Dare to Dream

by C. J. Welles

  “Oh really, I’d love them. I’ve read all of the ones you left here.”

  “That’s great. I was thinkin’ of coming up in two weeks for the weekend, but just want to check that Jace won’t be too busy. I want to spend time with him while I’m there.”

  “Ah, yeah, sure. I’ll get him to call you. He’ll be able to tell you what they’ll have going on.”

  I hear the guys coming inside, so I say goodbye to Jane and head into the kitchen. I look at everyone sitting at the twelve-seater table but Jace isn’t there. I turn around to leave but stop when I hear Logan.

  “He went for a ride a few hours ago and I haven’t seen him come back.”

  “Thanks,” I mumble.

  Grabbing my jacket and boots, I put them on and head to my car. I really need to see Krystal.

  ∞∞∞

  Chapter 41

  Jace

  “DON’T YOU THINK you’ve had enough?” Ethan says to me, as I pour myself another drink.

  “Nope,” I slur.

  “So, what’s your plan?” he asks. “Just get yourself rotten drunk and ignore everything?”

  “It apparently works for Callie. So why not?” I say, as I shrug my shoulders.

  “You’re going to give up just like that?” he asks, and I shrug again. “I thought you were smarter than that.”

  “I’m not givin’ up. I’m taking a step back, there’s a difference. We both need space instead of lashin’ out at each other.”

  “And that’s why you’re sitting in my house, drunk at nearly midnight,” he says, while raising his eyebrow.

  “Can’t a man drink?”

  “Yeah, but you’re drinking to get drunk, to cover the hurt.”

  “Fuckin’ hell, Ethan. I thought you went to college to become an attorney, not a bloody shrink.”

  “And I thought you weren’t a dickhead.”

  “And I thought you would’ve had a better comeback,” I say, as I smile.

  “I thought--“

  “Settle down boys,” I hear Kaylee say from somewhere behind me, cutting off Ethan. “I see you’re in a good mood again.”

  “Yep. I’m in a fine mood,” I say with a hiccup.

  “Fine, my ass,” Ethan says.

  “Shut it, shrink,”

  He ignores me. “What did she say when you said it was over?” Ethan asks, as Kaylee sits down on the couch.

  “Not a lot. I walked out of there straight after and didn’t go home last night. I stayed in the office in the stable.” Ethan just shakes his head at me.

  I finish my drink before getting up to go to the toilet. I manage to make it to the toilet and back without landing flat on my face.

  Sitting back down, I look next to me where Kaylee’s sitting. “So, you got yourself a decent man yet?” I ask. I know Callie doesn’t like her, but she’s a good chick.

  Ethan clears his throat unnecessarily loud and I look at him. “What?” I ask, and he shakes his head.

  “Nope, still single,” Kaylee says with a sad tone.

  “You’ll find some guy who will sweep you off your feet one day.”

  “Yeah maybe.” She gets up and walks out of the room, without saying anything else.

  “Did you have to, dickhead?”

  “What?”

  “I never even realized before Callie brought it up, but Kaylee likes you more than just a friend,” he says quietly.

  “Whatever, Ethan.”

  “I’m being serious. I’ve taken notice since Callie said about it, and she doesn’t take her eyes off you when you’re in the room.”

  “Yeah, because we are friends,” I say, while pouring another drink.

  “You two were more than just friends, and she still wants it to be,” he says seriously.

  “I’ve known Kaylee long enough to know that she doesn’t have feelings for me. We’ve only been fuck buddies for years now.”

  “You do know that’s my sister you’re talking about?”

  “Ahhh, yeah. How much have you had to drink?”

  “Nothing. Someone has to watch your drunken ass,” he says grumpily. “And stop fucking drinking,” he says with a raised voice and I look up to him with a smirk.

  “Relax,” I say, as I lean back and raise my hands in the air like I’m going to be arrested. Ethan never swears. Bryson and I have always cursed since we were teenagers, but Ethan never would. He only does it when he is really worked up.

  “Don’t be a smartass. You’re givin’ me the shits. You’re here sulking over Callie, getting drunk, but won’t go home and do anything about it.”

