Tournament of Supervillainy

by Phipps, C. T.

  “I’ll be in here,” Cindy said, stepping through the open to my bedroom and shutting it behind me. The door immediately locked again.

  “Dammit, I just got that open,” I said, looking at her.

  “Can’t you just walk through the walls?” Mandy asked.

  I paused, thinking about that. “Dammit. I’m an idiot.”

  “We knew that. In any case, my plan to steal the orbs was ill-conceived but I have a few other plans to get the ultimate power at the end of this,” Mandy said, frowning. “I think I may have to substitute for one of the fighters or possess them, but I know some mages for that.”

  I blinked repeatedly. “Uh, yeah, that isn’t what I was going to talk about.”

  “Oh yes, you mean the fact you may be the father of Gabrielle’s baby.”

  “Maybe,” I said, frowning at my mixed feelings on the subject. “It’s more likely probably.”

  “We should hope so,” Mandy said.

  “Excuse me?”

  “A child of the Ultragod line and the Nephilim lineage that Death cultivated in your ancestors could have the power of the Ultra-Force and Nega-Force. While it won’t be possible to harness that power for two decades, it would potentially create a weapon that could destroy any possible opposition to a peaceful world.”

  I stared at her. “Mandy, are you feeling alright?”

  Mandy felt her head. “Sorry, it’s just this island is full of negative energy. Entropicus created the vampire race so being around him is making me feeling more vampire-like than usual. They’re predatory creatures always playing angles.”

  “You’re not going to turn evil on me, are you?” That was the last thing I needed right now.

  Mandy laughed. “No, Gary, not as long as I have a soul full of light and love. This tournament is our chance to finally make a difference in the world.”

  “I think we’ve made quite a big difference in the world.”

  “A lasting one.”

  I gave her a hug. “I promise we’ll make a huge difference.”

  “Whatever it takes.” Mandy patted me on the back before she grabbed me and pulled me close, whispering, “Just remember, Gary, you’re mine.”

  Meep.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  WHY WE FIGHT FOR MIGHT

  The next morning, I woke up to the sound of ringing monastery bells. I slid out of bed, tripped over Cindy’s panda, and eventually got myself dressed with Cindy following behind me. Mandy was already gone. Heading out, I found out the tournament’s participants were all assembled on the beach. Along the edge of the shore were a vast number of fighters with the sun rising behind them. It was the perfect image for a movie poster if you could get the rights to all the legendary and fictional heroes present.

  I walked alongside Cindy toward the gathering of the fighters, getting the impression from her silence my actions with Gabrielle had hurt our relationship far more than I’d let on. Then again, I’d never been able to entirely pierce the barrier between the Cindy she showed the world and the person she was underneath. Cindy had grown up with an abusive mother, an absent father, a life in Southtown Falconcrest City that was as close to being an urban hellscape as you could get without Kurt Russell coming in to clean up the place, and had done a lot of things to survive—things that I had no right to judge but bothered me because she was my friend.

  Mandy, by contrast, had grown up with a demanding but loving father who had brought her up in various postage-stamp nations across the planet. Places that sounded fictional until you visited them like New Albion, Ruritania, Skullkovia, and Turkey. He’d wanted to train her as a spy and she’d been put through a regime many Olympians would have balked at. The end result had been her choosing to rebel and committing crimes that forever blocked her from that path. I’d been a poor consolation prize and after becoming a vampire, she’d ended up being hardened by a war that had never happened—yet still haunted her nightmares.

  “Whatcha thinking?” Cindy asked.

  “Just about how I’ve not been a great…whatever the hell we are,” I said.

  “Pfft!” Cindy said.

  “Excuse me?” I asked.

  “The problem with you Gary is you think there’s a way to balance being a great anything with being a bad guy,” Cindy said, shaking her head. “Embrace your inner Grand Theft Auto protagonist and realize the purpose of life is to be as spectacularly bad as possible.”

  “Uh-huh,” I said, deadpanning. “Why didn’t I think of that?”

  “Because I’m smarter than you,” Cindy said, putting a hand over her chest. “Also, prettier.”

