Absolution

by S. Kirkpatrick

  The man who held me when I cried, even when I couldn’t tell him why. The man who loved me before I even knew how to love anyone. The man who showed me the true meaning of the word family. The man who I honestly don’t know how to live without.

  But it will also bring the end of something else. Something that’s still in the unknown category. I just have to wait and find out what.

  It’s either the end of the distance and mistrust.

  Or it’s the end of me and Brody altogether.

  I guess I’ll find out when I can gather enough strength to crawl out from under these covers.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Liz

  She’s going to kill me. I just know it. She’s going to rip my skin from my bones and force me to eat it before she rips my heart out and dumps it at the feet of my corpse.

  Why did I think this was a good idea again?

  That’s the question I keep asking myself over and over again as I sneak out of my own house.

  Why, why, why?!

  I’m a grown woman who has been relegated to sneaking out of her bedroom window at a little before six in the morning.

  Why, you might ask.

  Because I’m a fixer.

  I fix the broken things, I date the broken boys, and I rescue the abandoned animals. It’s what I do. It’s who I am. At least, it was before I took on the biggest ‘fix it’ mission of my entire life.

  Remington Jameson.

  Don’t get me wrong, I love that girl. I love her as if she were my own family. Most days it feels like she truly is my family. Even knowing what I know now, after what happened to me… to my dad… I wouldn’t change it. If I had to go back in time, all of those years ago, and have to choose between taking Remi’s case or not, I’d still do it.

  Because I’m a habitual fixer.

  And I love Remi as my own, just like my father did.

  Even though in the eyes of the FBI, I’ve officially signed off of Remi’s case, and she can finally be taken out of WitSec, I don’t feel like my job with her is done. At least not the right way. There’s still a couple of I’s to dot and T’s to cross before I can walk away from this case for good.

  So as I fall from my bedroom window into the overgrown brush, I suppress a scream so that I don’t wake Remi. If she’s even sleeping that is. That girl hasn’t slept much at all since the attack.

  Aren’t we a pair…

  Falling five feet from a window might not sound like a big thing, but I’m new to this whole ‘body covered in battle scars’ kind of life. And I’m not a fast learner. I bite my lip so hard that I feel the skin break, doing everything I can to hold in the scream that wants to break loose because holy-fucking-shit-goddamn-cocksucker-shit-fuck that hurt like hell.

  And I’m pretty sure I busted open some stitches.

  I curse under my breath as I pick grass out of my hair, holding the bag of evidence close to my chest. I mean, hello, I am a federal agent, we rely on the evidence so I’m not leaving here without it.

  Once I get my footing, I limp my way to the patient Uber driver waiting for me at the curb. I don’t miss the look of confusion, and yes a hit of accusation, on my neighbor’s face as the sixty-five-year-old woman looks from me in the backseat of my Uber, to the two perfectly working vehicles sitting back in my driveway, back to me again.

  Edna may bake a mean snickerdoodle, but she’s the nosiest woman I’ve ever met. That used to be one of my favorite qualities about her, knowing she was always keeping an eye on my place when I was out of town on business. But now? Now I want to hogtie her and leave her stranded in her empty house to keep her from blabbering to anyone.

  Mind your business, old lady.

  As the Uber driver pulls away from the curb, the beating of my heart increases drastically. I’m taking a huge risk here, I know that. Aside from the fact that Remi will be pissed at me for doing this at all, I realize everything else about this plan is likely to blow up in my face.

  I remember being a rookie-fed with bright eyes and a hero complex, wanting to save everyone. My supervisor saw that look in my eyes within my first few weeks at Quantico. I thought it would be an asset, he thought it was a flaw.

  ‘You need to learn hard and fast that you can’t save everyone Ms. Daniels. I’ve seen that look on many faces over the years. Those agents never last. They never know when to let go and always find themselves in a heap of trouble for taking unnecessary risks because their emotions overtake their responsibilities. Remember what you’re here for. Make sure the line you can’t cross doesn’t become blurred.’

  With Remi, the line didn’t just become blurred, it disappeared altogether. Her case wasn’t like the others I’ve been assigned over the years. It was also the longest case I’ve ever been on.

  With all of the others, there was a clear line of sight. Beginning to end, the rule book covered it all. I was able to follow protocols without a second thought, believing that the way I was trained was the way to justice. And in all of those cases, that was the right path to take. For them.

  But not for Remi.

  Not for me.

  You see, I did the one thing we are all damn near brainwashed into not doing.

  I got emotionally invested.

  I don’t remember when it happened, but at some point, I began to care more about her happiness and her survival than I did my own. I cut corners to keep her safe. I lied on reports to hide her and Oaklynn. I put myself at risk as a decoy to give her more time with Brody than was safe.

  I did it because I realized something. Something that as a federal agent, wasn’t supposed to matter.

  I realized that the life I lived before I met Remi was enough for me. I knew the love of both my parents. I got a great education, I had the full college experience. I’ve made memories, good and bad. I’ve loved and lost and made great friends throughout the years. Even without ever getting married or having kids, I’ve lived a full and happy life. Complete and without regrets.