  “Sorry dad, I’ll just go home,” I say, standing up and swaying on my feet. I grab the drink I just poured into my glass and down it, before turning to walk out the door. “I’ll come see you when my life is perfect like yours,” I say, and walk out the door.

  I get part way down the path to my truck when I hear the screen door. I keep walking, assuming it’s only Ethan coming to have a go at me.

  “Jace,” I hear Kaylee call out and I turn to look at her just as I reach my truck. She is standing there wringing her hands together and looking nervous.

  “What’s up?” I ask, as I lean on the side of my truck. If I don’t, I’ll fall over.

  “Can we talk?”

  “Sure,” I say, then stumble as I walk over to a tree stump on the edge of the garden and sit down. Kaylee doesn’t move, but just stands there staring at me.

  “He’s right, you know,” she says quietly.

  “About what?”

  “Me,” she says, just as quietly.

  “And?” I ask, confused.

  “What he said,” she says, sitting down on the ground where she’s standing. “God, Jace, you’ve been the blindest to it. For years I’ve liked you, but you’ve always wanted to keep us in a friendship zone since we broke up.”

  “Because you cheated on me, Kaylee. That’s why we broke up and why I didn’t want to go back to anythin’ with you. Yeah, what we told everyone about us arguin’ more as a couple was correct, but you and I both know that’s not what ended us.”

  “I did, and I regret it every day. But, Jesus Christ Jace, you never loved me. You said it to me just months ago, that you felt nothing for me compared to Callie.”

  “And it’ll never change. I know Callie and I are arguin’, but I still love her. God, I don’t know how I’ll live without her, if we don’t sort things out.”

  “I know,” she says, looking back down to the ground. “I’ve sat there all night and listened to you talk to Ethan about her. The love I hear in your voice when you talk about Callie, I’ve never heard from you before.”

  “Because I do love her.”

  “I’m sorry,” she says. “I was such a bitch to her. I never thought you two would last and that she was just another fling.”

  “She’s not, Kaylee, and she’s going to be stayin’ for good, so you’re goin’ to have to get used to it.”

  “I know,” she says, and I think I hear her sob quietly. “I do love you, Jace.” I go to growl, but she stops me. “But I will get over it eventually.”

  I feel like an asshole for never seeing the signs and leading her on, not that I knew I was.

  “I never would have kept our arrangement going if I had of known.”

  “I know, that’s why I tried to hide it. I was hoping that if we kept going, one day you would love me back. But it’s clear your heart is owned by Callie.”

  I nod, but don’t reply. It is owned by Callie and I don’t know what the hell I will do if I lose her.

  ∞∞∞

  Chapter 42

  Callie

  IT’S ONE IN the morning and I’m sitting out on the balcony that comes off our room, when I see headlights coming up the driveway. God, I hope it’s Jace. I haven’t seen him since our fight two days ago. Well, it wasn’t just a fight. He told me we were over, and I haven’t seen him since.

  I feel my heart ache more when I realized it’s not him. I would be abl
e to hear his truck by now. I haven’t been able to sleep tonight, or last night. Every time I close my eyes, I see Jace walking away from me. Memories of Martin coming into my room flood back every time I try to sleep.

  My emotions are all over the shop and I don’t know how to control them anymore. I want Jace, but I don’t know how to let him in. I want the bad memories to go away but I don’t know how to make them. It’s as if the more I try and change things the worse they get.

  The car pulls up and I’m about to go down there and see who it is when I see Jace step out of a car. Thank God, he’s home. I stand up from where I’m sitting on the little outdoor couch we have, and that’s when I see her. He has been with her? The biggest blow to my heart is when she gives him a hug and he returns it.

  It didn’t take him long.

  I turn away and bring my hand up to brush away the tears that are sliding down my cheeks.

  I’m so pissed off at him, but I’m angrier with myself. If I hadn’t of pushed him away this wouldn’t have happened. But for fuck's sake, her of all people? Couldn’t he have found some random if he was so desperate to get laid?

