Tournament of Supervillainy

by Phipps, C. T.

  An A-lister.

  “Okay, good,” I said, crackling some electricity between my fingers to test my abilities out. So far, so good. I still needed a few more edges, though. “New plan. Mandy, I need you to give me over Caliburn.”

  “Like hell,” Guinevere said.

  “I’m going to also need to loot your picnic basket of holding, Cindy.”

  “Double hell!” Cindy said. “You can’t just take my gadgets! We’ve got a whole theme you’d be interrupting!”

  “Trinkets aren’t going to be able to defeat Entropicus, Gary,” Gabrielle said, looking over at me. “My father lost a number of battles against him and even his victories were never conclusion. He is perhaps the ultimate threat to the universe.”

  “The multiverse, actually, but Entropicus can’t use his powers against me,” I said, looking between them. “Death obviously had a plan to defeat him so she made it so the two of us are going to evenly matched when we confront one another.”

  “Except he’s a god of evil and can punch through planets,” Guinevere said. “Every time the Society has conclusively beaten him, it’s turned out just to be one of his avatars. The real thing may have not even have been encountered.”

  “I have a way around that too,” I lied.

  “I can sense when people lie to me,” Guinevere said.

  I shrugged. “Well, the worst thing that could happen to me is I die and that was your plan anyway.”

  Guinevere paused. “You raise a very good point.”

  “You know, I totally regret saying you had the best movie of the Society of Superheroes released,” Cindy said, looking at Guinevere. “The Shadow Seven movie was much better and not just because I was in it.”

  “Please, you were the only good thing in that movie,” Mandy said.

  “Best film where I wore clothes the entire time,” Cindy said.

  “I object to that statement,” I said.

  G shook his head. “I’m sorry, I’m too dazzled by the fact I’m seeing all of this happening to offer any advice. I will say that I think you should screw the tournament and try to take out Entropicus before it ends, though. If he wins then it’s the end of everything, so almost anything is justified to get it done.”

  “Ah, but if the tournament is derailed then he’s almost certainly going to win by default,” I said, pausing. “That is probably why he did it in the first place. No, we must trust in Death’s plan.”

  “You mean the Death who made him a god in the first place?” Cindy pointed out.

  Dammit, I hated logic. “I was going to go with the Death who could take him out at any time anyway so yeah. Stupid mysterious ways of gods.”

  Gabrielle put down Cassius then looked at me. “Gary, I don’t want to risk your life on this.”

  “I think we’re a little past that,” I said, pausing. “Besides, even if Entropicus does destroy everything and everyone then we’ll just have to rebuild afterward.”

  “That’s….moronic,” Guinevere said.

  “It’s hope, that Carrie Fisher gave us,” I said, lowering my hood and putting my hand over my heart. “Yo, Century Box, lower the force shields on my family.”

  “Affirmative,” a metallic reverberating voice said.

  They did.

  Mandy charged at Cassius before stopping just short of ripping his head off, hands outstretched. Her eyes were blood red and her fingernails had extended into claws. Cassius didn’t flinch or even try to resist. He was a man who didn’t care whether he lived or died.

  “Well,” I said, walking toward Gabrielle. “I really should be getting going to my match with Entropicus but I need to talk to you first. In private.”

  Gabrielle lowered her head. “Alright.”

  “Thank you.”

  I had no idea what I was going to say during this conversation.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  THE TALK OF TALKS

  I followed Gabrielle into one of the alcoves of the castle, finding no sign of any inhabitants or furniture. Really, the place felt more like the inside of a circuit board than it did an actual building. Still, the two of us ended up in a chamber that had its own running river that led out to the rest of the island.

  Gabrielle walked over to the edge and leaned over to put her feet in it, causing her boots to dematerialize. “So you want to reboot the universe?”

  “You heard about that?”

  “Ultra-hearing,” Gabrielle said, tapping her left ear.

  “Ah,” I said, walking over and putting my feet in the water as well. It was freezing cold but surprisingly invigorating.