  But the life Remi was given wasn’t enough. Wasn’t right. Wasn’t fair.

  And I had to do something about it.

  I’ve had this feeling deep in my bones since the night I was forced to tear Remi out of LA. I’ve known that my FBI career would end as soon as Remi was set free.

  Gosh, the look on her face as she watched LA disappear in the rearview mirror... The number of tears she shed until she literally couldn’t cry anymore. The countless nights afterward where she’d cry out for Brody in her sleep…

  It broke something inside of me.

  Something I knew I could never heal myself.

  It also set off a chain of events on how I would live the next several years of my life. Remi was fighting the wars on the front line. She was forced to be focused on the here and now, idolizing the idea of a future. A future she honestly never thought she’d live long enough to see.

  But me, being the habitual fixer that I am, the woman with a need to help and mend all the broken things… Especially the things I had a hand in breaking… Her future was all I could think about. All I could focus on. All I could prepare for.

  I’ve done everything in my power to prepare for the future I always knew Remi would get. No matter the cost.

  “We’re here. Do you need me to wait, or will this take a while?”

  I glance out of the window, taking in the beautiful beach home that remains silent at such an early hour.

  “You can go and I’ll be sure to leave you a good review.”

  My Uber driver smiles a shy smile at me as I step out of his car and lightly close his backdoor, afraid to break the silence covering the entire block.

  Once again my thoughts scream out at me.

  Why did I think this was a good idea?

  Dealing with Remi is one thing. I’m used to her special brand of insanity. I’ve lived with it as the largest presence in my life for almost a decade. Over the years it’s grown to be comfortable chaos, one that
oddly feels like home to me.

  But this is an entirely different beast altogether. One I’m not sure I’m truly prepared for.

  Woman up, Liz. Jesus, you sound like a wimp. You’re a badass federal fucking agent. Act like it!

  With more confidence than I actually feel, I make my way up the stone walkway until the front door glares at me. Pressing the doorbell, breaking the silence, sounds a lot like sirens going off in mind.

  You can always leave the evidence and run away. No one would ever know.

  I roll my eyes at the thought, refusing to run when I was forced to make Remi do it so many times.

  Heavy footsteps get louder and louder, closer and closer, on the other side of the door. My stomach drops as I hear the locks inside disengaging, and I damn near swallow my own tongue when a very pissed-off Brody Cummings answers the door.

  Shirtless.

  Remi will carve your eyes out with a rusted spoon. Eyes up, Liz!

  “You got a death wish, Agent Daniels?”

  Or maybe Brody will carve your eyes out for showing up unannounced at his front door.

  Death seems inevitable at this point. Why bother with the details?

  “I need to show you something.” I tell him, putting a small amount of force in my words.

  “Unless you’re showing me the path you plan to travel to get the hell out of Deacon Hill, I’m not interested.”

  “It’s about Oaklynn.”

  All of his pissed off charm slithers off of him when I speak her name. As his sleep hazed eyes go wide with alertness, I can practically taste the indecisiveness rolling off of him.

  “I think you’ve done enough where Oaklynn is concerned, Agent.”

  “I’m asking for ten minutes or less. I know Oaklynn doesn’t even wake up ‘til after eight. I’ll be long gone before she wakes up. After this, you guys never have to see me again.”

  His eyes squint as he takes in my request, tossing it around in his brain. I can tell he desperately wants to slam the door in my face. Maybe after he sets me on fire like a brown paper bag of dog shit.

  But this is a man who is trying to make up for three years without his daughter. And that’s the part that obviously wins out as he ushers me into his home.

  “You better make this quick, Liz. I’m doing this as a favor to Henry more than anything.”

  Dad.

  Damnit, I’m not ready to talk about him with anyone besides Remi. I can’t handle it.

  “I’m sure he’d appreciate that.” I choke out, my blood heating with fear that he’ll try and talk more about him.

  No more, no more, no more.

  As if I said the chant out loud, Brody nods his head, understanding that I don’t want to talk about my dad. More than that. I can’t. I can’t talk about him. I’m not ready yet.

  “What do you want to show me?”

  I lift the bag I’ve been clutching between my fingers and hand it to him. My evidence.

  “This is everything. The answers to all of your questions, and probably even more. You can take your time going through it all. But since you’ve got almost two hours before Oaklynn wakes up, you might want to start with what’s in the black box first.”

  He unzips the bag with a furrowed brow, digging around until he sees the box in question. He lifts it up, turning it over, examining the outside of it as if it will provide him clarity without context. I’ve given him everything he’s been needing, it’s up to him now.

  “For Henry.” He tells me, letting me know in no uncertain terms that he’s not doing this because I’m asking or recommending. But out of respect to my father, who gave his life loving Remi.

  “For Dad.”

  I turn away from Brody, needing to get away, needing air, needing a minute to steady myself before my next task of the morning. About two feet away from the front door, his voice calls out to me, rooting me to the spot.

  “What is all of this, Liz? What’s in the bag?”