  She said he would go back to her eventually. I just helped it happen. I walk to the bed and grab a pillow and throw rug before walking downstairs. I just slip into the living room when I hear the front door slam, then Jace stomping through the house. I walk over and lay down on the couch before pulling the throw rug over me.

  I pull my legs up to my chest and wrap my arms around myself and cry. I try to sleep but it doesn’t come, and I think that might be better. If I sleep the darkness comes and takes over.

  I lay there thinking of everything over and over. Why do I keep letting this happen? Why do I keep letting what Martin did affect my life like this? Why did I let my insecurities from my family ruin my relationship with Jace? And why the hell did he have to go to her?

  Every time I think of him, I see him wrapping his arms around her. My thoughts keep going round and round in my head until I see the sun starting to rise. I really need to get moving. I want to be away from here today before I run into Jace. I don’t know what I will do if I see him.

  Slowly getting up off the couch, I grab the throw and pillow and cart them back to our bedroom. When I walk into the room I see Jace sprawled out on the bed fully naked and I wish I could go over to him. I wish I could wrap my arms around him and that I could lay down and curl up next to him.

  I quietly go to the closet and grab some clothes before I head to the bathroom to shower.

  Once I am showered and dressed, I head down to the kitchen. When I walk in Logan and two of the ranch hands are sitting at the table.

  “Do you know where Jace is?” Logan asks.

  I nod as I walk past him towards the pantry, but don’t say anything. I don’t think I could manage to talk around the lump that’s in my throat. I’m only just holding back more tears.

  “Care to share?” he asks.

  “He’s in bed,” I say weakly, with a quiet sob. I grab a croissant and walk to the window above the sink and look outside. I watch Jackson in the distance as he leads a horse around the paddock. When I hear the chairs scrap along the floor and the back door close, I lean my chin on my chest and let a sob break free.

  “Fuck!” I yell, before turning and sliding down the wall to sit on the floor. I pull my legs up and wrap my arms around them before resting my head on them. I sit on the floor crying for what feels like hours before I hear someone walk in. I lift my face and quickly try to wipe away the tears.

  When I see Jane walking towards me, I feel both relieved and upset. I just want to tell her everything, I just want her to tell me it will all be okay, even though I know it won’t. But I also hate the fact that Jace and I are over, and she is his mom. I will lose her from my life as well.

  “Oh honey, they said things were bad,” she says, as she sits on the floor next to me and pulls me towards her, resting my head on her chest. “You should have told me. I would have come up earlier.”

  “It’s not-” I begin to say while sobbing but she cuts me off.

  “Shhhh, just let it all out, then we can talk.”

  After my tears slowly stop I pull back and look at her. “What’s been going on?” she asks softly.

  “I’ve stuffed up. I’ve pushed him away. We had a big fight the other day and he said we’re over. And last night…” I can’t say it. I put my head down as more tears roll down my cheek and off my chin. “He was with Kaylee,” I whisper. “I pushed him right into her arms.”

  “He’s a bloody idiot,” she says, as she stands up and gets the tissues. I swear I hear her mumble ‘like his father.’ “I love Kaylee, but she’s been after him for years. I always hoped he wouldn’t give in to her. They aren’t right for each other.”

  “He slept with her a few weeks after we met. It was the time we had an argument, right back at the beginning.”

  “Yes, I know, and I had a go at him for it. I always hoped that he would stay faithful to you.”

  “It’s all my fault. I didn’t trust him to be there for me and I was scared he’d leave me. So, in the end, I pushed him away before he had a chance to hurt me.”

  “Honey, we all deal with grief differently. Shutting down is your way of coping when you’ve been hurt. But you didn’t push him to her. It was his decision to follow that path and he will have to face the consequences.”

  “No, he doesn’t. He said we are over. He can do whatever he wants. Up until I saw him and Kaylee together last night, I was trying to put off having to leave and stay somewhere else. But I’m going to leave today to go stay with Krystal.”

  “Honey, you don’t have to leave. I want you to stay here.”

  “Jane, this is his house. I’m not going to stay here and make everything uncomfortable for everyone.”