  “You realize that’s not far from what Merciful wanted to do, right?” I asked.

  I closed my eyes. “I think that’s what everyone wants to do on some level. Seeing Keith again, the way he was, and watching heroes die makes me wonder if this world is worth saving.”

  “It’s not about the world today, it’s about the world to come,” Gabrielle said, glancing at me. “My father always used to say that.”

  “He would have liked my dad,” I said, smiling, “They were both crusty old farts with too much patriotism and belief in a better tomorrow.”

  There was a significant pause.

  Gabrielle took a deep breath. “Gary, are you happy?”

  I took a deep breath. “Yes.”

  “I see,” Gabrielle said.

  I stared forward. “Every day, I’m happier about my daughter being alive and making sure she’s safe as well as loved. Even now, having lost Cloak and Diabloman, I’m not afraid because she’s there.”

  “What about Mandy and Cindy?” Gabrielle asked.

  I didn’t answer for a time. “Mandy isn’t happy.”

  “She’s not?” Gabrielle asked.

  “No,” I said, looking down at the water rushing over my feet. “Not since she got her soul back. It was fine when we had an opponent to fight and direct our anger against. That’s not been the case since and I can feel her chomping at the bit. Honestly, she spends a few days at a time at the mansion while she’s out being a vampire, spy, or vigilante.”

  Mandy spent most of her time hunting, going on missions, or training. It was something deeper than her dislike of Diabloman. The few times Mandy opened up to me, it was like she was holding back something terrible and couldn’t spit it out. I could tell Mandy was in love with me, that she’d do almost anything for me but it was like she’d had to fall in love with me all over again. Honestly, the happiest the two of us had ever been was when we were forced to live together as a brainwashed 1950s couple in Merciful’s prison and she didn’t have to be honest with me.

  “Love isn’t easy,” Gabrielle said. “She fought a war in the future for you.”

  “Maybe. There’s a lot about her story that changes with each conversation. I’m not saying she’s lying but I wonder if she remembers it accurately. Time has been changed many times in the past and maybe that’s in effect now.” There was also something else, something I couldn’t quite put my finger on, but which had become increasingly clear the more time we spent together outside of Merciful’s brainwashed prison.

  “You’ll do anything for her. I know you will.” I could tell Gabrielle was trying to convince herself of that.

  “Perhaps.” I paused. “Is that why you told me you didn’t want to share?”

  “That was selfish of me, Gary, and I apologize. I’ve been selfish since being freed. When we first kissed back on New Avalon, I was reminded of what it was like to have a normal life and someone who loved me. I grew jealous of the happiness I saw in your home. Then I needed comfort and you were already sleeping with someone else. Two someone elses.”

  “Yeah.” I grimaced, trying to figure out whether I felt guilt for being a supervillain and living by my own laws there. I didn’t have anything against nontraditional couples but I’d loved Gabrielle first. She deserved better than to be caught up in this soap opera drama. “Cindy is my best friend with benefits.”

  Gabrielle grimaced. “N
ot a mental image I needed. She was my bestie in college too, if you remember.”

  “Yes I do, small universe syndrome writ large. She misses you too.”

  “How do you make it work?” Gabrielle asked.

  “I don’t think we do,” I said, simply. “The thing about relationships, though, and this is speaking from a guy who has either been married for ten years or five or a few weeks is that you’re not supposed to live for the good times but work through the bad.”

  “And sometimes that isn’t enough,” Gabrielle said.

  “No,” I said, pausing. “Sometimes, it’s not enough.”

  There was silence between us as both of us had done a pretty extensive job of avoiding the main subject to our conversation.

  “So, is the baby mine?” I asked. It wasn’t a question I wanted to ask but it had to be discussed and discussed openly.

  Gabrielle closed her eyes. “I don’t know. It’s either yours or the Gary of Opposite Earth.”

  I paused. “You slept with my doppelganger from the world I created? Really?”

  Gabrielle shrugged. “He reminded me of someone I knew.”

