Dare to Dream
Page 25
I look back at Jace, seeing his watery eyes breaks me. I drop what’s in my hands and lower to my knees on the floor. “I am so sorry,” I whisper, as I begin to sob. I drop my chin to my chest and let the tears fall. “I’m sorry,” I whisper again. “Oh god, I’ve hurt you. I didn’t want to, I was trying to protect you.” I whisper.
I feel Jace next to me and I relax into him as his arms go around me.
“It’s okay, Angel, I am here,” he mumbles into my hair. “I’m always here for you.”
When I pull back and look at him, the first words that come out are, “I need help, I can’t do it alone anymore.”
*
Jace
“IT’S SO TIRING living like this. I’m tired of being scared,” Callie says into my chest, while we’re still sitting on the floor in the closet. “I’m tired of feeling scared when I’m alone, pushing away the ones I love and feeling like I am now. I’m exhausted from the continuous round and round arguing,” she says quietly.
God, I am tired of it all as well. I have never felt so emotionally drained in my life. Then add in the hangover and the fact that I woke up to being accused of cheating.
“Callie, we need to talk about this. I was tryin’ to give you space, but that has only made things worse.”
“I know,” she replies. “I want to be happy and I want to be with you. I want you to be here for me, but I just need to learn how to let you in.”
“I want to be here for you and I will be here for you. But we need to work together. It won’t work if we shut each other out and if we’re at each other’s throats.”
I turn to the doorway when I see a shadow go over the room. “Sorry to butt in, but I have a few ideas if you two want to hear them,” Mom says calmly.
I look to Callie as she untangles herself from my arms and slowly stands up from the floor. When I see her nod at mom, I sigh with relief.
“Okay. Just give me a minute,” she says, then walks past mom and into the ensuite.
Mom turns to me “Jace, I’m so-”
“Mom, I don’t want to hear it,” I say, trying not to sound annoyed. But I know I didn’t do a good job when I see a flash of regret pass overs her face.
“I am sorry,” she says in a sad tone. “One day I will explain, but today we need to focus on you and Callie.” I just nod.
I don’t know what the hell she feels she needs to explain, and at the moment, I don’t care. Getting Callie better and having us in a healthy relationship is what I am focusing on. I get up and head to our living room upstairs.
I hope to bloody God that mom has some good ideas, because at the moment, even though I said I am here for Callie, I am so lost with what to do.
∞∞∞
Chapter 43
Callie
“HOW DID YOU go today?” Jane asks, when I walk through the door.
“Great. It was one of the better sessions I have had. She wants me to bring Jace along next time.”
“That’s great,” she says, as she puts down the washing she is folding. “And you are feeling better about yourself?” she asks.
I’ve been seeing a psychologist three times a week for the past three weeks. Anna has been lovely. I was hesitant when Jane first suggested to Jace and me that this is where I should start. She made a few calls to a friend of hers that is related to Anna and had me booked in the next day.
“Yeah. Today was harder during the session, but by the time I was walking out, I felt better about it,” I say as I sit on the couch in her living room. The other part of Jane’s idea was that Jace and I get space. We are still engaged, and we talk daily, but I am staying with Jane. I go visit Jace several times a week, but while we are still getting back on our feet we decided it’s best to not be on top of each other.
“You sound happier,” she says as she sits down. “I am proud of you. I’m proud of both of you for how you have both been handling this.”
“It’s because of you. We were a mess until you turned up.”
“Yes, but I can’t fix it for you. I can suggest ideas, but the rest is all you. You are an amazing girl, you just need a little directing sometimes.”
“I don’t see that I’m amazing, but thanks,” I say.
Jane ‘tsks’ me then gets up to finish the washing. “Were you going to visit Jace this afternoon? If so, I’ve got some things that need to be taken to Victoria if you don’t mind dropping them off.”
“I can take them tomorrow,” I say as I get up. “I was going to see Jimmy later,” I say a little nervously.
“Okay, sweetie. You know I’m here if you need.”
“Always,” I say as I give her a quick hug before walking to my room.
Once I’m lying on my bed I pull out my cell and text Jace.
Me: Hey, what are you doing? x
My cell chimes instantly.
Jace: Just sitting in the office thinking about you.
Me: Really? xx
Jace: Yeah Angel. Every day you ain’t here.
Me: I miss you.
A moment later my phone rings and I see Jace’s sexy face on the screen. I answer with a ‘Hey’.
“Just wanted to hear your voice. I can hang up now,” he says.
“I don’t think so.”
“Truth, I’m ringin’ to say I miss you as well. Jacks and Logan say you’ve turned me into a pussy. They said I’ve been walkin’ around here like someone stole my puppy, whatever that shit means.”
“Tell them they wanna watch their backs when I come home,” I say. It makes my heart melt hearing him say these things. “And babe, it means you’re looking lost. That you’re missing something.”
“Well, of course, I am, I miss you. How did you go today?” he asks.
“Good. Oh, that reminds me. On Friday can you come down for an appointment? Anna wants you to join in on my next one.”