  I wipe the tears from my eyes before he can see them. My pain is not meant to be shared with him. That’s something I learned from Remi a long time ago.

  Sometimes there’s strength suffering in silence.

  Turning, facing him head-on, meeting his stormy and confused eyes, I tell him the truth that I know he can’t see yet.

  “Absolution.”

  His brow creases even more. “For who?”

  “Remi mostly.”

  “Did she put you up to this?”

  “She has no idea I’m even here. She doesn’t even know the stuff in that bag exists.”

  “So why are you giving it to me and not her?”

  “She already has all the answers that bag can provide. But you need those answers so that you can give her the one she’s waiting on.”

  “And what answers would that be?”

  “For her? That’s simple. You.”

  “Me?”

  I swear, men can be so damn stupid sometimes. I don’t know if it’s a defense mechanism, testosterone poisoning, or what, but they’re fucking idiots.

  “I know you have no reason to, but trust me on this. Oaklynn will be awake soon. Take this time to go through the black box.”

  Before he can say another word, I close the distance between me and the front door, walking away with no regrets.

  Absolution.

  It’s what I promised Remi all those years ago and it’s time I finally delivered.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Brody

  One day. I just want one day without the women in my life playing games or delivering cryptic ass messages, pretending it’s enough to make up for all the shitty things in life.

  It’s too damn early for this shit.

  For Henry.

  I shake my head, trying to force myself to be in a more receptive mood to whatever awaits me in the black box of mystery that Liz so graciously, and very ominously, brought over at the ass crack of dawn.

  I’ve been trying, and failing, since being united with my daughter, to forgive Remi and put the past behind us. Each day that I go without her feels like a battle against myself that I’m honestly okay with losing.

  I’ve been waiting on the last bit of my resistance to snap, to propel me forward in a way that buries all of the negative shit.

  I’m so tired of being angry. I’m so tired of feeling betrayed. I just want my goddamn girl back. I just want to hold her in my arms and love her. But how can I do that when every good thought of her is constantly being replaced by the scorned man inside of me that whispers back ‘she kept your daughter a secret for three years’?

  Grabbing a Redbull out of the fridge, I make my way back into my bedroom, lightly kicking the door closed behind me as I gulp half the can down in one swallow.

  I doubt there’s enough caffeine in the world to prepare me for whatever is in this bag.

  Chugging the rest of my Redbull, I pop the top off of the black box, confused when a stack of individually cased burned DVDs stares back at me. They’ve got post-it notes on them, labeling them, telling me which order to watch them in. I roll my eyes but pop one into my Xbox, a small amount of my curiosity officially piqued.

  Taking my seat back on the bed, I grab my phone, checking the time, before the crackle of the video pulls at my attention and Liz’s face fills the screen.

  “If you’re watching these videos that means you know the truth about the night Remi had to leave LA while you were sleeping. I don’t know how much time has passed from then until now when you’re watching this, but I know whether it’s a day or a decade, you have questions. And I’m here to give you all of them.”

  She goes on to explain most of the things I’ve already learned by now, about Remi’s past and being in WitSec. A small part of me is grateful to Remi that she came clean about all of this before I had to hear it in a video confessional from a woman that I barely even know.

  “Two months ago was the night I pulled Remi out of LA.
That night…” She takes a deep breath, steadying herself to tell me the things I wouldn’t let Remi explain herself. “They found her. There were too many of them coming for her, too many to try and fight off. It was like they came out of nowhere. I didn’t even know they were there until they were almost to the apartment. There was no way we could have fought them all off. Not without losing Remi and Oaklynn for real. You all would have died if you tried to take that fight on, in the dead of night, trapped in an apartment. There was no time to call for back-up. So I made a call. One I forced on Remi because like it or not, it’s literally my job to keep her safe, to keep her alive. I did the only thing that I could do in order to keep you all alive until I could find a way to end this once and for all.”

  On the video screen, she looks around the room as if making sure she’s still alone before she continues. Her voice lowers a few octaves and I unconsciously lean closer to the screen to share the secret with her.

  “That was the night that I knew we were dealing with a leak in the FBI. There’s no other way that they can keep finding her no matter where she goes, no matter what alias I give her. I’ve tried, for so many years, I’ve tried to keep her safe. Alive. Not just her and Oaklynn, but you too. I’ve been watching out for you too, Brody. I know the day will come when Remi is victorious and she can finally settle down and have a real life. I also know that the only person she wants to build a life with is you. So over the years, I’ve kept you hidden from the people that are after her. Killing you to get to her would have been as easy as breathing to them. They wouldn’t even blink. I know that losing you would destroy Remi so I’ve done whatever I could to protect you. I’ve invested in you and your life. That apprenticeship you guys got in LA? It wasn’t free like you were made to believe. My dad and I anonymously paid for that. We did it to get you away from North Carolina because they tracked Remi there. They were coming for her. I didn’t just want her safe, I wanted you safe too. Remi always says ‘Where there’s me, there should always be Brody.’ When she gets her life back, I want her to be able to share it with you. That’s all I want, Brody.”