  “So, genetically, the kid is my child or my nephew via identical twin?” I asked.

  Gabrielle looked at me with her big beautiful brown eyes. “Does that make a difference?”

  I didn’t want to be honest here because honest was complicated, messy, and would possibly lead down to a road I didn’t want to go. “No, because it wouldn’t matter if the child was General Asmodeus’ or President Omega’s.”

  “Have I been impregnated against my will or am I a whore for supervillains in this scenario?”

  “Okay, bad examples.”

  “You think?”

  I paused. “What I mean to say is, Gabrielle, you’re my family and always will be. I love you, I always will, but I’m not going to break up my family. I wouldn’t be the person you cared for if I would do that but that doesn’t mean you can’t turn to me, that I won’t always be in your life, and that I won’t be a loving father to our child if you will let me be. You’ll never be alone, Gabrielle, because I’d rather be your hero than the world’s villain.”

  “Thank you, Gary,” Gabrielle said, reaching over and squeezing my hand.

  Then we had sex.

  “Dammit,” I muttered, lying naked on the ground with an equally unclad Gabrielle wrapping her arms around me. “That was not what I was going for.”

  “Yeah, I got the impression it was a ‘let’s be friends’ speech but you overdid it with the sincerity.” Gabrielle kissed me on the cheek. “You have the problem of being extremely endearing while also having poor impulse control.”

  “Yeah.”

  “I don’t want to be anyone’s second,” Gabrielle said, leaning her head on my chest. “On the other hand, feelings aren’t ones we can control. I don’t know where this is going, whether this is a mistake, or if I’m endangering either of us but it feels nice right now.”

  “Really, guys? Now is not the time to Netflix and chill,” Jane said, as she walked in on the alcove with her hand over her eyes. “Especially when there’s no Netflix.”

  “I wish I’d known this was going on,” G said, walking in. “I would have asked Jane to spend some time with me in the alcove.”

  Gabrielle created a modesty curtain around us before standing up to start getting dressed again. “Are your friends always this rude?”

  “I’ve literally known them for a day,” I said, pausing. “Albeit, one of them may be my opposite universe clone as well as Lara Croft.”

  “I actually just programmed that in to the tournament app along with a bunch of other nonsense,” G admitted. “One of the benefits of having a cybernetic brain that can more or less hack anything because it doesn’t obey the normal laws of computing.”

  “What?” Jane said. “Did you touch the rules?”

  “No,” G said. “I’m not an idiot. That could endanger you.”

  I ran around the modesty curtain. “Wait, your app has the rules of the tournament?”

  “Gah!” Jane said, turning around. “I saw your family jewels.”

  I stared at her, annoyed. “You’re welcome.”

  I snapped my fingers and once more was attired in the Reaper’s Cloak. “Still, I need your cellphone.”

  Jane turned around. “Wait, are you always naked underneath there?”

  “Sometimes,” I said, adjusting the fabric. “It’s very flexible attire, magic.”

  Jane tossed her phone over her shoulder. “The password is 1-2-3-4.”

  I opened my mouth in shock. “We have the same password?”

  “Wow, it’s like you’re a human shaped Bugs Bunny,” G said, sticking his hands in his pockets.

  I entered Jane’s password and started looking over all the tournament’s rules. There was a lot of legalese and wiggle room designed to give the arbiter disgusting amounts of power. It was also a trap because the arbiter had to finish the tournament once it started. He also couldn’t do any damage to anyone unless they violated the rules or challenged him. In other words, there was a reason why he’d tolerated my disrespect with barely disguised contempt—because he knew I’d eventually have to face him. Not because I had a special way to defeat him. No, I had to believe I had a trump card and I hadn’t just been sent here to die so Death could witness the end of everything. That wasn’t her style.