“Yeah, baby. I’ll be there. Anythin’ to get you back with me quicker.”
“You do realize you do sound like a pussy sometimes.”
“Yep, and I don’t give a shit.”
“Okay, that makes up for it. A little cursing makes you sound manlier. Now we just need to get you a few more tatts and then you’ll do.”
“Babe, you’re mouthy over the phone.”
“I know, you love it.”
“Sure do. I got to get back to work. Call me later, yeah?”
“Yeah. I love you.”
“Me too.” He hangs up and I drop my cell onto the bed.
If I really want to get back to Jace as soon as I can, I need to go see Jimmy, and I am dreading it.
Standing up, I pace back and forth along the room as I try to talk myself into going to see Jimmy.
It’s not that I have any hate towards him. He hasn’t done anything wrong, apart from sleeping with my mother. I think I’m scared to see him knowing he is my father now. Things will be weird between us. Not only are we now looking at each other as father and daughter, but apart from the day in his office, I haven’t talked to any family in nearly four years.
And how do I talk to him about Martin? I couldn’t care less about Martin, but Jimmy has spent the past forty-something years being his brother. It’s going to hurt Jimmy to know someone he was close to, was capable of something so horrible.
“Honey, are you okay in here?” Jane says, as she lightly knocks on my door.
“Yeah, just thinking.”
“Okay, I’m heading to the shops. Want to come for a drive with me?” She asks.
“Yeah, why not.” Maybe a little retail therapy will help me calm my ass down and I’ll get the courage to go see Jimmy.
I slip on a scarf, then head out to the car where Jane is waiting.
Once we’re driving I look over at Jane. “How do you think Jace will go at my appointment on Friday?”
“He’ll be fine. As you know he wants to be there for you, but Jace is straightforward and tries to take things head on. That doesn’t work for you. You need coaching and to do things on you
r own. Well, to think it’s on your own. That’s what’s great about Anna.”
“She is good like that.” I agree.
For the next two hours, Jane and I shop and spend way too much money.
*
“I DON’T HAVE an appointment, but I need to see him,” I say to the blonde airhead at the front desk.
“I’m sorry ma’am, but I can’t get you in to see him until tomorrow,” she says, not seeming sorry at all.
I don't like her at all. She’s dumb, she thinks she’s better than me and she called me ma'am. Is she serious? I’m younger than her.
“Tell him Callie is here, and I’m on my way up,” I say and go to walk off.
“You can’t go down there, he is in a meeting. I’ll call him,” she calls out and I turn around to see she has the phone up to her ear.
“Mr. Reeve, there’s a Callie at the desk here demanding to see you.” Stupid bitch. I’m not demanding. I might be a little pushy, but I know if I leave now I won’t come back.
“Okay, yes sir,” she says, then places the phone back on the hook and turns to me. “You can go up there now.” I roll my eyes before striding past her. At least the lady at the next desk is nicer and lets me in, just as two guys wearing suits walk out.
“Callie,” Jimmy says as I walk through the door. “It’s good to see you again.”
“Ah, yeah you too,” I say nervously. I was feeling positive about this before but since walking through his door, I am nervous.
He walks towards the bar fridge in the corner of the room and gets two bottles of water, then walks to the two couches. “Come sit down here,” he says.
I walk over and take the water as he holds it out to me. Sitting down, I hold the bottle in my hand and fiddle with the label while I think over what I want to say. I had it all worked out in my head, but sitting here, I can’t remember one word of what I wanted to say.
“First up, I probably shouldn’t have reacted the way I did last time I was here,” I say quietly. Jimmy goes to speak but I hold my hand up. “Secondly, I want to ask you a few things, but I need to take my time.”
“Okay, when you’re ready.”
I take a moment, then talk. “How did my mother end up pregnant to you? How did you not know? Like, I know what she said here, but she is a heartless bitch, and I don’t trust anything she says.”
He blows out a big breath. “Your mother and I were dating briefly, for about six months. Then one day I came home from work and her and Shannon were gone. It was four years before I saw her again, she was married to Martin and they had you.”
I cringe a little when I hear his name, but not as much as I used to. This is what I am working on with Anna, being able to talk about these things and hear certain names and words without having a panic attack.
“I always knew he wasn’t my father, but she never would tell me who my father was.”
“Your mother is a bitch. I went and saw her last week. It took me that long to get hold of her, because she was away holidaying. I asked her why she didn’t just tell me I was your dad. Her reply was that if I had known, I would’ve gotten in the way. Gabriella has always been very selfish since she married Martin. She put her own greed and wants in front of everyone else.”
“She always did, but I thought that she just never knew who my dad was. I didn’t think she would be that much of a bitch.”
“Yeah,” Jimmy says, as he stands up and walks over to the floor to ceiling glass window, that looks out over Austin. “Can I ask you something without you biting my head off and storming out of here?” he asks cautiously, still looking out of the window.
“Yes,” I say quietly, knowing where this conversation is most likely going.
“How long was Martin abusing you?”