  I see her open her mouth to reply but she pauses as I hear someone walk into the kitchen.

  “Mom, what are you doin’ here?” I hear Jace ask, and I want to curl up in a ball and hide away. I can’t see him yet as he’s on the other side of the bench, but I’m betting he’s just woken up.

  “What do you think I’m doing here? When I get a call from Caroline, telling me everything that she knows and then I get a call from Ethan saying things really ain’t good, of course, I’m going to get straight in the car and come here. “

  “Fuck me, can’t anyone keep out of shit around here?” Jace asks with a grumble.

  “I’m glad they did call me. I hate that you’re both going through this and I haven’t here for you both.” I hear Jace moving around and I pull my legs up into my chest and drop my forehead onto my arms. I can’t look at him, and I don’t want him to see me. I’m little enough, maybe he won’t see me.

  “Mom we’re fine, we just need some space. I’ll give Callie some time, then I’ll talk to her. She just needs to work out that I am here for her no matter what and that she can trust me.”

  Argh, that pisses me off. How can he stand there and say that? I unwrap myself and jump up. “Trust you? You want me to trust you? How can you say that? You are so fucking delusional. I’ll never trust you again,” I yell, as I pull my engagement ring off and throw it at him before I run out of the room.

  I race upstairs to the bedroom and into the closet. Grabbing a suitcase, I toss in it whatever clothes I put my hands on.

  “What the hell is goin’ on?” Jace bellows from the hallway. “Don’t get in my way mom,” I hear him say.

  “You need to give her space. You’ve hurt her,” Jane says to him.

  “How the hell have I hurt her? I’m the one she has been shuttin’ out.”

  “You don’t think that going to Kaylee just because you two are having a break would hurt her? I’ve spent nearly an hour with her this morning because she was beside herself when she saw you and Kaylee last night.”

  “What the hell are you goin’ on about?”

  “Don’t play dumb with me.”

  “I’m not. I haven’t touched
Kaylee. I’m not interested in goin’ anywhere near her,” Jace says in an angry tone. “Mom, I love you, but move or I will move you.”

  “Don’t you hurt her anymore, Jace, or you will have me to answer to,” Jane calls out, just as Jace storms into the closet.

  “Care to share what the fuck all of that was about?” Jace roars.

  “I saw you,” I yell. “Last night when you got home, I saw you with Kaylee.”

  “Nothin’ happened with Kaylee,” he says with a growl.

  “She was all over you, cuddling you when you got out of the car.”

  “Yeah, she gave me a hug, that’s all. Did you…” he says and pauses. “I can’t fuckin’ believe this,” he yells. “Callie, I fuckin’ love you. I’m not goin’ to just go out and sleep with some chick because we are fightin’. How could you think that?”

  “You ran to her last time we fought.”

  “And I regret it every day. But it was different then. I liked you back then, but I didn’t think we would be anythin’ more. You are my fiancé now. I’m not just goin’ to go get my rocks off and throw everythin’ away.”

  “You didn’t?”

  “No, Callie, I didn’t touch her. We talked about things but that’s all,” he says, as he sits on the chair in the corner. “I wouldn’t do anythin’ like that to lose you. I was pissed at you the other day, but I’d never hurt you like that.”

  “It’s not just you though, Jace. You don’t know what she really thinks of you. You haven’t heard her when she’s been a bitch to me. I don’t trust her not to try and sink her claws into you. She has it in her head that you’re going to leave me for her.”

  “Callie, I wasn’t unfaithful, and I never will be. I’m over this subject, can we move along and talk about you?” I study his face and see the concern and worry there. I turn my face away, so I can’t see the look of hurt displayed across his face. It rips at my heart knowing that we are both hurting. This is all because of me. All because I can’t deal with my past.

  I’ve become so crazy inside my head, that I’ve been doing things that hurt us both. I’m hurting the one person I love the most, by trying to protect him. If I just got over my fears I could help us both, but I am so frightened to take the step. In the past when I have asked for help, it’s been thrown back in my face. How do I ask someone to help me, when I am too scared to even voice it?