  “Okay, I think I see a couple of loopholes,” I said, thinking about various plans that would make sure my battle against Entropicus didn’t end with him blasting me with his eyes and winning. Indeed, a part of me wondered if the reason Entropicus had arranged all of this wasn’t just because I was the wild card in all this and he could kill me easily but as a deliberate slight against Death. The only way to strike at a being who was literally second only to God was to eradicate Death as a concept by killing everyone everywhere for all time and to slay her new favorite to do it.

  “Gary, your wife is here,” Jane said, speaking up. “She’s with Fetish Girl and Stabman.”

  “No, I don’t think they were invited to the tournament,” I said, looking confused.

  “Wow, this is a terrible world,” Jane muttered. “Superheroes or not.”

  I looked up to see Mandy, Cassius, and Cindy entering the room. Mandy was looking worse for wear with her eyes bright red as well as her skin less pale than corpse-like with blue veins visible across her skin. Her teeth were elongated completely while her fingernails had decayed into claws.

  “Wow, your wife is going full Mileena,” Jane asked. “You’d still hit that, though, right?”

  “Jane, I really think we may need to limit our team ups,” I said, shaking my head. “There’s really only so much sass one universe can take.”

  Honestly, I wasn’t sure what to say to Mandy now or do. I wasn’t going to deny what happened, futile as that would be, but would accept whatever consequences had happened. If she wanted to leave me then that was understandable. There was something broken in our relationship and we had to confront that. The worst part was I couldn’t say I was sorry because I wasn’t. I did love Gabrielle and didn’t regret we’d made love. Yeah, some superhero I’d turned out to be.

  “Entropicus’ power is at its zenith,” Mandy said, clutching her fists together. “It’s hard to resist the darkness that accompanies it.”

  “Ah,” I said, staring at her. “Which probably isn’t helped too much by—”

  “You passing the salami to Ultragoddess while we’re on a mission? No! No it’s not,” Cindy said. “You didn’t even ask permission, which is a basic requirement of any proper master-slave relationship!”

  “Am I the—”

  “You’re the slave,” Cindy said.

  “Right,” I said.

  Mandy gave a gallows’ laugh, which didn’t sound remotely human. “Gary has always loved too much, too freely. He and Gabrielle are always drawn together like flames and a moth.”

  “Mandy—” Cindy started to say.


  “I don’t need your sympathy,” Mandy said. “Besides, it was never going to last. The truth was always going to come out.”

  “What truth?” Cindy asked.

  Mandy, however, didn’t respond. “Let’s just focus on getting this done.”

  “Alright,” I said, knowing that was probably for the best.

  “That was a really shitty thing to do to Mandy,” Jane said, her voice echoing in my mind.

  “Wait, what?” I thought back. “You’re a telepathic deer?”

  “More like a shaman,” Jane thought back to me. “But yeah. I’ve got most psychic powers as a basic ability and have been reading everyone’s surface thoughts. Still, my point stands.”

  “Yes, it was,” I said back, projecting my thoughts. I was no stranger to telepathic contact.

  “So why did you do it? I assume it has to do with the fact she’s been cheating on you for months.”

  “It’s not cheating if I don’t object.”

  “That’s the broken-down spouse defense,” Jane said. “I am sensing some guilt here, though.”

  “I’m the reason why Mandy was killed, I’m the reason she became a vampire, and I’m the reason why she’s since become a murder-happy vigilante and assassin.”

  “That’s a lot of responsibility to take on your shoulders versus the fact you banged your ex-girlfriend ten feet from her—which is most definitely your fault. What is the central problem between you two now?”

  “I worry my wife is evil now.”

  Jane blinked. “That is a big deal. It still doesn’t excuse what you did, though.”

  “No, it doesn’t,” I replied, feeling immense guilt. “I fear that I’ve ruined her.”

  “Women make their own choices, Gary.”

  “Yeah and the Mandy I knew would never be evil,” I said, pausing.

  My eyes then widened.

  “Gary?” Jane asked.

  I looked at Mandy then back at Jane. “Not a word.”

  “Gary and I have a special connection,” Gabrielle said, stepping out in her costume. “It just got the better of us.”