feelings that he had tried to suppress over the past year. There was only so much a man could take.

  And holding his wife as she cried over his actions was more than he could handle.

  Sam stepped into h
er until their bodies aligned fully and he slid his lips over hers ever so gently. He kept his eyes open as her lids fluttered. She was just as affected as he was and they were both an emotional mess. Clearly this was not their smartest move.

  “This is a bad idea,” she whispered, voicing his thoughts.

  “I’m consoling my wife.”

  “You keep calling me that like we have a future.” Sam knew they didn’t have a chance, but they did have right now. He parted his lips over hers and threaded his fingers through her hair, arching her back so he could take what he wanted—something he sure as hell didn’t deserve.

  When she slid her delicate arms around his waist, her fingers gliding over his bare skin, it was all Sam could do not to turn her and put her on the bed and take every single thing he had been aching for this past year.

  He had missed her touch, had missed everything, really. Tara opened her mouth beneath his, not only accepting his kiss but returning it with a need all her own. He knew she was using him as an outlet for her feelings, but he didn’t give a damn. Maybe they were using each other at this moment. And he was going to take what he could and ignore every red flag waving around in his head—and damn all consequences that would follow.

  Sam shifted to change the angle of the kiss. There was a hunger inside him that had been reawakened by her simple touch. Her melting against him gave Sam the green light he’d been waiting for.

  Now he spun her around until the backs of her legs hit the edge of the bed. When she tumbled over, he went with her, never removing his lips from hers. She spread her legs so he settled evenly between her thighs. She thrust her hands through his hair, her kiss urgent, her body arching against his.

  Sam’s hand went between their bodies as he pulled back slightly. He needed to touch her even more than he already was. He trailed his fingers up her bare leg and kept his eyes on her. Any sign of hesitation and he would stop.

  Sam knew if this went too far she would have regrets. And as much as he wanted her, all of her, he would not leave her feeling even more lost on the other side of their intimacy. He had made a vow to himself that everything would be about her and Marley from the moment he became sober and into their future. Whatever the future may be.