  “Fair enough,” I said, admitting the point. “But the entire point of being a supervillain is I do what I want and sometimes I want to do good.”

  “Ugh,” Cindy said, covering her face. “No, you fool! That’s not how it works.”

  “Who is the henchwoman here?” I asked.

  “I am a co-villainess now!” Cindy said. “We should form a team.”

  “We aren’t already a team?” I asked.

  “Not until we get an awesome supervillain lair.”

  The tension lessened between us for a bit as we started to mingle with the hundred or so people gathered on the beach. Mandy was easy to find and was not that far away from Jane, Guinevere, the Prismatic Commando, and G. There was no sign of Cassius or Gabrielle.

  “Gary?” Cindy asked.

  “Yeah?” I replied.

  “What are our chances of making it out alive on this?” Cindy asked.

  “No idea,” I said, sighing. “The problem is that the participants are of such a wildly and incredibly diverse range of power levels. The Ultragods are fighting alongside the Robin Hoods with all of the Splotches in-between. Yeah, there’s been some upsets, but I don’t even know why us Muggles were invited.”

  “You’ve already eliminated Ultragoddess and killed two evil gods,” Cindy pointed out.

  “I know! That kind of fluke is not good!” I said, raising my hands. “Gabrielle should be the one who is the big hero in all this. She punches asteroids and space gods. I mostly fight clowns and—”

  “The occasional kaiju, evil presidents, yourself—” Mandy asked. “Honestly, I think we’ve all pulled some upsets in our career.”

  “Thanks,” I said, glad for her support. “Still, we’re remarkably outclassed in all this. You know what that means?”

  “We take a dive for the greater good?” Cindy asked.

  “Hell no!” I snapped. “We find some people who have magical or technological doohickeys then take them! That way we can be better prepared to win the tournament and use the wish to rewrite the universe as I see fit.”

  “Don’t you mean as we see fit?” Cindy asked.

  I shrugged my shoulders. “No, I’m pretty sure I mean as I see fit. The problem is I got to visit the universe as I ruled it and it is kind of shit.”

  “Really?” Mandy asked, sounding way too interested for casual conversation. “You managed to conquer the world in an alternate future?”

  I nodded, taking a deep breath. I was more disturbed by the vision than I wanted to let on. “It wasn’t the fact I was a bad person that bothered me. I’ve crossed that line enough time. It was the idea eventually the heroes and the villains would eventually turn on each other with such savagery they’d need to both be put down. Which resulted in the public destroying itself as well. It was like some kind of nightmare scenario.”

  “Funny, it sounds like real life to me,” Mandy said, giving a half-smile.

  “What?” I asked.

  “Gary, President Omega tried to kill every superhuman in the world and almost succeeded. Merciful took over Falconcrest City on a law and order campaign that gave people everything they could ever want except freedom. Which they took gladly. The superheroes and villains have also been doubling down killing each other.”

  “So, what you’re saying is that said future might actually happen,” I said, unsettled.

  “What I’m s
aying is, Gary, you’re the only one in the world who thinks supervillains versus superheroes is harmless fun. That’s what scares everyone else because the only reason you aren’t taking over the world is because you don’t think you’re supposed to.”

  I stared at her. “Really? That sounds…crazy.”

  Mandy shook her head. “People don’t want or care about doing the right thing. That’s the big thing you need to know in the struggle between good and evil. Julius Caesar was one of the first absolute dictators but he was actually pro-pleb and giving them land versus the super-wealthy having it all with endless numbers of slaves. Napoleon was considered the guardian of the French Revolution and if he’d won, he would have spared Europe an endless number of wars.”

  “He also reinstituted slavery after the French Revolution outlawed it so screw that guy,” I said.

  Mandy sighed as if my point was irrelevant. “What I’m saying is it’s not megalomania if you actually are capable of taking over the planet. You’d also do a lot better job than most people. It’s why I spend all of my time on these secret black ops missions for the Foundation for World Harmony. The Society of Superheroes is the only thing keeping a lot of nations from collapsing and they could do more if they took over completely—which they won’t. The problem isn’t the people in charge of the world being assaulted by those who want to take over. It’s the fact the people in charge of the world don’t want any of the responsibility.”