I take a minute before I answer. “Three years.” Jimmy slams his hand against the window and growls. “It started just before I was fifteen.”
“That mongrel,” he yells. “I can’t believe he was doing it and right in front of us,” he growls. “And he knew you were my daughter. How the fuck could he do it?” He stands there for a few minutes and I see the tension in his body.
“I’ve never been told before, but how did you two come to be step-brothers?” I ask. He turns around and walks back to the couch before answering.
“When I was seven my mother and father died in a car accident. Nina was my teacher at the time and she knew I didn’t have any family to take me in. Nina and Gavin already had Dex and Martin and they wanted another child, but Nina couldn’t fall pregnant again, so she suggested that they adopt me.”
“I only met Nina a few times and she seemed nice, but I hated her for having a son like Martin.”
“Nina was the sweetest lady and if she ever knew what Martin had done, she would have been gutted. She wouldn’t have stood aside and let Martin get away with it, like your Mom did. Nina didn’t really like your mom. She said she was a selfish person,” he says in an angry tone.
“I think that’s why she didn’t visit often. How long ago did she pass away?”
“Two years ago. It was four weeks before we had to put Gavin in a nursing home.” He looks down at the coffee table. I can tell he misses her and this is hard to talk about.
“I’m sorry,” I say quietly.
“It’s a part of life,” he says. He looks up at me and I can see him studying my face. “I’m sorry but I have to ask this as well. Were you… Did you… You said you were pregnant?” After a few moments, I nod. “Christ. And it’s….” He looks into my eyes and I know what he’s trying to ask.
“Yeah,” I say shakily. This part is the hardest to talk about. “I couldn’t go through with an abortion, but I also knew I couldn’t get past who her father was and how she was made. So, I went through an adoption agency.”
“Do you keep in touch?”
“No. Once she is eighteen I can send a letter to the adoption agency who will pass it on to her, but before then it’s no contact.”
“It must have been a hard decision,” he states more than asks and I nod.
We talk for a little bit longer about anything and everything. Anna has said I should talk to Jimmy, but as my father, not my uncle. I already know parts of what we talk about, but most of it I heard from Martin or my mother, and I couldn’t trust what they said. It’s good to hear these things from someone who’s not thinking only of themselves.
An hour later I get to the last thing I want to talk about. “Have you drawn up any contracts yet to do with Martin’s will?” I ask Jimmy.
“Yes, Dexter has nearly finished the last part. Why’s that?”
“I’ve been talking to Jace and my psychologist and I’ve made a few decisions.” I pause briefly. “I still don’t want any of his money or properties. I want them to be donated to sexual abuse charities.” I look at him, a little unsure about the next part. “With the company, I’m not ready to be a part of it yet, but I’d like to keep my share, if possible, and one day get involved.”
“We can work with that. I’ll have to find out from Dexter, but if he is going to decide to stay working here, I can have him help me manage the place and we will keep you as a silent partner in the meantime. We’ll contact you for anything that is to do with running the company, but for day to day business you won’t be contacted.”
"What if Dex decides to go back to his hotels?”
“I’ll work something else out.”
“I appreciate it. I’m not ready yet, but one day I’d like to be working here. It’s what I always wanted, I dreamed of becoming an attorney.”
“I remember. You used to tell me about all the new things you’d learned. I can remember you coming to visit me every Tuesday, and you’d sit behind my desk and pretend to be like me.”
“I remember as well. I was telling Jace about it.”
Ten minutes later, we say goodbye and I feel a little better as I am walking out the door. If it wasn’t for the envelope in my hand I would be feeling ten times better.
∞∞∞
Chapter 44
Jace
I RUB MY hands over my face as I look over at Bryson who is so fucking broken it hurts to look at him. I can’t believe this is even bloody well happening. Jesus Christ, why can’t we all get a break? Just as one thing sorts itself out, another thing comes along and wipes our feet out from beneath us.
Only yesterday I was talking to Callie and she sounded so happy. This is going to gut her.
“Are you sure?” I ask Bry. It’s a stupid question, he wouldn’t be sitting in my house crying if it wasn’t true, but I don’t know what else to say.
He looks up and croaks out “Yeah,” before he drops his head back down.
“And there’s nothing that can be done?” I ask.
“No,” he says weakly, with a quiet sob.
“What’s Krystal said about it?”
“Nothin’,” he says as he looks up. “She hasn’t spoken a word since we left the doctors.”
I just nod. What the hell am I supposed to say? I can’t even imagine what he is feeling. What he’s going through. If it was Callie, I wouldn’t know how to cope. I sit on the kitchen chair a few feet away from where Bry is sitting on the floor, resting against the wall. I don’t talk and just let him have time to process what is happening. I don’t need to talk though, he knows I’m here for him.
“When’s she goin’ to tell Callie?” I ask, a little while later.
He shrugs his shoulders and looks at me with his head resting against the wall. “I don’t know. I’m guessin’ sometime soon.” I nod.
I’m not keeping anything from Callie again. And definitely not something this big. I also need to be there for her. I don’t want her to feel like she has to go through this alone.