  “Wow, that’s a love letter to fascism.”

  “How many times have you had to kill Hitler because people wanted him in charge? On how many worlds? If people cared, then the answer would be none.”

  “I’m not going to become Merciful.”

  “No one wanted you to. I’d want you to be King Merciless.”

  “Why not Queen Mandy?” I suggested.

  Mandy laughed then frowned. “Don’t tempt me. Really don’t.”

  “What? Afraid in the place of a Dark Lord that I would set up a queen?” I asked.

  “Yes,” Mandy said, looking to the ground. “Yes, I am.”

  Cindy’s theme music app started playing “This ain’t no place for no hero” by The Heavy.

  “I’ll bear that in mind. No tempting my bi wife,” I said.

  “Mandy’s bi, I’m heteroflexible,” Cindy said.

  “Uh huh,” I said, blinking. “I have no idea what that means.”

  “Look it up on the internet,” Cindy said. “There’s a spectrum about these things and I’m on the end that mostly loves dic—”

  “Yo!” Jane called to us from inside the crowd. She was standing next to G. There was also an unexpected guest in the Prismatic Commando. There was no sign of Cassius, Guinevere, or Gabrielle, though. Thankfully, there was no sign of Entropicus, either, though his brown robed minions were setting up an arena in the middle of the beach with wooden posts and rope around a bunch of marble tiles being set around in the center.

  I’d always wondered who were the guys who set up these things. I guess I’d always assumed there were little intelligent hyperactive yellow square people serving every other major villain but me.

  “Hey guys,” I waved, walking over. “What’s happening?”

  “I’m just talking with Captain Paladin here,” Jane said.

  “That’s a silly name for a superhero,” I said, snorting.

  “Yes,” the Prismatic Commando said. “During World War 2, I was known as the Red, White, and Blue Commando.”

  “Why did you become prismatic?” Jane said. “Not that I don’t love rainbow colors. It just seems a bit of a lateral career move.”

  “I felt it was necessary to represent all the peoples of the world to champion the cause of liberty and justice for all,” the Prismatic Commando said, putting a gauntlet covered hand over his heart.

  “Uh-huh,” I said, trying not to choke on the glurge.

  The fact was the Prismatic Commando was one of the few superheroes I actually respected at this point. He’d resigned from the Society of Superheroes and fought against Merciful’s domination of the United States when others had been willing to take him at his word for being a good guy. He was one of the moral centers of the team without as much blinding anger as Guinevere. Then again, it was possible every hero secretly had feet of clay just as every villain had a story that showed them to have some humanity. Oh, wait, quite a few villains were actually just pure evil so what was I talking about?

  Cindy elbowed Jane a bit. “So, have a fun night. Eh, eh?”

  “Uh, yes,” Jane said. “Yes, I did.”

  Cindy beamed. “Good.”

  “Am I missing something?” I asked.

  “I encouraged Jane to make a pass at the Ryan Gosling Terminator,” Cindy said. “Which is you, G.”

  “Yeah, I got that,” G said, smirking. “Gary—”

  I shook my head.

  G nodded, getting my message. “So, what do you think is going to happen next?”

  “Something awful,” I replied. “Because Entropicus is an awful wizard-god. He does awful things and acts in a generally awful manner. Not a cool awful manner like me but a dirtbag uncool manner.”

  Everyone looked at me.

  “What?” I asked.

  “Don’t ever change, Gary,” Mandy said, her voice a bit sad. “No matter what happens in the future, stay exactly the same.”

  “Oh, that would require me to mature and that’s completely impossible,” I said, giving a dismissive snort. “So where are Gabrielle and Guinevere?”

  “Gabrielle is still sulking about what happened?” Mandy said.

  “Ouch, really?” I asked, grimacing. I couldn’t imagine how she felt about my complete non answer to her loving me. The fact was I’d made a commitment, though, and I wasn’t about to break that.

  “Specifically, you eliminating her from the tournament and making sure our chances of saving the multiverse are significantly worse,” Mandy corrected.

  “Oh, that.”

  “What else would it be?” the Prismatic Commando asked.

  “So, where is Guinevere?” I asked, turning to him.

  “Yeah, where is the most powerful superhero left in this contest that suspiciously looks like a Bollywood actress despite being an English heroine?” Jane asked.

  “Some things we don’t question in life,” I said.

  “She’s looking for her magic sword,” the Prismatic Commando said. “Caliburn apparently got dumped in a pool of acid and she’s having trouble calling it back.”

  I grimaced. “Yes, an awful terrible villain did that.”

  “You’re a villain,” the Prismatic Commando said.

  “Like I said, Stephen, an awful terrible villain,” I said, grimacing. “I can call you Stephen, right?”

  “I’d prefer you not to,” Stephen said before shrugging. “Mostly because I have a secret identity. How do you even know that?”

  “It’s on your Superpedia page,” I said, pausing. “Err, you know you can get that removed, right?”

  “Oh dammit,” Stephen said, removing his helmet and feeling his face.

  I looked at him. “Listen, Stephen, I want you to know that despite the fact I’m a supervillain, I support you in wanting to save the multiverse. I—”

  “I don’t think you’re a supervillain,” Stephen said.

  “Excuse me?” I asked.

  “What?” Cindy added.

  “That was unexpected,” Mandy added at the last second.

  Stephen sighed. “Mister Karkofsky, I think you’re an annoyance at worst. You’re a kind of prankster who is, yes, guilty of thievery and assault but has also saved many lives over the course of his career. I can’t find any record of people you’ve killed who weren’t trying to kill you or innocents. Have you used excessive force? Yes, certainly. You’ve also saved the United States from a time-travelling Nazi, the world from an ancient evil demon, and the Society of Superheroes from an alliance of villains. Not all of us forgot that.”

  “Thanks
,” I said, pausing. I wondered how friendly he’d be if he knew I’d killed Shoot-Em-Up when I was fourteen and a bunch of other worse-than-normal villains just because I could. The only reason I wasn’t guilty of murdering the Extreme was because they wouldn’t stay dead. They were heroes too, at least technically.

  “Which makes me wonder why you don’t live up to your potential by becoming a superhero,” Stephen said.

  “Because he doesn’t want to be lame!” Cindy said, growling.

  Stephen looked at her strangely.

  “What’s lame about being the good guy?” Stephen asked, with a sincerity I didn’t think was possible.

  Cindy didn’t respond before looking sideways. “I don’t know.”

  I looked up at the sun. “I don’t know whether I can pull off being a good guy. I’ve tried very hard to be a villain and it turned out I didn’t have the stomach for the worst elements. I loved too deeply and hated the people who made the world objectively worse. I can’t pretend to be a role model, though, or someone who can be looked up to. I’m going to make mistakes and I’m going to be tempted by anger as well as greed. I don’t know if I’m going to rise above those feelings, Stephen.”

  “Being a superhero isn’t about ignoring those kind of feelings, Gary,” Stephen said, putting his hand on my shoulder. “It’s about trying to rise above those feelings. To believe there’s a light in the darkness no matter how awful things get. To try to do the right thing when you don’t see a reward coming or think it’ll end up okay. To burn brightest in the darkest by simply not giving into what’s easiest. Even when you feel. Good and evil aren’t places, they’re roads and the direction we walk depends solely on us.”

  “Wow, that was actually a moving speech,” I said.

  “I wish we had more guys like you on my world,” Jane said.

  “Or mine,” G said.

  Mandy looked down. “I wish I agreed.”

  “You don’t?” I asked.

  “When I was a little girl, I was a huge fan of the Texas Guardians,” Mandy said, frowning. “I used to watch them on the news no matter where I was, whatever godforsaken country my father had dragged us too, and collected their history comics with my allowance. I was especially in love with Spellbinder the half-Great Beast sorceress.”